First off, i am embarrased.

Here I am at work, doing a few things at once online and thinking of finding this website.

Let me explain myself.

I work early hours and think my sleep pattern may be part of the problem, but maybe not. I usally get 6-7 hours a night but wake up at 2:15pm and HAVE to be alert.

Through my life, I have been a half ***er. I am 29 now and back in grade school, I never read a book, just crammed my studies and borrowed notes. I managed to get by just fine with a B average. In college. The same, even in my field of interest, I did a half way job. I borrowed notes, slept in class, did not pay attention unless I really put my mind to it. I did okay in College and graduated with a low B average and only remember a tenth of what I need. I am in the field I went to school for but feel like I missed plenty.

Fast forward to now. Am I lazy or is there something wrong. I can't focus well. When I do, I do good. I can't finish a book...unless I REALLY put my mind to it. I will doodle on websites at work, half for work half not and cram at the last minute to get things done...with mistakes that I don't catch when I proof read. I can't remember things and feel, well, stupid around many. I really don't know what is going on in the world because I can't read a paper or watch a show without sciming or loosing interest. I want to, just not motivated.

On the way home, I have a few things I need to do, but forget or don't bother, am I lazy again? I get home a look at the computer, again with no real reason. I never answer emails because I am too lazy. Don't talk on the phone, or keep up with friends. I want to take our dog for a walk, but never get around to it. Don't even feel like watching tv. I have magazines that I want to read, but they are stacked up and a 260 page book that I have been reading for 2 months and can't finish. I have a daily devotional that I read at night, can't remember the next day.

Every now and then I get up and do things, sometimes many and get them done, but many days no. I can start a project or search for an item for days, really dedicated and then I slowly foget about it. Sometimes I can't even get through this forum or any other because some of the answers are too long.

I am getting depressed more as time passes. I feel stupid. I can't comprehend anything I read and don't pay attention or say stupid things in conversations. I am affraid of most people due to lack of knowledge. I can't make up my mind on many things and my confidence I used to have is GONE. To be honest with you, I feel more unintelligent by the day and its worse when I can't get things done. Many times I even stay after work to do things I could have done earlier.

Am I lazy or do I have a problem?

I feel like if I took a pill, I am looking to get smarter...is it just wishfull thinking? And as you can tell, I can't spell either.
:(

Since you found and posted on a forum dedicated to people with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity disorder, you clearly suspect that this could be the root of your issues.

Yes, certainly, it is possible that this is your problem. If you feel unsatisfied with being "lazy" or half-***ed, really want more, you're probably not chosing to be lazy, right?

If you experience a fair number of the things listed on several different lists here (no doubt a moderator will post the URLs, since I can't find the right ones at the moment) this could be a better indication.

Finally, though, the only one that could say for sure would be a specialist in ADD/ADHD. They would also have to rule out conditions that may mask or mimic certain ADD symptoms. For instance, I needed to get my hypothyroidism under control, or in the words of the psychologist that did my testing, "The results would be equivocal at best". Depression itself can cause people to feel scattered and lost.

One way or another, getting help of one sort or another is better than sitting and stewing about it, letting it possibly get worse.

Educating yourself and trying to make a change in your life is the first step you need, and it sounds like you're ready to make it! Congratulations!

-Scot

Wxguy23,
This all seems to point to ADD. I have similar concerns as I haven't been officially diagnosed, (going to do so soon). There are a lot of other conditions that are similar to ADD, the only real way to be sure is be tested - and you need to have this condition for a long time. You don't suddenly 'get' ADD, (unless you have had a recent severe brain injury), you'll have it from birth.

Some people have it really severely. We know two families who have children with ADD, one with ADHD, (hyperactivity), and really badly! The other with inattentive. Until a couple of months ago I always associated ADD with the hyperactivity, until I discovered that I had inattentive ADD. For me; it explains a lot of my history; never passing anything, (but if I WANTED to I'd get 100%), unfinished jobs, can't follow directions, brain freezes, can't sit still.

Everyone's symptoms are different, so once again, get tested. Otherwise you'll be doing what I did for the last couple of months and go from 'I must have it' to 'stupid, why did I ever think that' a couple of times a day.

No, you're not lazy, stupid etc. (hence the title of that infamous book). Although ADD certainly does make you feel like it, doesn't it?

You do need to get tested, that's for sure. As for the medication.. do they make you smarter? Initally, yes that what it feels like. But you may discover that ADD is still very much a part of you. Medication only helps manage the symptoms but it doesn't mean that it can make you forget that you have it.

Thanks for the info. I go to the gerneral doc on Friday. We will go from there. Is it smart to take the pills(staterra maybe) and see how they work before doing testing?

How long and much does testing cost? Insurance here does not cover it.

Thanks...:o

I would say that even if you could get your hands on meds, it would be unwise to take them before any testing. After all, you want the tests to find that you have an attention deficit disorder... and if the meds really work, they won't find that!

As to costs... I guess it depends on who you see. Where I live, a documented diagnosis can really only be done by a psychologist after a battery of tests. An MD might be able to diagnose and treat you, but this wouldn't give you (for instance) the right to ask for special accomodations at school. So for me, the pricetag was over a thousand dollars, in your money. Worth every penny, too.

If you can find a family doctor to listen to your history and ask a few questions and diagnose you from that (which I understand happens fairly often), I should think it wouldn't be terribly expensive at all. Then s/he'd hopefully start you on medications, likely stimulants to start with, such as Ritalin, Dexedrine or Adderall.

Regardless, start with your family doctor... they'll be able to direct you to the proper resources if they can't do it themselves. At worst, they'll blow you off and say "You can't possibly have ADD" and refuse to give you any further information about testing and such... that's when you find another doctor or start searching for psycholgists on your own.

Good luck!

-Scot

My doc put me on trials of the drug before he sent me to be tested. I think it was a good approach, if the trial had negative results he probably would have moved on to the next diagnosis. Since the pills helped, now he is recommending official testing.

The pills certainly WILL NOT make you smarter. Or even make you feel smarter, really. How you react will depend on whether you have ADD or not. When I started on Ritalin I didnt even notice a difference until 2 or 3 hours later when Id get distracted by something and then realize that I had just studied for 2 solid hours. You can use your medicated time to make yourself more knowledgable or organized, but it certainly isnt a simple solution.

Just remembering what I read is a good start. Lack of comprehension and modivation is fustrating. Or finishing a good book. I just wish I can stop cramming or not doing a good job. My next question, is do you remember better? Do you remember to do things and the meds just help you accomplish the task? I am forgetful on many occasions.

Well, I've always had what you describe on some level; some of it was "outgrown", if you don't mind my using that word; what I mean by that is, after a good number of years of being me, I learned better ways make "me" more functional. And of COURSE, a diagnosis and meds now, at the ripe old age of 45, is making all that muchmuchmuch easier to do. Meds can help a LOT but if you take meds and don't make effforts to improve yourself you're not going to make the progress you want. Nothing will improve if you don't do the work.

Now, maybe you do have ADD; you could benefit from pursuing that with a doctor. But meanwhile, hon, breathe, and love yourself. Cut yourself the same breaks you would give to a dear friend; usually we're pretty hard on ourselves and quick to hang negative labels on ourselves, in ways we'd never do to others. If you looked at yourself objectively against the whole sea of humanity, and not just against some select group of hyperorganized driven UberAchievers, I suspect you'd come out somewhere in the middle, where most people are. You know. Human.

That I have High Metal Toxicity! What?!!?

I chewed on my plastic cup this morning, that should help some.

I go to the real doc today, problem is, I have never met him before since I have a new insurance co. Yikes.