Neither of my parents believe in ADD, especially not my Dad. I think my mom is starting to come around - she's the one who always thought I was "just a bad test taker", whereas my dad thought I was just lazy.

My boyfriend (of 1.5 years, but who is very close to me) doesn't really believe in ADD either... he sort of does but sort of doesn't. It's hard to explain.

Although he is very supportive and listens to me, he still doens't *really and truely* beleive that I have ADD. Part of me wants to proove it to him, and so I've been conciously and unconciously amplifying my symptoms so that he will see me as ADD. I think I also want to proove it to myself becuase I havne't totally accepted it yet.

He doesn't understand which parts of me are affected by ADD, or how much is relaly under my control. He also doens't understand what things I have trouble with. He seems to think that I am using it as an excuse for not measuring up.

A lot of me is really AFRAID that I will use ADD as an excuse for not pushing myself... so I can't say that I completely disagree with him...

I just don't know what is acceptable and what isn't. Obvioulsy I don't want to accept anythign that is less than my best, but some things are just a lot HARDER for me than they are for other people. :(

How do I explain this to my boyfriend and my parents without sounding like I'm just making excuses?:(

How did other people break the news to their loved ones? How did you explain yourselves? :(

thanks so much!!

First of all, from what I've read in your intro you push yourself quite a bit; and the diagnosis won't change that. You've already realized some of your strengths and weaknesses. ADD is the reason why you have to push yourself harder than others do. You are not making excuses saying that this is because of ADD; it is an explanation, and a valid one.

Things I've seen mentioned throughout the forum on this issue (but i can't remember where they came from, so I apologize!):

Showing books abotu ADD to you family. Facts can hardly be dismissed

Giving them researched facts will demonstrate that ADD is not an excuse. It's neurological, not a label. I'll try to find website's that show brain activity images demonstrating this fact (I've been having trouble finding these! Anyone have some good links???)

Consider bringing your parents in to discuss this with a doctor or tester (the one who assessed you, or any doctors you are seeing- if any).

Also, did your evaluater give you a copy of your written assesment? That may help show exactly where you are effected.

When I told my bf and my sister that I was also ADHD, they just shrugged (they thought "your dyslexic, big deal if you're ADHD too." they thought it just explained why my legs always twitch when I have to sit still!).

I showed them my assesment, and they warmed up to it pretty quickly. I've been telling the facts that I've read about here and elsewhere to my bf and it's been more of an "ah ha!" for him than it has for me. He actually noticed for the first time in 5 years that I'll lay in bed looking around because I can't stop thinking (he falls asleep quickly and like a log!). When I was doing this afew weeks ago, he started putting his hand over my eyes and whispering "sleep!"; reminding me- because now he's starting to key into what is ADHD behavior. As silly as it sounds, this really helps (how I can lay in bed and forget that I'm supposed to sleep.. idunno! Must be ADHD)

Good luck with your loved ones! They'll come around. But even if they don't (I can't imagine why they wouldn't eventually accept ADD), don't let that get in your way. You know! :D

Well for me my mom finaly started to see what I was trying to tell her when I had her read Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden MS,MFCC. She said that after reading the book it could have been written about me. I thought the same after I read it.
I still have to remind my mom stuff. She still doesn't totally get it but shes a lot better than ahs was before. I try to get her and my father to read more. This I am still working on. They almost think they are experts now from just reading one or two books.
They are both better than they were before they read anything. I hae also taken my mom with me to therapy. She doesn't always understand why I do things the way I do and I will tell her I am taking the steps I was told to try by my psychologist. She still doesn't always understand so I take her with me now and then o get my psychologist to explain things. Sometimes she feels she is telling me the samething my psychologist is. Maybe she is but my psychologist knows how to do in a way that doesn't critizise me at the same time. My mother doesn't realize she is doing that. So I try not to get to upset though I wish sometimes she paid more attention and know that yes I am young but that doesn't mean she can't learn from me once and a while too. I know she doesn't have ADD so when she doesn't pay attention to me its more of a well I know more than you thing most the time. I hate that! Oh well, I hope maybe the book can help you out some. GOOD Luck! :D

