View Full Version : Anybody else have trouble keeping house?


Jett
07-15-07, 05:54 PM
I am not the best housekeeper in the world but I am learning.

What I can't figure out is WHY I work so hard to almost get the house clean and then I don't finish it. As a result the house gets dirty and messy again before I can start on it again. I feel as if I am running in circles.

My mom says to take one room at a time but I get bored being in one room too long and I am so worried about the other rooms that must be done. It's like I want to do it all now. I will start in the living room and then end up in the kitchen. If I find something in the kitchen that belongs in the bathroom, I see that the toilet needs to be scrubbed and start on that but won't finish it because I get bored and want to do something else. Well I guess you all get the idea.

Does anybody have this type of problem?

Why am I like this and how can I break this cycle? I am tired of living in a mess and am always embarrassed when someone knocks on my door or needs to come in.

Imnapl
07-15-07, 05:56 PM
Anybody else have trouble keeping house?

Is the Pope catholic?

That's why I will be working outside the home until the grave.

piglet
07-16-07, 07:56 AM
well, I work to help pay the mortgage so we can keep the house!

But as far as cleaning it? I am soooooo not a natural at that. It's like a housework dyslexia. I can sit amidst chaos, bothered by it but unable to see a way to deal with it, until maybe sometime the lgihtbubl goes off, and I suddently realize "oh, I can do THIS with that, and that can go there, and I can get rid ofthat entirely..." but more often, I'm just all whelmed over by housework, can't fathom how people just get it done.

Lady Lark
07-16-07, 10:25 AM
Maybe instaead of doing a room at a time, you can do a chore at a time. So put away things, then vacum, then dust, then mop, etc. That would keep you moving around the house so you're not traped in one room for a long time.

You could also try assigning a different chore to the days of the week. Here laundry day is Friday, and always is unless we're not going to be here that day. Shopping is the weekend, etc. It breaks up the chores so it's not all pilled on in one day cause that gets overwhelming, and then I don't want to do any of it.

And music. Loud, get your rear in gear kinda music.

Tara
07-16-07, 03:19 PM
You know what I have learned is that many people don't get it done themselves. So many of those people I thought just magically kept their homes clean actually have people coming in to help clean/organize. I think one of the biggest differences between them and us and they don't feel the shame that many of us do.

Honeybunnie8
07-17-07, 05:22 PM
I am terrible at house cleaning. I just got married and I have been attempting to keep it clean, or cleanish. its hard though, seems to matter how much I do it never seems like its enough. it seems like when i try to keep one thing clean and organized other things get outof control...But I told my new hubby before we got married I will need a houekeeper, even if its just like a once every 2 weeks kinda thing to keep on top of stuff.

Lady Lark
07-17-07, 11:41 PM
You know what I have learned is that many people don't get it done themselves. So many of those people I thought just magically kept their homes clean actually have people coming in to help clean/organize. I think one of the biggest differences between them and us and they don't feel the shame that many of us do.
If I had the money, there is no way I'd feel shame for that. I keep up with things (everyone else here is ADHD, I'm the lucky "normal" one), but I hate housework. There re days when the only reason I do it is because I hate the mess more. I'm prewired to like neat and order. It's a wonder I haven't gone crazy. :p :rolleyes:

Imnapl
07-18-07, 02:07 AM
You know what I have learned is that many people don't get it done themselves. So many of those people I thought just magically kept their homes clean actually have people coming in to help clean/organize. I think one of the biggest differences between them and us and they don't feel the shame that many of us do.Exactly!

Jett
07-21-07, 10:15 PM
Maybe instaead of doing a room at a time, you can do a chore at a time. So put away things, then vacum, then dust, then mop, etc. That would keep you moving around the house so you're not traped in one room for a long time.

You could also try assigning a different chore to the days of the week. Here laundry day is Friday, and always is unless we're not going to be here that day. Shopping is the weekend, etc. It breaks up the chores so it's not all pilled on in one day cause that gets overwhelming, and then I don't want to do any of it.

