I suspected that my fiance was taking my adderall because it just kept looking like their were fewer pills in the bottle than should be there. I counted them and then checked my calendar a few times and it seemed as if I would run out before my psychiatrist appointment-- I don't always take the full amount every day and sometimes I skip days, so I should have extras. Then I kept wondering if maybe I was confused, miscounted, etc. I started writing down how many were in the bottle each day and I am absolutely certain that when I do take it I never take more than 2 (the prescribed amount).

Anyhow, my fiance has had drug and alcohol problems, but mainly with prescription opiates. I was worried that he would take it when the psychiatrist first gave it to me, but he kept mentioning how amphetamines make him crazy, etc. I mentioned to him that it would cause a fatal reaction if taken with the meds he takes (wellbutrin, lexapro, hyzaar, lipitor and propecia)-- I totally made the fatal reaction thing up, but I figured fear of dying would work. I realize fully that at this point anyone reading this must think I'm a total idiot. I certainly feel like one.

I left the bottle in the kitchen cabinet and didn't think about it until I thought to count the pills. I can't tell that he's taking it via his behavior, as he gets up to go to work at 1:30 am. He is often sleep-deprived as his schedule makes it difficult for him to get enough rest. I'm pretty sure that he's taking it to stay awake better, feel less tired, etc. at work. By the time he gets home at noon, it's worn off, so I would have no way of telling. I know I probably should have hidden the pills, given his past history, but I didn't want to feel as if I had to live like this in my own home.

At this point, I am absolutely livid with him. I haven't mentioned it to him yet as I am figuring out the best approach to take. Otherwise, we get along very well-- it's just the drug/alcohol thing that has caused problems. He started going to AA, but hasn't been going. I suggest that he might want to go, but I know that it is not my responsibility to take care of him, be his rehab, or tell him to do anything. It is up to him to decide to make the change and to stick with it. It is also up to me to decide what sort of behavior I will or will not tolerate.

I am furious because I have a legal prescription to it because I have ADHD and it helps me greatly. My life has changed dramatically for the better since starting on it a month ago. I was very worried about it at first because I have a paralyzing fear of becoming a drug addict. Fortunately, I do not get high from it-- it just calms me down and enables me to sit still and focus. I do not feel any withdrawal or craving if I don't take it, so I'm starting to let go of the fear of being addicted.

My anger with regards to this situation stems from the fact that I feel violated that he would abuse something that is not his. I don't take it every day as it is my choice not to, but if I wanted to, the psychiatrist says it's fine, so I should have that right. At this rate, I think i'll run out at least a week or so before my next doctor visit-- which is fine; however, he has taken away my option to make either choice.

I am going to discuss this situation further with my psychologist-- my psychiatrist doesn't seem terribly interested in all my rambling details, so I probably won't even bother. Any advice from someone who may have encountered this situation or a similar one would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to mention anything until I've decided how to calmly approach it (this is new for me, I have been making a conscious effort to try to think things through and not scream and yell). We'll just see if I'm able to restrain myself at noon when he gets home!!!!

I wouldn't be able to continue the relationship under those circumstances. I would think that if you look for other ways he's fooled you, you'll find 'em. He's dishonest, and he's stolen you med knowing that first of all, you need it, and second, if you allow this to continue your doctor could well refuse to continue prescribing it. He's not able to see past his own craving for it, and your needs don't matter to him enough to not steal your Adderall. I don't think that's going to change.
Talking to your psychologist won't change that. This isn't about you.

A lot of this does have to do with you and how you are dealing with this. Talking to a mental health professional about this issue sounds like a positive step to me.

OK, first, is there a rule about men reading and replying in here? I feel like I might able to share some insight from the other side, and wonder if that is useful on occasion...

I definately think talking to the shrink is part of this- for one, if you didn't handle this him the therapist, s/he might think *you* have begun abusing them and are blowing through your supply a lot faster than you should. I just mean you should address it, and with honesty.

I don't know what to say about his behavior. I mean, I feel I can see his motivation, don't quite agree with the "dump him" attitude, but ... yeah. It's bad, and could escalate. What about him getting another job? I know that sounds easier than said, but I sure as hell couldn't work a job 1:30 AM-Noon, and thus, I don't. It might be hard for him to find a job that pays as well, but it might be a must. And hide the pills. Talk to him about it. I don't know the guy, but have known a lot of opiate and drug addicts. Most of them are good people with real problems in their head. Not an excuse, but it gives more hints to their motivations that might at first be apparent- I mentioned in a thread I sort of impulsively lie about the dumbest things. To my wife, it is pain and betrayal, but to me it is something I say out of hand and forget I said, no planning and no hurt meant. Also, no excuse. With me, my wife and I just came to the agreement that I just tell her later I did it and what the truth is, or that I didn't want to talk about it.