I use the Hunter/Farmer analogy, although some people around here have found holes in it that I haven't been able to patch. :D

That's where the seamstress/Bricklayer analogy comes into play...j/k :D

I have had the hardest time talking about my ADD with people I know. My family knows that I have it, but never seem to connect ADD traits with what's happened in my life. My wife knows that I have ADD, but has never spent any time trying to learn about it (translated = "or me"). I can't talk to anyone at work about it, and...well...not many friends around in my life at the moment. Glad I have the Forums!!!! :D

Originally posted by Christiana
Neither of my parents believe in ADD, especially not my Dad. I think my mom is starting to come around - she's the one who always thought I was "just a bad test taker", whereas my dad thought I was just lazy.

My boyfriend (of 1.5 years, but who is very close to me) doesn't really believe in ADD either... he sort of does but sort of doesn't. It's hard to explain.

Although he is very supportive and listens to me, he still doens't *really and truely* believe that I have ADD. Part of me wants to prove it to him, and so I've been consciously and unconsciously amplifying my symptoms so that he will see me as ADD. I think I also want to prove it to myself because I haven't totally accepted it yet.

He doesn't understand which parts of me are affected by ADD, or how much is relaly under my control. He also doens't understand what things I have trouble with. He seems to think that I am using it as an excuse for not measuring up.

A lot of me is really AFRAID that I will use ADD as an excuse for not pushing myself... so I can't say that I completely disagree with him...

I just don't know what is acceptable and what isn't. Obviously I don't want to accept anything that is less than my best, but some things are just a lot HARDER for me than they are for other people. :(

How do I explain this to my boyfriend and my parents without sounding like I'm just making excuses?:(

How did other people break the news to their loved ones? How did you explain yourselves? :(

thanks so much!!

"Reality" is always acceptable, no matter how hard to take from a specific history, experience or philosophy. That is, we confuse "acceptability" and "acceptable" and "real." Frequently the real is not acceptable, and we trap ourselves.

Even to this day, i am told by family and professionals alike, i am not to push and force(others) even when i am right. but then they use language like this on myself, and advocate that I treat myself in ways they do not treat themselves and in ways that are not acceptable to treat others. And here I do not confuse making other peoples choices for them with treatment of them. And I do not confuse making my own choices with treatment of myself.

They are wrong to do so. Others here are wrong to do so. Pushing is wrong, forcing is wrong.

And "everyone has to push themselves to do unexciting things..." This simply is not true in the sense required for the ADHD, IMHO. I have done effortful things, and the effort has been "free" when it has been possible - properly arranged. Likewise I have done the tedious - when possible, it is nothing other than the choice to do so.

However, I must ask a question...

Why do you want to prove it to others?

Why do you want to prove it to yourself?

What purpose do you think that will serve? What help will that be?

I have my own answers for these questions, and i have a desire to understand for its own sake. But OTHER than for its own sake, what are YOUR reasons?

(Look at the NON-ADD section, but do not post there... (I made that mistake, and am sharing my experience with you)... do any of them understand? Why do they want to understand? Is that different from why you want to understand, or explain it to them? If so... that difference might be important.)

you may ignore this post cause i just relized that i put it in the wrong area, and i can't delete it.

I feel for you. It is a struggle I am going through with my family. I would reccomend having them read a book about it. The hard thing for non ADDer's is ADD is so inconsistant. I can improve one area that is causing me problems and then another area I improved will drop back to the old not so good way.
My wife has been supportive for the most part, but has not really done anything to find out how I work. My sister said she was supportive, but I can tell she does not beleive ADD is real. My folks were very supportive and seemed to understand, but do not want to talk about it. I would pick choose who to tell and who not to tell. I think the key is find out as much as you can about ADD and then trying to educate the one who are most important to you.