And music. Loud, get your rear in gear kinda music.

Thanks for the tips. I tried doing just one chore at a time and completing it until I begin the next task. It works like a charm. I write down the task before I did it, and then write down a reward when it gets completed. A reward for me is playing a favorite computer game.Having music also helps me concentrate and not be as bored.

I got A LOT done in just two hours. The house looks so much better and normally it would have taken me 4 or 5 hours to get the house this way. Tonight I put away a lot of laundry that I had washed, detrashed every room, picked up all my dirty clothes and put them in the hamper,and washed many dishes. I feel as if I had accomplished stuff and I am so proud of myself.

Tomorrow I will do even more work. By Tuesday evening, I hope to have this house looking really good.

Wish me luck.

Snow
07-24-07, 03:29 PM
I finally managed to clean my bedroom for the first time in 6 months... had a layer of stuff averaging about 4 inches thick on the floor...saddly I found I broke some very hard to find items :/

busyhermit
07-24-07, 08:04 PM
I can sit amidst chaos, bothered by it but unable to see a way to deal with it, until maybe sometime the lgihtbubl goes off, and I suddently realize "oh, I can do THIS with that, and that can go there, and I can get rid ofthat entirely..." but more often, I'm just all whelmed over by housework, can't fathom how people just get it done.Man, do I relate to that. I either sit in it feeling guilty and overwhelmed and disgusted with the house and myself, or that mysterious-motivation-switch flips and I clean the whole thing in a whirlwind. Man, whenever that switch turns on, I've got to run with it as fast as I can, because if I'm the middle of a room when it turns off - that's it. Whatever's unfinished will stay that way until next time. Wish I had some kind of voluntary control over that energy.

Sometimes I can force it one-small-task-at-a-time by writing a list. My reward is the satisfaction of crossing something off the list when I finish it. If I spot a chore along the way that's not on the list and do it - it's a real let down because I don't get to cross anything off. Solution? If I do something extra, I add it to the list and then immediately cross it off!! What a riot, huh?! Oh, the things that people don't know about me! :D

OH - just one other thing, I got my first mp3 player a few months ago and filled it up with music that I love - interesting music, not just the stuff I hear on the radio all day. I'd forgotten how one can truly experience music with earphones - totally different than the background music that you have with a radio going. Finally, I can get myself to do the dishes! I just wear the mp3 player, and I'm so involved in the music - I must do the dishes on autopilot, because I'll be finishing up and thinking - "What happened, did I do that? Cool!".

Carla B.
07-24-07, 08:26 PM
Is the Pope catholic? .That pretty much says it all! Focusing tight on such itsy details makes my teeth hurt. And I've long since quit apologizing for it. (Mostly <g>)

My coping strategies over the years ranged from splitting tasks with spouse, bribing (and/or threatening) offspring, to bringing in outside help every week whenever the budget could fit it.

My best overall strategy has been to segregate activities. The chaos in my workspace will never change, but with enough floor area I can also put that chaos out of sight while keeping a separate social space reasonably neat. But in the times of life when that option was not available we pretty much became hermits who made all our social dates off the premises :p

So pick a few things that matter MOST, train (and reward) yourself to do at least those somewhat routinely, hire helpers whenever you can and work around it when you can't, then don't let yourself or anyone else beat you up about the rest. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that nobody every said on their deathbed: "I wish I had swept my floor more frequently."
</g>

Lady Lark
07-24-07, 11:47 PM
Thanks for the tips. I tried doing just one chore at a time and completing it until I begin the next task. It works like a charm. I write down the task before I did it, and then write down a reward when it gets completed. A reward for me is playing a favorite computer game.Having music also helps me concentrate and not be as bored.

I got A LOT done in just two hours. The house looks so much better and normally it would have taken me 4 or 5 hours to get the house this way. Tonight I put away a lot of laundry that I had washed, detrashed every room, picked up all my dirty clothes and put them in the hamper,and washed many dishes. I feel as if I had accomplished stuff and I am so proud of myself.

