Ok, I should make this clear right off of the bat, but I may have the wrong name for this thing,

All i know, is that apparentley you sit down at a compuder, work, and this thing meshures your preformance and according to my theripist "Gives us a 6 page read-out"

So, I was just wondering what htat was about....I mean, is this thing legit, or wat?


anyway, any insight would be great :p

Continuous performance test, maybe?
Did you have to press buttons depending on what letters/symbols were on the screen?

If so, it's pretty standard as part of an ADHD evaluation. That said, some people do really well on it despite being ADHD, so it's not perfect.

When my son was evaulated at a psychologist a few years ago, this QB test was new, and the doc did it for free since it was in the beta phase, and he just added it in as part of what he did for my son. Funny, DS had to re-take it because he didn't pay attention long enough, like 20 minutes! LOL. Here is the company's website:

http://www.qbtest.com/Solutions.htm

Ahhh, thanks for giveing me that website Frazzle Dazzle!\


And tygersan, I haven't taken it yet lol, so I don't know!

http://home.iprimus.com.au/rboon/TOVAassessmentforADDADHD.htm

I took a T.O.V.A. test when I was diagnosed. I copied a link here about it. I hope it works!

I thought I did pretty well on it when I took it - I was even a little worried, thinking maybe I wouldn't "get" my diagnosis. Actually, I did do pretty well for the first 4 minutes, but the thing went on forever (actually about 20 minutes) and I was practically looking out the window by the time it was over. So, no worries, I bombed it, assuring my diagnosis from that doctor at least!

Copied from the source hyperlinked in ProcrastN8R2 post (http://home.iprimus.com.au/rboon/TOVAassessmentforADDADHD.htm)

Continuous performance tests (CPT's) are increasingly being used by clinicians to help diagnose and monitor the treatment of attention problems. These tests measure, more or less reliably, certain behaviours and psychophysiologic responses that correlate with the diagnosis of attention deficit disorders and /or correspond to the construct of an attention deficit.

Research indicates that people with ADHD display difficulties most dramatically in situations requiring sustained attention to dull, boring and repetitive tasks. The T.O.V.A. provides such a task, measures responses and compares them to age norms.


***End Quote

~underlining mine ~ Translation of underlined = this is a realy boring test.

So some one made big bucks creating a very boring test and to think the US goverment does that every year for all it's citizens - they call it income tax forms. :p

Yea, my theripist agreed to give me the test, but the way he described it

"its just a tool to see if ADD is worth investigateing"

....so I guess this test isn't gonna have a whole lot of say~so according to my theripist...

What ever kind of CPT test it is, make sure to ask if it checks Auditory (listening) and Visual attention.

Ask for the Auditory processing/memory test called the PASAT. ADDers usually bomb on that.

You have to hear digits called out, and then add them, but STILL remembering the old digit. Yeesh!

Thanks queen! I'll be sure to ask lol,

I'm sure it will get a wierd look from my theripist, (for some reason he doesn't like the fact that I chat on these forums, and get info about ADD, so im sure when I say request something like that, that I shouldn't know I would pay to hear what he was thinking...)

What ever kind of CPT test it is, make sure to ask if it checks Auditory (listening) and Visual attention.

Ask for the Auditory processing/memory test called the PASAT. ADDers usually bomb on that.

You have to hear digits called out, and then add them, but STILL remembering the old digit. Yeesh!
Hmm . . . That does sound like something I'd bomb. I aced the visual CPT (Connor's), but didn't fare quite so well on the auditory version. The version you mentioned sounds like a nightmare. I'm fine as long as I don't have to manipulate numbers in my head (i.e. the numbers backwards portion of the digit span test).

Vhan, I'd be slightly concerned with the psychiatrist's saying that this is a way to rule "in" ADHD, because those of us with hyperfocus can do well on it and still have ADHD.

Well, im takeing mine today, so I'll let everyone lknow how it goes :p

Ok people, I need your help today,

toay I took that CPT, and well, this is how it went,

My theripist showed me a laptop, and I'll I was supposed to do was hit the spacebar as soon as I could when I saw a letter, except on "X"

,,,,that was it...

did it for like, 14 minutes,

and when the results came back...


THEY WERE SPLIT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE!

50% ADD
50% "Normal"

..........=sigh= I don't know what to think...


My theripist said that some of his clients couldn't even finish the test because it was so boreing,

sure I drifted off, and kinda had this interior dialog running, occassionley reading stuff on his desk, and saying stuff to myself like "I smell better than this guy does"

Help please?

I have taken a few of these types of tests when applying for a job (not ADHD applied), but regardless, I know for myself, and would bet that many of you, know by the structure of the questions how they will shape the results.

Conversely, speaking for myself, I have always done quite well in job interviews and going through the testing, but to have the ADHD (when unchecked) get myself into trouble with the job.

The truth of the matter is that there is way too much testing, assessment, going on out ther. There is a shortage of strategies and direction, after we have been diagnosed and are going through the different med trials.:soapbox:

I have been through meds trials, I took concerta, and it helped!!!!!

but that was in texas.......


I MEAN, I WAN'T TO DO GOOD IN SHCOOL!!!!!!!!!!


I HAVE A FREAKING IQ OF 120-125!


SO IF IM NOT SMART ENOUGHF WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK EH!??

I keep loseing homework, or sometimes I get bored and don't even do it....

I'm getting sick of all this, I remember telling my teachers that I was bored in thier class and they laughfed at me like I was some kind of idiot who didn't get it,

AND IM TIERD OF BEING TREATED THAT WAY

THIS IS GETTING SO EFFING ANNOYING I DON"T KNOW WHY IM NOT MADDER THAN I AM!!!

THIS IS JUST!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK! WHY AM I SUCK A EFFING FAILURE!!!

HUH!

CAN ANYONE ANSER ME THAT!!!