Guys, thanks for all your replies, advice and support!! it really helps a lot to hear your stories. Brianne, I will try to find that book. I've tried to get my parents to read... but my dad especially feels that he knows all he needs to know, and isn't willing to be educated. He just doesn't want to hear it. I'm giving up on him for the moment becuase I think my mom can convince him better than I can.

SubtleMuttle, I really appreciate what you said :) I will try the stuff you said. by the way I understand completely what you mean about going to sleep... it's always taken me forever to fall asleep ever since I was little! It's just that I cant' stop thinking about stuff... so annoying!!

I've heard about the hunter/farmer analogy, but I dont' know what the holes are... maybe I'll find the posts you're talking about while I'm reading all the old stuff. (I've been doing that but it's taking forever)

I really am glad I have the forums now so I can talk to people who understand!! you guys are all so nice.

-------
Now... the other issue.... wheel - you AMAZE me with your ability to pluck out th4e underlying causes of the problem. I've read a lot of your posts, and your philosophical style often confuses me (I think I get stuck in the words and confused by everything) but I like it anyway! you're very insightful.


I think the best way to answer your questions is that I feel like I have a bunch of different parts of my brain that all want different things.

first of all, I haven't been diagnosed with ADD yet (although I've had a psychologist and Doctor confirm my suspicions, I haven't done any objective testing yet)
Once I get the test results, I think it will help a lot in resolving my issues.

* part of me wants to have ADD becuase it would explain all the troubles I've had in the past - it opens up the possibility of being smart somewhere in my brain.

*part of me wants to have ADD becuase I want to feel special. We all want to feel special...

*part of me is afraid I DON"T have it becuase it's hard to see it. I'm afraid that I'm making it all up for the reasons listed above. I'm afraid that maybe I really am just slower than my classmates, and just not able to keep up. I'm afraid that even if I do have it the tests won't show it becuase I've learned to cope so well. I'm afraid that If I don't have it I will have to leave this forum... I don't want to because everyone here is so nice and supportive!! I don't have a group like that anywhere else in my life. (a few individuals... but it's not the same)

also, if I don't have it that would mean I've been lying to myself and others all this time - that would be painful.

There were more things (that were conflicting with those above...) but I forgot now!! lol...

The first part of your post confused me... you say that reality is always acceptable - I can see that being true becuase you can't change reality. but then you say that we often confuse the two, and that frequently it's not acceptable - I can see that too becuase we have the power to change a lot of things. What exactly are you saying...? How does this trap us?

Are you saying that we should treat ourselves as we would treat others, but not allow ourselves to become slothful by being overly nice to ourselves? where do we draw the line? :confused: :confused: :confused:

-------------------------------

thanks for helping me work through my stupid personal issues. I guess a lot of what is going on is that I'm afraid of the future.... I'm trying to bring my loved ones into it so they can help me through, but I cna't explain ADD to them, so they can't really help me.

Christiana

One thing I tried with my parents, Christiana, was I asked them to read a book, just to "humour" me, and I would accept it if they didn't want to believe it, but this way they would have a better understanding of what I believe... sort of like an atheist might read the Bible, to have further insight into what Christians think, even if he or she had no intention of ever converting, if you see what I mean.

In short they read the book, but were not converts. My mother believes me--she is ADD herself--but my father and stepmother do not, although my father said he could "see why I might think in terms like that". (I think both of them are ADD too...)

Christiana,
I was diagnosed with ADD about 3 monts ago. I had the exact same thoughts you do when I was pretty sure I had it, but had not been diagnosed. I think your future will turn out great. You are still in school and doing well.

I would follow waywards suggestions a long with the others. I think having them read about it will help some. Remember it is still quite misunderstood by the public. Do not spend to much time thinking about what others think(easier said than done). Find what helps you the most and do that. If you are true to yourself you will find that others will want to be with you. Something I am trying to do, but not been very successful at.

