I was wondering- does anyone else find it really difficult and frustrating to explain to people why you forget things? I have so much trouble keeping track of things, and remembering where I put things, and remembering meetings or classes that I have scheduled, and it makes me constantly look like a flake or an airhead. I set alarms, I have a detailed planner that I use, I use sticky notes- I have tried every system I can think of to make this better, but I still forget things more than most of the people around me.

The usual response to this is something along the lines of "someday you will just need to learn to remember where you put things" or something like that. Although that is good advice, I don't really understand how to force myself to remember things. It's like, it either comes to my mind by chance, or it doesn't even occur to me. And when it doesn"t occur to me, i don't understand how to force it to. For example, when I come in the door, I usually set my keys down somewhere, and then later I can't find them. People always tell me I need to always put them in the same place, or just remember where I put them. Theoretically, that should work. But when I walk in the door, my keys are the farthest thing from my mind, so it doesn't even occur to me. It's like there's something that I don't get that seems so obvious to the people around me. I find this so difficult to explain to people, and usually just end up sounding like I'm trying to not take responsibility for my actions. Does anyone else have this experience?

I'm a 21 year old college student who was diagnosed with ADD when I was 16. It's really nice to find a forum for college students- reading through the posts, i feel like I finally found people who are going through the same thing I am trying to get through college and stay sane!

Hi Mela!

I'm also a 21 year old college student. I was diagnosed my Sophmore year at 19. I find it hard to explain to people because I will start and then another way of phrasing it will occure to me and I'll stop mid sentence and start over and I have a feeling I just confuse people. When I make a mistake because of my forgetfullness that effects someone who doesn't know i have ADD I try to explain it without starting off with "I have ADD".

I say somthing along the lines of, "I've always had a problem processing and remembering things. I've decided it's just a part of who I am. I try my best to remember, but there will always be times when I slip up. "

Also, I'd say, the hardest thing about forgetting appointments or meetings is that you don't like letting people down. (And I"m still working on this next part) Try not to appologize so much that you start to think you've done something terribley wrong. That will just hurt your self-esteem.


I'd like to give you some tips on how to remember things easier. But everyone is different. What's worked for me is getting spiral bound index cards. I write appointments, to do lists, and phone numbers in it. That way I can tear off a sheet if i need to, or i can keep everything together in one place and take the whole thing with me wherever I go. Now, I still loose it from time to time, but for the most part I try to keep it on my computer desk so I always know where it is.

ADD causes a lot of anxiety, and that anxiety is very harmful over the long term. so the most helpful thing isn't to think you have to beat the forgetfulness out of yourself. Because you'll exhaust yourself. counseling and medication can help you to figure out what habits you can deal with without it effecting your life.

for example, I"ve learned that I will never be the clean freak my mother wants me to be. And I realized that I don't need to be. I can be confortable with a certain amount of mess, and if it gets beyond that point, i"ll clean it...but I'll clean it to my level of comfort.

I have ADD, but ADD isn't the cornerstone of who I am. There are great things about me that have nothing to do with my ADD.

I hope this helps. Sorry for the length:o

Some people seem to be under the impression that ‘remembering’ is a conscious act. I think this is true on a certain level - but in reality we don't experience 'consciously' the process of retrieving said information - it just kind of 'pops up'. I've noticed when I 'try' to mentally perform anything involving an unconscious act, all I seem to accomplish is anxiety (flood of thoughts) which clouds my mind and works against my agenda.

Try to build a routine:

Be strict about where you put important items, make your environment part of your memory - find a layout that works for you. A messy environment is obviously going to raise issues...

Keep in mind that change is a process; I can tell you from experience, change does not just 'happen over night.'

Be wary of advice from individuals who have not experienced similar problems, they may have unrealistic expectations considering your current state. Find someone who has dealt with this problem and had some success helping themselves or others.

Here is my experience, I feel it may be similar to what you are describing.



/* I am never really in my environment, I experience it as a global representation of the general area but I rarely pick up on the details.


Sometimes what I experience as ‘spacing out’ is more visual as opposed to inner dialog (though certainly not always), I may set things down in this state with out consciously experiencing it in a 'solid' way, it can be described as ‘hazy’ - I may go as far as to call it subconscious act.


When I need to find said item, I usually try to retrace my steps but I often 'draw a blank' (this metaphor is telling) as to where I may have set this particular object down. When I find it in the physical sense, the 'memory of' setting it down often follows (this is frustrating).


I have also witnessed my hands pulling items out of my pockets and setting them down with out my will - though his could be a separate issue */


Much of what we do (we being humans) does not seem to be consciously experienced; much of our day is like walking. You don't think about your balance when walking because you have already built mental routines which take care of these tasks allowing you to 'set your attention' to other tasks.


It is hard to change habitual routines on your own because you never really catch your self in the act, but with work you can alter many aspects of your life, some of which may help with your memory issues. ;)


With that said I will now continue the search for my cell phone… :D

As a side note I have had the expierience of looking high and low for somthing before realizing I had it in my hand the whole time. Yes, I know. But it happens ;)

I can certainly relate to this! I returned to uni this year after (I flunked out nearly 20 years ago) and this time I am doing a lot better. I finally got diagnosed last week and I started on Dexamphetamine just yesterday. The thing I found most frustrating is the fact of not being able to find what I need to do a task or simply forgetfulness in general. It is embarassing to be told at the age of 39 to "remember where you put stuff" etc etc. Not to mention the problem of procrastination!

The second most frustrating thing I was experiencing was when I simply "zone out" and lose awareness of where I am - imagine how embarassing it is to "come to" at the end of my shift at work only to find out that elmost everyone else left half an hour before! I am now taking my phone to work on "vibrate mode" with an alarm set for my finishing time to avoid this happening. At the same time, with my midsemester tests the zoning out seems to have worked for me as the only one (of 4) that I did not zone out was the worst mark I got for any of them (70%)!
I ended up returning to uni as the place where I was working had been putting me through a disciplinary process for things like (allegedly) "talking too loudly on the phone" and repeatedly interrupting into conversations which I am starting to understand is part of the problem with ADD. The big change in circumstances has helped with my depression (I am massively happier now than where I was working before) but in the long run I am going to be better off with my Commerce degree and rebuilding & developing my Mandarin language skills with it. This semester has been very easy for me but I am also worried aboout when it gets harder, but I think the best way is to just let things happen as they will and deal with it when I reach that problem! I hope that somebody can get something out of my experience!

People often don't believe that I have poor memory because I have such a good long term memory where I can remember lots of details that others can't remember.

I just say that I don't remember things in the same way that others do. My brain just has a different type of filing system (sort of like an unorganised filing system) and I have trouble finding the memory when I need it because I don't know where I have stored it. But when it goes into my long term memory, I know exactly where it is.

Weird stuff. :D