View Full Version : poem for english class, reviews needed


jawglasswell
05-11-07, 12:44 PM
i can't stand to sit here
eyes burn into the side of my cheek
searching, burning, tearing
into me, torn, hurt
no pros, just cons
prose flows from my finger tips
understand me not these words
all week stressed burnt out
heart enlarges, blood thick to thin
binge and sin
dark but light
stunted creativity bursts
lost in the airwaves
nothing can stop me now
cry, laugh, pop that pill
stop? no one's said to
two more, no more
XR, IR, SE
ADD, ADHD
IQ
PSAT, SAT
sunday, no rest
c student
at his best

bioguy
05-13-07, 02:44 PM
i liked it! my one edit would be the "overuse" of the word "burn" (3 times). Try another word, but don't get too verbose, that looks bad too ;)

Imnapl
05-13-07, 02:47 PM
I agree, get out the thesaurus, but I really liked the whole poem.