I have several members of my family that make up stories of the past or present and truly believe them. The strange thing is several members said they were abused by someone in the family as a child. I know that these stories are not true, the sad thing is they believe it. My best friend and I were talking last week, she is trying to figure out what is wrong with her son. Then she told me her son was saying he was abused as a child. She freaked out, knowing it is not true.

I have read that people with ADHD often lie to fill in the blanks on missed information. I cannot find anything on this.

My theory is, they make these things up to justify why they feel different and act the way they do. All of them have ADD some diagnosed some not.

Has anyone run into this or think this is another condition?

Did these several family members claim to have been abused by the same family member? I am curious as to why you are so certain that the allegations are not true. This is just puzzling me, and my meds wore off hours ago, so please don't be offended and just bear with me, OK?

It is rather hard to be impulsive and a liar in my opinion. . . . . .what I think saw or did comes flying out of my mouth. . . . I do not take the time to consider how it will come out so lying is basically out of the question for me.

Liars among ADDers is about the same as it is for the general population. . .some with ADD my tell "stories" while others will be honest to a fault.


Memory such as in long term is not impaired in all of us. I for one have an excellent long term memory.

Listening to Gary and his son talk about past events would lead a casual listener to believe one was telling the truth while one was not.I heard two people telling the same story from two different angles. . . .one was remembering as an adult while the other was remembering as a child however both memories were equally valid.

I have ADD and I don’t "tell stories".



I have an older brother who was molested by a family member when he was five, when he told our mother years later she beat him for "lying".



My brother is 33 now. He can describe everything. He cries when he talks about it. My heart goes out to anyone who has been sexually abused. It’s not an issue to be taken lightly.

Did these several family members claim to have been abused by the same family member? I am curious as to why you are so certain that the allegations are not true. This is just puzzling me, and my meds wore off hours ago, so please don't be offended and just bear with me, OK?


Medications or no medications I find these to be very valid questions.

I have my doubts that half a dozen ADDer got together and planned out these accusations seeing that planning isn't exactly our strong suite.


If I were trying to cover for a poor memory I do not think I would use such an out landish claim. ADDers covering for memory gaps would more than likely fall into the category of "the check is in the mail" type thing,which is a far cry from an accusation of abuse.

While having ADD doesn't increase the chance of making false accusations of abuse having ADD may very well increase ones chances of being abused.

To automatically assume the ADDers in your family are lying simply because they have ADD strikes a rather sensitive cord for me as an ADDer who is also a survivor of sexual abuse.

I only wish I could forget my abuse as often as I do my cell phone. Although my working memory may be in question my long term memory is very well intact and accurate.

I only wish I could forget my abuse as often as I do my cell phone. Although my working memory may be in question my long term memory is very well intact and accurate.The same goes for me! I was the one who mistrusted my long-term memory, simply because my working memory was so awful. Of course the perpetrators were more than happy to deny the facts...and it was terribly painful for one such as myself, who would forget her head if it was not attached, to stand firm and say "NO. This happened to me, and I remember it clearly.".

First, I want to apologize for being so evasive on the question. I realize the category of abuse is wide.



Second, I have validated the stories and found them to be untrue. The worst made up story was about sexual abuse. This caused such uproar in the family, and when it was all over, we found out it untrue and I do not think the person accused will ever get over it. After this member was confronted, they admitted it was false, years later tried to accuse another member of the family. This again proved to be false, now it is hard to believe anything they say.



Another form of abuse is verbal abuse. I have a sibling that states they were put down by our Mother and felt unloved. Now there adult child says the same thing. My mother always showed us the positive and never put us down. I also lived with this sibling and the children were spoiled, but never put down.



My Mother and Father divorced after I left the house. My Mother now tells me she was always told she was no good from her Mother. Mom grew up with alcoholic parents, and she claimed that they never showed her the love and all was put down. This is why she always praised us and never told us anything that would make us feel bad.



Now that I am around my Mother more, I see she tells one lie after another, mostly to get attention. It took me years to see she was manipulating me. She is one member that was not diagnosed, but I know she is. She talks non-stop, never listens and always wants to be the center of attention. Cannot control money, feels she is a failure, and does not forget the past.



