I don't know what the underlying cause of this is, but I'm just wondering if anyone else can relate to this; which may help me get a better understanding before I head to a psychologist.

I always have this overwhelming feeling that people hate me. Sometimes strongly enough that I break into a sweat, feel like running.

I try to be realistic about it. In public, people are who they are and are absolutely not focusing ANY attention on me whatsoever. Not even a glance (which I am so glad for, ironically I hate being noticed in public). And yet I feel like some mass population hates me with all their heart and soul. This has gotten better over the past year, but has not gone away.

And my friendships are particularily awkward. I avoid my friends (who are amazingly patient with me) because I feel as though they hate me too. Then I realize how ridiculous I'm being, and make contact with them. But then I have a problem forming my thoughts into words and everything I say comes out wrong, and I'm clumsy and when speaking my brain seems to stop working; causing misunderstandings and the feeling of being hated comes right back and I just want to flee for safety.

I also have a fear of social contact as a result (I hypothesize anyway, not certain, I don't know which came first!) yet my attacks of great fearfulness and feeling hated do not usually coincide. When they do, which is thankfully rare; it's straight home I go as a pathetic quivering lump of flesh. I also get overwhelming feelings of being very stupid, but that's obvious because my problem with words (don't be mislead by the way I can't seem to stop typing, I tend to overcompensate ;) ) makes it easy to be stupid. And sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that people hate me for being stupid. There are several strange combinations that I've noticed.

I am very ashamed of this; because I KNOW there is no reason for feeling hated. Hate is a strong emotion and it's not likely that just anyone, especially people who are my friends, would direct at me. Yet I can't get over it. Rational mind goes one way, the rest is in the other direction. :rolleyes:

I don't know if I have a delusional disorder or if maybe this is more common than I know. Anyone else???

I suspect that through the pin hole of an online forum it could be almost anything.

I know social freeze ups are not always handled by the world with kindness, that i irritate some people, without intention to do so, to the point that they want to do... i don't know what... shut me up mostly I think...

I know that though the ability to release ANGER quickly is mine, i carry foreboding , especially about social things longer, and it becomes me being in my own way socially.

I think.

Is that related to your experience?

I can related because I never want to leave the house or really have contact with friends although they are paitent with me as well..some times i think I have social anxiety disorder I always feel people look at me and judge me and hate me. So i retreat into this world where I know I am accepted.

First off I will say that I know it maybe hard for you to believe but your not stupid. I can tell just by your choice of words you are very smart. I tend to ramble too so I know how that is. Do you ever feel some of it has to do with were you live? I live in TN but I am only 8-10 miles from the KY border. Its hard around here just because of the way people around here I think. I know how you feel though. Cause in public I feel the same sometimes, I have no friends that live here so I don't know if I would be that way too right now or not.

Wheel- yes, part of it does involve social freeze up. I'm not sure if people's taking advantage of this in the past has lead me to this strange.. whatever it is!

I also do get really angry; but the anger never surfaces until I'm back at home and it's usually directed both at whatever crowd made me sor uncomfortable and at myself.

I had a thought about what you've written being related to my experience; but it's gone! It may come back :rolleyes:

Melanie- hopefully we can both work through this! It is so aggravating!

Brianne- Thank you, I do know (can't believe I'm saying it!) that I'm not stupid; but socially I am or at least often appear that way!

It's funny you mention location! I've only been to TN once (hehe, when my parents had to make a liquor run from Cumberland falls- a dry county, when we took a vacation there :D ) but I've heard enough. Louisville isn't so bad; it's VERY culturally mixed (yet somewhat segregated, arg!). Most of the people I know are extremely intelligent, and can communicate very well; so I'm always like a fish out of water! I can think on their level at least, but I can't talk on their level. The more I tried the worse it got! Hopefully there's a way for us to get over this!

Thanks for the responses! :D

Sweety If I can survive half the things I have been through and work through my toughest time....in time I know I can beat this too...and so can you hun....keep the faith:X

BTW.....You are soooooooo lucky to live so close to Brianne...we live four states away.:( Still can not convince her to come to mardi gras but still even I understand her situation right now. But Darnet I wanna meet her!!!!!!

sorry venting.....ahhhh I feel so much better now:D err

I just want to clarify that I don't hate you and can't think of any reason why I should... :D

Subtle: I can relate to this.....When I first started my new job -- I SWEAR -- I had messages going on in my head that EVERYONE there hated me....,

It's a form of paranoia for me....My self-talk is telling me that everyone hates me....esp. when I am unable to speak the way I would like....(i.e. problems with words as you say)......

