Does anybody know if being antisocial is part of being ADD or is justpart of a result of being add?

Sometimes I find that I can be very antisocial and others I feel like I'm too social.

Anybody expereince this?

Hi mhyper790,
A couple of more or less random thoughts....

Sometimes I just want to hide out from the world, and can't deal with anybody at all. I used to attribute it to depression, but maybe ADD has something to do with it, since I have a tough time just hanging out with other people just doing, well, not much, which is what a certain amount of socializing is all about. I feel like I want to leap out of my own skin with boredom and distraction. Other times, I feel that people want to tell me -- "ok, please shut up already," becuase I get a bit too engaged socially.

Since part of maintaining a good level of socializing requires planning, I tend to mess that up pretty badly as well, and that probably contributes to me feeling disengaged from others much of the time.

This is all in addition to self-esteem issues that come from being a spazz for my whole life. From stuff I've been reading here on the forum as well as elsewhere, I wouldn't be surprised if the things you mention are pretty common in this tribe...

-g

Sometimes I find that I can be very antisocial and others I feel like I'm too social.... life swinging from one polar extreme to the other.

'Antisocial' and 'too social' - I understand - but the terms don't satisfy - the terms (sadly) don't exist - to describe our flavour of 'antisocial' and 'too social'

I'll try and paint a scene around these ideas ...
'Antisocial'
wanting to be alone
fearing that the occasion will be boring
feeling caged
knowing that we will need to adhere to some kinda' moronic etiquette
worrying that we will say the wrong thing in that company
unsure whether we'll inadvertently blurt out the wrong thing
involved in something which is more fun than we imagine that 'social' bash to be
not having the desire to concentrate sufficientky to prevent others from thinking we're rude
not having the energy to do the ADDer thing - of being the life of the party - solely to raise the level of stimulation which we experience - we *need* to be stimulated
suspecting that we're going to leave the social occasion with negative feelings over our nonADDer counterparts - pointless conversations, covert subtext - competition to prove who is the wealthier, immorality exposed through illogical views eg 'girls should wear skirts' or 'everybody should be religion X'

... a first stab at anti-social, and then social ...

'too social'
a belief in man
a belief that man in collaboration with other man makes for a better world for one and all
morality which is often blind to the scummy immorality of our world
a belief in beauty
a disbelief in man that would be ape
unfettered joy
freedom of impulsivity
the joy of alignment with another(s) sharing your own desire for a better world
the tantalising thoughts of being introduced to new ideas - films, books
- which'll nourish our understanding of the world
unbridled passion at the thought of being involved in something new
eyes wide open joy (just like when we were kids) - at the prospect of having fun
a belief that the occasion will be more fun than whatever task we're currently involved in

... a first stab :-)

Personally - I have a name for 'disappearing'...
always unannounced
often just a few minutes into proceedings

I can't sit still any more ... I now hide behind our kids - 'would love to - but we can't get a babysitter'
... though, must insist that we don't label ourselves as antisocial.

We are really just so into 'social' -
just 'social' evolved

- some would say - when we feel like it
- come as you are
- no expectations or stipulations from any in the group - other than a few safeguards against incendiary ideas ...

->-some would say->-

::ADDF::

social ->-
~evolved~

Intresting how you put that.. I find that when lets I'm with a good friend I can sit around doing nothing, becuase sometimes I like being around the company of others. Thats not to say that if his kids start messing around with me that I don't start getting hyper active. I'm pertty much easy going when I feellike being social, I adapt well to situations and do my best and come out looking like a pro. However there are times where I want to be social but as you said I'm afraid to be that way becuase I may screw somthing up or what I say is wrong in my eyes.

This I belive is why I often don't want to mingle with people I don't know well.. Heck you would think that being an ADHDer that it would be quiet the opposite. But people are different I guess.

I avoid social situations because i hate socializing with people most of the time and i hate most of society. Ull know why if u read Catcher in the Rye.... i feel really similar to Holden(the character in the novel) and how hes anti-social, the way he views society as hell....adults being impulsif and ignorant, making fun of others without thinking first.

