View Full Version : The psychotic break...


Matt S.
05-14-07, 06:30 PM
I had a real classic mixed state hell moment this past week and wound up in the looney bin, it was a real genuine psychotic episode and it took AD/HD and Bipolar meds (seroquel, dexedrine and Lamictal the dexedrine at a whopping 120 mg per day I might add) to stabilize this disaster. I was acutely paranoid and thought the CIA was after me, it's funny to laugh at now that I think about it but now that I get further into thinking about it I don't want to relive it.

QueensU_girl
05-14-07, 08:28 PM
Gosh, I'm glad you are safe, came back to stabilization so fast, and 'here to tell the tale'.

Keep us posted & "take care o' you" (as Laura San Giacomo says to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman).

Crazy~Feet
05-15-07, 05:43 AM
Mspen I am truly sorry to hear that you went through this!! I am hoping that somehow they find a way for you to avoid this in the future too. I will be thinking of you. During the Great Gabitril Incident of 2007 I was beginning to get paranoid myself (thought all my neighbors were trying to watch me) and it scared the crap out of me.

acceptance
05-15-07, 07:22 AM
Wow ,i feel for you,.,my son also had an episode of that just over a year ago,scary stuff,my son freaked,also thought...well believed the government,the secret inteligent squad was watching him,after listening to him(also a.d.h.d. and 25yrs old)i took him in imeadiately,listened,cuddled him,spoke gently and kept reassuring him nobody will get him,afterall what else >could <i do.after many sleepless,i mean buggerall sleep nights with him,i made a choice of taking him to a clinic to be reassessed,they wanted to take him off the dexs' and they did,bad move ,i took him back home and back to the doctor,gave up work,and reintroduced him to the world,and back on a low intake of dex.He burnt out,trying too hard with his work(nightshift)..took too many dexs' and thought he was superman (for work).He sometimes talks of it and remembers the scarry stuff,..........its like a disease i believe,cause it came back for a week and eased off with lots of my support.but everyones different as you know. My son and I are very best of friends,our understandind,horrible as it was, has given us a bonding for life.
I do hope you have support when you feel the parienoid is a bit overwhelming.be safe.

Johnnny
05-15-07, 11:28 AM
well after the patriot act was passed in america i sometimes think the american government is watching me....

Matt S.
05-15-07, 04:20 PM
it was the only psychotic episode i ever had in my life and the hospital doctors wanted to know what precipitated it and they didn't believe it was due to my abrupt D/C of dexedrine but the combo of Geodon, Seroquel and Depakote all at max dosages did nothing. I guess unlike the rest of the population a whopper of d-amphetamine, stopped rather than started a psychotic episode

prurigro
05-15-07, 05:26 PM
@Johnny : haha, I'm totally with you there -- living there would prolly be worse :O its funny cuz the safety measures they put in are more paranoia inducing than the "threat" they tell you to be paranoid of - I really do wonder though, with all this data collection they do if one day my posts here and pictures on facebook will become unknowingly a part of my resume ?

@mspen : I love that btw, d-amphetamine stopped your psychotic episode-- too good =D

Crazy~Feet
05-15-07, 08:58 PM
it was the only psychotic episode i ever had in my life and the hospital doctors wanted to know what precipitated it and they didn't believe it was due to my abrupt D/C of dexedrine but the combo of Geodon, Seroquel and Depakote all at max dosages did nothing. I guess unlike the rest of the population a whopper of d-amphetamine, stopped rather than started a psychotic episodeDex does absolute wonders for my agitation and anxiety, Matt. I am just glad that something worked and got you out of that scary place!

justhope
05-16-07, 09:37 AM
Matt,

Sorry to hear about that...but like the others I am glad you had a "quick" recovery. I hope everything works out and you don't go to the "darkside" again.

Please keep in touch with us...