Believe me, not saying to not be ****ed at him, but things might be a lot more complicated in his head than they appear to us. That said, maybe they're not- some people are unredeamable drug fiends who feel naught but selfishness, and usually it takes some kind of sociopath to pull that off. Is your fiance that kind of person?

OK, I ramble.

OK, first, is there a rule about men reading and replying in here? I feel like I might able to share some insight from the other side, and wonder if that is useful on occasion...No there is no rule against that fellow worker :) in fact I think many times men can offer an "other side picture" that the women will value. Of course you must also expect to see women in the men's areas, too.

Hi ADHDogWalker,

I'm not sure what kind of replies you are seeking specifically, but I will share that I very much identify with BOTH your and your fiance's experiences.

First - I have been addicted to many substances in varying degrees over the years. I have never been arrested, and I have never been social about it. I was the kind of drug addict that was EXTREMELY in-the-closet about it (if ya know what I mean). I grew up rather shy and afraid and nervous and kept to myself a lot. I was pretty much what you'd call a quiet "good" girl.

I was a very dedicated Catholic, and attended Mass weekly. I even considered becoming a nun in 10th grade. Around that time, I had a long-term boyfriend that I loved like crazy. And I would anguish over the times I behaved "inappropriately" with him (making out, stuff like that). My counscience was my closest companion. I would never (and have never) shoplifted, even if starving. However - I would take a few of someone else's prescription pills without giving it a second thought. (DOES THAT MAKE SENSE????? NO!!!)

I don't know WHY I never felt guilty about the STEALING aspect of it. If I worried about it at all - it was more the fact that I was being like an ADDICT - which was sinful. But, then again I'd rationalize that alcohol is a drug - and drinking alcohol isn't a sin in the Catholic church, blah, blah, blah . . . etc. Plus - where else would *I* get a prescription pill? The only way to get the pills would be from someone PRESCRIBED THEM. And you KNOW they most likely will think you are STRANGE if you ask them for one or two. So - you can't do that. Only thing you CAN do is sneak one or two. They won't notice anyway, so no harm done (or so my twisted thinking would tell me).

That is one way that even the most otherwise MORALLY CONSCIENTIOUS person might think about such behavior. It's what would go through my mind.

And - as I write this, I see why there are many reasons that someone would choose to avoid me altogether.

As the significant other of an addict, ugh . . . I've had many boyfriends, ex-husbands that were addicts. And - just as I was warned - it was an experience FILLED with heartache.

You'd think I might feel UNABLE to judge being that I was an addict too. However, the way I always JUDGED was that I was NEVER as bad as THEY WERE!!! (And, in many ways, I STILL believe I was not as BAD as they were. But - what difference does it make whether a person steals SOME of your pills or ALL of your pills??????????????)

So far, you seem to have a good understanding of what the deal is. You understand that you CAN'T CURE HIM and that none of his poor choices are BECAUSE of anything YOU have done (or NOT done, etc.). That is very important.

Part of me wants to suggest that you hide the Adderall and keep them locked. Maybe even tell him that you've decided not to take them anymore and you flushed them. HOWEVER - I am well aware that this is NOT FAIR to you. It's just that from experience I can advise that for many addicts: OUT OF SIGHT is OUT OF MIND!

So - even the discussing of whether or not you will take these meds because you're worried about addiction is something that can AWAKEN the BEAST of addiction in an addict. Simply such a conversation. And even if it's a drug the addict does NOT care for. It's a very weird thing. But that does NOT mean you must take any violations, mistreatments or abuse.

I guess I'm just trying to say that your fiance may still feel as DEVOTED and LOYAL to you as ever. For many, when even the slightest juices of addiction get flowing - it's like being POSESSED by a demon. You do things to get the drug you're craving that you'd normally NEVER do.

So sorry for what you're going through.

Sincerely,
Sue

I have to reply, because, I am in the SAME situation.

My boyfriend also has a pill/alcohol/recreational drug use problem. I understand that he is not addicted, but, he uses them to enhance his "boring" life at work and when he has nothing to do.

I know how you feel because he has stolen pills from me many times in the past as well. Of course when confronted he swears up and down that he HAS NOT TAKEN ANY!

Im hurt because he is lying.
Upset because he is taking pills that he knows I NEED.
Angry because he is making me second guess myself.
Frustrated because he would rather make my feel guilt for accusing him.

I also tried counting, and re-counting, writing down how many I have... counting the days.... and wondered if I mis counted a hundred times.

I have had to hide my pills in a new location every time I take a pill, so that he wont find them.

Its a horrible situation to be in, and I feel for you. Like someone else said, I wouldnt tell your psychiatrist about it. He might think its you. Or, stop giving them to you. There is nothing he can do about his problem.

All I can suggest it hiding your prescription and continue to count your pills. Its terrible that you cant trust him with your prescription, but, some people are more likely to abuse medications then others.