NO THEY CAN'T BECAUSE ALL THEY HAVE TO SAY IS

"its just you being a teenager"
"Do you know what your F***ing problem is? you don't have any responceability"
"stop acting like a fagot"
"stop being lazy"
"you have to start getting serious about this"
"is this what you want for your life?"
"you have had 11 years to make something of yourself, what do you have to show for yourslef, NOTHING!"
"I'm sick of your bullS****"
"You better shape up buddy, because in the real world, no one is going to cut you any slack"
"thats it, I have had it with you, either start careing, or you can go live with your GD mom for all I care"
"Ohhhhhh, thats right, I have ADD....I can't do anything....I'm sorry"
"You have your meds, there is nothing else I can do for you"
"You have your meds, now start showing me something!"
"YOU SEE THOSE MEDS SITTING ON THE TABLE BUDDY! IF YOU DONT DO DOMETHING ME AND YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A EFFING WAR AROUND HERE!"
"DO you WANNA FIGHT ME?"
"Fine, don't care anymore, I don't give a dam"




I'm SICK OF ALL THAT DAMMIT! I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe in yourself.

Don't hold onto the past.

Don't let others or yourself hold you back.

Let go, relax, and be you.......you will like who you are.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

You are a very capable, mature, responsible young man.

Seek God and he will light your path.

Love ya.

Mom

Vhan, actually I take Concerta and it is the best of the meds I use, plus a little Fluoxomine (anti-depressant) for good measure.

The one thing that is very clear to me is that there isn't a lot of listening going on BUT not from you, who you interact with, your parents, teachers, etc.

The real question (and you know the answer) is that you know what you like and what your interests are. They are clouded now because you are dealing with what all of us ADHD'ers deal with every day - and that is how to fit into the norm.

But if you have the resources, to find a mentor and someone to give you a thorough aptitude test to help you measure your strengths, challenges, and scenarios that you feel your abilities and talents will fall into.

If I remember correctly, Thomas Edison was a unruly student and his teacher said that he would not amount to anything. He used his gifts to invent the light bulb. It just didn't happen to be in the textbooks of the school districts then - no way to grade it!

It is very conceivable that you also have a flair for creativity that you can harness into coming up with something unique that you will both enjoy and help other people doing.

Also, I also have a post on a "Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise" on my personal blog that I STRONGLY suggest you look at for yourself. You do this before you do anything else that day, and that in itself will make a difference.

I strongly emphathize and understand your anger and frustration.

That little progressive muscle exercise is going to make a big difference in itself if you can take the challenge to do it every day. You will be pleased, plus routing out the tension in you before your day has even started.

You can do it. You are in the driver's seat.

:)

That is great advice Crazy Dreamer!

The one thing that is very clear to me is that there isn't a lot of listening going on BUT not from you, who you interact with, your parents, teachers, etc.
:)

Not true !!!! Mom here and listening all the time. The other people he interacts with (in person) all listen and are supportive. He has had many tests and each time results don't support ADHD. The shoes just don't fit !!!!!

My son is very much in the driver's seat and I support him.

Without going into great detail for here there is only a limited window in which you all have a glance. But my son is taking matters in his own hands and others are trying to get the answers to his questions. I appreciate all your concerns but truly things are being handled on the home front.

That is great advice Crazy Dreamer!

Thanks Scribeman01.

Not true !!!! Mom here and listening all the time

So mom are you hearing this?


WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK! WHY AM I SUCK A EFFING FAILURE!!!

HUH!

CAN ANYONE ANSER ME THAT!!!


NO THEY CAN'T BECAUSE ALL THEY HAVE TO SAY IS

"its just you being a teenager"
"Do you know what your F***ing problem is? you don't have any responceability"
"stop acting like a fagot"
"stop being lazy"
"you have to start getting serious about this"
"is this what you want for your life?"
"you have had 11 years to make something of yourself, what do you have to show for yourslef, NOTHING!"
"I'm sick of your bullS****"
"You better shape up buddy, because in the real world, no one is going to cut you any slack"
"thats it, I have had it with you, either start careing, or you can go live with your GD mom for all I care"
"Ohhhhhh, thats right, I have ADD....I can't do anything....I'm sorry"
"You have your meds, there is nothing else I can do for you"
"You have your meds, now start showing me something!"
"YOU SEE THOSE MEDS SITTING ON THE TABLE BUDDY! IF YOU DONT DO DOMETHING ME AND YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A EFFING WAR AROUND HERE!"
"DO you WANNA FIGHT ME?"
"Fine, don't care anymore, I don't give a dam"




I'm SICK OF ALL THAT DAMMIT! I'M SICK OF IT


Those are the tapes that are still playing in his head. . . . I have not a clue how long he was subject to that man but it was way too long.

I know this did not happen while he was with you because he took this advice a couple of month ago


either start careing, or you can go live with your GD mom for all I care"


You would be the mom referred to above.


All the testing is great but will ultimately prove useless unless these internal tapes can be removed or partially destroyed and replaced with some thing more approbate. Healing / recovering from the damage his father inflicted is the most important priority {IMHO}


If he could just get over the past he would, we all would, It isn't that easy but I am sure you already know that because you yourself must have been subject to this same type of abuse. . .any man who would treat his son in this shabby manner {and it got worse} probably had little mercy on the mother of that son.

crazydreamer - Many members are not fully aware of the history nor do they know you are Vhan's mother and these horrible tapes we placed in their by his father. . . . so members will reply based upon the information they as individuals have at the time.

We are here as a support and some of us have gotten really fond of Vhan over time. . . no we aren't a parent but we do want to be supportive in his efforts to achieve his potential. With this being said please be patent with other members who respond, understanding many are fairly new thus they have only what is written in the thread to go by and are not trying to be accusing any way.

Thanks Meadd823 !!!!!!!!

Trying hard to get those tapes erase !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe that to be the root of the problem. That is why I posted earlier "to let go of the past" and "don't let others or yourself hold you back." Thinking it is hard for Vhan to believe that his anger towards his dad is effecting him the way it is. The things that his dad and older brother have done and said...........HURTS.