Hope :)

Matt S.
05-16-07, 10:20 AM
prurigro seemed a bit sarcastic in his reply, but I have been on dexedrine for 18 years of my life and my relationship with that drug in treatment is similar to bipolars who respond well to lithium, after I while I stop taking it, add that to my type of bipolar... the mixed state (which Lamictal helps when I stay on it too) it can escalate easily into that. I was dx'd Hyperactive at age 4 and Bipolar I at age 8, I'm 26 so please take those facts into consideration when passing judgement. I am atypical in a lot of ways so yeah reality (since I have it back) is that bipolar disorder for me gets more severe in it's presentation because prior to Lamictal's arrival on the market absolutely nothing worked for me treatment-wise except a wallop of dexedrine to prevent the behavioral aspects of Mania. I am also the lord of denial, having a borderline shrink for a mother who literally will not have a conversation with me without a "med level update" kind of supports it. My PTSD issues don't help either

Johnnny
05-16-07, 11:30 AM
i get weird paranoia sometimes, like one day i could wake up and i think the whole world is out to get me (like today) and the next day i could wake up and be perfectly fine like yesterday.

And not to get al buddy buddy but some of the freak outs i read here sound like me, that and you all type like me lol

QueensU_girl
05-16-07, 11:57 AM
I have often 'wondered if Stimulants could be benefit other mental disorders'.

i have seen so many people (with OTHER psychotic Dx) who 'seem ADD' or have "ADD-like" issues or presentations.

They even have a term for the deficit -- "Negative Symptoms".

In illnesses where anti-Dopamine drugs are used (like schiz), though: it seems that no-one wants to be Rx-ing Dopamine-path drugs. (mebbe they don't understand that there are many sub-types of dopamine!)

Matt S.
05-16-07, 02:47 PM
well this is the result of not treating bipolar effectively from the onset point. I never took meds for bipolar or did the rotation of cocktails for years so since it wasn't effectively treated it progresses from ups and downs to mixed episodes and my bipolar I diagnosis worsened from just plain delusional to psychotic (hallucinations, delusions of persecution)... my maintainence meds to prevent the mixed or "hypomixed" if it's a term (it applies to me) are Dexedrine and Lamictal and if I stop either medication I go downhill fast. My doctor says that people are different (brains) and finds it rare that my mood will destabilize when I stop taking dexedrine. But look at my age of onset and the extreme severity of both disorders and I guess it makes sense. I am okay with seroquel because that drug was a god-send when I was in that state

Crazy~Feet
05-20-07, 05:43 PM
Please let us know how you are doing when you get back in here, Matt. I am wondering how you are today.

acceptance
05-21-07, 05:14 AM
:eyebrow: Hey JOHNNEY,gee I hope you're ok,been keepin tabs here,.....and anyway....hope to get to chat with you in the chess game.I do hope you are ok.Ok .is good !Let us know soon. :(

Matt S.
05-21-07, 06:43 AM
I'm a bit manic like fire flowing through the veins,,,,,, first time as an adult and of course I have to let it run it's course like a true cycler in a marathon and like all marathon runners I remain lean and unmedicated skipped a couple doses may need to go on lithium for this one but it isn't psychotic and I feel just wonderful like I could fly or something once it turns nasty I can say it'll be nice, my doctor will most definitely look at me and yell "Did you take your spansules?" with his german accent which resembles my grandmother who is a cycler herself and is dying of lung cancer but she doesnt talk to me much because my borderline mother turned her against me which they are notorious for with their incandescent ability to "rapidly fluctuate between idealization and devaluation" but hey did I tell ya I am manic and feel wonderful so I don't care

Crazy~Feet
05-21-07, 09:44 AM
Thanks for the update and hang in there through the flying high stage! It'll pass and hopefully they can get you all straightened out ASAP. I know just how hard it can be to get to stable.

I also know how great you feel right now ;) so TRY to get plenty of rest if its at all possible for you. I find that helps the cycle end sooner for me.

