I posted a poll about if you would want to know if your sig other has cheated on you. Now this poll asks if you would be able to forgive that person. He or she has been up front and honest. what would you do?

Yes - i could forgive. I've been cheated on in the past and have forgiven. But there's a difference between being foriving/vulnerable and being gullible. If they have issues that tell me they'd be repeating this behavior then it's not a question of forgiving (always forgive) but then a question of protection. A promiscuous partner exposes you and kids (if they are in the equation) to dangerous issues.

In my mind partners begin to search outside of the relationship for sexual/emotional gratification when there are issues inside the relationship. It would be disengenuous of a partner not to recognize that as a possiblity and uncategorically refusing to try to work things out, which in my opinion does include forgiveness.

But there's a difference between being foriving/vulnerable and being gullible.
I really agree with this statement. I wonder if people mistake forgiveness with letting others walk all over you. Being able to forgive some one is a whole lot different than being able to trust that person or even staying with that person. I think it has to do with moving on. it has more to do with letting go and not letting others keep that hold over us.

One can't overlook that if a person seeks solace outside the relationship that if things get rough, they may very likley do it again, because that is their tendency.

Not to say some times it could be a onetime thing, but I wouldn't want folks to think they are safe after that, you know?

No way.

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=guy.wisdom&category=family.guy&conitem=8a37302052421110VgnVCM10000013281eac____&page=1

Dang, what a horrible way to find out someone cheated on you....

Well at least that guy found out. According to the study, there are over 1 million American men raising kids who aren't theirs.

Reading that article was heart renching! The kids are the ones that are hurt the most. They are losing their family, their dad, and their trust in the mother. They are pretty much left with nothing.

As for the poll, heck no could I forgive. I would however stay married just long enough to make hubbys life a living h-e-l-l.;)

Actually DH (2nd marriage for him) and myself made an agreement when we first moved in together that if it got to the point of wanting to cheat we would we tell the other before it happend so we could work on the problems or go our seperate ways.

well i started theis thread and have not put my two cents in yet about what happend to me. About ten years ago there was some speculation that my wife went outside our marrage with a good friend of mine. I was devestated at the prospect that she could have done someting like that. it haunted me for a very very long time. I really wanted to hold it over her head and just make her life misrable forwhat she had done. but I did not look at what my part in all of this was. I was at the peak of my addictions not giving any of myself to her or the kids and was working second shift so basically she was raising our children by herself. When I did have off I was not very nice to be around. I continully threw up my emotianall baggage all over her and then wondered why she did not want to be around me at times. I caused us to go into bankruptsy, i could go on a nd on, but i was not very nice. I really think what she wanted was some kind of validation that she was desirable, and that someone wanted to be around her for her just being her. So for me it really was not a question of me forgiving her for weather or not she did step out on me. It really now is to thank her for sticking by me and giving me all the support she has and helping me and continuing to help me get out of the pit. sometimes its not if we can forgive its more can we be forgiven.

Paternity testing would be a great idea. Men are ordered to be financially resposible for a child's welfare, perhaps mother's should be responsible for proving paternity.

I agree that it can hurt the kids, but what about the father. Us men have feelings and emotions too. I think this article hits home with more males than females. Woman never have to worry about this sort of stuff.

Mind you, who ever said life was fair.