Would like to ask about Sex and ADD and just affection in general and ADD.....

I'd really love to hear what other ADDers have to say about this subjects.

If you do have any problems in these areas that you feel are because of ADD?

From what I've read it is an ADD thing to have these kinds of troubles. Let me tell ya it sure did help me to find out it was ADD that was causing me trouble in these areas......

Thanks,
P.

I have had a number of issues with my marriage directly related to my ADD, as well as to how I have dealt with my ADD. My disorganization, impulsiveness, and emotional swings really irritate my wife. I have used Ritalin but don't like it. I took large doses (35 mg) of Prozac for 20 months which evened out my mood swings and my wife said I was more predictable but I felt and acted like a zombie. From time to time I was self-medicate using alcohol and cocaine.

As for sex, my ADD causes me to be obsessive about sex and use it to alter my moods, This has meant a drop-off in real intimacy.

Currently my wife and I are separated - which has broken the cycle of behaviors that have built up over 14 years - but we see each other daily and are working through the communication difficulties caused by my ADD and addictions

I too have had my share of problems in my marriage, and I am man enough to admit that at least some of those problems stem from my ADD. I'm not using it as an excuse, but rather, identifying a root cause from which I can work on addressing the issues I can remedy. ADD is clearly not the only thing going wrong in my marriage...but its something I can work on.

Originally posted by BIG
ADD is clearly not the only thing going wrong in my marriage...but its something I can work on.

This is a real key issue, I think, especially for us AD/HD'ers. I often get so overwhelmed I can't see the forest for the trees. Trying to sort out which are things I have control of and what things I don't is a real issue for me.

Physical affection is something I like, just like other humans. But, because of my Sensory issues and distractability, I respond angrily when suddenly smothered while trying to work on something, say at the computer or doing dishes .It's upsetting to my husband but it's also a real issue for me. I need to be eased out of work or whatever ,not yanked back into their world. Nothing will tick me off faster than trying to discuss work on the phone and someone is talking, the tv is loud etc. There are plenty of times I have said "Hold on" to my phone caller and hollered til I had quiet.Not conducive to friendly relations on the home front, by any means.

I can't fix my husbands issues, of which there are plenty, but I can get up every day and say today i will try my best to be the best person I can be. Something someone has suggested I do to help with my daily anger towards my husband is to do something nice for him every time I 'm angry. I still allow him the pleasure of knowing Im angry but I am feeling less and less resentment daily by doing these small kindnesses.

That's a great strategy, Cris. Hrmm...perhaps that might work in my marriage. I know I only touched on one area of my life, but hopefully I can draw from experiences such as yours to better my own marriage. Thank you so much for sharing. :D

Your welcome **S**

Can relate to the sensory thing from your husband point of view laffy,My husband is also the same,although tactile when he instigates it,I know not to approach him for a quick cuddle while his mind is occupied or stop him in his tracks while he is on task,he gets a clostraphobic feeling and panics,resulting in almost pushing me aside,I know him now and why he does this, but my add daughter is exceptionally clingy, she cant take this kind of rejection, and even if I explain to her over and over ,I dont think she will ever be able to control her impulse to cuddle him at random

Well, I guess I'll put my two sense in. I'm Christine. New to the forums. Not new to ADD.

I think that's all I have left about now. My husband has the patiece of Job or at least the tries to. I am taking Zoloft which leaves me with an "I just couldn't care less." feeling about being affectionate most of the time. I am also very fatigued by the onslaught of worries and tedious things I try to accomplish. My house is a wreck. There are piles of papers and toys and crafts everywhere. There is a money problem because I have been laid off twice in 2 years. We have a space problem also. Just a two bedroom apartment. We have no washer or dryer, so the task I always procrastinate about is washing clothes. I am a speech therapist, but not good with paperwork, which all the doctors and insurance companies want. Gosh. I'm just a lil jewel. An opal, lots of flaws but I am a real gem when it come to going the extra mile to help others. I just need to work on putting my hubby first. Well third. I've been reading in the book Scattered, that I need to understand my first nature and to get my needs met, before going to my second nature to help others.

Crissy,

I have found looking into the love languages helpful. I am one that needs words of affection and some physical touch. My husband is one that needs acts of service and some physical touch, but not much. My mom keeps telling me to have a date nite type thing, but, alas I am not able to do most things consistently yet.