Matt S.
05-22-07, 04:09 PM
Yeah well I am due for the Dr. Appt on Thurs which is good because I'm getting a bit convinced that I can levitate and I skipped hypomania so I am already there, I am also getting grandiose in my ideas (i.e. cured of ADD, Male Model etc.) but it feels great, sleeping 2 hours a night and jacked right up like wildfire

Matt S.
05-22-07, 04:10 PM
I know it'll end and I hate the "month on lithium thing" but i chose to go off meds so I accept it.

prurigro
05-23-07, 01:32 AM
@mspen1018 -- the interweb makes sarcasm detection pretty difficult, but I wasn't being sarcastic at all. I find it interesting how differently drugs work on people with add compared to someone without

acceptance
05-23-07, 02:58 AM
I had a real classic mixed state hell moment this past week and wound up in the looney bin, it was a real genuine psychotic episode and it took AD/HD and Bipolar meds (seroquel, dexedrine and Lamictal the dexedrine at a whopping 120 mg per day I might add) to stabilize this disaster. I was acutely paranoid and thought the CIA was after me, it's funny to laugh at now that I think about it but now that I get further into thinking about it I don't want to relive it.
Hi...just wondering how you doin?
If any of the "stuff" creeps back...air it out,here if you like.
Was a pretty hard thing to overcome.,sure we can laugh,but when theres an event to get over,you are not alone,our support is here.

justhope
05-23-07, 09:06 AM
Hey Mspen! You off the ceiling yet? I started up with that last night and caught myself 1/2 way through it...while the euphoria is great, the fall out after is simply not worth it. With all the drama going on at home, BPD son on the rampage and little one in the hip cast...I really really need to stay out of the ozone and get my rest....but I do see how easy it is to want to stay there...but before I got caught ...in went the Risperdal...and out went the lights!


I hope you are doing okay! Hope

Matt S.
05-23-07, 05:47 PM
still manic as ever, doctor starting Lithium at 300 mg and upping the Lamictal to 200 and the Dexedrine to 150 mg too (it will make the world of difference in activity level) so I will start to level out a bit after the lithium gives me the jolt-proof and I can go off of it. I like this manic fit it's like ADHD times 4 with kick

Matt S.
05-25-07, 11:29 AM
The mania is over... blah

Crazy~Feet
05-25-07, 12:07 PM
Glad to hear you are back on Earth with all of us...please let us know...if you start to sink, we'll be here. :)

Matt S.
05-26-07, 03:17 PM
Thanks I appreciate it a manic fit can lessen my group of friends considerably even when it's happy-go-lucky because of the self serving nature of it

Crazy~Feet
05-26-07, 08:34 PM
Thanks I appreciate it a manic fit can lessen my group of friends considerably even when it's happy-go-lucky because of the self serving nature of itNo worries Matt, that's what the BP area is here for anyway. If we cannot understand this disorder in each other, how can we begin to claim we understand ourselves?

There used to be a few people who tracked my log-ins to determine whether or not I was actually sleeping or just full of it...but they kinda drifted away lately. I am glad I, and others, are here for when you need us because its good karma to pay it back or forwards.

Any sign of the dark side calling you yet?

Matt S.
05-28-07, 05:04 PM
my cycle is manic mixed now that I had the manic i plan to stay stable to avoid the dark side

Crazy~Feet
06-05-07, 02:32 PM
I wish you a lot of success with that :).

justhope
06-09-07, 10:15 AM
I have not visited the darkside in months....I put my toes over the line occasionally with the hypomania..usually due to high stress, or missing the sleeping cycle mark....but you know when you get to know the real "BPD" you, the cycles, and the triggers...you can't stop it all together even on meds...but it's easier knowing what to expect...this is just as helpful to me as being on meds and coming here for support. I can then have time to restructure a schedule, appointments, take my "sleeping" meds earlier, or a higher dose...to try to cut it off at the pass....

I hope that you are okay Matt....I am glad you are back from the darkside and with the team again!