Thinking it is time to start healing the hurt and stop looking elsewhere for answers to problems that don't exist. Vhan has been so hurt and let down by his dad that he is really confused and lost. The boy went to live with his dad to gain a better relationship but got nothing.

I truly appreciate everyone's support and this site. Allowing Vhan freedom to talk and hopefully sort things out without adding to the confusion in his mind.

Thanks.

I believe that to be the root of the problem

Yes I can see where some thing along the lines of PTSD would share many symptoms of ADD even to the individual. Until the PTSD or similar condition is addressed ADD would be difficult to effectively determine- they share many symptoms. Besides addressing ADD or any other condition without addressing the trauma would render any treatments incomplete and possibly ineffective.

A lot of our members are not clinically or officially diagnosed . . . .many have PTSD as well. Vhan is a special young man and has contributed a lot to the forums. He is by no means alone in his struggles with forgotten home work, feeling of failure. He has helped many other young people who suffer the same problems by letting them know they aren't alone and encouraging them to see them selves in a positive light. . .now if he could just see himself in one. . . {yes Vhan that is a not so subtle hint:D}

I took a cantab test every other week for twelve weeks while on a ADHD study.

First, I sincerely apologize to you Crazy Dreamer. My intent (although it may came off that way) was not to criticize or be a back seat driver. It is to easy to take that role in this kind of situation.

I fully respect what you as a parent are going through as well as what Vhan needs to do.

This is where I am going with this:

In my post, I was trying to positively advocate that Vhan take the steps to really assess who he is, what are his gifts, what is he capable of doing. Then, he identifies those and builds on them. As ADHD'ers we do have to toot on our own trains so to speak.

At the same time, as I was poorly portraying what I meant by not listening, what I was trying to say is that he must take that first step to very seriously assess who he is and to put everything together that he does have the talents and abilities for. When I say listening, that his support system stand firm on him doing a very serious self-assessment of himself. And with the listening, that he and his support structure HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE for him committing to being true to himself, and using his time constructively to build upon what his assets are.

One can only imagine, but very truly respect what you have been going through as his parent, while what he has been going through as a ADHD person. That doesn't matter - he still has to take a proactive step for himself - and the people that are listening and supporting him, must hold him accountable to take these steps.

Again, please accept my deep and sincere apologies for coming across the wrong way. I respect and admire what you have as a parent are doing, on top of all of the other demands we go through to raise our families.

As I have shared in earlier posts and on my blog, I have been battling ADHD since early childhood. I have been on the same side of the fence as your son, however I have always worked hard and never used ADHD as an excuse for not moving forward (given that it is still a struggle in streaks).

By the listening part, that he does is part to start doing the self-assessment of his assets and gifts and that everyone who is working hard to support him listens to that, to keep him on course and to hold him accountable.

What I would say to you Vhan, is I am personally giving you a challenge to start working on this list. In your next post, please share with us what you think your strong points are (just those).

I will start off with the first one:

1) You are articulate.

Give us some more and let's talk this through . . . .:)

Hi Vhan, here is a part of the Progressive Muscle Relaxation excercise (http://adhd-work-it.blogspot.com/2007/07/adhd-brain-tweak-1-increasing-your.html) that you may strongly consider to start each and every day.

You can follow it as it is listed below, but best someone that is "neutral" to burn it to a CD or cassette for you to play each day while you do it.

Whether we are ADHD or not, this will help to cleanse the tension and the "demons" we battle with ourselves each day to function.

Here it is:

1) Wrinkle your forehead - relax.
2) Frown and Crease Your Brows - relax.
3) Close your eyes tighter & tighter - relax.
4) Clench your jaws & bite your teeth together - relax.
5) Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth - let your lips part slightly.
6) Press your head back head back as far as it will go - feel the neck tension.
7) Roll your head to the right - feel the tension.
8) Roll your head to the left - feel the tension - now relax.
9) Shrug your shoulders right up - feel the tension - release.
10) Shrug your shoulders again - move them around - relax
11) Take a deep breath - hold it as long as you can - release.
This makes a big difference right here.

If you have made it this far, you have also reduced your chances for a migraine headache. :)-

What do you say? :):)

is I am personally giving you a challenge to start working on this list. In your next post, please share with us what you think your strong points are (just those).

Easier said than done..........

Each time I think of one, I just get badderd by one example after another of why it isn't true....

I can't fine any real reasons to beleive in these "strong points"

if they are anything more than illusions I have made for myself....

Yes Vhan needs to see the light, his light !!!! The things going thru his head are those put there by his dad and brother !!!! He won't work with the therapist on the list of things that have been lined out. The therapist even talked to him about Progressive Muscle Relaxation excercise (http://adhd-work-it.blogspot.com/2007/07/adhd-brain-tweak-1-increasing-your.html). Therefore the therapist is requesting that Vhan go to a different therapist. He will now have down time before getting in to see another therapist, intake, and start sorting things from scratch.

Some might rejoice in the fact that Vhan is changing therapist. I certainly do not like the fact that once again starting from scratch and no one getting the entire picture. Alot of valuable time is being wasted. How many therapist will there be if Vhan chooses again not to participate.

Vhan's test and actions do not support ADHD !!!!! The med he really needs to be on he refuses to take.

Some has suggested Vhan has alters, I just don't see it. Once again as mention in this thread what he hears are the things/tapes running thru his head from his dad and brother. The feelings he feels of being hated stem from how his dad treated him and the hatred Vhan now carries toward his dad.

Yes Vhan needs to make the first step - self assessment- as it was mentioned earlier. Which he has done but when Vhan gets put on the spot and held accountable Vhan shuts down. Current therapist is very capable and eager to help but Vhan doesn't participate.

Lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

Scribeman01 your challenge to Vhan is good. Will he response ???

Meadd823 I know you and everyone else has the best in mind for Vhan. Vhan is very helpful to others but you can't continue to help others and not help yourself.

