I'm feeling more than the appropriate youth angst and as I am not a pyromaniac and as there really isn't anything productive I can do with my frustration
I wanted to vent here and see if there's the .01% chance that there's some advice/perspective/similar experience.

I need to pull myself from some painful patterns of attention, anxiety and perceived (and some actual) inability. From other posts, you may get that I have a myriad of symptoms, have tried a myriad of med routes and have somehow got myself through my junior year at an Ivy league college. But my work systems, which were few, are breaking down and I am constantly late on assignments that I spend ALL my time trying to work on and often not being able to because I think my mind can't work or it's too painful to get my mind into gear.

What's frustrating is that I might have to accept mediocrity. I have trouble getting through multi-step research papers and several other sorts of cognitive tasks. I'm not really so sure what I'm good at, unfortunately it seems I really need the structure of subjects that are less meaningful for me (like cog. sci). At the moment, though, I have to get through my junior year exams and keep running abank. I start projects, think I'm on track, spend HOURS thinking on them only to realize how far off I am.

Need I mention the added frustration of not having developed any other life for myself because the other areas of my life might open up other difficulties for me...

Can I get better results from meds? Is there a different sort of life that I can hope to bank on? Or do I have to accept as given the severity of my problems and sort of adapt my environment, lifestyle, external things like that? (see post in med's section for history if this sounds like something you have perspective on, i.e. have been through the roulette of medicine and have found a way to get on track and stable and meaningful). If this weren't a pattern of mine I wouldn't try and think like this kind of either or, but unfortunately I seem caught, frustrated, not handling my responsibilities well and spending all my time doing so.

Those I see either are confounded by something they see as ability or either jump to say that I might not be capable of pursuing fields/areas that involve lots of writing/reading and structured thinking.

If I lived out in the bushlands of Australia, where apparently the aborigines have this practice of setting fields aflame, I would light torch to the stretch of vegetation (as then it would be more sustainable).

Ah, the dreaded Executive Function part of ADHD rears its ugly head to yet another bright Student...


*sigh*

I don't think this is going to be good advice but it might give you some ideas. When I was an undergraduate, I was lucky to be at a very strict school that was almost zero tolerance on lateness. Even then I used to go and play ice hockey, arrive home at 4pm, write my essay (i'd already done the reading), hand it in first thing in the morning. The hand in was meant to be by 5pm the day before and the tutorials were the day I was handing in but most tutors were fine with that. Other times it would be going to the cinema, a talk or concert.

When it came to my final exams, I started revising 1 month before. I should have started a month earlier. I was still be making notes to revise from a few days before the exams. I know I could have done better but I got the results I needed.

All these patterns of behaviour were bad but somehow it worked and I did OK. I went on to do a PhD. I had lots of problems with that as well but the daily idea of going to work each morning made it easier.

I think it has always helped me to be very active and stimulated doing lots of different activities. I find I can't make rules about if I do this I will reward myself with that. It doesn't work for me at all. I notice that when I cut the things I want to do out of my life, it becomes harder to do anything I don't want to do.

I know I respond very well to heavy regular excercise sessions (for me about 2-3 times a week for an hour). It can feel like time wasted but I feel I easily get back twice the productive time back I put in. It gets rid of a lot of the agitation I feel as well.

I had a lot of problem reading research papers when I first started going through them. It is a skill and one that takes time to learn. I needed to learn to highlight and then to note take. When I started, whole papers would be covered in highlighter, there was more sentences highlighted than not highlighted. I would then go through and and take notes. To start with I would copy a lot of the highlighted bits out word for word. I am dsylexic and a very slow writer, it took me forever. But now, I know what I'm looking for I am used to how research papers are written and I find it easy to reduce a 10 page paper into a few sentences that contain everything I need. One tip when highlighting is to write next to a paragraph with bits you have highlighted one or two words to let you quickly navigate the paper once you have finished the highlighting.

Ask you teachers if you are not sure about things. If you are smiling and relaxed when you ask them about things I have found they were happy to answer my questions. It is best to make sure they have time. After lectures or arranging an appointment can make things easier.

One book that I found really helpful was recommended by Scattered on this forum. It is Mastering Your Adult ADHD Client Workbook (Safren et al., Treatments That Work, Oxford University Press). It is meant to be a 14 week course you work through with a behavioural therapist. I just read it all and did the excercises in a couple of days. It is short - double spaced, 100 pages. The thing I found really useful was that it gets you to write down all the different feelings you have about what you are doing and think about each of them. I found I was writing things I hadn't even realised I was thinking about. It really made me feel better about things and I fealt I could approach things better.

I think you need to give yourself a break. Your at an Ivy League school. I'm sure your parents are proud. And anyway, you are who you are. You'll do what you do. Make sure you think about what you want out of life and why you want it. I better stop. I feel like I'm writing an 80s pop song.

Don't let anyone let you believe that you cannot persue what you want because it relies on alot of writing or structured thinking.
I have the same issue as you, before I was diagnosed and put on meds I would start something and never be able to finish it on time, even if I started months early. Now ive been diagnosed Ive changed routines, sometimes it works, sometimes not. It may help abit, I will admit that I did skim your post. :p

Here is what I do (try) to study/ do long assignments.


Declutter working area (if my desk is clean my mind seems to feel less cluttered.)


Remove all noise that tends to stop any thinking pattern (to me this is tv and people talking. Music I find fine as long as Ive headphones on, its a continuose noise that doesn't seem to change much I find, also blocks out other distracting noise)


Before sitting down and studying/doing an assignment I look up everything on the Internet that I could possible have an urge to look up while studying. (thats why Im here now)


If you are on a med that works, take it now (I take 10mg of Ritalin at this time, I dont know much about other meds though so might be best to not follow this one)


Ensure you have all resources you need within reach (textbooks, pens, calculator...)


Have a bottle of water on your desk


Break tasks down. Write on a piece of paper what needs doing, make sure that no task takes longer than half an hour. If it does put a time frame on it and when the times up move onto a different area of study.


As you finish each task put a line through it (in big colourful pen)... the best feeling is feeling like your accomplishing something. Thats why breaking things down is important. If you have to first research have one dot point for reasearch on internet, Another for research books etc...
Hope something in there helps.... I get alot of extra tutition for my subjects also which helps in giving me a place to start/breaking things down etc... which contributes to my change in completing assignments compared to last semester.