You can talk to him about it and tell him you know for a fact that he is taking them. Tell him that YOU ARE counting them and YOU KNOW everytime he takes one. Tell him you dont appreciate that he would do this to you when he knows that they are helping you. Tell him that you are disgusted with him for making you distrust him, and, that you hate the fact that he is lying to you about taking them.

Keep counting them. Keep writing down how many there are somwhere he cant see so he cant change the number. Try to keep your pills on you at all times.

Tell him to get his own. That you will not support his habit. Dont let him convince you to allow him a pill here and there.. cause he just might try.

Put a little note in the bottle that says "stop stealing my pills!!"

I guess you will have to reevaluate your relationship.

What is more important to you? Your health and your rel'p with your Doctor (being honest with him/her; your trustworthiness) -=OR=- your rel'p with this loser who steals your medicine (which helps you function in day-to-day life)?

I know what I'd choose.

Do you really want to be in a rel'p w/ someone you cannot trust? (Sort of makes the mind go wild, doesn't it: What else could he be deceiving you about? Psychopaths like this lie and lie and lie. They don't care about people's feelings or health, obviously.)

Talk to your Doctor (tell him or her the TRUTH about the Stealing), and ditch the THIEF.

You deserve better than this...

Put a little note in the bottle that says "stop stealing my pills!!"Haha while that may be effective he may just blow up at her. I remember when my boyfriend had all the evidence of me cheating lined up in a row on the table in my room while he sat on the couch in the living room saying nothing. I was so angry and embarassed that I blew up at him. So if you're boyfriend is prone to violence or bigger than you, I suggest hiding them and talking to you psychiatrist. I also like the idea of him switching jobs or shifts if at all possible because it seems it may have helped trigger his behavior again.

You might have to consider leaving him though. An addict is an addict and they can be the only ones to truely help themselves.

I got an idea- next time you get a refill, replace them with something else. Like a laxative. If it's something he'd see you do, make a point of taking one like normal. OK, maybe that's a bit of a harebrained idea.

Have you brought this up with the guy? Not saying it'll change the behavior, but maybe he needs to be seeing a doctor. Try logic- if he wants to be awake, then perhaps he could see his own dr. and discuss Provigil. If he can't be a man and get help, then maybe you are indeed better off without him.

When I take the position of "dump him" I say it not because I think he's some worthless scumbag. I mean, how can you live in constant vigilance? Whatever his good qualities are, it can't make up for this. Maybe HE needs someone who doesn't have fun pills for him to snitch.

Well, when you put it that way, I agree with you piglet. The other thing is maybe HE needs someone to dump him, even temporarily, and not think he could get her back automatically to get him to realize the magnatide of his problems and get some help for it.

Thanks for all your help! Yesterday, I went through my calendar and did the math to try to figure out how many pills he'd taken. I then used a variety of different scenarios as I wasn't 100 percent certain about how many I had left over from my previous prescription. When I confronted him, I explained that there were far fewer than I should have and that I knew some were missing. I asked him if he could help me figure out why this could be. It took a while, but he finally admitted to doing it once, and then to more than once. All I know is that I'm 5 days short till my next appointment on June 15th-- and I had about 4-6 extra when I went to see my psychiatrist last time. I told him that he needed to figure out a plan to deal with this and to let me know when he came up with one. Then I left. While I was gone, he called his sponsor from AA and made an appointment with a substance abuse counselour. I told him that he better take this seriously because I will not tolerate such things in my life. I also told him that I will in no way trust or forgive him until he makes concrete steps to deal with this problem.
My only remaining dilemma is that I am trying to write a very complex essay right now which I should have done by Friday. However, I can't take it for 5 days between now and the 15th. I've only been taking it for a month, so my dr. and I are still trying to figure out the correct dose. I feel as if I need to be taking it consistently when I go back so that I can tell him what I think the proper amount is. I skipped yesterday and figure I'll just skip it for four more days after this and then restart. I'm busy with work anyway (I'm a self-employed dogwalker, so lack of focus really doesn't matter), so probably don't have a lot of time to write between now and then anyway. I just really wanted to finish the essay by Friday (it's for a college application), but I guess I can just send it in late. I definitely made my fiance feel like **** about this part too. Any suggestions????

While there is such thing as beating a dead horse, I'm glad you've made it known to your fiancé the impact of his actions, especially the "made my fiance feel like **** about this part too" part, because sometimes folks with substance problems need that kind of connection between cause and effect. He might just have assumed you wouldn't miss them. Sometimes folks with substance problems think in terms of "it's my problem, and I'm willing to deal with the consequences." They often don't see the kinds of troubles they cause for other people, and make the connection between their irresponsibility and those troubles. So it's good he saw that he doesn't live in a bubble alone, that his chemical joyriding has cost you something real.

Let us know how it goes. I think it's a good sign he called his sponsor from AA and made and appointmen with a substance abuse counselor. I'm of the mind that it's even better if he did this without you nagging or telling him to do this, but did it on his own accord. Shows that he might be willing to take this seriously and get some help.