Therefore the therapist is requesting that Vhan go to a different therapist. He will now have down time before getting in to see another therapist, intake, and start sorting things from scratch.Some might rejoice in the fact that Vhan is changing therapist. I certainly do not like the fact that once again starting from scratch and no one getting the entire picture. Alot of valuable time is being wasted. How many therapist will there be if Vhan chooses again not to participate.Well, now, the therapist himself is passing his client along to someone else. It often happens that a therapist and client are a poor match, and NOTHING can be accomplished in that environment. There has to be a doctor/patient type relationship built on mutual trust and respect and if that is not happening? Then THAT is the true waste of time. Trust and respect are not things that come easily to all people...and therapists and doctors are, in the end, just people, as is everybody else.

I have had some of the most terrible doctors and therapists imaginable for me over the years, and I have also been lucky enough to have some of the very best in the business. I was very lucky and very grateful to have had the excellent ones.

If the relationship between Vhan and his current therapist was a poor fit, then I for one would rejoice in his freedom to find and choose a therapist who would potentially be a better match and allow him to feel the trust essential for therapy to be productive.

That is great advice Crazy Dreamer!Sure it is! If only it were as easily done as it is said, Scribeman. Years and years of abuse and misunderstanding typically take years of treatment to recover from, unfortunately. Vhan has a long road ahead of him, and needs all the support he can get. I know this from personal experience as do many other people here at ADDF. Therapy is not easy work, not by a long chalk.

Some has suggested Vhan has alters, I just don't see it. Once again as mention in this thread what he hears are the things/tapes running thru his head from his dad and brother. The feelings he feels of being hated stem from how his dad treated him and the hatred Vhan now carries toward his dad.
Has a doctor said this? A therapist? A hospital staff? If so then I would take that as a very serious diagnosis and respond accordingly. As an abuse survivor, one among very many here, I can verify that things are not so black and white as to "this is all so-and-so's fault" because as easy as it is to find and blame a covert abuser, there are quite often feelings of abandonment and rage toward the peole who did not notice, did not see, did not step in and stop the abuse at the time it occurred, even if that was not a viable option at the time and seems illogical.

The feelings of a person who has been abused are often mixed toward all the people around them. This does not have to make sense to anybody other than the patient and a trustworthy therapist will understand this, support this and aid the patient in sorting out the mixed emotions...and some of those emotions may just remain mixed in the end.


Lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. If the water is foul and does not taste good? Then the horse will be inclined not to drink that water...and learn to mistrust the person who leads them as well.


Vhan's ability to reach out to and help others is, IMHO, a sign that he is willing and able to make contact and enter into mutually trusting bonds. Even if he himself believes himself to be an outsider, he is willing to risk that to be with others, even if only in an internet environment. For many people, this type of contact feels a whole lot safer than face-to-face contact, and it can take an indeterminate period of time for a person to feel safer elsewhere.

Vhan, you are a truly lovely person. I like you and my children like you, and we don't just make random choices :) it takes a special person to be in our lives, and that means you, kiddo!

Has a doctor said this? A therapist? A hospital staff?
My hospital staff decited to direct me to a theripist who has experience with DID, because they suspeced that there was some kind of trama, however myself, my family, or my theripist can't find any trama...

Because of that, my theripist beleives its "fictional DID", and there isn't any evidence to prove him wrong...


f the relationship between Vhan and his current therapist was a poor fit
yea, me and my theripist was a poor fit...

everyday I was eager to go to counciling, but when I sat in that room with that guy, I just didn't trust him,
I didn't like him, and I really didn't want to talk to him....

this may sound very....strange, but I didn't feel like I could cry in front of him, so there were subjects I wanted to avoid...


I just never really felt like he was listioning to what I was saying...

this type of contact feels a whole lot safer than face-to-face contact, and it can take an indeterminate period of time for a person to feel safer elsewhere.

I can assure you that I'm just as social in the public as I am here on the forums...

Sure it is! If only it were as easily done as it is said, Scribeman. Years and years of abuse and misunderstanding typically take years of treatment to recover from, unfortunately. Vhan has a long road ahead of him, and needs all the support he can get. I know this from personal experience as do many other people here at ADDF. Therapy is not easy work, not by a long chalk.

yea, but according to EVERYONE there is NO ABUSE! or misunderstanding for that matter...



This is why its so confuseing............

One idea: hypnotherapy. ;) That may uncover anything that may be repressed. IF you would feel safe enough to go under with whatever therapist you find, and they would be skilled at this method of treatment. :) Of course I cannot give medical advice...and some might holler about that whole "implanted memory" thing too...hard to say if its a good idea or not anymore. It used to be employed rather often in the past, but I am totally unsure about its usage in today's therapy environment.

Meadd823 I know you and everyone else has the best in mind for Vhan. Vhan is very helpful to others but you can't continue to help others and not help yourself.

I do not agree there are times when the best help has come from looking out side of my self and seeing my fellow man. IN helping them I inadvertently help my self. One thread of commonality I have seen across faiths and even among those h who have none is what comes around goes around. If Vhan keeps putting good Karma out there the it will be returned.

Beyond this I can not even begin to tell you how many times I have gotten on here and helped others with a problem only to find I was actually being helped all along when self wasn't even in the picture.

As I have pointed out before I am far from some young thing and have experienced my own demons of abuse. The last damn thing I wanted was some one else telling me I had to be "x" or else. . . . if meditation or relaxation doesn't gel with him then perhaps a fun exercise like roller blading would. Exercise is an excellent out let for pent up frustration, hostility as well as depression and ADD.

Mayo Clinic - disociative disorders (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dissociative-disorders/DS00574)

Causes
Dissociative disorders usually develop as a mechanism for coping with trauma. The disorders most often form in children subjected to chronic physical, sexual or emotional abuse or, less frequently, a home environment that is otherwise frightening or highly unpredictable.

Personal identity is still forming during childhood, and during these malleable years a child is more able than is an adult to step outside herself or himself and observe trauma as though it's happening to a different person. A child who learns to dissociate in order to endure an extended period of his or her youth may reflexively use this coping mechanism in response to stressful situations throughout life.


