My 10 year old son was diagnosed with adhd about 3 years ago and with the help of alternative medicine and a broader knowledge we were able to control behaviours with counseling and yoga without the aid of meds. But, since the baby has been born he has become increasingly more beligerent toward me, screaming at me and telling me to drop dead:( . He is increasingly more violent towards his little sister and others in the family--kicking out at my incision site and hitting his sister or biting her and he cannot understand why it frightens me to leave the new baby alone in a room with him...My question is does anybody have any ideas on how to help him improve his self esteem and to let him know he is always' going to be an important member of this family just right now mommy is always tired and the new baby takes so much work? Any advice would be appreciated about now lol. thanks and hugs cherity

Ouch, this is nasty...

I am not a qualified pediatrician/therapist/etc., but here's my 2 cents worth.

I think you have two problems here... one is the self esteem, and the other is violence.

Violence is unacceptable no matter what one's self esteem level is. You need to impose strict consequences every time your son is violent and apply them EVERY time without question and without wavering.

In terms of self-esteem... I don't know a better method than communication, and as much quality time as you can spare with him as possible.

My son is that age too and the times when he is unmanageable are the times when he is the most bored. So I would make sure he has things he CAN do by himself available, i.e. books are a good one, art/craft supplies are good, TV/video games are a less good but more likely to work, etc. He may not CHOOSE to do these things, but you have at least given him the opportunity to make a choice, and then you can apply rewards and consequences to him as appropriate...

Best of luck to you and all my sympathy either way...

violence must be controled by whatever route...

With the ADHD punishments simple don't work, they make the frustration levels higher and the problems worse.

My 2 cents? Engage professional help early before there is anymore to worry about.

Early action can keep everything minor.

Let me guess Dad is afraid of professional help, maybe? You do what you need to and let him go to professional help, or get on these boards, or what ever, to deal with his fear of professional help.

Yikes! I agree, it's time to call in professional help. There's no need to give up any alternative therapies that help ... but you need to address the violent behavior ASAP. It's clearly more than just low self-esteem. You've obviously worked with him a lot over the years, and I'm sure that has helped him a great deal. But it sounds like a different kind of help is in order now. That does not mean, BTW, that you have failed him in any way, just that he needs a different kind of help now.

And this is the last thing you need now, with a new baby and a C-section to recover from! I wish you the best. It sounds like you're doing a lot of work right now, with very little support. :(

We had a similar problem here. Poor guy....it's gotta stink being the king of the castle for ten years then, WHAM, dethroned. He may dislike the baby b/c in his mind, the baby took your attention (read: love) and caused you physical pain on top of it, insult and injury. 10 yo boys think they are little men and are prone to being overly protective of their moms.

Get your body as strong as you can when he's gone at school and come 3pm, get ready to love the daylights out of him. The next time he tries to hurt the baby, let him know in no uncertain terms, that you love both your babies and you will never let anyone hurt them.

I agree with the communication part. If you two had a VERY close relationship before and were well able to communicate, it is my opinion that you could very well solve the problem yourself. If not, then the young man may need some counseling for a little while. Sidebar: How are you doing? If you are still having trouble with your incision, then you are still probably in the window for some postpartum depression. Don't F around with that. Tell your OB.

I just wanted to take a moment to clarify some misunderstandings lol (I"m not very good at transferring what is in my head my hand I'm afraid.)

First of all; my son does see a therapist; but, I did take advice and spoke to her yesterday about this and we have decided to bump his appointments up to once a week instead of once a month until he gets used to the changes in his life.

We have also sat him down and discussed these changes with him and found out that alot of his problems stem from us not treating him like a 10 year old and not letting him help with the baby which makes him feel insecure in his abilities; so we have started letting him feed and burp the baby which has three benefits(1. OUr oldest eats his meals much more quickly instead of playing with his food,,,2.He happens to be better at feeding and burping then we are and last but not least the baby is less fussy because Dakota is more calm then we tend to be with worrying about the house, bills, etc.

And we have put in place stricter rules for physical violence and had him sign a contract. Hopefully this will work more and your thoughts and comments were much appreciated...Hugs

Sounds like you've made a great start there! If he needed to feel like a responsible "big kid", this should really help. I apologise if my earlier post sounded too alarmist ... I have another friend with an ODD 15-y.o. who is becoming violent, and I was afraid you might wind up in the same situation. It doesn't sound like that's the case at all! :)

You did not sound alarmist I'm just not good at putting thoughts into words; but, it's like you said,,,It's a start and we can only pray it works the war is not over but hopefully we have won the battle lol hugs and thank you

Sounds to my uneducated mind like you are doing a great job so far. Best of luck, and keep us posted! :D

My 2 cents worth:

Firstly, it's fantastic that you have him in therapy

Secondly, from the POV of having had an anger management problem, medication was the only thing that helped to stop me feeling that way so I could make the changes in my behaviour. You have him in therapy so if you put him on medication (I'm thinking SSRI to take the intensity out of his emotions) as a SHORT TERM solution, it would probably work because once you learn how to behave and manage your anger, you still know what to do when you're not on meds.

Meds have alway's been a last option for us; but, the benefits of meds are not overlooked and his counselor and doctor know that if suggested we will try anything... So, don't give up on us yet lol hugs