Tomorrow I will do even more work. By Tuesday evening, I hope to have this house looking really good.

Wish me luck.
Glad I could help. :) So, how goes it?

amiegrace
07-31-07, 12:15 PM
Man, I just hate housework. It's boring, dirty, doesn't feel good (dirty dish water YUCK), I hate cleaning chemicals . . . but I love an orderly house. Go figure. Even with Ritalin I don't enjoy a thing about cleaning.

Actually at this very moment I should be cleaning.

I'd give my spleen for the money to have someone else do ALL of it. That would be a golden slice of heaven to me.

PS, plus I just realized, secretly I somehow feel that cleaning house is beneath me. I'm not proud of that and I give PROPS to all people who are good at it, but it seems like a perfect waste of my life.

kaotik78
08-01-07, 11:11 AM
Friday after work, or early Saturday morning. I've just woke up, got coffee, and jammed out the house work. Wife takes one part, I take the other. If im feelin, as she puts it "jazzy" I will come home from work on Friday, vaccume, clean, etc, and we're set for the weekend/next week.

There have been times when work is crazy we just let it pile up, then step back and say hey, no more clean clothes... best be gettin laundry done and mabye vaccum up a bit.

Scattered
08-04-07, 01:52 AM
Yes Jett,

I definately have trouble keeping house. That's pretty much a constant problem, but tonight it is a disaster. It's overwhelmingly messy after returning from a trip, so am I cleaning it. No I'm online avoiding it, because it's so scary. I don't even know where to start, but I'd better start soon or my husband's going to be a very unhappy camper.

Scattered

piglet
08-26-07, 10:32 AM
Still not good with housework. Am better than I was at my worst but still not GOOD. Hired someone two days a week to help take care of Mom, and she is a nice lady who also does my dishes, and it helps me overlook the problems that arise because she's just... not smart. Which makes me think maybe it takes that kind of uncomplicated, unburdened mind to really do a good job on these things. And then I think of smart and organized people I know who would really be outraged by that statement.

busyhermit
08-26-07, 11:09 AM
Which makes me think maybe it takes that kind of uncomplicated, unburdened mind to really do a good job on these things. And then I think of smart and organized people I know who would really be outraged by that statement.<!-- / message -->Interesting...I know what you're saying, but here's how I see it. I know people, my mom included, who are very intelligent and organized and keep a nice clean house. Not crazy-clean, but you know, she actually has particular times that she..say...vacuums the floor, like every week or something (in contrast - I vacuum when company is coming. Unfortunately that happens just a few times a year) - - - Here's another one - she does individual loads of laundry sporadically throughout the week (in contrast - I do laundry when someone runs out of clothes). The difference between us is that she can look ahead and plan and see what's best done NOW - and seemingly find the motivation to do it ...!

What I see in myself is:

1) "I don't wanna!" - I avoid what I don't like until I have no choice. period. I always assumed I was just immature or something. Seems to me that a grown adult could manage to get their rear-end to move and do what needs to be done... now I realize that this motivational problem is documented and shared by others.

2) "can't do it well enough, so why bother" - hard to explain, but this one appears in a lot of different places in my life. Here's a house-cleaning example..........showers. Ugh. If I had the patience, I could spend hours trying to clean that nasty shower w/all the soap scum, hard water-stains and mildewed caulking.......and not be satisfied. For that, I'd have to cut out the caulk and replace - clean the cracks with a toothbrush and bleach... And even if I get that glass door clean - in a couple of days, it's dirty again!!! So I say "why bother", give in to my impatience and do a half-a** job. Unfortunately, I'm not really comfortable with this because I feel I really haven't done it properly!!! I'm in constant conflict between impatience vs. the need to do it perfectly. All in all - it's a disturbing and unsatisfying experience. Best to avoid it altogether until.........I have no choice. Like company is coming...........I find it easier to settle for "good enough" in that case because I'm usually doing it w/in hours of the company arriving.