People who experience chronic physical, sexual or emotional abuse during childhood are at greatest risk of developing dissociative disorders.
***End Quote\

~underling and text color change mine~

By making the suggestion this could be your problem then a possibility of abuse, sever and extended must enter the equation.

Signs and symptoms (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dissociative-disorders/DS00574/DSECTION=2)

Depersonalization disorder. This disorder is characterized by a sudden sense of being outside yourself, observing your actions from a distance as though watching a movie. It may be accompanied by a perceived distortion of the size and shape of your body or of other people and objects around you. Time may seem to slow down, and the world may seem unreal. Symptoms may last only a few moments or may wax and wane over many years.
***End Quote

I identify most with this one. I was exposed to sporadic abuse mostly physical or emotional when young and in foster care mid-elementary . I lived in a healthy environment When I was 12, I was abused sexually by my step father {who also exploited me} . I still have a mild form of DID. I do not loose memory and my memory is no longer distorted {or I have made adjustments, kind of like I do for my dyslexia}

My thinking pattern literally changes, but at least I get to flip the switch consciously more often than not.

I do not have the bad tapes playing in my head every waking minute. I do not feel bad about who I am or what I am. I no longer feel guilty for what happened to me I. I no longer feel like the bad guy. I have some anxiety issues although I do not feel the anxiety mentally {I am too ADD :D } I react physically with muscle spasms and head aches from hell.

.

I still use a variation of this I was irresolvable because I did not receive help until I was in my 30’s but I was high functioning so it was “ integrated ” and I can have resemblances of relationships with people in an intimate way although it is difficult.

I found the following form of therapy to be the most effective.

Dissociative disorders-treatments
(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dissociative-disorders/DS00574/DSECTION=8)

Creative art therapy. This type of therapy uses the creative process to help people who might have difficulty expressing their thoughts and feelings. Creative arts can help you increase self-awareness, cope with symptoms and traumatic experiences, and foster positive changes. Creative art therapy includes art, dance and movement, drama, music and poetry.



As therapy progressed this was gradually added

Cognitive therapy. This type of talk therapy helps you identify unhealthy, negative beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, positive ones. It's based on the idea that your own thoughts — not other people or situations — determine how you behave. Even if an unwanted situation has not changed, you can change the way you think and behave in a positive way.

***End Quote

Vhan you are younger so you may have a better chance at being able to recover and function at an even higher level. Most people can not tell even when they meet me in person because it is integrated that well, Before therapy my seven years olds called it my "Spock mode". . .


In my opinion in order to be effective a therapist has to almost be empathic but intuitive with compassion will due. I had to see a specialist who dealt with resistant DID and PTSD. She was very good, she lead the therapy with her heart and soul. If you do have this like I did any hint of hypocrisy, arrogance, or bad attitude will be instantly detected and it will repel you like oil added to water.


When you have DID you may not realize it, I didn't and neither did any one else for a long time. Yes it can happen in those with ADD, I was born ADHD. . . .the identity thing didn't happen until I was older and it did not cure my ADD either. Surface friendship are possible, I was seen as friendly most of the timeat school and stuff. I didn't have problem making friends but I was unable to let any one in on an intimate level which screwed with my marriages {and choices of partners}

My hospital staff decited to direct me to a theripist who has experience with DID, because they suspeced that there was some kind of trama, however myself, my family, or my theripist can't find any trama...

Because of that, my theripist beleives its "fictional DID", and there isn't any evidence to prove him wrong...

I can assure you that I'm just as social in the public as I am here on the forums...

yea, but according to EVERYONE there is NO ABUSE! or misunderstanding for that matter...

This is why its so confuseing............

You are trying to fit molds that truly don't fit.
NO ONE in the medical profession has found trama or DID.

Sorry Vhan you are not as social in public as you might think.

Regarding the therapist: When you lead the horse to water with good intentions and don't know the water is tainted.......that is NO REASON to start distrusting the leader. Please don't put that idea in my son's head. Vhan and I will work out the therapist issue. Vhan knows he has my love and support.

Regarding helping others as a means to help yourself: I agree, but in Vhan's case it is easier for him to help others and neglect his own needs.

Like Scribeman01 challenge.......Vhan start working on Vhan.


People I am not here to debate. You ALL have given some good advice.
But time is limited........internet wise. House in being remodeled and internet will be shut down. Internet down time is unknown.

So don't have the luxury to keep explaining.

Take care.

Regarding the therapist: When you lead the horse to water with good intentions and don't know the water is tainted.......that is NO REASON to start distrusting the leader. Please don't put that idea in my son's head. Vhan and I will work out the therapist issue. Vhan knows he has my love and support.

Well, regarding the concept of Theory of Mind (I've studied it, which none should find surprising), the horse does not know that the leader was unaware that the water was tainted in the first place. Even if the leader was truly unaware that the water was tainted, it also could be due to the reasoning as to why the leader was unaware that the water was tainted in the first place. There's a huge difference between not witnessing the water being tainted and not knowing that doing X taints water Y in the first place. These statements are not meant to imply anything, however, they do outline some of the possibilities.

People I am not here to debate. You ALL have given some good advice.
But time is limited........internet wise. House in being remodeled and internet will be shut down. Internet down time is unknown.

Wow, that's going to be hard. I couldn't imagine life without the Internet, as well as a remodeling job that affects the entire house at the same time. I know people who have rebuilt homes while living in them, and they're still not finished years later. I wish the best for you and your son.

Sorry Vhan you are not as social in public as you might think.
I am, I'm just stuck in a house with my mom...nothing aginst you but I would rather be talking to my friends...I am a teenager after all :p

You should have seen me in texas jumping up and down giveing people hugs, and piggy back rides in the school lot in front of all the school busses...

Regarding helping others as a means to help yourself: I agree, but in Vhan's case it is easier for him to help others and neglect his own needs.
yea, but helping outhers just makes me feel god about myself...sure I feel guilty because after I do whatever I do to cheer this outher person up, or whatever, I kinda question why I can't do the same thing for myself...