I help her financially and she works for me part time to make ends meet. The busiest times of the year for my business, she comes up with an ailment. I tested this theory a couple of years ago. It was my busy season and did not have time to bring her to lunch or do whatever she wanted me to do. Once again, she came up with aliment; she told me she had a lump in her breast. I brought her to lunch, spent hours listening to her talk on and on. Gave her extra attention, a few weeks went by and I asked her about the lump. She stared at me with a blank expression, and then realized what I was talking about. She simply stated it went away. Last year she went on a trip with her friends, called me from her trip, and sounded strange. I told my husband it sounded like she was not the center of attention and when she came back, it would be another illness. I hit the nail on the head; she started acting as if she could not remember anything and stated she thinks she had a stroke. As usual, it was my busy time at my business. I had to take time off to bring her to get her test, lost income and found out she was the healthy as a horse. Once she receives her attention, she is healed.



Then one day she made a slip and stated she made up being sick to her Mom to get attention. So I began to put two and two together and wondered did she also make up being verbally abused by her Mother? That would explain why the other two said the same thing.











When my friend brought this up last week, it struck a cord. My friend was abused and it blew her mind when her son came out with this. He only could come up with one thing her mild manner husband did (raised his voice!). He is trying to blow it up and make it something more than what is was. I told her some of the stories about my family. Her son is a carbon copy of mine. My son was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago.



It seems I am surrounded by family who always want attention and it is beginning to wear me out. It seems now when one flares up with their drama of the week the other tries to beat it with more drama. I feel drained mentally and financially. Would this fall under the third category Mental Abuse?



What condition causes someone to be unhappy, never feels loved and make up stories that make them out to be either victims or heroes? These are just small examples and I am trying to figure out why my family does these things.

What condition causes someone to be unhappy, never feels loved and make up stories that make them out to be either victims or heroes? These are just small examples and I am trying to figure out why my family does these things.


I don't know, but I DO KNOW that NONE OF THAT has to do with ADHD. It sounds as if you are describing a person who is very troubled and might have a personality disorder. ADHD is VERY DIFFERENT - and not really an emotional or psychological affliction, which is what the behavior you are describing sounds as if it stems from.

Sincerely,
Sue

People often behave differently with different people. That includes sex offenders.

In my OWN experience and training, child molesters often charm the parents and adults. They don't assault all children, just the vulnerable ones. (That they are attracted to. This is why Wacko Jacko never went after MacAuley Culkin. MJ likes little hispanic boys from troubled homes.)

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I was VERY fortunate to study at university with one of the Top Sexual Offender Experts in Canada/USA, and learn a lot about sex offenders and offending patterns.

My Professor -- Dr. Bill Marshall -- just got the ORDER OF CANADA for his sex offender work, actually.

http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Treating-Sexual-Offenders-Marshall-Serran/9780415949354-item.html?ref=Search+Books%3a+'Bill+Marshall'

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re: ADHD and learning or behavioural problems.

Trauma and ADHD or learning problems seem to co-occur, too. A number of researchers have found this, including J.D. Bremner. (A neuroscientist who studies childhood stress- related brain damage.)

In fact, seeing ADHD type symptoms might be a sign of childhood trauma. (e.g. impulsivity; hyperactivity, inattention/dissociation, orienting problems)

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Your experience of a person (say, an Uncle) is not necessarily the same as another kid's experience of that same person.

Offenders of this nature often have their crime fantasies and offending patterns and victim styles (blonde, preverbal, cute, socially vulnerable) laid out.

(Although the offense itself is likely opportunistic/predatory ('set up') or impulsively r/t the offender's relapse patterns e.g. tension reduction cycles. Their life is going crummy, so they assault a kid.)

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Why assume that these Offenders leave witnesses?
Also: offenders don't leave witnesses to their perverted crimes. They get kids alone, or before they can talk, etc.

Only the most Disorganized or Psychotic Offenders tend to leave evidence or Witnesses. (e.g. chicken porn teaches them how to evade detection.)

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Alcohol and drug use, as well as sexist family values are other risk factors for kids being targeted by sex offenders.