I avoid social situations because i hate socializing with people most of the time and i hate most of society. Ull know why if u read Catcher in the Rye.... i feel really similar to Holden(the character in the novel) and how hes anti-social, the way he views society as hell....adults being impulsif and ignorant, making fun of others without thinking first.I'd read it but you went and bought every copy!

views [of] society as hell
....adults [as] being impulsif and ignorant,
making fun of others without thinking first.impulsif - mais oui ...

'huis clos'
Jean- Paul Sartre
'l'enfer, c'est les autres'

The most oft-quoted (http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002.html) sentence from
'huis clos'
~aka~
''closed circle''
~aka~
'''no exit'''

is 'l'enfer, c'est les autres'
Translation:
'hell is other people'

-*-

Sartre =~= Salinger =~=SP =~= SB

... because

=='a disbelief in man that would be ape'

noting that:
'man that would be ape' is lesser man
and from the site (http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002.html) above

->- theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002 (http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002.html)

ps - it's a great play - entirely acted by 3 people in 1 empty room - theatrical excellence without being theatrical ...

:-)

anyway ...

noting that:
'man that would be ape' is lesser man, man satisfied by legacy pursuits, man who would bully, cheat and steal to increase his own flagging self-esteem - when selfishness altruistically sacrificed itself
- some time ago
{{{actually}}}
... for the greater good ...

... ... ... and from the site (http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002.html) above
'Since existence, for Sartre, is the will to project oneself into the future--to create one's future--the opposite of existence, where man has no power to create his future, his hell.'

You are ***not*** 'antisocial'
- you are persistently let down by 'man that would be ape' trampling over your higher sense and sensibilities.

You are taking the burden of other's immorality on your self
... let it go

just as our society will let it all go soon.

ADD is the awareness revealed by Sartre above.
ADD is the capacity to understand mind.
ADD represents the experiential perspective of (evolution of) man through evolution of mind
... emergence of a new morality ...

in which 'man that would be ape' will be forced to reassess ...

hey!

'you're good to go'

really :-)

yay!

This I belive is why I often don't want to mingle with people I don't know well.. Heck you would think that being an ADHDer that it would be quiet the opposite. But people are different I guess.

I agree we are all different but I am not really very comfortable around people I do not know. I am really fairly friendly and I am more of an extrovert than an introvert. I have recently learned being an extrovert is not necessarily the same thing as being out going. I won't just walk up to people I don't know and strike up a conversation. I m pretty stand offish until I get to know people enough to have some thing to say.

People I am comfortable with I am quite chatty though. I am primarily hyperactive which means nervousness normally gets expressed physically in that I can't sit still. Crowd of stranger make me nervous and I have a desire to leave. People I know and am more comfortable with I don't have the desire to wiggle off else where.



'Antisocial'
wanting to be alone
fearing that the occasion will be boring
feeling caged
knowing that we will need to adhere to some kinda' moronic etiquette
worrying that we will say the wrong thing in that company
unsure whether we'll inadvertently blurt out the wrong thing
involved in something which is more fun than we imagine that 'social' bash to be
not having the desire to concentrate sufficientky to prevent others from thinking we're rude
not having the energy to do the ADDer thing - of being the life of the party - solely to raise the level of stimulation which we experience - we *need* to be stimulated
suspecting that we're going to leave the social occasion with negative feelings over our nonADDer counterparts - pointless conversations, covert subtext - competition to prove who is the wealthier, immorality exposed through illogical views eg 'girls should wear skirts' or 'everybody should be religion X'


Some times I want to be alone because I get over stimulated some times and the only way to shut off all the in-coming stimuli is to get away from it

I find most "necessary" social gathers boring and stuffy.


Definitely feel caged if I feel I have to stay. I always try to bring my own car so I can leave when I get ready. Nausea works well as a reason and I am rarely lying. Boring "necessary" gatherings full of stuffy people normally cause nausea.