Its hard for me to accept that kind of help from someone, because each time they start wanting to get in there, knowing what is wrong and trying to help me, I dono, I just...

They become a threat, and they Need to be pushed away...

Regarding the therapist: When you lead the horse to water with good intentions and don't know the water is tainted.......that is NO REASON to start distrusting the leader. Please don't put that idea in my son's head. Vhan and I will work out the therapist issue. Vhan knows he has my love and support.That was simply a metaphor for what is likely to happen. Never did I say it would happen and its not a way to put thoughts in anybody's head. Its simply an observation and something I have picked up through extensive reading and treatment over the years. I never said that he doubted you, that would be up to him to declare.

NO ONE in the medical profession has found trama or DID. Crazy Feet is the one who has been pursuing the issue of alters, etc.
According to Vhan, the hospital mentioned this as a possibility, so I choose to respond to that. Vhan's life with his father DOES qualify as trauma, as Meadd pointed out, and that's what I see. I respond to what I personally see, regardless of the words of others. I was taught this in therapy too, and explained this to my own parents:

Just because you did not see it or do not remember it, does not mean it did not happen.

Sorry Crazydreamer, but generally one parent does not have the entire story, especially when there has been a divorce. I resent being attacked as the perpetrator of some type of theory. I am working from a position stemming from the information I have been given.

I do have to say that if you did not come to debate, Vhan did come here to seek support and comradery. Perhaps this place ought to be a safe haven for him, free from all inteference from his real life. I would personally resent it very strongly if a member of my family or anybody from my real life came here to refute what I was saying.

My own children are members here. I do not cross any boundaries when they post. We may kid around throughout the threads, but if they post in the teen's section, or choose to journal, no matter how I feel about what they have said, they are entitled to their feelings. I believe that to do anything else would be an invasion of their privacy.

that would be up to him to declare.

Of course I don't doubt my mom :p

Of course I don't doubt my mom :pSee? Then that's all well and good! I take my cues from you, and nobody else Vhan. You are a member in good standing here.

Like Scribeman01 challenge.......Vhan start working on Vhan.
Take care.

Vhan - you can do it Man! One of the things of having a lot of past trauma (know myself), is we have to figure out how to stop the repeated tape recordings in our heads of repeated negatives and past traumas (I did not say blow them off). They play havoc with our brains! By all means, you very articularly explain many of the things that you need to resolve.

But, in order to do that, like an athlete, musician, or artist, you have to CONDITION your brain to best equip yourself to resolve these problems. Then tackle them, concurrently!

Try the exercise I gave you and/or consider some of the other conditioning options here mentioned by our fellow posters. Use the appropriate Vhan pro-active methods to fight these demons and STOP the negative tape recordings.

But you have to personally equip yourself to do this Vhan! Your support structure, beginning with your wonderful Mom has, and will be there to positively reinforce your positive actions to achieve this.

Best to you and your great mom, Crazy Dreamer! :):)

Ok, whatever, here it goes.

I'm smart, I have a IQ of a 120-125 (I make strait Fs in school, my adverage GPA is like, 2.0....)

I'm a artist (my notebook is so small tough....bareley anything in it worth looking at....)

I'm a good moder/animator (is that why I didn't get the student award because I was good? no, there was a reason I didn't get it, and that was because I was to fat and lazy to actually do anything but sit there and cry during class)

I'm a aspireing game designer (with nothing to show for himself...NOTHING! all thes outher kids who make strait As and all this outher stuff that lets them carry around this badge, I don't have any of that....I have nothing to show for myself or to prove my aspireation to become a great game designer...)

I can play the paino, and the voilin (yea, but I can't read sheet music at all, all I can do is improvise, and maybe it doesn't sound half bad, but its not half decent either..)

I have watched a lot of things I have cared about fall apart in my hands, and have just been told that I don't care about it, and that I was to lazy to do anything about it...

I tried, and tried to just SUCEED!....and for some reason....I just....couldn't....

I cried during classes, I left them in tears, And I was still called lazy, even by a few of my teachers...

Nothing seemed to work...........

That all has definitley letf some kind of impact...

And now....I look back, and I don't have anything to show for myself, its like if there was a guy standing infront of me, and he asked "what have you done with your life so far"

Of course I have the most importent answer for him, (fellow christians you know what i'm talking about)

but, for people like my father, that just isn't enoughf....

I don't have anything to show people like him..and that sucks, royaley,

now im ranting I guess...

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I'm a good moder/animator (is that why I didn't get the student award because I was good? no, there was a reason I didn't get it, and that was because I was to fat and lazy to actually do anything but sit there and cry during class)

You know you are a good moder/animator. You and/or others have validated this. Elaborate please . . .


I'm a aspireing game designer (with nothing to show for himself...NOTHING! all thes outher kids who make strait As and all this outher stuff that lets them carry around this badge, I don't have any of that....I have nothing to show for myself or to prove my aspireation to become a great game designer...)

I am not sure what why you are apologizing for being an aspiring game designer. Are all these other kids that make straight A's also aspring game designers. What makes you think that they are going to be good at what you are good at? And, you are young. Hyperfocus and be tenacious while you explore what you love to do. This is a positive Vhan. Work it! (Go back to the Thomas Edison scenario - he got a lot of F's but still invented the light bulb!)

I can play the paino, and the voilin (yea, but I can't read sheet music at all, all I can do is improvise, and maybe it doesn't sound half bad, but its not half decent either..)

I am willing to bet that you can hear any note and tell someone what that note is. Either you have very "Relative" or "Perfect" pitch - plus a great appreciation for a diverse range of music types. (I picked up on that right away!)

I have watched a lot of things I have cared about fall apart in my hands, and have just been told that I don't care about it, and that I was to lazy to do anything about it...