Originally posted by Christiana

your philosophical style often confuses me (I think I get stuck in the words and confused by everything) but I like it anyway! you're very insightful.

[It won't be the last time, i bet! I'm as hard to understand as it is to stand under the feet of an elephant.]

[
"Reality" is always acceptable, no matter how hard to take from a specific history, experience or philosophy. That is, we confuse "acceptability" and "acceptable" and "real." Frequently the real is not acceptable, and we trap ourselves.
]

"Acceptibility" is a social measure. Sometimes things aren't socially possible or correct.

"Acceptable" is what one is able to accept... not all things can be accepted by a particular person.

Reality IS, whether it is socially correct or not, whether we are up to the task or not. The cost for not accepting is reality is VERY HIGH. Therefore, it behooves us to accept REALITY if at all possible, because failing to do so is so costly.

+++



The first part of your post confused me... you say that reality is always acceptable -

[... I should have said "reality is always the most acceptable course, in the abstract"... ]


I can see that being true becuase you can't change reality. but then you say that we often confuse the two, and that frequently it's not acceptable - I can see that too becuase we have the power to change a lot of things. What exactly are you saying...? How does this trap us?

[ We confuse those things that limit our ability to deal with reality with
reality actually being "unacceptable or different from what it is. Neither is the case." IMHO ]

Are you saying that we should treat ourselves as we would treat others, but not allow ourselves to become slothful by being overly nice to ourselves?

[Be tolerant, not permissive.]

where do we draw the line?

:confused: :confused: :confused:

Indeed... that takes a lifetime to answer for one's self!

+++

I think the best way to answer your questions is that I feel like I have a bunch of different parts of my brain that all want different things.

I am convinced that parts of my brain barely communicate and essentially carry on by themselves.

Never Engage self doubt by choice. You are all you have. Stick with yourself in think or thin.

Christiana

I didn't write out the full title...................LOL glad I came back to read what I said to ya. It's Women with Attention Deficit Disorder................forgot to ut women there. Don't mind me I am not always in this world LOL!

LOL Bri who is on this world...but anywho.....I Had a amusing encounter with someone who said ADD is just in My head........I told him that's right.......it's a chemical embalance in my brain. Sometimes I think the norms are more dumber than they think we are.

Ignorance comes from criticizing what you can not understand..do research and ask doctor a lot of questions and educate yourself and do this with your parents and help them top understand that it is real.. They may discover that they themselves may have it....ADD is passed from generation to the next. Both need to learn patience enough to try to understand what each other is going through.

Originally posted by BIG
My wife knows that I have ADD, but has never spent any time trying to learn about it


Funny - my husband doesn't seem to want to learn anything about this, either. My daughter and I are both ADD - he says he doesn't want her to use it as a crutch to fall back on. We keep arguing in circles. His contention is that anyone can do anything they want if they really want. He won't get his head around the fact that ADD removes the need (motivation) to want. It isn't that we don't want to do something, it is just that we are, sometimes, totally incapable to bend our will to it.

Just my input...

Originally posted by pembroke



Funny - my husband doesn't seem to want to learn anything about this, either. My daughter and I are both ADD - he says he doesn't want her to use it as a crutch to fall back on. We keep arguing in circles. His contention is that anyone can do anything they want if they really want. He won't get his head around the fact that ADD removes the need (motivation) to want. It isn't that we don't want to do something, it is just that we are, sometimes, totally incapable to bend our will to it.

Just my input...

Yeah, people in my life that don't understand why ADD is debilitating are frustrating as heck for me too.

These same people would NEVER think of accusing a person without legs of being lazy, etc., or using their disability as an excuse for not being able to keep up in a footrace, but since our disability is invisible, and not well understood, (well, by the general populace anyway) they seem to feel that platitudes like "Well, you just need to try harder" or "God will make a way" are helpful.