Not sure if you're using an XR formulation, but you might want to try taking a smaller dose- 1/2, 2/3 or 3/4 of your current dosage. How effective this be depends on each person- some people might find taking 1/2 of the dose almost as effective as a full dose, though not perfect; others might find a 1/2 dose is completely ineffectual for the effects they want. But otherwise, your watchwords are "time management" and "staying on task." :D Hard even in the best of circumstances, at least for me!

I decided to go ahead and skip the Adderall (I take 20 mg. at a time) IR, for five days. I was taking 10 mg. 2x a day, but it stopped working so my dr. told me to take 20 mg. at a time. I've only been taking it once as I wasn't sure if it was okay to take it twice or not at the new dosage. I just started on it a month ago and the dr. and I are trying to figure out the correct dose. I didn't want to be taking it sporadically when I go see him on the 15th, because then I wouldn't be able to give him an accurate assessment of how it's working and how many I need for the next month. I did leave him a message that I had some questions for him, but of course he hasn't returned my call (he doesn't seem terribly interested in speaking with me).
Anyhow, my week is a disaster. I think that I overestimated my functionality without Adderall. I am back to my normal self, i.e. laundry not done, my college essay is due today and I haven't done anything on it, so am missing the deadline completely. I lost a client's keys, figured I would clean up "later" when my jack russell raided the trash, have been at least an hour late for everything, and have wasted way too much time doing useless research on hallucinogenics on wikipedia (which is extra bizarre because I am petrified of them, have never tried them and never would). I was thinking that I could "train" myself to be functional, and that I don't need meds, but it's just not working. At this point, I think if my psychiatrist calls me back today, I'm going to tell him that my fiance took my pills and ask him if he could prescribe 2 more to make up for the missing ones.

You may not have the response you want from your doctor if you say that.He can get in trouble if he knowingly prescribed controlled substances to a person who is in the position you're in, with a person in her life who can and will and does steal them.

I would say that I lost them. And I doubt I'd get those extra pills you're talking about, unless I had a police report proving my purse was stolen, or something like that. And until I came up with a plan for dealing with the fiancee, I'd not discuss it with the doctor, unless you wanna risk not getting your prescription renewed. You can't expect him to put his license on the line like that.

Stealing your schedule II meds. If this happened at work, what would you do? Call the police and report the person. Funny how we look at these things differently when we are close to the person. I had to tell a child if she ever brought pot in our house again I would call the police and turn her in. She never did. Her little sister almost took it to school. We could have lost our house if we did not take a stand on that in the town we live in-they are hanging judges about any drug possession.

He is sick and needs help. Time for an intervention. Also, why would you want to enter a permanent relationship with substance abuser? I can only see grief in your future, not happiness. Really sit down and re-evaluate this relationship-is it healthy? why stay? what will the cost be to you?

Talk to your counselor about this and ount your meds and LOCK UP YOUR MEDICATIONS. You could get in trouble if you know he is doing this and you do nothing. It is time for you to put yourself first and make sure you are mentally and emotionally healthy.

Best to you, take care, be safe.

I am totally sickened by how many people have made excuses for the fiance's drug stealing. Hello, have we ever heard of enabling around here??

Why would you ever make excuses for this guy? Love is sacrificing oneself for the good of the beloved. If you want a marriage that will work (and it IS different once the deal is legal, and not just live-in) you MUST MARRY SOMEONE who is ABLE and WILLING to love you. Marriage is SOOO hard even with two healthy, nonaddicted, hard working, loving adults.

I am NOT saying this from hatred or lack of love -- quite the opposite, I would hate to see you wasting your life on someone who is in love with drugs, because that is, simply, what it is when you are in love with a drug addict. Drugs come first. They are the mistress, the lover, and the companion that the addict seeks. Addicts are sneaky, they lie, they cover up, they make excuses, they steal one thing, then another, they are undependable -- I could go on and on. I'm not being mean, just honest. Ask anyone who has been an addict, has loved an addict and had their life ruined, or who has been the child of an addict.

Drug addiction is a pervasive behavior that is EXTREMELY HARD TO CHANGE. I don't hear any evidence that this man is making a concerted effort to change -- if I know drug addicts (and I do), he's trying to make up so that you won't be ticked, but a real heart change is not in evidence here.

YOU are worth more than a guy who will steal a medication you desperately need. And believe me, sweetie, they don't hand out medications like Adderall easily. If your doctor thinks YOU are showing signs of drug-seeking behavior, you may lose your ability to get a prescription all together. What happens if your boyfriend keeps stealing? You'll be in the same pickle all over again.

WHY should you live in a home where you have to lock up medications from someone? TRUST is the first mantra of marriage. If you don't have it, and you marry him, you are signing up for extraordinary unhappiness that you can't even conceive of right now.