You are the best judge of that Vhan, and how tenacious you are to pursue your livelihoods. I believe you possess tenacity. The one thing we that want that a million dollars won't buy, is a sense of our personal achievement because of our persistance in pursuing it. Forget what someone else says, especially if they really don't "get it." But do not cheat yourself by looking for negative validations to reinforce your not moving forward with your initiatives. Again, it's those negative tapes that keep playing in our minds that have to stop.
I tried, and tried to just SUCEED!....and for some reason....I just....couldn't....

There is nothing wrong with showing emotions under the right conditions. Think about this Vhan, some of the most successful people in the world became that way, because they had to fail many times first - to learn how to succeed. Think this through . . .
I cried during classes, I left them in tears, And I was still called lazy, even by a few of my teachers...

Nothing seemed to work...........

Where do you think the "lazy" labels are coming from and why? Do you feel that these are fair labels, OR is there something you are wrestling with yourself that you want to overcome?

That all has definitley letf some kind of impact...

And now....I look back, and I don't have anything to show for myself, its like if there was a guy standing infront of me, and he asked "what have you done with your life so far"

Of course I have the most importent answer for him, (fellow christians you know what i'm talking about)

but, for people like my father, that just isn't enoughf....

I don't have anything to show people like him..and that sucks, royaley,

now im ranting I guess...

It sounds like you feel the need to please other people for personal validation. I have fought with that a long time myself Vhan. But you have to ask yourself one big question:

Are you living your life to be what you can be, or trying to adapt to someone else's way of living? Pick and choose what you like about other people that you want to adapt to yourself, but don't compromise your abilities and gifts to cripple what you do well and best.

Tell us more - this is a good start . . .:)

well, yea, in a lot of ways actually....

I mean, I was kind of a firm believer that if you were doing something well, you didn't have to say anything, outher people would say it for you...

So, I kind of developed this little habbit, I would base the value of whatever it was on how much the people I showed it too appraised it...

But....now even when I DO findmyself getting that praise, I blow it off....

I hardley ever take a compliment, for the most part, a lot of people have good things to say about me, but I always wave them down with "I really didn't do anything special"

I'm just not comfortable takeing compliments from people, there was actually a incident on the forums here were a member said "your a very smart and creative kid"

I told him "Don't say things like that, I find it hurtfull, and rude"

about the modler/animator....

well, I use a programm called Lightwave 3D...I use it to model and animate 3d objects, there was a class for it that I was takeing in school, and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried my projects were always late, incomplete, or lacking...

I stayed after school ended untill 7:00...school ends at 4:05, even came in on the weekend ounce..

but My compuder kept crashing because of a simple lile error I was doing, and didn't even realize I was doing it...

my teacher told me "maybe if you stoped crying, and actually got some work done I could pass you"

I had had it, the project was due in two days, and I hadn't even finished the first 40 something frames....less than a second of animation, when I needed 45 seconds...

I was trying to get the animation student award.....I didn't get it...to add insult to ingury I overheard the girl who got it say "I don't know why I got it, I'm always talking "lol"

....that...was....I wont get into the details here, but some of the outher members know...to put it in short...that award ment more to me than anyone in that room could have possibley known...

Thats what I NEEDED to show people that I was SOMETHING! ANYTHING!! that I was serious about what I was doing....

I'm asamed everytime I bring up the fact that im some sort of aspireing game designer, because I always feel like they aren't takeing me seriousley...ofcourse, its not like I have anything to show them....

It sounds like you feel the need to please other people for personal validation]
well, yea, in a lot of ways actually....

I mean, I was kind of a firm believer that if you were doing something well, you didn't have to say anything, outher people would say it for you...

So, I kind of developed this little habbit, I would base the value of whatever it was on how much the people I showed it too appraised it...

I hardley ever take a compliment, for the most part, a lot of people have good things to say about me, but I always wave them down with "I really didn't do anything special"

I'm just not comfortable takeing compliments from people, there was actually a incident on the forums here were a member said "your a very smart and creative kid"

I told him "Don't say things like that, I find it hurtfull, and rude"

I understand your thought process here. You have shared another positive here about yourself. You are humble which is very honorable. There is nothing wrong with being humble. There is a BIG difference between when someone compliments you, and when you sense that someone is just PATRONIZING you just to make you feel good. As you get older, you pick these people out faster and easier. You quickly determine which people are "walking the walk" while "talking the talk." That's what I believe you perceived. That person may have also been very good intentioned, but just gracefully and quietly thank them, personally evaluate if that is helpful for you to retain in your mind for your positives.

On the other hand, when you know you are receiving a compliment that is a true measure of an action or deed by you, you have to allow yourself to process and retain the compliment and build upon it. Do you think you are being fair to yourself if you only allow the negative tape recordings play back in your mind each time? There is an extremely important book you need to get your hands on FAST - it will help you with this considerably. It is easy to read in sections so you don't get overwhelmed: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. He wrote this book well over 50 years ago. Ask your local librarian if they have a copy. Most successful people know how to be humble as you (and I am), while not sacrificing personal worth. Very, very important - please, find this book . . . and you are on your way to putting this particular issue to rest. Please let us know as soon as you get this book - ask your Mom if she is familiar with it, or to get it for you. VERY IMPORTANT PROACTIVE STEP HERE FOR MR. VHAN!

about the modler/animator....

well, I use a programm called Lightwave 3D...I use it to model and animate 3d objects, there was a class for it that I was takeing in school, and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried my projects were always late, incomplete, or lacking...

I stayed after school ended untill 7:00...school ends at 4:05, even came in on the weekend ounce..

but My compuder kept crashing because of a simple lile error I was doing, and didn't even realize I was doing it...

my teacher told me "maybe if you stoped crying, and actually got some work done I could pass you."

I had had it, the project was due in two days, and I hadn't even finished the first 40 something frames....less than a second of animation, when I needed 45 seconds...

