or My Story
It's a miracle I made it threw college. Now days you couldn't pay me $1,000 to read a college level book, if one at all. I do admin. work and I'm good at it.. multi tasking and requires little thought. I know I very smart, just not in the text book sense cause I never remember a word I read or hear. It takes me months to get down the names of my meds and doctors, but then some days I still don't recall. I've learned how to accommodate for this problem so that it does not interfere with my daily life too much. It is extremely hard to except my limitations. While I fell like I can do so much more, I know what happens if I push myself. The biggest and ugliest scar is the one inside that noone sees behind my sweet smile and pretty blond hair. I got that my Senior year in Business School. I might as well of been attached from behind, cause it came from nowhere. Severe depression and (what I know now) Bipolar II.. It felt more like a mental breakdown. The worst of it came in went in 6 months.. since then I've been living with active BP II for 4 years. I seeked drug therapy for ADHD 6 months ago, hoping to be able to re-enter the learning environment on some level, and got a diagnosis for BP II.
So I feel calmer now.
Being ADHD and especially Hypomanic has really become who I am and I'm not sure how I can be totally different if I find that miracle drug.

I'll stop.. must be some sort of subconscious hypomanic attack cause I feel totally calm. Usually I've lost interest by this time to ever write a message this long. And like the rest of the ADHDers.. who would want to read such a long post.

Honest, this is related.. at least, i think it is:

I love to sail. I was living in a place with folks who had sail boats longer than 15 feet and i got to "crew" (help sail them.)

The most interesting for me, and the point of my post, was the experience with a chinese Junk.

For most sail boats you either strive to keep the tiller in one place or even steer into the force it exerts to fight it. These are tactics in faster boats than the junk, but also boats that cannot weather the storms on the unprotected sea that a junk can.

On th ejunk the owner explained that i could not fight the pressure on the tiller, but had to let it move, in a circle.. letting it push me away as we crossed waves, and pulling it back on the other side.

instead of overwhelming control, what ws required was a little subtle resistance on the one hand followed by subtle push on the other.

Tiller work on that boat required constant motion and attention to balancing push and pull over time, not plotting a straight path and plowing through it from the outset.

It was a fun boat to sail. And it was different. And it was slow. And that was ok.

(did i just write a children's book?)