Is there a solution? ....invite company over more often?? Personally, I don't seem to have any control over my motivation-switch. Maybe there's a medication out there that would help? Maybe therapy will help with these self-defeating, catch-22 feedback-loops I get caught up in? The best thing that's happened to me just recently is finding out that there are others with the same struggles, which has really made me less down on myself. So thanks all for sharing :) !

NonSequitur
08-29-07, 10:14 AM
Busyhermit, that sounds exactly like me.

I know it would be easier to keep up with the cleaning instead of letting it pile up. How long does it take to rinse off a dish and put it in the dishwasher? Or actualy put something away when I'm finished using it? Mostly it's the "I don't wanna" thing, and there's always something better to do.

And some things - like the shower - seem like so much effort, it's not worth doing. I have some products that work well on the soap scum, but the mildew - yuck! When company comes, I close the shower doors so they can't see it. I think I am going to have to take out the caulking and replace it with something that resists mildew. I heard about something like that on a radio show. And I'd like to take out the shower doors and go back to a curtain.

Mostly, though, I try not to let it bother me, and I laugh about it. I go for "good enough", and if you can't eat off my floor, well, who wants to eat off a floor anyway?

busyhermit
08-29-07, 10:28 AM
...and if you can't eat off my floor, well, who wants to eat off a floor anyway?
hehehehe - good point!

Lady Lark
08-29-07, 11:30 AM
lol
The cat?

For showers try the scrubbing bubbles shower cleaner. Just press a button after you get out and it sprays a cleaning solution around the shower. It's not 100%, since (despite what comercials claim) it won't keep your shower clean forever. it will put off needing to clean it for much longer. I can now go months before I need to clean it. :D

piglet
08-29-07, 12:26 PM
Oh, bathrooms, okay. That's my pet project in life, right now. Because my husband is the neat freak, and I am really honestly pained and ashamed atthe distress my disorganization causes him; but the worst is, when I come into the bathroom to discover him spending his one day a week off from work. scrubbing the damnned shower. I just hate that. I ask him to let me take over and he won't give up the project, he's invested in it by then, and I just feel like crapp.

So one day I just had a LIGHTBULB moment and decided I would develop an obsessive-compuslive disorder about the bathroom; because honestly, I KNOW how to do it in ways that are easier on the body than scrubbing it for three hours, it's mostly a question of finding the right products and appplying them often. So I bought a few things, found the things I like best, and then bought MASS QUANTITIES of those products and am assaulting the bathroom a couple of times a day with the spray bottle; just, every time I'm in there, I spray something and wipe it. It's been a very successful campaign. I reallly don't ahve to THINK about it now, it's not something I have an overwhelm about at this point, since I made a conscious decision to become obsessive about it. I just can't handle the guilt I feel when he's working so hard to do a thing I can honestly do with little physical effort, if I just remember to DO it.

And he does see it. And he appreciates it. It makes him feel appreciated. But I kind of went overboard making it clear to him that it's not about HIM, it's about MY feeling like an adult and doing things that people just DO, already, and I didn't want him to get all grateful about it, because that made me feel worse about all the times he did it before.

Okay, yeah, I suppose more housework would get done if I got OFF THE FORUM. :D

I just am so much better at reading and at writing and giving advice based on my vast storage of knowledge obtained through all that reading, than I am at doing the dishes. And doesn't anyone just gravitate toward what they're good at, even the "normal" people out there without diagnoses and prescriptions?

Okay, okay, I'm logging off, I'm getting to work. I will clean SOMEthing.