Understanding that the computer was at school, regardless of whether the computer was crashing because of something you were doing, or because of a software/hardware issue, did you inform your teacher of the problem right away? You have to give the teacher something to work with right away if there is a problem IMMEDIATELY. You can explain to the teacher what the problem is, and even IMPRESS them by explaining the steps you have taken to attempt to resolve the project so you can continue on to completion. By doing this, you are making it clear that there is a software/hardware problem that you don't know how to resolve, so that the teacher will understand to help correct the problems preventing you from completing the project. You are not compromising your commitment to the quality or completion of your project. That is a very reasonable request on your part. Otherwise, if you are already past deadline with the crashes going on, then it is more slanted and easier for the teacher to think that there is a procrastination factor going on. Are we together on this?

I was trying to get the animation student award.....I didn't get it...to add insult to ingury I overheard the girl who got it say "I don't know why I got it, I'm always talking "lol"

....that...was....I wont get into the details here, but some of the outher members know...to put it in short...that award ment more to me than anyone in that room could have possibley known...

Thats what I NEEDED to show people that I was SOMETHING! ANYTHING!! that I was serious about what I was doing....

Most teachers I have had or know, go out of their way to be fair, objective, and advocates for all their students. But is also possible this isolated event could have been more "political" than based on merit. You, yourself said that other students indicated that you should have won the award. You overheard the other girl express surprise that she even won it.

Let me share one story with you. I played Clarinet in a high school concert band. Like you, I could improvise and had perfect pitch, but because the Clarinet is a "C" instrument, I had absolutely no business playing the clarinet. I should have stayed with the piano. None of the instructors picked up on that. But here is the story, because I had perfect pitch and kept transposing C scale notes to B-flat clarinet, I had some challenges and remained in last chair. However, in order to get to a higher chair, you have to "challenge" that person in front of the teacher to demonstrate skill and that you are meritous of exchanging positions with that person. Like you, I worked very hard at it and felt that I did better than this very attractive girl. I challenged her at least three times, and even though I knew that I played better, was always turned down. It frustrated me, like you. Right after I graduated, for some reason, this music teacher left the school district to drive a commercial bus. NOW, let's turn the clock ahead about 30 years. This same individual returned to music teaching in a smaller school district. I learned in a newscast that this same teacher got arrested for enticing his high school girl students and wound up going to jail . . .

To sum up: you received validation and confirmation from other students about the merit of your project, and the lack thereof from what you overheard from that girl. Instead of crying though, I would have approached that teacher to help you better understand his/her criteria and to share your thoughts. Winning or losing the competition at this point is not as relavant. Your honor and self-worth are - and you reinforce that for yourself by defending that. You may also get a new respect from that teacher, above and beyond whoever got the award, because you are demonstrating to that teacher that you believe in yourself, your work and your worth. And that is the way of the world VHAN. No one but you have the power to do that. Then, you are much stronger for the next time!

I'm asamed everytime I bring up the fact that im some sort of aspireing game designer, because I always feel like they aren't takeing me seriousley...of course, its not like I have anything to show them....

There is nothing to be ashamed about! Everyone has their aspirations, dreams to get to where they want to be. You are no different. BUT you hve to be true to yourself - HOW HARD AND CONSISTENTLY ARE YOU WORKING AT IT? The rest will take care of itself, based on your time, merit, and progressive accomplishements. Is that fair? :)

There is a easy answer for this concern, Vhan. Seek out persons that are students or professionals in this area. Or, at least graphic or commercial designers that you can hook up with, or to correspond with. There is always people that are willing to help you, if you are serious and show that you are consistent in pursuit to become a Gaming Designer. They also had their ups and downs, and plenty of trial and error along the way - no different than what you are experiencing. You always improve yourself, by seeking persons who have the experience and drive. This positively will transmit back to you . . .

Keep it going Vhan. This is a good discussion! :)

:)

HOW HARD AND CONSISTENTLY ARE YOU WORKING AT IT?
At this I can't help but kinda get flustrated at you, and smile at the same time...honestley I have a little smirk on my face that keeps growing as I write this,

I have to log off soon to get everything moved out of my room so I'll keep this short.

for the past FOUR YEARS I have been developing a project,

Think of it as a "incubater" of my game design :)

I have been watching this grow, slowley,

And it is my single piece of evidece that I am indeed a aspireing game designer,

I take tha dream very seriousley


as I put it "My dream is what makes of the reality of me"

:p

Now you have made me smile and actually very intrigued and pleased to hear you are doing this. You do have a focus. You are slowly (and conservativley) developing it. I have a nephew who just graduated from high school who also had "issues" but he has developed his interests in computer web hosting, development, and has become one hell of a great writer. He is starting college next year, but is now averaging $600 a day in earnings. He learned by doing, and earning virtually nothing as he learned. There is a direct parallel there Vhan. In fact, you could be well ahead of where your peers are, because they don't have the knowledge level you are accruing doing this. How can they honestly critique or validate what they don't know that you do.

Look at the big change in just our discussing this, and how passionate and confident you are in your abilities to grow this.:)

But I still stand on my two recommended action steps for you. GET THE BOOK. Incorporate the exercise before you start your day. It will help you control all of this negative interference. I KNOW. :):)

AND to help you successfully market your future gaming endeavor.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You do have a plan. Stick with it.

But, please, you must now CONDITION YOUR BRAIN before you start each day. I am repeating myself, but I feel from personal experience how important this is for you to help yourself clear the clutter that is interfering with the though process and unnecessarily tapping your self-confidence.

Let's keep talking . . . nice way to this day!:):)

Thanks Scribeman01 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks all.

Take care everyone.

Getting ready to shut down internet for a while.

Yea scribe man, intenet will be down, im stealing as much time as I can trying to write this right now :p

I'm really not so convinced yet that this project will really put me over my peers...


I mean, I TOLD MY DAD HOW IMPORTENT THIS PROJECT WAS TO ME.....................


that didn't stop him from attacking it.........


In fact, he kinda used it like a backboard for all of his outher insults...

Some post are not exactly supportive and the thread has been closed for reconstruction of attitudes and possibly a few post. It will be reopen when the moderators Adderall has had time to take effect, renovations are completed and some members have had time to regain composure.