I also tell my husband what I want him to say. When he acts oppositional, I say "Repeat after me", It is what I need. As Dr. Phil says on his show, " Stop complaining and start requesting." Maybe you can have a code or there are a few types of touch that you enjoy. My husband likes deep pressure touch. So I am sure not to tickle.

I suppose I have rambled on long enough. I was nice posting. I accept any and all suggestions.

Christine

Originally posted by kitty_kaht
Can relate to the sensory thing from your husband point of view laffy,My husband is also the same,although tactile when he instigates it,I know not to approach him for a quick cuddle while his mind is occupied or stop him in his tracks while he is on task,he gets a clostraphobic feeling and panics,resulting in almost pushing me aside,I know him now and why he does this, but my add daughter is exceptionally clingy, she cant take this kind of rejection, and even if I explain to her over and over ,I dont think she will ever be able to control her impulse to cuddle him at random

Kate...

If I was there I would kiss you!! You just helped me figure something out that's been plaguing me for some time....and I couldn't put it into words. Now I just need to figure out how to fix it. Thank you :)

Thank you, Christine. I will keep these things in mind and attempt some communication.

Hi everyone..I too am new to this forum but having read a bunch of posts etc,i am quite impressed with the candid nature off all participants.A word about ADD and intimacy.I find that i go to extremes.when i am affectionate i am very affectionate and open and giving,but then at some point its like a switch flips and i need to be alone and have lots of "space" almost feels like i start losing myself in the relationship.many relationships have ended because of this on/off thing of mine but slowly i have learned to communicate to my parteners that i am someone that needs time occasionally.when i deliberately take time before my "switch" goes "off" i find it never goes off completely like before.intimacy is very overwhelming sometimes....taking a little break occasionally even while its "on" keeps me balanced and not so "fickle"(as it has been called by those close to me)

I'm almost exactly the same way with the cycles of intimacy.

I'm also starting to think that some of my sexual difficulties may be due to ADD, because, to put it delicately, there are times when it's NOT GOOD for your mind to be wandering and thinking about Iraq, your job, or whether or not you locked your car...

ty scatterbrain for describing what has haunted me in relationships to this point, extremes is right on target. I, too, will communicate to my partner that I need time occaisionally. I want to make sure that the time elapsed is not so great that my partners sense indifference. I think the shock for them is when I am 'on' I am quite attentive. But when I slip into the internal place I am not even on this planet. Note: Since I was officailly dx'ed and began treatment I have not been in a relationship, I am hoping that treatment and awareness makes the key difference.

I can totally related and sometimes I just don't know how my husband deals with me...lol

There are times when I just don't want to (or can't) be touched at all. Sometimes it's because I am hyperfocusing on something else and other times I am just so everwhelmed and exausted from everyday life.

I think at first my husband thought it was him. After 7 1/2 years together he's realized it's just one of my many "quirks".

I am VERY new to ADD and I can't tell you how amazing it is to see so many people talking about the very things that have made me think there was something very wrong with me. Not to say these things still aren't a problem, but at least there are others going through the same stuff. The relationship "switch" I have been doing for 10 years now. No relationships over three months or so....One minute I am totally infatuated and giving...then SWITCH....their touch makes me feel smothered and I can't stand to be near them. I have to break it off immediately because I don't know what else to do. I've hurt several really nice men in the process....but instead of feeling bad....all I feel is relief.

I'm so glad you are here. This is my first post, but likely not my last. I live in San Francisco..does anyone know of any support groups or anythign I could go to around here?

Thanks!
Barbara

wow this makes me feel a lil young, i can relate though.

I'm on my should be second year of college but i took a year off after high school. I'm 20 yrs old I have Add of course, predominatley innatentive and i got put on adderal for the first time ever a few months back and it has medial sucess in the classroom and makes a world of difference in me socially and emotionally
i'v only been in one brief relationship about a year back after struggling through high school to find someone and graduating not evan really knowing intamacy. I suffer from very low self esteem and bouts of depression and sometimes it was almost too much to take and thought about suicide alot. Finally i had found someone who seemed to give all the love i'd killed to give all those years and evan though i was out of work and out of school and had little else goin on in my life i was finally happy. Also now that i look back on it i may have been self compensating for what i felt like i was missing all those years so we had sex almost constantly which wasn't the best thing since the girl was still in high school and we only saw each other on weekends. There was alot of intimacy but now i wonder if maybe i should'v showed more and just proved how much i cared and that i wasn't only after sex because it didn't last real long.
Because of the age difference it probably wasn't meant to last real long but i do wonder if i was being obsessive over sex evan though i prob wouldn't have been as much if we had had more chances to see each other.
Well now i'm in college and working but basically am back where i started and it seems like the relationship i had was just a one in a million occurance cuz it seem to just come out of nowhere and came effortlessly and didn't seem to break the ice and teach me all the things about the opposite sex i thought that it would. Sometimes i fear it might not ever happen again.
God help me i'm just shy at first. I'm not flirty If i ever tried to be i'd be affraid i'd just come off as stupid and immature or evan worse cross the line and offend someone. This is the kind of over thinking and self abusiveness i'v lived through for years and sometimes it's like i can't reprogram my self. I'm so much more social when on medication but still have trouble over coming shyness and self esteem and still have trouble meeting people.
Sometimes it seems like everyone else is in the fast lane moving through life while i'm in the slow lane taking in the sights. I wouldn't want it any other way but sometimes it get's rough when ppl are passing u by like my gf who apparently was ready to move on when i wasn't. Or in the way i try to keep my little group of friends from high school togeather and have trouble dealing with change and that some of them have moved on and found new friends and interests but i'm still basically the same outside of a few new friends...Can someone please help me......AT

I didn't manage to read all of these yet (add kicks in right away) but I am very concerned for those of you take an anti-depressant and have an "I don't care" attitude. That is an indication that you are taking too much. I have been through everything all of you have described- the mood swings, not wanting to be interrupted when I'm obsessing oversomething, all the usual stuff. (people refer to me as a pinball!!:rolleyes: ) I too take prozac- 40 mg and I bounce off the walls as much as ever. But atleast the moodswings and occassional irrational anger are under control. As for intimacy, I had to learn how to make time and clear stuff from my head because it was ALWAYS the last thing on my mind and came close to damaging my marriage. Fortunately, the prozac helped that alot. Usually antidepressants don't. they have the opposite effect. So be careful of that too.

What it comes down to is open communication with your family and doctor and setting a standard for you own life. Of course it took me 37 years to come up with this very simple answer, and occassionally still have trouble practicing what I preach!

Good luck to you all-

Barb

I will add my comments based on being on the other side of the coin. I am married to an ADD man and one of our issues in our struggling marriage is lack of intimacy, sex and intimate conversation.

I have always been a very sexual person. Unfortunatley, in ten years of marriage, my husband has initiated sex only four times. He doens't agree with this and actually gets angry when I say this. Some people would say that it didn't matter in the end who initiated it as long as we were still having sex. It does matter. I feel like I am no longer attractive to him. I feel resentful that I have to be the one letting him know that I am in the mood.

He says that he has tried and that I have turned him down so he is afraid of being rejected again. This is part of our struggles - his going to the extremes with things. Like in any marriage, there are times when I wasn't in the mood. There were times where it was obvious that I was tired or would not want to and he chose not to ask or let me know so this becomes, in his head, my rejecting him.

When we do have sex, it is not intimate loving sex. He truly has a problem being intimate (loving, cuddling, affectionate) with me. I have spoken to him about it and he says he doesn't know what to do. He is afraid of doing the wrong thing. How do you connect with a person who is afraid to kiss wrong or touch wrong. I know it's not his fault. He over-analyzes everything in his head before he attempts to say or do something. This often results in the moment being gone.

He's been on Dexedrine for over a year but has only been officially diagnosed with ADD three weeks ago. That story alone is unbelievable but not for this thread.

Any thoughts?
Elizabeth

[QUOTE]Originally posted by barbiedoll9218
[B]As for intimacy, I had to learn how to make time and clear stuff from my head because it was ALWAYS the last thing on my mind and came close to damaging my marriage.

I'm not sure how to reply to a specific person, but this is for elisabethisme.

My husband used to just start touching me. He showed me what he was wanting. he never quit trying. I rejected him plenty of times, but he kept trying and frequently got my attention. my mind wasn't there, but he managed to distract me. From my own experience, I would say that you need to keep initiating and lead by example. alot of men are not open to the spoken suggestion, but actions really work. Improvement won't come quickly, but trust me it's worth the work. Good luck to you.

This is a geniune question, and I've often wondered about it, but what exactly is intimate conversation?

I guess since I posted that phrase I will explain what I meant by it.

For me, intimate conversation is about talking about each other - our philosophies, our dreams, our fears, our joys, etc.

To take it further, in my case, I would like my husband to ask me about me. Questions about my childhood, my feelings about all of this, what I need, etc. We always seem to revert to talking about him and his background but he doesn't ask me anything about me unless it has to do with daily happenings.

This is something that is missing in our relationship and I am reading that it seems to be common with couples with an ADD partner.

As much as I try to understand that it is something he can't control, it is still difficult for me to live with the fact that my husband and I will probably never be able to share.

Elizabeth



Originally posted by misclee
This is a geniune question, and I've often wondered about it, but what exactly is intimate conversation?

Oh, thank you. I completely understand. I hate to see anyone say never, though. Have you tried couples counseling or anything like that? I think for anything to change in a marriage, both participants need to be willing to do whatever it takes.....do you feel that he would be willing?

Maybe he's afriad to share. We as ADDers think differently than non-ADD people and many times our thoughts seem way out there to the rest of you.

Have you read either of the books listed at the top of this forum?
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=295

I do the same conversation thing. I always wind up bringing it around to what everything has to do with me. I can't see myself having conversation about future dreams- I just do it. I'm too impatient. As for philosophies, we rarely discuss anything like that because as far as I'm concerned, we figured all that out before we got married, so what's the point of going over it again. I say all this to give you an idea of how we as ADD'ers think. We need "do" not "think". What you ask may be beyond his ability right now. And we don't always understand that about ourselves. I tend to wind up just feeling bad knowing that again I was not good enough for the man that I love more than life and that I have disappointed him and not done enough for him to make him happy. Try to understand that it is not you that is the problem, he needs time to learn about ADD and how it manifests in him and how to balance that with life as he knows it.

I do understand now that it is something he can't control. I have done so much research on ADD in the last few months. I realize that if I am to continue to be with my husband, I will have to change the way I react to him. That's not an easy pill to swallow when the other partner continues to be the same. But, I understand it is something I must do.

The one thing I am struggling with, though, is the lack of affection. Again, because I feel I am the only one reaching out to him all of the time. It is normal for me to want him to initiate affection towards me once in a while. It's easy to say "that's the way he is and he can't control it" and "don't take it personally". I don't take it personally, it is just human nature to want to feel loved. When your partner can't show affection to you, it doesn't matter that it's because of the ADD, you still crave and need it.

We are working through this but it is difficult for both of us. These forums are helping me understand his struggles enormously.

Elizabeth


Originally posted by barbiedoll9218
Try to understand that it is not you that is the problem, he needs time to learn about ADD and how it manifests in him and how to balance that with life as he knows it.

elizabethizme
Being the ADD male in a similar situation my comment about the affection would be that I show my affection in my own way which isn't what me wife allways wants . I would believe she shares with you on this one.

I am reminded of the book "You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?" when it comes to the issue of affection.

Somewhere in there it mentions that ADDers are often like bottomless pits. (pg. 55 in my book) We want more and more and more and never seem to be satisfied. There's a picture of an ADDer with several mouths and he's holding a fork in one hand. That just cracks me up! LOL!

I guess it's funny because I can relate. Now I do crave affection but I also reach a saturation point where I need to isolate for a bit.

In any case, we ADDer's do tend to be bottomless pits, IME.

Elizabeth,

First I want to address the idea of your acceptance of your husbands issues. I hate the idea that someone may have given you the impression that acceptancewas for HIS sake. It isnt. We accept for our sake. Its to save your sanity and sense of worth. I am the add person in my relationship. I am the one who has to be reminded, I am the one who shows love "differently" and while that all fine and good, I cant beleive that the relationships are all about ME. The great "I am" A partnership is two way.We do things we wouldnt normally think to do, not because we want to BUT because our partner flourishes because of it. I am by no means inciting a riot in your relationship, I just sometimes grow weary of the "I'm add" reasoning we use. ADD certainly does not excuse selfishness. I work on it constantly. I am self oriented, domineering, (stop me at any time guys) pushy etc. While my disorders and history may explain WHY I am so, does not mean I can treat people as dolls I bring down off a shelf when I want to play and put back up when I grow bored.Hugs tp you elizabeth, honest heart felt hugs. Your weeriness came through your posts. AS did your kindness. Your husband is a lucky man.