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Denial of abuse and/or 'victim blaming' seem to be factors in victims going on to develop severe mental problems like PTSD (other anxiety disorders too) and borderline spectrum symptoms (a trauma disorder).

Things like drug and alcohol abuse or dissociation or self-injury/suicide attempts will occur as victim's try to re-regulate their disturbed arousal systems, and reduce their extreme symptoms of stress/anxiety/fear/anger. (sympathetic nervous system and affective brain systems have disturbed funcitoning; cortisol and other chemical levels are out of whack/damaged.)

Often kids don't show symptoms until Puberty. This is called trauma's "Sleeper Effect".

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The closer the rel'p of the Offender and victim, the more likely there is to be initial Amnesia, followed by Delayed Recall. (Sometimes decades.)

Recall can come in the form of flashbacks, dissociative episodes, nightmares, intrusive thoughts. (e.g. seeing one's own child at the same age as one was assaulted can be a trigger.)

Jennifer Freyd did her PhD thesis on this, in fact. She studies Betrayal Trauma.

She came up with the acronym: DARVO. "Deny (crime), Attack (victim's cred), Reverse Victim & Offender (re: accountability; 'she asked for it', etc".

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Often unresolved victims can 'not know their problems or history', so they engage in something known as Reenactment. e.g. they marry an offender, and then remember their own trauma when he assaults their kids. Sad.

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My Mom used to work with a support group for Moms and Kids who were Survivors. A lot of Intergenerational Violence like this (above paragraph) comes out in those groups.

Awareness is very important.

I have several members of my family that make up stories of the past or present and truly believe them. The strange thing is several members said they were abused by someone in the family as a child. I know that these stories are not true, the sad thing is they believe it.Several members as in more than one? :confused:


Second, I have validated the stories and found them to be untrue. The worst made up story was about sexual abuse. This caused such uproar in the family, and when it was all over, we found out it untrue and I do not think the person accused will ever get over it. After this member was confronted, they admitted it was false, years later tried to accuse another member of the family.. This member, as in one person? :confused:

I'm too upset to comment about the theory of why people with ADHD are all a bunch of liars.

She talks non-stop, never listens and always wants to be the center of attention. Cannot control money, feels she is a failure, and does not forget the past.


Gee this could also describe the manic part of bi-polar. PTSD would present this way as well as a few personality disorders, Muchousing, Border line, Historic,DID. . . . .are the ones that fly off the top of my head.

In all honesty it take a professional to sort and separate the differences in these various disorders/conditions because several of the symptoms over lap plus one person can have more than one of these going on.






Second, I have validated the stories and found them to be untrue. The worst made up story was about sexual abuse. This caused such uproar in the family, and when it was all over, we found out it untrue and I do not think the person accused will ever get over it.

How in the !#@%*!!? would you validate or invalidate sexual abuse short of immediately {like with in hours + before bathing ect. . }taking the person to be examined by a professional trained to deal with rape/molestation?

Confronting :confused: . . . . how about counseling! :soapbox:





This caused such uproar in the family, and when it was all over, we found out it untrue and I do not think the person accused will ever get over it.

Wow bad move man. . :foot: . . .you did read the responses right?





First, I want to apologize for being so evasive on the question. I realize the category of abuse is wide.


Not really being abused falls into one category = It SUCKS!

People who have been molested need help, people claiming to have been molested need the same freaking help. . . .weather or not you think the event actually happened or not. Elementary my dear Watson. . . .

BTW - this has absolutely NOTHING to do with being ADD.

Covering for forgetfulness is an attempt to draw attention away from a problem remembering. . . .logic dictates that lying to gain attention is entirely different and therefor would be another condition all to gather. Most of us spend an entire life time trying to hide our flaws, this includes those of us who are talkative and hyper which is why we are often chosen as targets by predators and abusers.

Your family members need help even if these are stories made up to get attention. This behavior isn't normal not even for ADDers, nor would it be normal for bi-polars, depressives, anxiety, OCD, autistic, asburgers, dyslexics. . .nope not right nor common in any of these neurodiverse conditions.


So the down and dirty nitty gritty is the stuff you are describing has absolutely NOTHING to do with being ADD, however other coexisting personality disorders can occur in the ADD population just as personally disorders can occur in those who do not have ADD. .