Please heed my advice. If you really love this guy, get him out of your house, tell him to get help, and don't marry him until you know for a fact he's been clean for at least a year . . . otherwise it's all talking into the wind and you will end up miserable.

Why would you ever make excuses for this guy? Love is sacrificing oneself for the good of the beloved. If you want a marriage that will work (and it IS different once the deal is legal, and not just live-in) you MUST MARRY SOMEONE who is ABLE and WILLING to love you. Marriage is SOOO hard even with two healthy, nonaddicted, hard working, loving adults.Flip that coin...and apply it to living with a person who has undiagnosed ADHD or bipolar disorder, or another form of mental illness....

I don't buy that for ONE SECOND, so don't feed me that line of TOTAL BS. I have a mental illness AND ADHD, and was a TWO pack a day SMOKER, and a TOTAL POT ADDICT (ie, there was not one day that went by without me being high, AND I lied about it), and my then-fiance told me in no uncertain terms that if I did not get help and show through my lifestyle choices and the humility to submit to interventions and medications that would change my lifestyle, there was NO WAY he would marry me.

It was then and there that I understood that not only did he REALLY love me, but he LOVED himself ENOUGH not to marry someone who REFUSED to love themselves by GETTING BETTER. And I did, and I credit him with putting his foot down. He understands my disabilities, but he would have been AN IDIOT to marry me if I had refused to get help, was STEALING from him, and only making cursory efforts to pacify him instead of GETTING BETTER.

Enabling an addict is NOT LOVE and it NEVER WILL BE.

PS, I find that a person with ADHD and/or mental illness are still able to love others and sacrifice themselves and put the needs of others first. I have never found a drug addict to be such.

I don't think the OP is planning to enable the abuser, but the choice to stay or go is hers. I would personally limit myself to sharing my experiences and state what I would possibly do, rather than tell her what she ought or ought not to do.

PS, I find that a person with ADHD and/or mental illness are still able to love others and sacrifice themselves and put the needs of others first.There are forms of mental illness that would put this contention to the test. And I DO speak from personal experience on that score. I have lost, and I have gained, depending on the attitudes of the other persons involved.

Well -- as far as that goes, I didn't tell the young woman what to do. In fact, I didn't even tell her to dump the guy. I told her to get him out of her house -- to protect her medication, her money, and her things, since people with drug addictions tend to increase their involvement with drugs and those who will steal your drugs will often steal other things to feed their addictions.

Then I told her NOT to marry him IF he refuses to be treated and get better. And I told her what she can very well expect if she stays with someone who is a drug addict and refuses to participate enthusiastically in adequate treatment.

Perhaps those who have never been in a situation with a drug addict won't understand the urgency here, but I beg anyone who has been married to an unrecovering drug addict to contradict what I wrote.

I think the initial poster with the problemmatic theiving boyfriend has been scared off from here.

It would appear she knows that what is going on is totally wrong. It makes her uncomfortable enough to come here and write about the situation. But she doesn't have the self confidence to act on her knowledge. She seems to be afraid of going it without this guy even if he is stealing her medication.

Some people need more time to get their acts together for whatever reasons. Not taking her medication, though, is a way of sabotaging herself. Because the ADHD meds will help her to think more clearly and cut through the cr*p. The meds will help her to make decisions that need to be made. That involves change. Human beings are intensely afraid of change when it will result in something new and previously unkown. And people with ADHD lack trust in themselves. Even the destructive 'same old' is better than the possibly better 'new'.

It's even possible that she doesn't comprehend or understand some of what has been written here because she's not ready to understand it. There's a sort of selective blindness that happens when people are not ready to see.

Life is complicated. I hope she finds the strength to make the right choices.

I totally agree, solitary bee.

When I was smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day and got a spirometer test saying I was soon going to be in the first stages of emphysema, I was like, "wow, that sounds bad," but I kept smoking for years. If my husband hadn't been like, "I won't marry you if you smoke, you're cool but smoking is gross and I just can't take it" I probably would have never stayed quit.

And when I was drinking and blacking out, I was like, whoa, guess I had one too many, hope I didn't do anything too crazy (I often did, but my friends were too embarrassed for me to tell me).

I guess I can see this situation from both sides. I SO know how the person feels who is living with the addict -- AND what the addict tells themselves. "Well, she won't miss a couple and it would really help me get through the night. She's so sidetracked most the time she won't miss just a few and I'll only do it when I REALLY need it." etc. etc.

Like I said, it's not that she needs to dump the guy cold turkey, but you really do need to trust the person you marry.

I am the original poster and let me just give you all an update. I've been extremely busy as of late, hence I've not had a chance to check this forum. Anyhow, I find it quite amusing that some readers here have interpreted me as a "scared" or "timid" individual. The suppositions with regards to a naive and self-effacing character were even more laughable. I merely asked for advice because I realize that screaming and yelling in anger over what happened does not do any good. My life experience has taught me that this is not the solution. Unmedicated, I've become frustrated and done it more than once; however, dealing with things in a calm, reasonable fashion is far more effective.