THEY'RE NOT. We need REAL, PHYSICAL solutions, not platitudes. (<-this is for any normals who might be reading this.)

They are incredibly frustrating to us because we have tried as hard as we possibly can to perform at say, paperwork jobs, and have just not been able to keep up with normals.

And how in the heck could we be expected to, since ADD is the equivalent of having up to 10-20 children tugging at your shirtsleeve demanding your attention ALL THE TIME while you're trying to work?

Why in the world would rational people take drugs and spend thousands on therapies and read books and do all of this stuff if we didn't have to?

I'd give anything not to have ADD, even while I'm happy I've finally figured out why I have a hard time holding a job even though I have a near-genius IQ and everyone who knows me can't understand why I can't just do even simple jobs.

As you've probably surmised, I am not one of the folks who don't feel ADD is a disability. To me, it's pretty obvious it is, and I don't agree with the political correctness of saying it isn't. I feel those people are hurting the cause of getting normals to understand us more than they're helping us not to be stigmatized as disabled.

As if that were a stigma anyway. Everyone has weaknesses, and ignoring them or pretending they don't exist is not a healthy way of dealing with them.

So to get back to answering your question, you could use the many attention insistent children example, or describe to them how when you took your meds it was like having lived in a room your whole life with the radio and the tv blaring away, and then when they were shut off once the meds kicked in, finding that it was much easier to think... or you could use the analogy in my sig below...

Or you could go the technical route, and explain that the limbic system in your brain, which is responsible for controlling concentration, is basically asleep, and that stimulants help wake it up so that you can concentrate. Which explains why you calm down when you drink coffee, etc.

You might even tell them how frustrating it is to have them dismiss your ADDness. Unless they're a doctor, you could point out that you don't see the words PHD anywhere near their name...

Originally posted by aforceforgood


Yeah, people in my life that don't understand why ADD is debilitating are frustrating as heck for me too.

These same people would NEVER think of accusing a person without legs of being lazy, etc., or using their disability as an excuse for not being able to keep up in a footrace, but since our disability is invisible, and not well understood, (well, by the general populace anyway) they seem to feel that platitudes like "Well, you just need to try harder" or "God will make a way" are helpful.

THEY'RE NOT. We need REAL, PHYSICAL solutions, not platitudes. (<-this is for any normals who might be reading this.)

They are incredibly frustrating to us because we have tried as hard as we possibly can to perform at say, paperwork jobs, and have just not been able to keep up with normals.

And how in the heck could we be expected to, since ADD is the equivalent of having up to 10-20 children tugging at your shirtsleeve demanding your attention ALL THE TIME while you're trying to work?

Why in the world would rational people take drugs and spend thousands on therapies and read books and do all of this stuff if we didn't have to?

I'd give anything not to have ADD, even while I'm happy I've finally figured out why I have a hard time holding a job even though I have a near-genius IQ and everyone who knows me can't understand why I can't just do even simple jobs.

As you've probably surmised, I am not one of the folks who don't feel ADD is a disability. To me, it's pretty obvious it is, and I don't agree with the political correctness of saying it isn't. I feel those people are hurting the cause of getting normals to understand us more than they're helping us not to be stigmatized as disabled.

As if that were a stigma anyway. Everyone has weaknesses, and ignoring them or pretending they don't exist is not a healthy way of dealing with them.

So to get back to answering your question, you could use the many attention insistent children example, or describe to them how when you took your meds it was like having lived in a room your whole life with the radio and the tv blaring away, and then when they were shut off once the meds kicked in, finding that it was much easier to think... or you could use the analogy in my sig below...

Or you could go the technical route, and explain that the limbic system in your brain, which is responsible for controlling concentration, is basically asleep, and that stimulants help wake it up so that you can concentrate. Which explains why you calm down when you drink coffee, etc.

You might even tell them how frustrating it is to have them dismiss your ADDness. Unless they're a doctor, you could point out that you don't see the words PHD anywhere near their name...