Please note: ADD is being unable to consciously control ones attention span due to a broken stimuli filter valve which is either wide open or closed off completely with most of the ADD population experiencing a combination of both. It really is that simple.

My ADD expresses itself by simplifying what could easily be made confusing by emotions, because basically I am a bottom line sort of gal {short attention span ya know} :rolleyes:





What condition causes someone to be unhappy, never feels loved and make up stories that make them out to be either victims or heroes? These are just small examples and I am trying to figure out why my family does these things.

ADD type behaviors in my family include . . .every one talking at once, taking six hours to decide where to eat, then forget to eat, three people having five different conversations, spacing out and placing car keys in trash and candy wrapper in purse, passing around the K-Y so every one can get their foot out of their mouth, catching the kitchen on fire doing a science experiment, melting food while fixing the frig and loosing an entire Buick but NOT false accusation of this nature not even when we are mad at eachother.

At one time or another several in my family including myself have had some serious stuff like suicide attempts, three day non-stop griping sprees and social fears/phobias which were addressed by professionals.



My suggestion is to persue professional help.



I do hope this has helped answer your question. To insist that these behaviors are due to ADD is to display a lack of understanding of ADD as a condition and to run the danger of being insensitive to the many here who have been hurt not only by abuse but there are those among us who were not believed simply because of a neurodiversity. This combination greatly decreases the chances of this discussion remaining productive and supportive.

Your story describes a dysfunctional family, true, and many homes with ADHD as a factor can be dysfunctional.

SO CAN ANY HOME BE DYSFUNCTIONAL...AND ADHD IS NOT A REQUIREMENT AT ALL.

I certainly hope that you have decided not to pursue this issue on the path that you are currently traveling. If you came here for support as to living with a son who has ADHD (which, incidentally, means that either you or the father likely has ADHD as well) that's all well and good. THAT is what we are here for.

I certainly hope your goal was not insulting the people here with ADHD and doubly offending the people here who have been abused!! :soapbox:

That's about all I have to say to you. Good day and good luck with whatever the problem is in your life. I seriously suspect there is a lot more than one single problem...and I KNOW that the societal problems of abuse/lying/erroneous ideas that one can have "magical powers" to determine who is lying and who is not...are not something that can be blamed on ADHD.










***snort!***

Second, I have validated the stories and found them to be untrue. The worst made up story was about sexual abuse. This caused such uproar in the family, and when it was all over, we found out it untrue and I do not think the person accused will ever get over it. After this member was confronted, they admitted it was false, years later tried to accuse another member of the family. This again proved to be false, now it is hard to believe anything they say.

My first question would be how did you validate the stories to find them to be untrue? As a victim of sexual abuse for many years I can tell you that if you tried to "validate" my "stories" that you would probably find them to be unprovable thus in somepeoples eyes untrue. You also state that the person addmitted the stories were untrue. well when confronted, usally in a confrontational manner, some victims of abuse may deny that any thing has happend. The feeling of shame that goes with this type of abuse is so deablitating that some one that has not gone thru it has no idea what the person feels or what coping mechinisms that may be used. For me it happend thirty years ago and there is not aday that goes by that I do not think about some aspect of the inccodents. If I were to go public right now I would be ridiculed here as my abuser was very loved in my town. I would be called a liar, and probably shuned by many people.

She talks non-stop, never listens and always wants to be the center of attention. Cannot control money, feels she is a failure, and does not forget the past.


now this sounds more like ptsd than adhd. the fact she feels like a failure and does not forget the past sounds to me like something has happend to her that she can not forget. It is easy to put labels on people and accuse them of this or that or lying about this or that. But remember we are not in there skin and we do not know what they are feeling at all. These event may not be true at all, but mabe she truly beleives that they happend and if she does think of the pain and the fear that she is going thru knowing that no one believes her, how alone she feels because her family thinks she is such a liar. I can tell you from experiances this is not a good feeling and the pain that goes with it is horrable.

lunaslobo above is one well written post, I admire your tact.

lunaslobo above is one well written post, I admire your tact.What she said. Lunas, thanks for sharing your experience.

