View Full Version : A constant struggle; its the same story...


DontFeedThisOne
04-15-07, 08:56 PM
(I wrote a long long post but it got deleted by browser before i finished it. blah.)

Basically, it was a rant about how Im struggling so much with schoolwork. I dont understand why Im different from my classmates, why Im struggling to cope. When I set foot in school tomorrow, 7 out of 8 teachers will pounce on me like vultures to antelope meat. To quote Dr.Cox (Scrubs): "I may never see the sun again...and I like the sun newbie, it make me happy". I dont get why none of my friends are in this situation. I dont get why Im the furthest behind in 2 out of my 4 classes.

Its not that I dont understand the material - I do, possibly better than a lot of my peers. But its the doing it thats the problem. This fustrates me a lot - that what the teachers see is not my full potential. And they know that: there has not been a single school report in my memory that hasn't contained phrases such as:
Could achieve higher
Is not achieving full potential
Has scope
Easilly distracted
Should try harder
and (although not nearly as frequently): uninterested. The most recent teacher that said that was one of my DT teachers on parents evening. Im going to ask him why he said this, since Im not...at least I dont think I am...well okay, my mind wanders sometimes, but still. And it may have seemed like Im not interested when he was teaching us how to use a certain computer program. But it wasn't that I wasn't interested - I was ahead. He was giving us a lengthy tutorial, and I sort of figured out the basic elements of the program myself so I didn't really need to listen. I get told Im intelligent, but it irritates me that I cant achieve this intelligence of which people speak. Surely if I were intelligent, I'd be able to achieve my potential?! After my school life as far back as I can remember hearing the same phrases over and over again, why cant I achieve my potential?
Some of my teachers get fustrated at me - and I dont blame them. After all, Im causing them undue stress; they want me to do the best that I can. But I cant explain to them how I feel, either because 1) I cant find the right words (Im not excellent on-the-spot), or 2)because I know I will get upset (Im a person that cries kind of easilly 0.o). 'Why cant you just do it?!' 'Why havent you already done this?!' and I feel bad that the only answer I seem to be able to give is 'I dont know'.

The thing is it doesn't appear, on paper, that Im struggling. On average I get good grades, but that doesn't show that I've been running about, usually literally, at the last minute to get work in. I find deadlines hard to meet, and consequently work is either given in rushed, late, or not at all. Sometimes I just simply forget.
I dont like the way some of my deadlines are set. Two out of four of my subjects set deadlines MONTHS in advance - they expect me to plan for that?! No! I just end up, all the time, every single time, in the same situation as I am now - one of desperate panic and rush to achieve a decent grade. I'd much prefer it if they set daily deadlines for the next day. That way, I could find it easier to do I think.
My DT teacher tells me I should practise in 'forward planning' - something I find almost impossible. Sure, I can make 'plans', but whether I manage to stick to them or not is an entirely different story.

In short, Im fed up. I'm fed up of constantly having to make excuses for my behaviour. Fed up of always being short of time. For example: I have two days (and even then Im pushing it a day) to hand in an art unit which we have had a month to complete, half of which has been Easter holidays. And, wup-de-doo, its not done, not nearly. My DT is in for the end of the week, and thats in a similar state. And one of my french teachers will be after me for a certain essay that was supposed to have been done two weeks ago, and thats not done either - I plan to blame it on a technical failure.

Thing is, its not as if I sit around all day watching TV or something. I can sit at my desk for HOURS and not do a thing, and I SURE AS HECK DONT KNOW WHY. Its driving me up the wall.

I CAN do the work - I have the ability. I dont understand why Im struggling this much to do it.

Sorry for the rant, but this is a place I feel I can vent. Has anyone else struggled like this, and does anyone have any tips or consolations?
Thanks for reading this far, and I hope everyone is okay,
DFTO

QueensU_girl
04-16-07, 11:58 AM
Those quotes by your teachers are "Classic" ADHD observations. ;)

If you read up on Executive Dysfunction, that sort of explains "underacheivement" in smart people.

It's not about brains, or effort.

