"I'm making dinner Frank, come here try some and tell me if you like it"
"Thats alright dad, im not hungry"
STOP

Right here, right after I respond is where I have instant thoughts. I think, why is he always bugging me?! I told him twice already that im not hungry, he really does not listen to anythign I say. Jeez he is so D*** annoying.

These thoughts are the reason I feel bitter towards him, I think these negative things - and this creates a frame for the situation. Once I think this, I look at him as an annoying, stupid person - and then feel like I cannot stand to be around him. He, on the other hand, has no idea of these thoughts, and thinks im an a**Ho**.

The hard thing about self-improvement, and overcoming depression is the instant thought patterns. They come and go so quickly, its just routine. No different than stopping at a red light or stop sign. Its not normal OR easy to stop and consider the implications of a thought. It slows down your entire processing time when you do, and it requires a great deal of patience.

"I'm making dinner Frank, come here try some and tell me if you like it"
"Thats alright dad, im not hungry"
STOP

He must have forgotten I told him I am not hungry again. he sure is forgetful, but thats just the way he is and I cant get upset about that. He isnt changing for anybody, and even if he is annoying sometimes I love him, so I wont get mad about this.

This is the kind of thinking that creates a clear, calm mind. I am on an antidepressant right now, and I find I am much more patient when medicated. Instead of waking up and running downstairs to eat something sugary to satisfy a terribly overpowering sweet tooth, instead I walk downstairs and consider what would be healthy for me to eat. The effects of the SSRI drizzle on every aspect of my life, including relationships and conversation.

Conversationwise, It has become a mental habit to always "think of what to say next", and to judge what the person is saying against my own belief system of what is "worthwhile" to listen to. If someone is complaining to me, immediatly my listening shuts down and I think "this person is negative, and is bothering me with their pessimistic attitude". This stops me from many conversations - I hold high expectations of others - but this has a mirror effect on my life;

So the SSRI has helped a lot, primarialy in my impulsiveness. I am not impulsive when it comes to purchases, taking drastic actions, changing relationships. I am impulsive with my decisions, basing them almost entirely on the emotion of the moment. If I decide I want to go to the gym, I made that decision because at that moment I FELT that it was the best thing for me. Then 2 days later when its time to start going, I am no longer in that feeling place anymore and I am no longer motivated.

Normal Thought Pattern: I know I should go to the gym, but I dont really feel like it. Its hard, and annoying. I dont feel like sweating, alright im not going to go, its not that important anyway. (all these thoughts happen in literally an instant so I know they have been implemented via habit)

SSRI Thought Pattern: I should go to the gym. I dont feel like it though. (interrupt thought process here) Wait, I told myself I was going to to the the gym no matter what. I am just going to go, it wont kill me. besides, its good for my health and Ill feel good about myself afterwards.

Any thoughts about this? Can anyone relate?

incredible! i think you have just summed up my entire life and way of thinking. can please post more info on thisi if you can. i 150% can realte to this way of thought, and it is destroying my life and preventing me from craetinig relationship with people I really want ot get closer with(thats everybody in my life)...

I think one think you should consider when dealing with your dad is that you might not be interpreting what he is saying properly. For instance, in the example you gave, when your dad asks you to taste something, he might not necessarily have forgotten that you are not hungry. Just from the language you quoted from him ("tell me if you like this"), he may just be seeking your opinion on how whatever he has made tastes. Obviously he could be doing this for the purpose of giving you something to eat then and there, but he also could be doing it just to figure out what you like, or to help himself learn how to cook things you like, or maybe it's got nothing to do with you per se, and he just wants another opinion on whether or not he's doing a good job of cooking whatever it is he's cooking. Obviously, you know a lot more about the context of these conversations than I do, but when it comes to your own thought patterns, try to question your assumptions.

I think the fact that you're aware of this issue with your thought patterns and that you're trying to do something about it is very important, and if you keep working at it, I expect you'll improve. Keep working at it and keep reminding yourself of all the reasons not to be mad at your father.

By the way, are you getting cognitive therapy? Addressing thought patterns is the crux of cognitive therapy and, if you're not getting it, I would definetely consider it.

Unbelievable you described exactly how I feel and think. These examples have just happened to me few minutes before typing this! And nearly the same set up, my mum asked me if I wanted dinner twice and In my mind Instantly I curse her and question why don’t she just pi$$ off, leave me alone.

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