View Full Version : Need to vent!!


Didi
04-24-07, 11:58 PM
I am just really angry right now, and I need someone to yell my issues at. I choose....YOU!!!

My older brother (older by 1 year, 8 months, and 15 days) was the child prodegie type (I know, I know, bad spelling, so sue me). Everything he touched turned to gold, never really had to work for anything. I am the opposite. I have ADD and NVLD, and was diagnosed late. I have NEVER been a very good student, and I worked myself half to death for everything I have.

I have always dreamed of going to university to study zoology (I loves me the animals) and through a ton of hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, I have worked my way up to the pure stream. As expected, I am having to re-do everything over and over again, with little gain.

Now that you know the background, this is what is driving me straight up the wall crazy. I wake up in the morning to my brother ranting about how "High school really isn't THAT important" and how "I was either high or asleep and I still got honours". That drives me nuts. He wouldn't know hard work if it crawled up his rectum (sorry for the foulness of that image). Then My dad comes in with the "You know, if you tryed to put in a little effort into your work then maybe you would get honours like your brother" (seriously, that is a direct quote from this morning) I guess he didn't notice the fact that I got 2 hours of sleep last night because I was studying for a math test that I failed today. I finally drag my corpse to chemistry where I get the "Claire, are you paying attention?!" and the "Claire, maybe if you weren't so lazy, you could pass my course the first time through, but at the rate your going I guess I'll be seeing you for the next five semesters!!" (HA HA HA!! Everybody's a comedian). Then When I get to math its "Claire, why do you ask so many questions? Why don't you just read the book!!" I feel like just screaming at her "If I could sit down and learn it just by reading the book then I wouldn't have to come here and sit through your constant harping!!" but I hold my toungue.

I don't know what I need from you, I guess I am just asking for a cyber shoulder to cry on. Thanks for listening to my rage. I am actually feeling a little better already, well, that is until I turn around and do it all again tommorow.

Sincerely yours,
Didi

Crazygirl79
04-25-07, 08:52 PM
Hi Didi.

I KNOW how you feel, I have ADHD and SID which are the most predominant disorders that affect my life and general functioning, like you I've always lived with the feeling that I'm not good at anything either, I was the klutz at sport, I was the dopey dora at academics and I was socially clumsy as well....mind you this lead to many years of being bullied relentlessly, being the last to be asked on a date and being the last to be picked for any sporting or academic team.

I also KNOW what it's like to have people in positions such as your fathers forever telling me to make an effort....but I DO!! I used to get "Selena you'll never get anywhere in life" or "Selena you're a useless no hoper" or "God she's stupid and lazy" and I got this from so many different people and yes it did damage my self esteem something chronic and I'm still suffering the after affects and I'm 27 years old now and I'm STILL rebuliding and picking up the pieces but eventually I had to let go of the past and accept and embrace myself and my differences and to tell you the honest truth I DON'T CARE what anyone thinks of me anymore!!!

My advice to you Claire is TRY NOT to listen to your brother or fathers seemingly insensitive comments and just be yourself, from what I know of NVLD it must be a tough challenge to live with.

I hope I've helped in someway or another and in life you will get people who will understand and those who won't....as you get older you'll only care about those who matter most and forget those who don't and their comments and criticisms.

Take Care and Warm Regards
Selena:) I am just really angry right now, and I need someone to yell my issues at. I choose....YOU!!!

My older brother (older by 1 year, 8 months, and 15 days) was the child prodegie type (I know, I know, bad spelling, so sue me). Everything he touched turned to gold, never really had to work for anything. I am the opposite. I have ADD and NVLD, and was diagnosed late. I have NEVER been a very good student, and I worked myself half to death for everything I have.

I have always dreamed of going to university to study zoology (I loves me the animals) and through a ton of hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, I have worked my way up to the pure stream. As expected, I am having to re-do everything over and over again, with little gain.

Now that you know the background, this is what is driving me straight up the wall crazy. I wake up in the morning to my brother ranting about how "High school really isn't THAT important" and how "I was either high or asleep and I still got honours". That drives me nuts. He wouldn't know hard work if it crawled up his rectum (sorry for the foulness of that image). Then My dad comes in with the "You know, if you tryed to put in a little effort into your work then maybe you would get honours like your brother" (seriously, that is a direct quote from this morning) I guess he didn't notice the fact that I got 2 hours of sleep last night because I was studying for a math test that I failed today. I finally drag my corpse to chemistry where I get the "Claire, are you paying attention?!" and the "Claire, maybe if you weren't so lazy, you could pass my course the first time through, but at the rate your going I guess I'll be seeing you for the next five semesters!!" (HA HA HA!! Everybody's a comedian). Then When I get to math its "Claire, why do you ask so many questions? Why don't you just read the book!!" I feel like just screaming at her "If I could sit down and learn it just by reading the book then I wouldn't have to come here and sit through your constant harping!!" but I hold my toungue.

I don't know what I need from you, I guess I am just asking for a cyber shoulder to cry on. Thanks for listening to my rage. I am actually feeling a little better already, well, that is until I turn around and do it all again tommorow.

Sincerely yours,
Didi

livinginchaos
04-25-07, 09:48 PM
Didi,

i'm glad you can vent here. I can empathize. I have a sister who is 1 year, 8 months older than I am. She is great at everything she does. She got mostly A's in school without having to really study. While I had to work my butt off to get Bs & Cs. She and I were both competitive swimmers and of course, I had to very hard to get decent times while she cruised through to get stellar times.