Because we have many different issues we deal with in our relationship, I'm not sure if they are ADD related or not, but hopefully this gives some insight just in the chaos of relationships in general.
My wife and I also have difficulty with intimacy. She states that I don't open up enough and I feel she is either 100% ON or OFF. One of the issues we have discovered is that we have two very different views of intimacy. I grew up in a extremely chaotic and innattentive environment. My parents loved me, but didn't really know how to show it. Being one child in seven didn't help either. So to me, intimacy is attention and showing respect by giving attention to my requests. For example, I feel slighted if I ask my wife to pick up her clothes in the bedroom and she never does. It feels as though she doesn't care that this is important to me. I know that isn't the case and it's simply due to her ADD, but it takes me back to the point when I felt ignored as a child. My lack of "openness" comes from lack of emotion. Growing up in pure chaos of a divorced home, alcoholism, personal issues with the "step" family members, etc... I learned to become the peacemaker by giving up my personal emotions. You can't be a peacemaker if you are too busy pulling your hair out, crying or screaming because of the hell around you. You have to push all that emotion deep until you forget its there and it simply sits and festers, coming out only in your worst days or nightmares. Not a road I suggest for anyone! Needless to say, recognition and correction of a problem are different indeed. I'm still working on the fear of rejection and chaos that I feel will come about by being open with my other emotions and thoughts.

Not able to speak totally for her, these are by guess-timates on her side. I know she feels intimacy is those things you mentioned above, sharing of intimate thoughts, fears, desires, etc... This stems from her childhood of abuse and rejection by her family. Her tendancy to be 100% ON or OFF comes from her ADD since this also carries over to other area's. For example, she is never "just a little warm or cold", she is nearly ready to die from hot or cold!! She is never, "just a little hungry for a snack", she is famished or not hungry at all. See the pattern, its always 100% or 0% in everything. This includes sex. While most people would say, "and the problem is what..??" :) It is tough. For example, I may be involved in something important and she wants me to drop everything and run upstairs. If I don't, she feels rejected. If I tell her to give me a little while to finish, she tend to feel rejected and then a little while later, she is now in the 0% stage, which makes ME feel rejected. Pretty cruel cycle, huh! We recognize this most of the time and I think we are working it.

I would suggest to look to your husband and see if he is doing things for you that just simply aren't YOUR definition of intimate or caring. Think of it as different languages, he might be telling you that he loves you but you aren't hearing it because its not in the language you know.

An example if this that we've discovered is that I do 95% of anything she asks. Let me explain before everyone thinks I'm a lapdog! :) I mean that if she gets frustrated because I don't rinse my coffee cup, than I debate if it's an important battle. Since it doesn't hurt me to rinse it out rather than simply place it in the sink, I make it a priority to respect her wish and do so. This means that I have actually turned the car around after pulling out of the driveway because I remembered that I forgot to do so. Course this is if I have time before work. I'm not saying risk life important things for things that can wait. I'm simply saying that my intimacies is by giving her 100% of my respect and attention as long as it doesn't hurt me.

That is always important to keep at the core of any disagreement I think. Respect and love your partner only second to yourself. If their requests are harmful to your personal respect and love than really consider if it is good to do. Other than that, do what ever they wish. Even though is seems petty to you, it must be important to them.

Why do all my posts ramble for so long....

:confused:

They go on because you have something of incredible value that we need to hear :) Thanks so much for yet another awesome post. You said succinctly what I was unable to...thank you so much. Your talking about your history and needs helped me name mine and helped me see my husbands a little clearer............he's still wrong though..... Im kidding Im kidding!!:D :cool:

Originally posted by Robert
Her tendancy to be 100% ON or OFF comes from her ADD since this also carries over to other area's. For example, she is never "just a little warm or cold", she is nearly ready to die from hot or cold!! She is never, "just a little hungry for a snack", she is famished or not hungry at all. See the pattern, its always 100% or 0% in everything. This includes sex. While most people would say, "and the problem is what..??" :) It is tough. For example, I may be involved in something important and she wants me to drop everything and run upstairs. If I don't, she feels rejected. If I tell her to give me a little while to finish, she tend to feel rejected and then a little while later, she is now in the 0% stage, which makes ME feel rejec