Enough said on that subject, I shall give you all an update. My fiance realizes that I am absolutely serious in my statement that he will be out the door if he ever uses any substance again. He is going to substance abuse counseling with a therapist once a week and AA. Although we do plan on getting married, we don't plan on doing it anytime soon-- he makes a lot more money than I do and I would not qualify for financial aid to finish college if we were married. Furthermore, I have Medicaid and it actually covers more psychiatric/psychological visits than is insurance plan through his employer does. He knows in no uncertain terms that I will not marry him if that profound change within himself does not occur that makes him really want to stop abusing alcohol/drugs. He has not used anything since the adderall and is making the steps to deal with his addiction; however, I do not feel that that "never again" moment has come yet within himself. I have lots of experience with this as he's not the only addict I've known in my life. I have seen this change occur within people and I am perceptive enough to be able to recognize it. Every human being has their weaknesses and shortcomings-- this is his. I certainly will not enable him, but I will give him a chance (not unlimited, there is only so much I can tolerate) to deal with it. We can discuss anything openly together and we have had many, many profound conversations about his addiction problems. When he tries to make excuses for his past behavior, I have no problem telling him that I know he's doing that and suggest that he try to find a more convincing answer.

I can certainly understand that many people would be quick to judge someone's character based upon a single facet; however, we are far more complex creatures than that. I am abhorred by my fiances addiction and behaviors as a result of it. As an "addict" he is a horrible person, as a "human being" he is beautiful. While I can neither condone nor tolerate his drug or alcohol abuse, I can support him in his quest to deal with his addiction and resulting behavior. He is making a sincere effort and as long as he continues to take steps towards recovery, I am willing to be supportive of him.

And BTW. I am a true believer that honesty is the best policy. I told my psychiatrist what happened when I had an appointment with him on Friday. I explained to him that the pills were now locked up and hidden (in a different location every day). I also told him that the fiance would be out the door if this ever happened again. I ended up having a few pills left over because I skipped taking it after the 5 days I had to and I told him this. We went on to discuss what I thought the correct dose would be and he wrote me a new prescription. No problem. I decided that I should not be afraid to tell him the truth as a) I'm sure I'm not the only person that this has happened to and b) I figured that he would recognize that I was being honest. Fortunately, I was correct in these presumptions.

good for you, adhddogwalker!! It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!

Dogwalker,

I reread all the posts and I didn't get the sense that anyone was interpreting you as a scared or timid person. My sense was that most of the posters understand that love can make you blind in a situation like this, and were concerned that you take care of yourself first and foremost.

As a person with substance problems (thankfully in the past), I was and remain very grateful that my husband didn't walk out on me (although, honestly, if I had ever actually stolen from him I'm pretty sure he would have kicked me to the curb). I did change and leave the addictions behind. However, I am also very sure that addiction is a sneaky beast and I'm glad that you are giving it time to make sure that he has been healed of it before you marry him.

I’m a former addict myself and I want to shed some insight, and discuss a few things that haven’t been mentioned.

First I would like to give you kudos adhdogwalker. You’re not only tackling this head on, but trying to establish a game plan before doing so. It takes a lot of strength to do what you’re doing, and even more to kick addiction. I wish you both a lot of luck. The truth is always the best solution, once your ethics are broken, it’s easier to break them again.

Here is a quick background on me so you can get an idea of where I’m coming from, and the seriousness of my illness. I’ve known I’ve had ADD for some time, but was never diagnosed until recently. About two years ago I discovered vicodin (wisdom teeth extraction), and how it helped with my ADD. The calming effect of the drug helped me focus. I liked the effects after the “high” (usually about 90min – 4 hours) because it was hard to motivate myself to do anything during the onset – peak. Opiates are extremely addictive, and it quickly overcame me. A while later I was taking 10 Norco vicodin as my morning dose before moving over to oxycontin. I thank God I didn’t destroy my liver. I’m not explaining my level of consumption to brag, but to show how sick I truly was.

I think amiegrace was the best one to describe what addiction is so far, and the problems it can cause. A lot of people don’t understand addiction and how it works; my girlfriend being one of them.

The best definition of an addict was what I heard from Dr. Drew on Loveline (national radio show about sex/drugs based here in So Cal on KROQ). Addiction is doing something repeatedly that generates negative consequences. I can give a great example in two words - Lindsay Lohan

Your fiancé clearly has a serious problem. This was defined when you told him that your meds could kill him, yet he took them anyway. Many people don’t understand addiction because they wonder; “why the hell would they continue to do something that’s causing them so much pain in the end?” It’s truly a terrible disease, and it usually takes someone to hit “rock bottom” before making a change. Forum member “Fellow worker” had mentioned this a few posts back. This quite possibly could be throwing him out, or him losing his job. In Narcotics Anonymous (NA) they have a saying that addicts will end up at one of four end results: Jails, Institutions, Death, or Recovery. We can hope he chooses the latter, but it’s all up to him. I was lucky and my rock bottom wasn’t going to jail or losing everything. I brought myself to NA and cleaned up my act, but I am the exception to the rule. You might not have to throw him out for him to reach this point, I don’t know him, but drug addiction is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to fight.

