View Full Version : help

05-04-07, 09:11 AM
I have a child with ADD. He is really bright and has a lot of potential. And he has done ok in school until now. But he is going off to college next year and I am scared he won't do well on his own without me there to help keep him on task. How can I make sure he is prepared for life without me? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

05-05-07, 06:25 PM

how old is your son.
There are alot of colleges that have a good disability office to help him with accommodations. He will be okay. You need to let go some, my sister is having the same problem not with ADHD but my nephew has a reading problem so he is going to live at home and commute to Uof cincy. That could be an option too, having him live at home for the first yr.

05-05-07, 07:01 PM
I can really relate to how you are feeling. My son graduated from college last May. I had to cut the apron strings on some level. He was majoring in commercial art and all his work was done at school, so as far as meeting deadlines we could talk about it but he was really on his own getting the projects done.

I was so use to hovering over him when he was young, making sure he had his homework done, got dressed before school, got to school on time, he always needed to be pushed along every step of the way, otherwise he would get sidetracked. I couldn't do that any more so to stay involved I had to make some changes and accept the fact that it was in his hands now.

The thing is that they are adults now and they have to learn to make it on their own. As parents we will always be there for them but in the end they are responsible for their life and their future.

I'm sure your son will do fine especially where you have been so supportive of him.


05-06-07, 02:46 PM

I'm a university graduate, and am working as a Sp Ed Assistant for the school board.
University was tough, I didn't get diagnosed until I was in 3rd year and by that time I had an anxiety disorder b/c I was doing not so good in school.

The main thing I've learned is that I have to keep my priorities straight.

I had to get realistic about things.

No one was going to be checking up on me.
I had to keep an eye on what my consequences were for my own actions.

I'd suggest Cognitive Behavioural Therapy of sorts - with a focus on linking the BEHAVIOUR to the OUTCOMES.

what also took me a while to figure out was the link between seemingly small CHOICES at the time to the results.

eg. not preparing for a wake up routine to get to class on time
(usual routine that works: set alarm 30 mins earlier than actual wake up, have meds beside bed with water. Take meds on alarm, and then go back to sleep. Second alarm to wake up. Have clothes set out night before, with school bag packed and breakfast ready to be picked up.)

not renewing prescription

not checking in with the T.A. about essays.


I'm not a parent, but I know that a lot of times the parents seems to do what the kid can't do on their own. But is that doing the kid any good? Nope.
Start making them responsible for their actions.
Don't remind them about things - it's not your job. If they forget, then it's their own fault, and remind them of that when/if they forget.

it sounds harsh, but it's the only way.

I've worked with kids who have ADHD, and it's an odd thing this responsiblity thing.
Most of them have learned helplessness, where they've just ended up relying on others to remind them of things b/c the others have always done it.

When a kid I'm working with messes up and gets mad, I point out what choices they made that were not good and what would have been a better choice. They dont like it, but it hits home.

Another thing that works really well is not to tell the kid what they should do, but ask questions

eg. kid is not doing homework
*parent: what should you be doing right now?
kid: I don't know
parent: well, think. where can you look to see what you're supposed to do tonight? (answer is agenda)
kid doesn't want to do homework: "I don't want to do it" "I'll do it later"
parent: what would be a good choice right now, and what would be a bad choice?
if kid gives bad choice being cheeky, parent says "I'm going to ask that again and I want you to give me a serious answer, it's your choice"

kid says the choices.. usually they know what's the better choice.
if they don't want to do it, then just say "what will happen if you don't do (X)?"
get the kid to say it, and then say "so what's the better choice here?"
kid will probably say the better choice.
"what should you do?"
kid says the answer.
parent can say "it's your choice, I'm not going to make you do it. you know what's right. if it messes up then I want to make it clear that it's YOUR choice to not do it."

it usually works.
sorry for the rant.

things that helped me out:

finding an academic advisor - the faculty had a drop in system, but that doesn't really help b/c of the impression ppl w/ ADHD make. so I phoned or e-mailed the one advisor with updates, and she ended up being really good with me. I could bypass the usually line up early in the morning stuff, and she would just make an appointment with me.

same thing with on campus medical appointment. Always go to the SAME dr.

meet the profs, and explain to them that you want to do a good job on things.

if you have any q's let me know.
it's tough for sure, but I had to do it myself.