Robert: Great post....much wisdom and insight....as Crissy said, I too learned a lot from reading this....I SO relate to the on/off; 100%/0% thing. I see it as "livng in the extremes" or the "all or none" concept. It's either black or white...in between never happens. And I know for me the reason I tend to live and think this way in many areas of my own life is that -- having also grown up in a diffcult home (to say the least) as both you and your wife have -- it seems that "extremes" are the only way I have learned to cope. The growing up experience itself was all extremes. Like my father was always totally drunk or totally sober. He was either totally raging or not....so those extremes become comfortable and safe. Because gray areas were never witnessed in my household (I never saw them anyway with regard to anything), gray areas are not part of my thought process or comfort level. I think this is true of many difficult homes...children learn to see things as black and white...and so the challenge in recovery and healing is to start to see things as a little good or a little bad, for example. Not all bad nor all good. A little cold or a little hot. WARM? This is not easy....

I also appreciate Robert your willingness to be totally flexible..and unselfish for the sake of your marraige...if your wife wants something done and you know it won't hurt you....you do it...I don't see that as being a "lapdog". I see it as being a VERY supportive and flexible partner...who trying to make things work...knowing it will please her, etc.:)

Interesting posts on ADD and relationships. I am coming to the conclusion, maybe false, so please correct me. The conclusion I am reaching, at least for myself, is that there is an amazingly high incidence of abusive or difficult disfunctional family history in my past, as well as in the past of many with ADD - not all, I'm sure. I also have noticed that I have trouble processing all the old crap, and end up road blocked in the present. the question I am beginning to ask, is what part of ADD is the neurological erfect of memory and processing data, and what part of ADD is the supression of memory of bad experiences, and the difficulty with emotional processing? In other words, I see two sides to the ADD - neuro and emotional. granted, emotional may eventually come back to neuro, but it seems for me, a predominant amount of my "stuff" is emotinal processing. People think I'm highly functional and communicative in the emotional arena, but I know myself and I know my blocks are not just ADD in the neurological sense.

Does anyone else get the feeling they also have trouble processing their feelings, and the feelings stick around much longer than necessary and get in the way?

I'm highly sensitive, overly sensitive in some ways, but I avoid that terminology, because it does not respect the validity of my own emotions.

So, how does this affect relationships? Well, in my own relationship, there is transference of unresolved issues from my family of origin onto my current family of choice. I learned a method of dealing with things in my family of origin that was unhealthy, and I am trying to re-learn new ways in my family of choice. Is that ADD? I don't think so, but maybe indirectly ADD may make it harder for me to find the line between what I learned in the past and what I am living in the present, thus causing more false cross-over between the two experiences.

Certainly a project for some research.

I use psychodrama as an action therapy method to resolve the past and bring me back to the present, so I can live joyfully and in the present moment. I am highly recommending psychodrama to all people. It has occurred to me, that since I see the ADD as somehow confusing the past and present, that persons with ADD might benefit even more from psychodrama.

Just some thoughts. I will add an excerpt from my psychodrama diary which will lend some more insight into the way the past and the present are worked on in psychodrama.

You might have to move this post as it only lightly touches on relationships.....

Jonathan

I have no trouble giving affection (family, friends), it's getting it in return. Having only my mom & grandmom basically to learn from in formative yrs, being affectionate was not a daily part of life. I didn't realize hugging/kissing in any way was a good thing till I got into junior high & watched relationships forming. Then I exploded into life. I chased every guy around & I was one of the few misfit/nerds that everybody poked fun of. Nowdays, hubby is so worn out from being a workaholic to keep up with the Jones' I only get touched when he's in a good mood.

To continue: For the half of my marriage hubby knew that if I was on coke, crystal, etc. I'd be a 'cat in the sack', & that if I'd been drinking he wouldn't get much of anything so he really played me. A situation came up that very nearly destroyed our marriage & I got clean/sober (@ his insistance). After cancer scare & following turmoil with me being out of work. our love life went south. In recovery I am still learning to like/love me & truly enjoy when my son wants or needs moms affection. He lifts me right off my feet. I still crave hubby's arms around me or spontaneous kiss but in Gods time not mine. I do tend to shout out my needs from time to time.......

Well, all I know is that for me...I NEED sincere affection...and I also give it very freely. This has always been a problem with me in relationships....when there is not enough of it. Both physical and psychological.

I actually don't recall ever experiencing a switch in this, unless I just plain didn't want to be with a person anymore.

Jaime