I was going to cut out the "extra part" of your post. See anything missing? Neither do i...

I do think you need to explore the difference between disability and impairment. For some people ADHD is only a challenge.

I am earning money, some, and it amazes me. I am doing valuable work for some people who need and want it, but ADHD sabotages so much of what I start. If others would just finish what i start the impact would be incredible.

I Identify with you so very much. I too wonder why you can't find appropriate work... but I'm not the slightest bit moralistic about it... I am fascinated. And my own situation is FAR from what it "should be."

Mmmmmmmm, well, while I take your point that impairment (ADD) may be different from disabled (a quadriplegic for example) are worlds apart in overcoming or dealing with the problems, I feel these are semantic issues. One person may deal better with a missing limb than another. Kudos to them.

However, with the way my life is, I have a hard time dealing with people minimizing the debilitating effects of ADD.

And there are people with different levels of ADD, so I can understand why they might view it as just "a challenge".

I will readily grant that my view of ADD as a disability is my opinion, shaped by my experiences with it.

Aforce... I too see ADHD as more impairing AND disabling than others experience it.

I don't doubt or argue the extent of the impact, or its nature, in your experience of it.

I just wish to see you not make the mistake i think "they" make... of thinking that their own experience of ADHD and the significance of the impact is the same for ALL others because it is so for they themselves.

You guys have given me a lot to think about.... I have stuff to say, but I can't think of how to say it, and right now at least I can't even remember what it is!! lol (ADD coming through for sure)

I re-read all of your posts several times but still dont' know how to articulate an answer. I'm going to think some more about it and hopefully be able to tell your guys what it was I was thinking :)

thanks for the suggestions!! I will try them all - i don't have to deal with my parents for a while since i'm at school, but i will definately show them and my bf all my test results and some books. I'm almost excited just thinking about it!! (lol - ADD peopel seek out stimulation, right? well arguing with my parents is definatley highly stimulating! i'm actually sorta looking forward to it... hee hee hee ;))

Brianne - I knew what book you were talking about anyway, i think my brain just put the missing word in on it's own, lol!! i will check it out when i can!

Christiana,
LOL! thats good! Well like I said its a good book and have heard a lot of other ADD women say that they have read it. Haven't heard any of them say anything bad about it nor disagree with it yet. Most feel like I did when reading it. You feel the book was written about you not anyone else. Its weird that it does that for so many but hey its cool too! ...................i have been going around and I have read a lot of your post glad your here! Don't know why but some I feel more connected to than others and your one. I am weird so don't think too much into that! LOL See ya around! :D

Best of luck to you Christiana. I doubt that any parent will easily accept a tricky diagnosis where it means their child has a BRAIN DYSFUNCTION.

In that regard, I'd be ready with AS MUCH evidence as you can possibly muster. Lay out all the symptoms and behaviors so they can see all the things that you do that are typical of ADD people. I would have the ADD books with you when you do this- adds credibility.

If you can, take them to a CHADD meeting. They'll be able to see other people who have different levels of ADD, and they'll hear many things that will hit home like an arrow that other ADDers do that you do too. They'll also be able to see people who live normal lives despite their ADD.

here's a link to Dr. Amen's website (he's the guy who does scans of people's brains) so you can show them it's a real ailment and not just something else doctors have cooked up to get us to buy more pills.

http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/default.asp

Good luck!

well, i am going through the same problem, i have to explain to my family. Finally i know what is wrong iwth me adn i have to find a way to let them know that it was not on purpose, my actions in life. I remember reading an article or personal story somewhere that detailed someone's life with add, i cried when i read that article because it wsa talking about me. I wanted to print it out and show my family cause it was only a few pages but i didnt and now i cant find itl.. geesh just my luck. i need to find that story. only thing i remember was that it was a woman.