If you do choose to have him stay, come up with a predefined set of guidelines that if he crosses them, you put your exit strategy into effect. Let him know clearly what the guidelines are; write them down if you have to. Be mentally prepared if he does break them to leave, there is no negotiations with him at this point. Hopefully it will never get to this stage, but it’s always good to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

If he continues to be clean for a period of time (verify this as often as possible, I think you can buy drug test kits at rite-aid now), and truly shows progress, I would strongly recommend going to an AA meeting with him for support. I’ve been to both NA and AA, and while they both have the same basic format, he might relate to the people at NA more. Both have a negative image about them when brought up, but it’s completely the opposite! It’s one of the most supporting environments, and it truly helps you gain ground in the battle of your life. It’s quite possible he might relapse at that point, many people do (Lindsay Lohan once again) several times before getting it. Just be prepared that this might happen, and figure out what you would do in case it got to that point. He’s already a step ahead because he has a sponsor. Make sure your fiancé is working his steps, and that he has a good sponsor. A good sponsor doesn’t always mean someone who’s just like him. It could be a tough ex-con who is going to tell it to him like it is. Try and get him to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, this usually yields the best results. It also helps to remind him that if he pursues his solution like he pursued drugs, he’ll be A LOT better soon.

In the meantime, I’ll pray for you both.

I just realized that the first post was almost 2 months ago! =X I hope this helps someone, if it doesn't help you.

I just realized that the first post was almost 2 months ago! =X I hope this helps someone, if it doesn't help you.Thank you for sharing your experience.

Why did your husband take your amphetamines? :confused:

Dogwalker, you are my hero! You are more clearheaded and assertive than I would have been able to be in that situation. Those are traits I'm trying to fortify in myself, at this late date, 28 years into my marriage. So I'm impressed. And I'm glad your psychiatrist worked with you. I'm just so happy to read all that that you posted... I mean, regardless of what happens in the relationsihp - which I hope goes well - it's a "happy ending" because all we really have is ourselves, when you get right down to it, and damn, girl, you ROCK! Your fiancee is lucky to have you. I hope he resolves his issues.

I would put the prescription away from where he can get to it.

I suspected that my fiance was taking my adderall because it just kept looking like their were fewer pills in the bottle than should be there. I counted them and then checked my calendar a few times and it seemed as if I would run out before my psychiatrist appointment-- I don't always take the full amount every day and sometimes I skip days, so I should have extras. Then I kept wondering if maybe I was confused, miscounted, etc. I started writing down how many were in the bottle each day and I am absolutely certain that when I do take it I never take more than 2 (the prescribed amount).

Anyhow, my fiance has had drug and alcohol problems, but mainly with prescription opiates. I was worried that he would take it when the psychiatrist first gave it to me, but he kept mentioning how amphetamines make him crazy, etc. I mentioned to him that it would cause a fatal reaction if taken with the meds he takes (wellbutrin, lexapro, hyzaar, lipitor and propecia)-- I totally made the fatal reaction thing up, but I figured fear of dying would work. I realize fully that at this point anyone reading this must think I'm a total idiot. I certainly feel like one.

I left the bottle in the kitchen cabinet and didn't think about it until I thought to count the pills. I can't tell that he's taking it via his behavior, as he gets up to go to work at 1:30 am. He is often sleep-deprived as his schedule makes it difficult for him to get enough rest. I'm pretty sure that he's taking it to stay awake better, feel less tired, etc. at work. By the time he gets home at noon, it's worn off, so I would have no way of telling. I know I probably should have hidden the pills, given his past history, but I didn't want to feel as if I had to live like this in my own home.

At this point, I am absolutely livid with him. I haven't mentioned it to him yet as I am figuring out the best approach to take. Otherwise, we get along very well-- it's just the drug/alcohol thing that has caused problems. He started going to AA, but hasn't been going. I suggest that he might want to go, but I know that it is not my responsibility to take care of him, be his rehab, or tell him to do anything. It is up to him to decide to make the change and to stick with it. It is also up to me to decide what sort of behavior I will or will not tolerate.

I am furious because I have a legal prescription to it because I have ADHD and it helps me greatly. My life has changed dramatically for the better since starting on it a month ago. I was very worried about it at first because I have a paralyzing fear of becoming a drug addict. Fortunately, I do not get high from it-- it just calms me down and enables me to sit still and focus. I do not feel any withdrawal or craving if I don't take it, so I'm starting to let go of the fear of being addicted.