Is it "self" hatred going on -- by any chance? -- being projected onto the world???

I guess it is true that OTHER people simply don't have as strong as feelings toward US as we think they do.....We just THINK they do but they don't.....The reason is that OTHERS are too busy thinking things about THEMSELVES -- and don't have time to think thoughts about US (even hate thoughts).....

Anyway, just thoughts.....just know that you are unconditionally liked/loved/accepted (and definitely not hated) here at forums....:)

I used have pretty bad social anxiety. I wouldn't go as far as saying that I thought people hated me but I got the feeling that people looked down at me.

My social anxiety has too improved over the years. It really improved once I actaually realized that I had an anxiety disorder. I also started take medication for anxiety that has helped too. I think it's a combination of identifying the anxiety and the medication that has helped me.

I still get those thoughts every now but they aren't as intense and don't last as long.

I do not doubt that people can often project their anxieties to their surroundings; but to my knowledge I don't hate myself :)

paranoia, yes! It's as though for not being able to read people otherwise I assume the worst. It is just so strange that my rational mind has such a hard time defeating my reptilian instincts. I read somewhere before that the 'safety system' of the brain (amygdala???) has over-ride power of the more advanced parts of the brain. So in doubt it sometimes seems that a fight-or-flight response just takes over! And as a pasifist; I choose flight (though fight does sometimes happen, though rare!). Also wondering if this could also be related to the apparenly typical AD/HD brain shut-down! I'm not sure if reversing or gaining control of this pattern is going to be a matter of medicine or some kind of conditioning, or both or more. I'm wondering if this could also just be a brain-wave pattern rut- I just read some interesting info on how certain musics influence brain-wave patterns. Just curiosity, I'm not a pro. I'm looking into all of this; and will post anything substantial that I come across.

Glad to hear this has gotten better :D Hope it continues to improve!

Thanks, I have felt very welcomed at this forum; you people are a great bunch! Vent and express as much as you like, I leave this thread open.

I was dx'd with social anxiety when I was 11 years old. (Almost 40 now :( ) I hate leaving my safe place at home. Mine stems from a very judgmental father and the fear of not being perfect enough to even being seen in public. I fear rejection as well. I had a huge set back a few months ago after some people who I thought were my friends more or less told me to take a hike. And I still can't figure that one out. But I have withdrawn again, and refuse to go to town (I live in the country) to even grocery shop. I know that the people at the store do not hate me or are not judging me. But I still can't bring myself to go. It takes every bit of will power I can muster to even go to the Dr's Office. Some of this I can contribute to not being able to buy my medication, and the other part is being rejected once again.

These feelings that you are having are very similar to what I have been going through for many, many Moons. And yes Therapy has helped me a great deal, and I would go now if I could afford it.

Wanted to say "Hi" 2 Everybody,

'cause Im a newbie here. I was diagnosed with SAD when I was about 30. Recently tested for ADD & have just started taking Ritalin with Lexapro which seems to have changed a lot for me.

I so know what ya'll are talking about. Over the past few years I've dealt with a lot & really started keeping my friends & some family at a distance. I really struggle with rejection. It's a Catch 22.

I want to be around people, but I don't want to be the one that is going to somehow be rejected so I do the rejecting first. Crazy isn't it.

Anyways,

Just wanted to be counted in with everybody here:)



De

I always think everyone hates me, even my bf... i dont know why... I just assume that everyones btter the nme and i have to live up to them.. and if i know ive done soemthing wrong i think they hate me. i dont know if they do or not, but im pretty sure they do.. i dunno :/

I have problems in large crowds of people. I always feel as if everyone is looking at me and staring at me, so I start to sweat and get dizzy. I don't so much feel that everyone hates me. I don't go out anymore because I don't like being in public. I work in retail and sometimes with all of the customers in the store, it starts to freak me out, and leads to a panic/anxiety attack. You'll get through it. You are stronger then you think. Damn, sometimes I wish I could take my own advice. Hang in there ;)

Feeling the same way.Feel hated a lot .

This is my experience of my paranoia,
I was lucky that it was seemingly related to diet for the most part.