Hope

Crazy~Feet
06-09-07, 10:20 AM
Still hanging in there, Matt? Hoping you stop in soon to give us the recent scoop on how you are doing. :)

Matt S.
06-25-07, 06:36 PM
I'm still spiralling into the 'delusion world' that feeling is hard to give up, like yesterday there was a broadcast over the radio about a suspected terrorist attack in a month and I have to go play a large role in stopping it I am aware that is a hallucination, there are detectives from the CIA following me and inserting these government secrets into my head and I beleive this is happening, telepaths work with the CIA and if I don't do what they want I will have each limb tied to a horse and be dismembered, it's scary but I do what they say, just got out of the psych hospital too, they were polluting me with Lithium and Dexedrine and Geodon but that manic high is too much to give up

Crazy~Feet
06-25-07, 06:45 PM
Oh Matt :( I was sincerely hoping for better news when next I saw you (well, your font anyway ;))...keep on talking to us, please?

QueensU_girl
06-25-07, 07:50 PM
I know that the war stuff has been a trigger for people.

It can help to REALLY REALLY limit your radio and television news exposure.

I often find myself turning off "the bad news". Bad for the immune system. I barely watch the news at all, in fact.

Although you say that you know the hallucinations are not real, they can be intrusive and stressful.

I have heard of people using walkmans and stuff to make the noise stop.



Do you have some support people, MSPEN?

Matt S.
06-25-07, 08:26 PM
I am still happily chasing the manic highs, I am a person who doesn't respond well to the dramatic site rejection from my peers, it'll end and I will chase a half dozen more times but it is grandiose, The feeling of godlike omnipotence and the mixed stages were merely feelings of rage and non existence, like a plethora of juxtupositions that flow from my never stopping mouth I hereby announce, it is ecstasy. Better than winning the lottery, credit cards maxed and I have never had more luck with women or men for that matter, I am on a pedestal, jacked up on my brain like a crackhead and hoping it never dies... I wish you all the best in love because I know you are all secretly in love with me.... MATT

justhope
06-25-07, 11:50 PM
Alrightly then, Matt :cool: ....hope you land soon, buddy.

It's nice up there, I hear you..but watch that first step, it's a doosie...:eyebrow:


And BTW..your manic writing is very good, I hope you take that "flying" high time and put it to good use, and write? I know this helps me when I am in the ozone...at least others are safe from me, and I am safe from myself, when I am soaring in my writiing safely , stationary ...at the computer. ;)

Hoping you stay safe on your journey to the 'heavens" :p

Godspeed my friend, and do hurry back to see us, we worry...and remember Icarus, don't fly to close to the sun...it's a long long way down....:faint:

We will be here hoping you arrive back safely ....

Hope :)

Matt S.
06-26-07, 03:48 PM
Thank you very much justhope for the compliments on my grandiose venacular, I think I am falling in love with myself, my appearance went from my 'society expected conservative' to gothic again except for the fact that my hair was blue black and is now platinum blonde. I feel exuberant and when I walk down the streets of my town I know people are looking at me because they want me to love them. I havent slept for yet a 3rd day and I hear Vivaldi's "Gloria" playing wherever I am. I have written 6 songs lyrics music and all, I am between 3 different paintings that I will most likely sell and make a killing from and I want to start a band, I have these ideas of America's Top Male model, I want to star in a film and win awards at all of the shows, I am also formulating a mathematical equation that will be used as a time loop into parallel universes and be named after me because I am so great. The president will make choices that are wise in the near future and that is because he's going to call me for advice. I am in the music, my attention span is best described as watching 4 televisions simultaneously and I plan to levitate to the moon.

Matt S.
10-06-07, 03:42 PM
Ahh, those were the days LOL

Matt S.
10-06-07, 03:42 PM
Ahh, those were the days LOL

Matt S.
10-06-07, 03:43 PM
Ahh, those were the days LOL

Crazy~Feet
10-06-07, 04:57 PM
They were interesting, I'll admit. :cool:

Matt S.
10-07-07, 08:38 AM
Oh yeah