Our brain's "manager" isn't working as well as other people's.

calico810
04-17-07, 12:55 AM
I have gone through the same exact thing, your not alone. It wasn't until I was prescribed to adderall that changed my life. I now have the ability to get things done and lessen up my procrastination by a lot! It all has to do with the low levels of dopamine that people with ADD and ADHD have in their brain. Medications liek concerta and adderall release more dopamine giving you the ability to focus and get things done. Hope that helped!

Didi
04-17-07, 01:07 AM
I remember how it used to be for me. My brother is one of those "gifted and talented" students, my sister is too. I bet if you layed out all of the awards they got for doing well in school it would stretch from here to the moon. I unfortunatly, I am not so lucky. I couldn't read at all until grade four, and it was always hard for me to hear the constant "Why don't you pay more attention in school?!" and the "Why can't you be more like your brother?!". As if it wasn't hard enough for me to haul my carcass out of bed every morning and fail at everything I tried already, but they had to rub in my face how easy it was for my siblings too. When I was diagnosed with ADD and NVLD it was like a whole new world opened up. It was like the title alone helped people understand that I was working hard, and I may never do well in school, but that is not from lack of trying. I found that after I got the official diagnosis, I had mixed feelings. I was happy because I knew I wasn't just being lazy, I have a learning dissability and now I can get help. I was also depressed with the fact that this is a permenent thing, its not just a faze, and I will be struggling to meet the acceptable standard for the rest of my days. Now I try not to focus on the grades, so much as the improvements I make.

DontFeedThisOne
04-18-07, 10:40 AM
Thanks QueensU_girl - I'll read up on it :)

Yes calico810 - that did help a lot ^_^ I've always wondered - because I wonder where the hours go; I can be doing something, but somehow what I need to do doesn't want to get done easilly. And Im sat there thinking "What the heck have I been doing for the past three hours?" Thing is, all the time spent 'studying' increases my parents' expectations of me, but I've barely done a thing all that time...

Heh Didi my sister is like that - very academically gifted (sHe makes me so proud :D). Luckily, we 'specialise' is different areas so her cleverness cant always be compared to me, you know? . She's more maths/science and such, and Im more in the art/music/writing areas; where one of us does not achieve so well, the other generally does, so its shared.
I imagine it must, as you said, be a bit of a relief to be formally diagnosed. Kind of why Im searching for as many tests and such as I can to confirm to myself whether Im just a stupid lazy-****, or have a genuine problem. It would relieve me if it were the latter, and make me feel horrid if it were the former. At what age did you get diagnosed?

Thanks for the help everyone :) Im off to do some extra DT now (school has just finished for the day) and then go home and try and do quite a bit of French-work that is already late XD

SpaceTraveller
04-19-07, 11:39 PM
There's a number of ADHD tests out there that you can take, but having said what you have said, I don't think there should be any doubt that you do have ADHD...

One of the most important things you should learn about ADHD and school is that what is supposed to work for you probably won't and that you need to find out what works for you yourself by experimentation. While studying or doing homework, constant stimulation is usually a good thing, so don't be afraid to crank up the metal music for example if that's what you find can get you focused.

supersomeone
10-11-07, 05:12 PM
are taking and meds ? and yeah know the feeling i have four test tommrrow and i have not studied and i get so angered with myself for letting myself go for so long with out studing . and it is a constant thing lol but i have found that if i do majortiy of my work in school during my lunch and resorce then i can get things done because i have to be aware of the time and things

omniwrath17
01-05-08, 03:03 PM
Same thing happened to me in 7th grade and now sometimes in 8th. Abilities not an issue, don't worry about that. For me, its purely motivational issues. I just don't see my work as useful, because I don't feel a need to repeat the same thing over and over again.
Oddly enough, I don't get upset over 0's either, not very conducive to making the honor roll. But my meds motivate me somewhat, and I find a way to bite the bullet and do my work in pieces (usually 2 or 3 five minute periods with a small break inbetween, usually measured with playing one song.).

Hope you found that atleast semi-helpful :)