View Full Version : hair cutting


lunaslobo
06-11-07, 07:24 AM
I can not stand to have my hair cut. It has really nothing to do with my hair being cut, as it does having the person standing that close to me and touching me. I get real tence and i just want to scream. sometimes I even start shaking. So i do not get it done very often and when I do I get it cut real short. I really think I know where this came from. It was when my dad would cut my hair as a child and every chance he could he would press into me and rub against me. so every time I get my hair cut I get flash backs to that. I was wondering is there anything i can do to mabe stop this or atleast make it more tolorable? thanks.

Crazygirl79
06-11-07, 07:41 PM
SAME HERE!!!!...as a kid I used to hate going to the hairdressers to get my hair chopped....god it was a nightmare!!! I still hate it but I can tolerate it better now!

Selena

QueensU_girl
06-11-07, 07:56 PM
Yeah. I guess someone in that set-up (paradigm) is:


(a) often standing behind us (and over us/high above us), and
(b) has a sharp potential weapon in their hands (could go for throat; ears),
(c) while we are sort of trapped/stuck in a seat
(d) we cannot flee, so we get trapped in a FREEZE response, like the "Waking the Tiger" Book's Author says.
Also,

(e) Being approached from Behind is a common stress-inducing problem for trauma survivors, Luna. :S Hard to fight when attacked from the back....
IME too, I have found that trusted people who are abusers often intrude on and touch children/vulnerable people [b]on the PRETEXT of doing some legitimate activity.

(e.g. giving baths; drying off; changing clothes; being crowded too close in an elevator.)
I recall learning about this in my Sex Offender course.
I can TOTALLY see how it might evoke discomfort. (Like the Dentist.)

Does it make a difference if you have a FEMALE hairdresser?
NB hopefully i have been able to put some words to what you might be experiencing...

FrazzleDazzle
06-11-07, 09:23 PM
Maybe a nice red wine before going in??

I had a tough go of getting my hair cut as well when little, but I've mostly outgrown it. I can practically fall asleep in the chair now. My mom had quite a time of finding someone who would work really well with me. I remember the great lady used to stand at my side for most of the session. I would really have to work on relaxing, breathing, loosening up the tensness creeping in. I must have instictively known about relaxation techniques when young, and find that making just a consious effort to relax helped me get over the heebie jeebies.

lunaslobo
06-11-07, 09:55 PM
Yeah. I guess someone in that set-up (paradigm) is:

(a) often standing behind us (and over us/high above us), and
(b) has a sharp potential weapon in their hands (could go for throat; ears),
(c) while we are sort of trapped/stuck in a seat
(d) we cannot flee, so we get trapped in a FREEZE response, like the "Waking the Tiger" Book's Author says.
Also,

(e) Being approached from Behind is a common stress-inducing problem for trauma survivors, Luna. :S Hard to fight when attacked from the back....
IME too, I have found that trusted people who are abusers often intrude on and touch children/vulnerable people [b]on the PRETEXT of doing some legitimate activity.

(e.g. giving baths; drying off; changing clothes; being crowded too close in an elevator.)
I recall learning about this in my Sex Offender course.
I can TOTALLY see how it might evoke discomfort. (Like the Dentist.)

Does it make a difference if you have a FEMALE hairdresser?
NB hopefully i have been able to put some words to what you might be experiencing...
sometimes it is easier with a female hair person, but not always. the loss of controll and the fact that a person is that close to me kind of gets to me wile sitting in the chair. and the dentist is the same way. the whole pretence of a legit activity does wonders to really take a bite out of ones trust. boundries really get blurred and what is apropriate and what is not becomes way to fuzzy. not only is it hard to fight when attacked from behind but it is hard to fight when you are being told that what the person is doing is right and that it is normal for him to be doing it. I mean why should a person feel bad about that? After all everyone gets a haircut and they dont feel that way. its all deception, tricks, and stalking behavior. It took me years to know that yes I had the right to feel that way, and that I did nothing wrong. I hope that mabe just mabe somone who may be reading this and is going thru a simmilar situation can learn something, that something i hope is that you dont have to take it. yell, scream, cry, dance, anything, but dont let some one bully you in the pretence that they are helping you. That is not the kind of help you need. sorry I went off on a tanget there, but some flood gales kind of opened up. thank you very much for your resonses. they did indeed help.:)

QueensU_girl
06-11-07, 09:59 PM
So it sounds like you need the tools/skills to (a) stay present, and (b) not get emotionally hijacked back into the past (reliving).

FrazzleDazzle
06-11-07, 10:21 PM
Everyone's "body bubble" is different, and changes in different situations. Does it help at all if you have explained to the haircutter your feelings?

Guest1
09-03-07, 10:43 PM
i cant stay still geting my hair cut is my problem

Kimmy
11-27-07, 02:33 PM
can you cut your own hair? ive been doing that for a bit.

Matt S.
11-27-07, 03:19 PM
I went to school for ten months and learned how to cut hair.

I could get a license but I don't have the tolerance to listen to people whine all day.

I am good and I learned it fast.

I know this is an old thread but I was elsewhere when the post came up.

Men make more money cutting hair statistically.