I felt that way and that I hated everyone, during my low blood sugar times.
Before I found out I had hypoglycemia. I knew it wasn't probably real. I refrained from acting on it and felt trremendous anxiety.
Now, If I choose to eat too much sweets I expect the consequenses. Yet they are never as bad as they were once upon a time.
So I don't drink coffee everyday, about twice a week. No Pot!!! , Seldom drink alchohol, (That is tough occassionally!). Still do sweets but limit them.

Boy, it sure is good to know I'm not the only one who feels "vibes" from others! I've never felt HATED, but I have definitely felt it when people have looked down on me, want to get away from me, or otherwise pretend I'm not even there. I try my very best not to ramble on, but sometimes I can see the glazed-over look in there eyes and try to stop talking. I love the holidays but I really suffer if I think it's my turn to have people over. I feel like nothing I do will be as good as everyone else could do as far as food, decor, keeping a conversation going (the worst!), and making sure everyone is comfortable and happy. I also feel like everyone is talking about me when I hear whispering, but then I figure if I don't know what it's about I can't defend myself, and why worry about it in that case. I'm learning to let go of self-absorbtion, because I really don't want to carry the world on my shoulders, and I sure don't want to be the world's problem-solver. Hang in there, everyone! There are some days that are really, really good:)

(What should I put in the box that says "title"? I look at the other posts, and see no titles. And if I put in a title, what if then my post is the only one with a title?
Then people will think I'm odd, or stupid or both. Maybe I should just forget about writing this.)

Do I think people hate me? No. I almost wish they did. That would mean they somehow care about me and think I matter. I think being ignored is far worse. It means that people think you are so insignificant and contempable that you don't even deserve a look. Because you're nothing.

That's the way people treat panhandlers on the street. "Help the homeless today, sir?" Ever notice how most just walk right past and say nothing? I know why, too. Isn't it obvious? Because they think this guy doesn't deserve a look. Like me. No,they don't hate him---they DESPISE him.

Now, I used to do they same thing. I wouldn't look at the guy, either. But that was for a completely different reason. I was too embarrassed. And I was afraid that by looking, he would take that as a signal of interest, and then REALLY put the bite on me, like a used car saleman, and then I'd REALLY be embarrassed and have to either give him money, or tell him no right to his face. Which is hard. And might make me feel like Scrooge.

So lately, (with the help of a drug called Klonopin, I should add), I've used a new tactic. Now, instead of before, I look the guy straight in the eye, smile, and gently shake my head as I pass.

But with me, it's different. When people ignore ME, it's because they don't like me. They think I'm weird or odd somehow.

You think I'm imagining it? OK. Here's a perfect example. I'll leave posts like this one on this site, or other sites, right? And usually, people don't respond. Nothing. (Well, sometimes, maybe, but that's just a fluke.)

I mean, what more proof do you want?

k.

PS Sorry I've gone on so long.

it got to the point with me where i could walk through the courtyard at uni and think veryone was staring at me and talking about me - and i couldnt reason with myself, despite efforts, that these people don't know me, and i tried to reason with myself and calm down by telling myself "YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF ATTENTION!' and yet i still felt i was
often i would feel like this when i walked into lectures.

often i would be wlaking through a part of town where there were several tens of people (50 60 people?) and i would think that they were all looking at me and thinking bad things about me that i was something terrible and horrible and i'd done something so wrong.

one day i went to the shopping center and bought a frozen coke (slushie) and sat on a seat outside with it, and i thought everyone was glaring at me, staring at me, as they walked past, "what the hell's wrong with this person?"; looking at me, hating me, im bad and wrong.

I don't get that so often any more, its more on an individual bsis now. (all the above stuff was last year btw, about 7 - 8 months ago - whioch was when it really culminated).
now, though i do have a few 'frinds' at uni, im a little afraid to talk to some people - but im becoming more outgoing (but that can be a bad thing often i can seem to confronting or annoying, and i nkow that i am...) .
i can't seem to find a middle ground between laughing joking saying stupid stuff, and the other option of stting very still, nodding, pretending to listen, not saying anything (or just sitting by myself).

i just can't find that middle ground.

i think that went off track a little, i have so much im thinking of right now and it's all connected in different ways.

i think the point is, i get afraid to say anything, and i think that people in a social context don't want to hear what i have to say - what could i possibly have to bring to this conversation/ context/ discussion ?