Moronic etiquette also causes nausea {all my children are grown}

If there is a wrong way to be I am normally it, well I was until I met Gary now I often have company. He is more out going than I am and doesn't adhere to social etiquette except the one in his own mind. I am not an NTer so most of the time he doesn't bother me. His behavior has nothing to do with me and I do not try to control him if other people think they can I wish them luck.

IT is some times nice to be with another ADDer who isn't horrified by some of my antics and doesn't expect me to go to high flootin parties and "act like a lady". My ex-husband did and he was always upset about some thing I would end up doing {normally out of boredom} Hey I fell out of that high society couples hammock like a lady, and I wore that mud like a lady. . . . .I don't miss those things.


Having people try to shove me into their idea of "proper way" is how I got interested in debates. I have learned many ways in which to deflect this and be entertained at the same time. :D


]Personally - I have a name for 'disappearing'...
always unannounced
often just a few minutes into proceedings

I can't sit still any more ... I now hide behind our kids - 'would love to - but we can't get a babysitter'
... though, must insist that we don't label ourselves as antisocial.


I am not labeled anti-social but strange is some times applied to me. :rolleyes:

Well, I would call myself "asocial" (antisocial has the same meaning it does in ASPD (anti-social personality disorder))... I think what you're getting at is probably related to inattentive ADD (the one's that tend to be introverted as well). I've read that there is a link between dopamine and socialization, which I've also read that there is a link between hyperfocus and lack of dopamine (introversion anyone?).

That's not to say that one could categorize ADDers based upon that, as there are clearly many unfocused (and ADD) extroverts (often claimed to be unfocused anyway) and non-ADD introverts. It really depends on how one looks at it. One cannot necessarily make stereotypes about ADD in terms of "personality characteristics" (they could, but they would be highly inaccurate), however, I wouldn't be surprised if one would see a correlation between certain personality characteristics and ADD subtypes.

Well, I would call myself "asocial"

Hmmm not against socialization just simply not interested?

I am not interested in certain social functions where as others I do not mind to badly.

Hmmm not against socialization just simply not interested?

I am not interested in certain social functions where as others I do not mind to badly.

Bored. :) [BA/RA]

Perhaps though, I can be rather outgoing in the right environment. That is rare though (odds, 1 in 10,000 situations, and no, I haven't been counting).

Agreed interest does have a lot to do with weather or not I am "social"

Does anybody know if being antisocial is part of being ADD or is justpart of a result of being add?

Sometimes I find that I can be very antisocial and others I feel like I'm too social.

Anybody expereince this?

I'm the same way

i like the phrase 'you are the most intoverted extrovert i know'
alan watts (not brother ADDF member::qk's Watts)
circa 1985
@ school.


very antisocial vs. too social

i like the phrase 'you are the most intoverted extrovert i know'
alan watts (not brother ADDF member::qk's Watts)
circa 1985
@ school.


That pretty well describes me toooo some people or conversations are simply not not well very interesting . . . . .like he said / she said garbage. . . . . . or celebrity discussions. . . . .sports talk. . . . . .like why would I care. . . . . worse of all the latest fashion . . . .personal moto if it is isn't comfortable it isn't ever going to be my fashion.

. . . .personal moto if it is isn't comfortable it isn't ever going to be my fashion. ... it needs to be all black or all white also - for dye or bleach (respectively) - when the item becomes irrevocably stained (oil? coffee? ... hey :-) Tams) ...

No names on the clothes - no designs.

No statement other than the lack of self definition by physical belongings.

:-)

... sure Tams
- but most of all comfort ... ... ...

heavy cottons with satin sheens which have a cold feel when they're slipped on.
Slightly thicker -so they don't distend when we climb trees.

Scrunchable.

Never a second wasted on proper care protocols.

How pointless!

Does anybody know if being antisocial is part of being ADD or is justpart of a result of being add?

Sometimes I find that I can be very antisocial and others I feel like I'm too social.

