Hi All,

I'm basically new here and have posted a few times on the adult board. I have undiagnosed ADD myself and a daughter with it. Niether of us are real hyper so I think with us it is ADD and not ADHD. I don't have the money for tests and psychologists so I am doing the best I can.

Right now I am trying to make the right decisions for my daughter. She is 9 and in the 4th grade. I have been told by more then 1 teacher that she exhibits many characteristics of ADD. She is going to Middle School next year and that is where my concern is. Currently, she is very bright and a straight A student in all subjects but has focus problems, is very unorganized and gets bored much too quickly. She is also awkward athletically. Her teacher does see how well she does in school but is also concerned about Middle School. He gave me the option to have a Study Team look at her and decide if she should be classified or to wait and see how it goes. I have agonized over that decision and after hearing what another parent had to say about her son who seems to have a similar situation as my daughter I decided I did not want her medicated or classified.

I spoke with my daughter's teacher last week and told him my decision. I am going to try to work with her on my own by helping her to be more organized and always planning ahead for things like I do myself. I told the teacher that because she is doing so well I do not want to wind up doing more harm then good. He is pretty much on my side but feels that maybe just a notation in her files that she has a focus problem would help. I think that may be the answer. I want her to have a bright future and feel that classifying her may impede her academic future. She wants to go to college and be a teacher. She does not seem to have the ADD nearly as bad as myself at all and is willing to try to work with me to help herself.

In my own situation, by 3rd grade I had begun to do very poorly in school in all areas including socially. That is definitely not the case with my daughter and I feel that maybe with my help, education and some focus training and support from others she will be ok.

I hope I am making the right decision and was wondering if anyone else here may be in the situation that I am. I would also like to know if anyone here knows of a focus type of group my daughter could possibly get into with others like herself that will train her to focus and help her with techniques to get around some of the weak areas.

I have learned to work around my own weaknesses which are much greater then my daughters with no meds. In my case they may have helped but I made it without them and do not feel my daughter needs them. She is already a picky eater and prone to migraine headaches(hereditary). I feel, why subject her needlessly to the possible side affects of medication which include headache/nauseia and/or loss of appetite unless absolutely necessary.

Sorry to be so lengthy. I don't have too many people I can talk to about this. I choose to keep this a very private matter and am so glad to have this board to share my thoughts, read others posts and maybe try to help someone else out if I can in some way. Thanks a lot for reading my post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Have a great week. Dee

Dee... I went through a similar pattern when I was in school; my marks were great until about grade 5, then started to slide, except in the subjects I liked. And my teachers always said I had focus and organization problems.

My parents tried to cope by getting me labeled a "gifted" student... which almost worked. It couldn't get me out of the drudgery that comes with schooling, and couldn't get me away from bullies or terrible teachers.

I think you are on target with teaching her organizational skills RIGHT NOW... although preferably in a soft, non stressful way, so she doesn't associate "learning organization skills = frustration" in her own mind. But don't wait until it becomes a problem. Solve them all early in life, so that her knowledge and habits will serve her well later.

look up Mel Levine, Sam Goldstein, and Robert Brooks.

I include LD resources with ADHD because ADHD "induces" a lack of availability to learn, which is, in my mind, a "virtual" learning disability. for me, much of LD stuff applies to the experience of being ADHD, regardless of independent LD characteristics.

Know what you can.

Be your child's refuge, and not slave driver.

Let the "water" find its own level, and learn to deal from there.

For all the "trash" i got about being an under acheiver, I really burn up when i am "right" and "they" are stupid, and insistently so. Are they not "underacheviers" as well when they don't respond to "right" when they see it? And am I not, in my maturity, supposed to ALLOW THEM THAT?

Protect for your child a sense of being ok being what and how she is. the teachers will object to this. They believe in there error! The south objected to actually implementing the 13th, 14th and 15th amendments to the Constitution... so what? It was still what needed to be done, and it was and is a much larger battle than it seems it should have to be. So is this for your child.

Good luck.

I totally agree about keeping her learning as stress free as possible. I have told her that we will work together to make her life easier and that we will find methods that work best and are most comfortable for her.

I do have concern about the bullying and difficult teachers. Right now we are dealing with another girl in her class who is giving her a hard time. I have made the teacher aware of the situation and tomorrow he is going to talk to the girls.

Dealing with the different personalities of other people is something else I am working on with my daughter. I could just about call myself an expert on human behaviour after the abuse I took in school. I have learned to deal with just about every personality type on the planet. I still get stumped every now and then but I'm pretty good at figuring people out and am hoping my daughter will be too eventually.

Right now I am taking one day at a time with my daughter and she knows she has her father and my full support, that she is special and intelligent and no one can take that away from her. I hope and pray things will be ok with this girl in her class. I'll post back tomorrow about it. Thanks again for your posts and have a great night/day. :) Dee

Just an update on the my daughter and the girl that was picking on her. It seems everything is ok for now. The teacher spoke to the girl and she is treating my daughter much better. I also told my daughter to try and be a little nicer herself. I'm hoping things will stay pleasant until the end of the year. Dee