I understand there is a lot more we need to know before drawing any conclusions, but I've experienced some of the scenarios presented here.
she told me she had a lump in her breast. I brought her to lunch, spent hours listening to her talk on and on. Gave her extra attention, a few weeks went by and I asked her about the lump. She stared at me with a blank expression, and then realized what I was talking about. She simply stated it went away.A friend felt a lump in her breast, got her husband to give his opinion, saw her physician who also felt the lump, was referred to a specialist who also felt the lump and ordered an ultrasound. By the time the ultrasound was done (public health is slow), the lump had disappeared. Although my friend was relieved, she was also upset.

Last year she went on a trip with her friends, called me from her trip, and sounded strange. I told my husband it sounded like she was not the center of attention and when she came back, it would be another illness. I hit the nail on the head; she started acting as if she could not remember anything and stated she thinks she had a stroke. As usual, it was my busy time at my business. I had to take time off to bring her to get her test, lost income and found out she was the healthy as a horse. Once she receives her attention, she is healed.One of the symptoms of depression is pain or worry about physical illness.

It seems I am surrounded by family who always want attention and it is beginning to wear me out. It seems now when one flares up with their drama of the week the other tries to beat it with more drama. I feel drained mentally and financially. Would this fall under the third category Mental Abuse?If I only knew dysfunctional people, it would take me longer to learn what was healthy. The larger the extended family and the number of dysfunctional members in the system, the harder it is for individual members to be healthy. Even then, a visit with family members can rock the foundation of new learning until the individual is secure about what is healthy and what is not.

In an interview, a talk show host told John Bradshaw that, according to his books, all families appear to be dysfunctional. Mr. Bradshaw replied: "All families have problems; dysfunctional families don't do anything about them."

Much has been written about children of alcoholic parents. If my mother was having trouble, I would seek help. Children raised in dysfunctional families often don't know how to be assertive and honest about what they want or need.

Unfortunately, most of the people I've encountered who criticize, misinterpret and blame human behaviour, particularly that of children, as just "trying to get attention" know little about human behaviour and are often abusive in some shape or form. Human beings need to have their basic needs met; enough attention is a basic need.

This is not to criticize: I've walked the walk and talked the talk and managed to break the cycle. My kids are so much farther ahead along the path than I was at their age and I can hardly wait to meet the next generation when and if they arrive.

I have found people who go to extremes to get attention normally do NEED attention. More specifically they need the attention by a mental health professional. So if some one is claiming molestation as a means of gaining attention then by all means they need some mental health attention.. . . .as I said earlier the necessary next step is obvious to me.

To continue despite the building resentment I am reading in the initial post and the subsequent response by the initial poster would not only allow the unhealthy behavior to continue unchecked but it would potentate it allowing it to spread. Healthy people have healthy personal boundaries, which allow them to protect themselves from destructive relationships by not allowing their lives to be ruled by unhealthy individual behavior. I am not spouting crap from some isolated ivory tower I have some problems with my own family although they are not the same as yours.

The few times my family members cross personal boundaries I will let them know using language than leaves very little room for gray areas{if you think my post are direct I am worse in person especially when I ma being pushed}. If the behavior continues I will sever my contact until such time they become willing to respect my personal boundaries. I am not harsh and I do not ask much ;however the personal boundaries I do have I am rather anal about.

I know this isn't easy especially if a family member has mental health issues but it is possible. Currently one of my daughter is being an a** to me because I made a decision she didn't like. After some heated exchanges I simply told her to contact me when she was ready to behave like a reasonable human being until then laters. . . . I don't like it plus my daughter has diagnosed mental health conditions but there is only so much I can tolerate and maintain my own mental health. . . . when that tolerance is in danger of being breached then I do what I need to do to maintain my own sense of self and sanity.

Yea it might be a while before my rather angry daughter speaks to me again but if she has a problem with a decision I made {one she doesn't even have to live with } then SHE has a problem. . . I will advise my grown children but I do not dictate to them how they should live they are grown and must deal with the consequences of their own actions. . . . I have been grown longer than they have and I will not have my children running my life nor do I tolerate manipulative behavior. . . and that is simply they way it is. I love my daughters but love has structure and boundaries, love can and does say enough is enough and they move to make changes even if the other person is unable or unwilling.