Anybody expereince this?I definitely think so. Much of the time I find talking to other people unenjoyable, difficult, and mentally draining. Even if it's only for 5 minutes. There's just something about my brain that doesn't "click" with theirs even though I know I'm supposed to. I may even want to socialize, but I just can't do it.

I used to talk to people much more than I do now. But as I got older I came to realize something was "off" with me. There was something about my timing, something unseen (probably my ADD) that made whatever I said seem awkward. People everywhere told me to "just be myself" but that did not help, of course. lol, duh, who did they think I was trying to be??:rolleyes:
So anyways... I gradually decreased my socializing so I wouldn't confuse or offend anyone with my weirdness.

Once in a while I'll find a friend I'm comfortable with and then I'll blab on and on. It's really rare though...

You'd think with such straying minds we ADD people would be interesting conversationalists. Sometimes it may be true, but in my case it couldn't be further from.:faint:

This is why all my friends have ADD, only people with ADD can understand me and why I act the way I act. I mean don't get me wrong I talk and can maintain a conversation, and while I'm doing so I anylize the person to see how I can act around them. Once I get to know some one though I wll act accordingly. I'm adaptive to my environment but I still have lots of the ADHD traits that are noticable. I don't care though :D you like me or you hate me you know.

No names on the clothes - no designs.

No statement other than the lack of self definition by physical belongings.



I don't like names on my clothes either. if someone I am trying to talk to is wearing really "busy" clothes I can find that distracting. it sounds strange but it is harder for me to talk to some one who is wearing "loud" . . . . . if I like them I will try my best to not act on the distraction but unless I am medicated it can be next to impossible. . . .worse is some one whose mustache is trimmed un-evenly or whose eye brows don't match due to plucking. . . . . I passed this one to a daughter who has been known of offer her trim or plucking services for free because it distract her so badly.

I don't know if it's called anti social, but I defintely do need my alone time. I just get overwhelmed if I don't have that "me" time. Also I don't want to have to worry about giving into my ADD ways of doing six things at once, or having too little focus, not enough focus...

I have the same on and off social desire as you do. Except for hot chicks, whick is always on. :)

i think i have social anxiety disorder, which makes me only able to talk to people i know really well. if people approach me i can talk though. otherwise i can get through days at school not saying a word.

i remember i only wore sweat pance up until 7th grade because putting on jeans, to me was so mentally exhausting, uncomftorable (im a guy), and just freakin annoying.....people would make fun of me......but then again they were jealous because i was so damn comftorable.........yeah and i would put on sporty t-shirts and just comftorable clothing......i hated thinking about what clothes to wear.........my russian cousin taught me to wear armani, versaci, dolce gabana, and taught me style......now i am addicted to it and can't wear anything plain......it is stimulating for me now.........i would wear to best jeans to school.........the best dress shirt......i still do...........i was and am the most respected for my expensive italian clothing in my high school......big change...... sweat pance and gap clothes to italian 400 dollar jeans and 500 dollar shoes and 150 dollar t-shirts................but in moscow this is the norm...........russians spend more money on clothing then any other country in the world.....even if they can't afford it.......russia is very superficial yet everyone is very quick, whity, and talkative.....of course moscow is a big city.......the most expenisive city after tokyo...recently beat tokyo infact.........no better clubs or restaurants then in moscow....all europeans and americans who visit agree and are amazed........that's why i go there every summer.....oh yea......and russian girls.....damnn.....all got the bodz and the pretty face....really consistent......unlike the obese mixed multi-colored, multi national country of america........some cute girls of course.......but not many...and mostly bad bodies...............sorry but even americans agree

-i get antisocial when i smoke weed, that or mabye i have some small degree of aspergers syndrome, anyways
-i use my hyperactivity to my advantage, ill go on the internet and learn some tricks i can do at work, at the bar, or at home. I then use this to show people "Hey Johnny isnt such a bad guy" lol
-also i use those joke websites,and when i get going im like the TV i just wont stopping telling those jokes unless you give me something to shut up lol
-in my experience when you keep that smile on your face people it is contagious and people will want to know why your happy and if you dont give them a stupid answer they will be happy to be around you