I never got comments like you do ("read the book", "are you paying attention?"), but I'd get the comparison comments, "you're sister always got As" "your sister is so creative with words" "your sister won first place"

it hurts - that comparison. Just continue doing the best that you can and know in your head and in your heart that you are doing the best you can, Didi.

thewfh
04-26-07, 10:56 AM
Wow Didi, I can understand and remember when I was in school. My difference is I suspect now that all of us kids have ADD in my family. I'm the only one formally diagnosed. But I remember my Dad telling us we were all a bunch of quitters! We'd start something and never finish it or school was a challenge. What a wonderful way to grow up! Being called a quitter. Of course I know now he's classic ADHD and my Mom is ADD w/ Anxiety. You can just see it...it's soo blatent.

I have a daughter who's 10 years old and I'm watching her. She's just like me when I was her age. My goal is to keep communication open with her so she can talk to me about anything. I don't want her to grow up thinking she's a quitter or lazy.

In a nutshell, do you have the relationship where you can pull your parents aside and without going ballisitic, explain to them that you are working as hard as you can but need help....and just telling you to "work harder" or "be more like your brother" hurts. I remember it being tough to talk to my Mom growing up. By my senior year in high school (with the help of a great teacher!!) I was able to talk to my Mom about an issue I had that needed her understanding.

Sorry for the long rant.... YOU rant here all you need!!

Crazygirl79
04-26-07, 08:07 PM
I agree....RANT ALL YOU LIKE GIRL!!! that's what this forum is for...friendship, understanding and support!!!

Selena

Didi
04-27-07, 12:03 AM
After reading all of these posts, all I can say is wow. You are some very insightful people and after reading what all of you have written I can safely say that I feel better already. THANK YOU!!!

Crazygirl79
04-27-07, 07:41 PM
I'm glad Didi....I'm glad we could help.

Peace
Selena:D

disorderlover
06-01-07, 12:29 PM
Hey
I know how you feel . I have a sister who is 1 year and 17 days younger then me. She gets 85-95% in everything and she doesn`t have to try. I get 65-70% in everything and I work really hard. What frustrates me is that I know that I am smart... but I keep getting such bad marks!!

Crazy~Feet
06-01-07, 01:06 PM
"My brother"...the mathematically gifted Golden-Boy, who naturally struck a sympathetic chord to my father's ear. He was able, or seemed to be able, to swallow the Rules and Guidelines presented to him. He became "successful". He "went to college and graduated". He was a "GOOD BOY" who seldom caused any "trouble". He pursued computer programming and made a career and he "made sense".

"Me"...the grammar/English and Scientific concepts gifted Bad Seed, who was incomprehensible to both parents. The Rules and Gudelines baffled and tormented me and I was unable to comply without at least trying to argue my point of view. In short, I always had to ask "But Why??" and shake the foundations of not only my family structure, but also even societal norms, all were questioned at length by me. I did not wish to "go to college" immediately after HS, I explained that I found HS to be stressful and exhausting and requested "time off" to chill and consider what college degree might best suit me. Request "DENIED", not logical for the reason "If you do not go now, you will never go, because you like to goof off too much" :eyebrow:. I went, hated it, did not "graduate". I do not have a "career" but much later on down the line, it became clear to all who would accept it that I too, "make sense".

I remained the Bad Seed, and what does psychology have to say about the identified Bad Seed in a dysfunctional family? They say the Bad Seed is the Healthy One, who realises all is not well, no not well indeed, and acts that out. AH HAH!

Fast forward on through the years of my psychotherapy during which time my parents "Did the Right Thing" and participated, with varying degrees of ability to comprehend. Fast forward through my parents divorce and realise they should never have been married in the first place (my brother and I are in complete agreement on that, so you see we are different, but we are the same). Fast forward to...right NOW and you will find:

My brother is now in therapy or so he tells me. Seems he discovered after many years that his outward appearance of compliance came at a high price to him. He claims he DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS! How awful for him and his sister can do nothing to help ease his pain. I can and do bleed for the brother I love and it is of no consequence to me that while I while I was beaten and despised, he was lauded and praised.

I knew. I always knew. I KNEW WHO I WAS. And I also knew he didn't :( and that he was accepting a mold that left out some very beautiful parts of his soul. I have 4 children and several demolished relationships behind me...he has been married for many years to a woman he calls "his rock" but we don't really know her, I hope she is his rock, but she dislikes me intensely and I make no sense to her. They decided against children and took action to prevent it ever happening.

I know my brother loves my children. I know he is good with them. I hope he finds himself and never forgets that I am his sister...no matter what happened and remains out there to happen in the future.

As hard as I have had it though? I would rather be me than be him.

This a repost of a previous post of mine :) HTH!

Swede63
06-01-07, 02:32 PM
Well C~F it seems to me that you are the one who has most benifited from life lessons. They certainly are not learned in our education system. Just because a person goes to college doesn't guarantee that they will be successful at anything or even a good person. A person with an education is knowledgable (usually in one subject) but not necessarily intelligent. There are many forms of intelligence, and IMOP you fall into several if not more of those categories.

You obviously are gifted interpersonally(you have amazing people skills), linguisticaly (your writing is clear, elegant and clever, and creatively (we all know that)and probably a host of others.

You are right the one's who shake things up a bit (as you did as a child) are usually the most healthy and ALIVE!

As for your brother he has chosen his path but I wonder if he has regrets. Especially making sure that he won't have a part of him to go on in this world (no children)

I'm sure he loves you. He probably hasn't learned to express it. Be thankful that you are not me with six count them 6 brothers. They are all ADD, often selfish and yes loveable at times. geeesh it's a wonder that I even survived my childhood:faint: