I'm posting tonite because I've finally realized that I am not a bad mother!

My daughter, 8, was recently (officially) diagnosed with ADD. She has been showing symptoms for years. I struggled with "issues" I had with her. I felt that her inattentiveness and inability to stay on task was somehow related to my bad parenting. She is bright, independent, and extremely smart; however she has always struggled in school. She was actually asked not to return to two private preschools because she was "out of control". It was at the point where I dreaded picking her up everyday because I was so worried about what the teachers were going to tell me she did wrong that day. Working full time I spent so much time talking to her about her negative behaviors, I felt I was not able to praise her and give her the positive reinforcement I knew she needed.

We tried to control her ADD with Diet, cutting out suger, limiting the processed foods, etc. NO HELP! We tried behavior charts, grounding, taking things away. I really had my mind set that she was not taking meds. I had listened to too many people who told me that parents are getting lazy and are too quick to medicate. I felt that if I went that route, then I would be judged and mostly I felt that we could handle it without them.

When she started 3rd grade, the situation worsend. She didn't have any friends, had her own "private" desk in the corner of the classroom, and started over-eating and gaining a considerable amount of weight. I lost a lot of sleep deciding what I should do. She actually helped me along when she came home from school one day crying and said,

"Mom, I am so frustrated. I want to be good, I want to listen in class. I keep telling myself to sit down and listen but I can't, it's like my body is telling me to do something and I can't stop it."

I'll never forget her tearful cry. And at that moment I realized we had to do something. I made an appointment with our family physician, who, confirmed that she was suffering from symptoms of ADD. She was very reluctant to put her on meds, but because her schoolwork was suffering she did. She was prescribed Adderall XR.

OMG! I am sooooo happy to say that this has worked wonders for my daughter. She is more calm, more attentive, she listens, her mind is not wondering. Most importantly she is happy. She has friends on the playground. I can't even describe the differences I've seen in her in the past 4 months. She has never received any awards in school to this point. At an awards ceremony for her school last week she was presented with 3 awards. Trustwortiness, Excellent Language Arts, and Citizenship Awards.

The reason I am posting my story tonite, is in an effort to reach that mother who is at her witts end. Not knowing what to do. Medication may not be right for every child, but, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER! We have to go with our instincts as parents and do what WE feel is right for our children.

ADD is not something that our children can control. It is bigger than they are; they are at the mercy of this disorder. It is nice to read these forums and know that we are not alone. Our children need us to be the loving, nurturing parents that we are in spite of this disorder. Hang in there!

Now that I've got my daughter on the right track, we can work on my Dear Husband. :)

Thanks so much for sharing your story! Many women and men here can benefit from that pat on the back :)...good luck with DH and best to all of you.

Thanks!

That is wonderful!!! Thanks for sharing with us!

Thanks for posting such a positive and "real" post!!

As I read through it, wow- it really hit home; almost bringing tears to my eyes.

I, like so many on these forums, have been through very similar situations while raising my son.

It took me several years to realize that my childs behavioral difficulties is not a true reflection of my parenting abilities!!!! It also took me several years to STOP comparing him to other "normal" children and wanting him to be like them and becoming frustrated when he was so different.

I love Him for him and would never want to change who he is. I often remind myself that I could always have a child with more severe handicaps or disease/illness, not to feel sorry for myself....I am appreciative to have a healthy child!;)

We are good parents!! Parenting a "challenging child" is very hard, most people just don't understand. They may think that they "get it" but they really don't.

I'm sure your post will help many who are going through current struggles in parenting. Thanks again for sharing your story with all of us. We are never alone:)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes.

It took some real insight and love for you to be able to hear your daughter's cry and some real courage to take the steps to help her!

Kudos to you and your daughter!

Thanks for the story. Meds can help so many kids. It is too bad that so many kids have to suffer because people are so afraid of medication. Glad it is working out for you.

Thanks so much for sharing, I can truly relate to your situation, my son was prescribed adderallxr 2.5mg a day because he is only 5 1/2. I am sitting here with the prescripition battlig myself about whats the best decision. I have been through so much with him since he turned 3 and I am truly at my wits end.

Hey Mrs Anderson,

I too wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I think many of us lose sight of what is truly in the best interest of our children if we are constantly feeling judged and criticized. Our feelings definitely do influence our decisions. We should feel proud of the job we do raising our children, it is hard work. Kudo's to you for listening to your child and following your heart.

We cannot do more then our best. And hidsight may be 20-20, but I don't have eyes in the back of my head. :p

I've told my stepdaughters more then once, "I'm doing the best I can. If I have screwed you up, then I guess I'll see you on Dr. Phil."

*hugs*
Thanks for sharing. :)

For confused82: I thought of medication as a last resort and told myself I wouldn't even consider it until my daughter started having real problems. She is now 8 and it wasn't until she came home from school crying that she felt "stupid" that I finally did something. And by then she was already behind, academically. I wish we had started medication sooner - I think we could have avoided the loss of self-esteem, tutors, etc... had we been more proactive. The cool thing about these meds is that it doesn't hurt to try them. If you don't like the results, you can just discontinue using them.

For confused82: I thought of medication as a last resort and told myself I wouldn't even consider it until my daughter started having real problems. She is now 8 and it wasn't until she came home from school crying that she felt "stupid" that I finally did something. And by then she was already behind, academically. I wish we had started medication sooner - I think we could have avoided the loss of self-esteem, tutors, etc... had we been more proactive. The cool thing about these meds is that it doesn't hurt to try them. If you don't like the results, you can just discontinue using them.

Thanks for your encouragement, I dropped his prescription off this morning, so tomorrow I will give him his first dosage, I am keeping my fingers crossed.:)

Just remember, sometimes it takes time to find the right medication, and dosage. With my son we went through Concerta (18mg, 36mg, 52mg) then switched to Addreal (16mg, 30something), Daytrana (the patch), and now are on Stratara and Tenex. It's working for now, but I know as he gets older we'll still have to tweak with the medication to keep him on an even keel.

If you're doing what you feel is right, don't let anyone talk you into feeling otherwise. :)

What a lovely post I got all choked up. I've experienced those feelings many times. No one has ever told me I was a bad parent, yet I can't help feeling that way. One thing I do a lot is compare myself to other mothers and their parenting style which to me always seems perfect. I spend a lot of time beating myself up. One thing I do know is that my children know how much I love them.
Anyway thanks again:)

my son has behavioural difficulties. i have posted a thread on here. beacuse me and his dad split up when he was two , he and his two older brothers stayed with their dad and i have regular contact. i always blame the fact that i left them for everything that they go through. i feel that maybe he has these problems because he never had as much of me as he should have. i feel so guilty and as though i have caused this somehow. my husband always says i over-compensate my three sons and spoil them and that i dont need to because we all love each other and they know i love them with all my heart. i just feel like i have failed my son and feel that if things had been different then maybe he wouldnt have these problems. im scared for the future and worried for my son.