Lady Lark
08-29-07, 06:32 PM
Yes, even "normal" people would rather do something they're good at then something they don't like. There's a reason I don't vaccum more then twice (maybe thre times) a month. I hate housework, but I like a clean, orderly house (as orderly as I can get with a 14 stepdaughter, 7 son, ADHD/Asperger's, 2 son, and a husband whoe is also ADHD) :rolleyes: I would rather sit and read, watch a movie, be online, talk on the phone, or just about anything then housework. :p

meadd823
09-04-07, 01:50 AM
My mom says to take one room at a time but I get bored being in one room too long and I am so worried about the other rooms that must be done. It's like I want to do it all now. I will start in the living room and then end up in the kitchen. If I find something in the kitchen that belongs in the bathroom, I see that the toilet needs to be scrubbed and start on that but won't finish it because I get bored and want to do something else. Well I guess you all get the idea.


Personally I say screw the one room at a time notion. . .. if it bothers me I clean it if it doesn’t I don’t. If it bothers Gary then he can clean it. I clean just like you do and you know what I simply clean that way. There are no laws saying I have to start n one room and go a certain way. If you scrub your toilet every week it will remain reasonable clean. The toilet doesn’t care if you scrub it after washing dishes or after washing the tub. The idea is getting around to every thing routinely enough to prevent it from becoming completely filthy that is all there is to that one.


Your house is going to get dirty again weather you do one room at a time or you simply do all the floor in your house at one time or you jump around from chore to chore. It really doesn’t matter how you actually clean it is going to get re-dirty.

The one thing that helps is to keep clutter at bay or in the back yard. I make myself put things way when I am finished with them because this is the one activity that will ultimately make cleaning “do-able” I threaten to kill people living in my house who do not put their things way I will threaten once and then it becomes mine to do with as I please. It only takes a time or too for even the most ADD individual to “get it”. Gary has “Gary areas” for his clutter, it was the same for my children, when their clutter out grew the area it was time to “de-clutter” if I had to do it then it all went into a donation box and out the door. I only ask once then I scream once and then I take matters into my own hands. Again even the most ADD children “gets it” even the grown male ADDer I married. If they want me to clean it then they must pick up after them selves I was not born to be the family maid.

I may sound like a total **tch but I am not dedicating my life to picking up after people who are old enough to pick up after them selves. Children as young as three can be taught to put their toys in a toy box, Men can learn how to place dirty clothes in a basket, these thing are not to much to ask and I have always lived in a house full of ADDers some of them quiet messy. Boundaries are a must. . . .my boundaries is every one does their part period.



Here's another one - she does individual loads of laundry sporadically throughout the week (in contrast - I do laundry when someone runs out of clothes).

I have four baskets One for colored, and “reds” one for whites, the other “grungies”. When a basket is full it is time to do a load of laundry. I pick up the entire basket take it to the washing machine and throw it in, put soap in and begin the wash cycle. The baskets are stackable and are full when they over flow or no longer remain stacked neatly on top of each other. The clothes baskets “live” in the middle of my bed room floor where I see them {out of sight out of mind} . . . . It took Gary only a year to learn how not to fall in them. . . .

When my kids lived at home they were doing their own laundry by eight.



husband whoe is also ADHD

Know the feeling but my present ADD husband is actually neater than my previous NTer husband. My ex-husband liked a clean house but he didn’t savvy being neat and clean himself which is one reason he is my ex-husband.

Gary {my present hubby} tends to have more clutter than any thing = he is not a filthy person and he is willing to pick up after himself. It got better here once he decided to buy 11 acres for his clutter Realistically boats and tractors do not fit in our living room plus once assembled they can be impossible to get out the doors.

Another thing that enables manageable house work more than being married to a man who understand how to raise and lower a toilet seat is to live long enough for your children to grow up and move out!


If you have toddlers then your home is probably not going to look like the ones in "Better Homes and Gardens"

busyhermit
09-04-07, 02:05 AM
I've been meaning to comment again because I can't get this image out of my head - does anyone remember the old computer screensavers - an object of some kind would kind of spastically bounce around the computer screen, clearing a path as it went. Just randomly bouncing back and forth, up and down, all over the place - cleaning it as it went. And if you left it long enough, it would actually clear the whole screen - by random action alone! Yeah. That's how I clean house.