My anger with regards to this situation stems from the fact that I feel violated that he would abuse something that is not his. I don't take it every day as it is my choice not to, but if I wanted to, the psychiatrist says it's fine, so I should have that right. At this rate, I think i'll run out at least a week or so before my next doctor visit-- which is fine; however, he has taken away my option to make either choice.

I am going to discuss this situation further with my psychologist-- my psychiatrist doesn't seem terribly interested in all my rambling details, so I probably won't even bother. Any advice from someone who may have encountered this situation or a similar one would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to mention anything until I've decided how to calmly approach it (this is new for me, I have been making a conscious effort to try to think things through and not scream and yell). We'll just see if I'm able to restrain myself at noon when he gets home!!!!
So. I have this problem to. I menchioned it to him and it just makes it easier to avoid talking about him taking them. So When I get prescription filled, I take out all but like ten pills. Then I hide the rest. when I am out of the ten, I re up from my stash. This way, he doesnt think I have many. I also dont tell him when I refill. and Recently I got my pills uped from 60 to 90. I didnt tell him that either. So I guess its the only thing I hide from him. But it is so worth it.

I agree I would hide them and hide them well. Or being the natural smart a** I am I would (if the bottle is not see thru) I would put a million tiny BB's in there and when he opens it they will spill all over the floor. I did that once when I thought a room mate was going through my pills. I found those BB's everywhere and she stopped going through my things. She never said a word about it.

All those creative ways to keep partner out of pills and I live with one who needs them and won't take them - but he doesn't steal them . I have had my pills stolen on more than one occasion - the last guy I booted out becuae that was enough. Taking my medication was a crime of oppertunity he didn't go out and try to buythe things but it is hard for some recovering addicts to have narcotic so within reach.

As an "I am sorry gift" and "I want back in your life please" I was given a safe with a sealed combination which I instantly memorized and burned. The safe was a better idea than either of us could have dreamed at the time - later my fiancee' was diagnosed with cancer I was also able to lock up the morphine, ativan ect he took.

With the medication in a heavy safe locked up I did not have to worry about curious teens and their friend trying one of those tiny mophrine pills or worse trying several and killing them selves. If you have narcotic and are going to on a regular basis might I suggest a secure heavy locking device {too heavy to be easily carried off} This extra safety precaution may be a good idea especially if children are present- no your children may not take them but they may bring in a new buddy that does - and who wants that kind of responsibility. The medical profession keeps these thing locked up and for very good reasons. My husband won't touch my adderall or xanax with a ten foot pole but I keep all but a three day supply locked up in that same safe to this very day.

The fact that he is taking your pills tells me he doesn't respect you or your diagnosis. I would wonder if the relationship has a future.

I don't want anyone around who is acting like that.

If they violate my health needs and trust that badly, what (or who) else in my life (or family) are they going to violate, when I'm "not looking"?


If someone is so messed up that they can't even self-regulate themselves enough to respect my HEALTH NEEDS (meds, etc) -- then they are a darn _liability_.

Sorry.

Creeps me out too much to be looking over my shoulder.

He probably didn't realize what he was doing. I've stolen meds before and at the time I didn't really think it was that bad...I just did it without thinking. When I saw the effect on the other person (panic attack :() I realized how bad it was and I still feel horrible about it very often. I'm not a bad guy and I was quite young at the time...It's normal for people with drug problems to slip up.

Maybe you could put your weeks supply of meds in one of those weekly drug dose things (separate containers for mon,tues,weds etc.) If he took a dose it would be so obvious it should make him realize he won't get away with it and might make him reconsider what he's doing. Just a suggestion.

A drug addict that has a bottle of pills sitting around is going to find it hard to stay away from. I think you should hide your meds well and give him another chance.

A drug addict that has a bottle of pills sitting around is going to find it hard to stay away from. I think you should hide your meds well and give him another chance.


ozchris I think you have a good point here especially when one is talking about some one who has been in recovery less than three years.

It has been my experience that the newer the recovery period the harder it is to resist the "old ways" I mean it was a bottle of pills that are known to be stimulants so it would be a "crime of opportunity"

This is not to say the person who wrote the initial post does not have a reason to be angry - they most certainly do because they have had their trust violated but did they know he had a previous drug problem before the pills were taken? I understand I would probably not have thought of it until after the fact either and when it did happen I tossed the man out of my house period.

He came clean and told me he couldn't trust himself so his answer was the safe - I am still using his answer years after his death even through my present husband has been in recovery for 14 years and I have to swear on a stack of Bibles and several relatives graves a sinus pill won't make him "high" because he is that afraid of triggering his addiction He won't take any thing that is mood or mind altering - he wouldn't even take any thing stronger than an ibuprofen when he had part of his thumb chopped off by a chain -. . . .had to introduce him to ultram {non narcotic pain medication}

So not all recovering addicts are going to steal your pills however length of sobriety {or clean time} greatly effects the chances of some one in recover relapsing.