Some of you know what occured at my work (see careers under "My Frustration" thread) but one thing keeps haunting me. When I went into the meeting with my boss and project manager I was asked how I knew about the other CADs salary again. So I told them the truth. I picked up a paper, realized it was the wrong paper, and quickly put it down, but do to my photographic memory for numbers I saw what he earned. My boss said that I was snooping on her computer! Say what?! I was floored. So I said, and rather loudly, that I would never ever violate someones personal space let alone their computer ever. And if I was such a person, why would I tell my project manager that I did see it? If I'm as smart as they say I am, would I do that?!

Now this touches a sore spot in me. Nothing frustrates me more when someone who thinks they know me says or accuses or guesses that I feel or do something that just isn't me. I worked with these people for a year and a half, you would think they know me better than that.

I had a similar thing happen to me at home: I had asked my roommate to not use my son's easter basket for his shower things only to find it still being used by him a month later, handle now weakened. So I went to him questioning it and he just looked at me and said "So just dump the stupid stuff!" and looked back at the computer screen. I asked why he yelled at me and he said "Because you think I'm a stupid Idiot"

GRrrrrr! In my mind, I was thinking "Great, my best friend who has been living with me for 3.5 years has no clue!" I said " I absolutely don't think you are an idiot at all"

On another board I have a long term cyber friend who thinks I play head games when I'm as honest as can be. My friends who I game with think that I can't even lie. (Not true, but I degress...) I can feel when people lie and it was only in college I found out very few other people can so I grew up thinking everyone could tell if I lied, so why bother. And it kinds stuck.

Grrrrr! Doesn't he know me better than that?? One of the things he loves about me is my honesty...

Do you see my frustration?

Maybe he was angry that you found out the other person's salary in the first place Kassie....So he chooses to accuse you of something (like snooping).....instead of admitting HIS wrongdoing (if you will) of not getting you a raise (or that this person's salary is bigger than yours).....

He takes the focus OFF where it should be because he knows no other way to explain the salary differences....So YOU look guilty -- instead of HIM.....

The roommate also had no "recourse"....It was easier to yell at you than admit he was STILL using the basket when you asked him NOT to....again putting the responsibility on YOU...when you did nothing....

People seem to want to make YOU responsible Kassie for THEIR indescretions, decisions, wrongdoings, etc. by shifting the focus back to YOU....

I don't think this has anything to do with these people knowing you so well....(and so why should they think certain things about you).....In fact they DO know you well....perhaps SO well that they know that they can get away with this crap....:(

I think this is EXTREMELY insightful of you Joan.

Unfortunately, many of us with ADD are easy suckers for this sort of conversational tactic... we get hurt and mad at a verbal attack, and this becomes the issue, so we "lose" at whatever the conflict was before that became the new conflict...

Great insight Joan. I agree 100 percent. I am used constantly and it has gotten so bad that i will take the blame even if it was not my fault. I have been doing better the last couple of weeks.

Kassie,
My wife also thinks I am playing head games and do thing on purpose to getl back her. I think she is to paranoid and reads to much into every action. I am to trusting and do not read enough into other peoples actions.

Joan, I agree with you too. I have a personality that questions any wrong doings that I might do for I feel I am a nice person. So if someone questions me, instead of thinking what's wrong with them, I'm thinking what's wrong with me and I feel people who know me realize this. Maybe its a form of distraction that they use to get me off of them. <chuckle> Now who looks paranoid...

But do any of you get this kind of frustration?

Kassie,
Yes I do. I also belive when I get really defensive I do it to other people. It is like when you talk to someone at work about what they are doing wrong and then they tell you if you were a better manager I would be doing it right.
also do you find people will get mad for some habit you have and they do the same thing to?

Hell yeah!

:( :( :(

I find with insecure people they accuse you of things they are doing too. Sometimes I wonder if we are in a world of insecure people or am I just very intune with my own self.

Nothing angers me more when people accuse me of doing things I am not doing...like my ex who constantly accused me of cheating when I was completly faithful to him and last night in the chat room I was trying to help a friend fix his computer problems and he accused me of trying make it seem like he is stupid..Moron I was trained in compter technology inside and out for two years and I have an A+ book to help me troubleshoot my own computer!

Sometimes I think it's there own insecurites lashing out at us because the refuse to find blame for themselves and some just take thing to darn personaly and NEED TO GROW UP!!!GRRRRR@Children in adult bodies..You are not fooling me!

BRAVO!!!!!!!! Kepping you took the words right out of my mouth...errr in this case hands. Errr yeah I go now(goofy whench am I)

Hey don't knock goofy wenches til you've tried one. :D :D :D

Yeah! Goofy wenches rule! :D

From left field...do these troublesome folks at work view you and your work as a direct threat? That'd be my guess.

I prefer the term "goofy broad."

"Goofy broad" is good too ... eliminates the "serving wench" association... ;)

Topic? I agree with Flakey about your being seen as a threat. People are insecure in very annoying ways sometimes. :rolleyes:

Agree with Flakey....and I'll bet they WOULD see you as a direct threat Kassie....WHY??? Because you have so-called people skills (given that they have you answer phones sometimes and see you as "helpful", good personality, etc.).....

AND you have technical skill.....(as a CAD technician).....

How many people have BOTH great interpersonal/people skills AND are technically skilled? Heck -- sounds threatening to me.....

This combo is indeed very rare.....unfortunately......:(