I have tried to explian it in the past before and have had NO luck what so ever. Some people just can't get there heads around the idea that a.d.d is real. I have been in groups of people all trying to convince me it wasn't real, that t.v and bad parenting caused it, i just refered back to the add cases of 1901, i'm sure they had lots of t.v back then:rolleyes: ;) . I simply gave up, and now when people ask me, i just reply with "I am adhd." Most catch on, some think i am stupid, other think i'm brillant, i find it all depends on the person.

that's it?? no one has an article or anything that may help??

Toaster Check Out my Web Site

The link at the bottom that says "Various ADD Related Info"

Especially this link


"What Its Like To Have ADD" (http://www3.sympatico.ca/garrylawton/ADD/What.htm) by Dr Hallowell

Thank you, i just found this link, it seemed to say quite a bit of what i am trying ot say to my family.

http://www.add.org/content/family/jaksa1.htm

Yeah, I think it's tooo wierd for people to understand too, but isn't that the case with 'brain problems' generally? How about depression, kleptomania or schizophrenia?

I kind of gave up. I think it was from getting "Yeah, I have days like that too" from people I was trying to explain it to. Or "it's just your personality"

see that's the thing, those problems you mentioned actually get respect form people as being real. the problem is that for years people thought i was just lazy or being difficult just to be selfish or difficult. when i started reading stories about others issues that's when i realized i had ADD and then approached a doc. my goal is to had my family similar stories and have them look up at me when they finished reading and have them say sorry, have them understand that my actions were never intentional. Just ot have others understand , wow, cant imagine what that's like. Well at least the rest of you all undrstand, that in itself is a amazing. if only it didnt make me a freak to have this and talk about it to others. well at least they will think i am a freak.

I also read "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" and really liked it (well, I skimmed through the last 1/3 or so because I got bored - hope I didn't miss anything important). In fact, I gave it to my mom to read because I'm sure she also has AD/HD and, if so, hers is much worse than mine. I'm still living in "not quite diagnosed" land so I haven't talked to my dad or the rest of my family about it, except for my brother who is very open minded about most things. Overall my family's pretty accepting so I think they'll be fine about it. The thing I'm afraid of more than people not thinking it's real is that they'll treat me like I'm an invalid if they know I have a problem like this. I don't want anyone's pity. I just want understanding.

My boyfriend has been really supportive in general, but I don't think he understands how much this affects every part of my life. It's not just forgetfulness and distractibility, it's "paralysis of will," impulsiveness, willfulness and argumentativeness (I think I also have an overactive cingulate gyrus). It's self-esteem and self-image problems resulting from years of not fitting in, not living up to high expectations, and being criticized for things I couldn't help. It affects our relationship in a hundred different ways. I know he wants to understand and he wants to support me, but I can see how hard it would be to understand this if it's not part of you.

All I can say is to try to educate the important people in your life because it's better for them to understand who you really are, rather than who they want you to be. And it's important that you understand who you really are as well, so educate yourself. But give them a break, too. They can't be expected to understand this right away. And if they never do, it's their loss, not yours.

hmm, I havn't had anyone not believe in it

I mean to say that ADD isn't real is like saying that kids with Down Syndrome just want to act that way

It's just stupid

Though the reason that it took me until last year to get diagnosed is because I can basically handle the hyperactivity, (I've never gotten into much trouble at school and such) and people thought I was simply lazy/didn't want to pay attention

So much mental scarring from all the frustration...

Oh, and another book I'd recommend is "ADD and Romance" by Jonathan Scatt Halverstadt. I'm reading that right now (albeit in a very piecemeal fashion), and it talks a lot about the problems I have in relationships, particularly with my communication difficulties. I'm going to go back through it with a highlighter and mark all the passages I really feel relate to me and have my boyfriend read those sections again (he's already read a good bit of it). I think that will help.

I use the Hunter/Farmer analogy, although some people around here have found holes in it that I haven't been able to patch. :D

I have heard of this theory / anology and I would be interested in the holes that can not be patched. You have a link?