Erzan
07-16-07, 08:16 AM
PLEASE, PLEASE READ AND RESPOND WITH A VIEW!
I am visiting my GP/doctor but earliest time is next week Monday. I sit here wondering if I got ADD or something else and I desperately need peoples views, I need real help because these ‘issues’ have seriously messed up my life and im SICK of it. I felt real bad and still do, having to say I may have a disorder, but I’ve got to a point in my crucial life (I am going Uni next year) where I NEED to know now and get this sorted if it is something.
By the way i am a 18 year old British male.
Firstly, i was such a slow developer; i was not even put into a set/tier class (top/middle/bottom) and was tutored separately from my classmates to the side of the classroom at 4-8yrs old. Now i am predicted AAAB (level scale is A-U) in my A levels. BUT i have underachieved in ALL my exams, i am always predicted top grades e.g A but get C or D or E!!!
I always dwell on not attaining top results. I really struggle to not think about them, comparing myself to my young brother and peer group. I often get highly upset about it and get very angry. In addition, I usually spend time dwelling on how much I never continued with my very successful activities such as karate and have often gotten highly emotional when I self reflect on lack of pass achievements.
I find it hard to think carefully what I need getting done and in what order. When I try to plan something I just cannot seem to manage managing. For example, I am never able to complete my exams revision timetable, finding it hard to complete it and keep to it. Always have put of coursework until the last minute and under estimate how long it may take. My room is messy with books, papers, pencils ECT. I also find it hard to organise myself to get on time to places or meet with people, I often then panic and stress out.
I forget all my items, for example I placed my ID on my neck once, WENT to college and forgot I actually had it ON my neck and came BACK home (1hour distance) trying to find it only to remember-while I was in my bedroom-that I had it on me. I have forgotten my ID numerous times, along with keys, pencils, rulers’ books, people’s names reluctantly. IM SICK OF IT.
I am always attempting to do several things at once. For example I started writing a story, English coursework and creating a music video in the same day, with no planning and I eventually failed to finish two out of three and underachieved in my coursework. I have always been like this and even when I am on the internet I often have, for example have 10 or more tabs open to different websites completing different tasks E.G home work on this one, email on this one ect and trying to get them done. I have been told by many friends and my parents, “you try to get too much at once” I got 13 internet and 3 word proccessing tabs opened now...
I have always tended to say unpleasant remarks and views to my friends as soon as they come to my mind. For example, my friends get annoyed with me that i criticize them all the time without care, and when we talk about anything and I am often known to spurt out offensive and negative remarks without realising how rude they came across to them. I sometimes notice when it is too late. This is prevalent through my schooling among teachers, parents and friends.
I have always lost friends and gotten into trouble with my parents this way, never being invited to parties because people think I am too outspoken and ‘in your face’ however I genuinely regret it afterwards and feel really bad, only to then get paranoid wondering if people hate me or not.
When i was younger i was a kid on rockets, spoke at light speed and would scream, yell, panic and jump around a lot. I even have me on video camera when i was bloody 11yrs old yelling to my mum at a park, acting like a hyperactive ants in his pants prat, while my 10yr old cousin next to me stands calmly wondering no doubt 'what the hell is wrong with this guy... weirdo' i get so embarassed watching it.
I hate boredom and actually become much stressed out or just annoyed when there is silence or nothing is happening that I often find myself distracting others. I constantly have things whizzing in my head, thoughts, voices and image and I never sit still and hate being quiet. Even recently, a not so close friend commented on me, saying how I must hate exams because it is my hell and He said because it is so quiet and that is the opposite of you.
Since I was a child my reports and parents interview were CRAMMED of “he is WAY too easily distracted” (report at age 7) “he needs to stop distracting others and he will shine like a star” (report at age 9) “if he channels his energy he will attain the highest achievement, but failure to do this he may fail in the future and become unpopular” (head teacher and last primary school report at age 11) guess what? went on to High school (age 11-16) and underachieved, was relatively unpopular and bullied sometimes. I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF THIS.
I always find it VERY hard to pay attention when people give me instructions and seconds latter I often forget what they had said even when I am not doing anything else.
Also I manage to sometimes remember a list of important facts, for example I memorized a ICT list of 35 or more facts and answers to questions on the same morning for the test, managing to write down the answers with perfect score. But i couldn't even remember what i did this morning today! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!
I am seriously impatient and had explosive arguments with friends and family due to this. I always rush people, never allowing them to finish their sentences so much that they get angry with me. If I do not finish them off, I find it especially hard to keep shush while people are giving me their views for example and feel a massive urge to speak which results in speaking over them. Things like this has been so bad in my family they it has resulted in massive arguments and i totally break down afterwards only to bounce back to normal in 2hours like nothing ever happened.
i have terrible self-esteem and worry about EVERYTHING, that i often go into a spiral of negative thoughts, anger and emotional outbreak-so badly my mum has few times brought me to seek help when I was younger. I always think people are thinking negative thoughts of me, i find it hard to even know when my parents are sometimes upset or not annoyed with me, i always think i am never good enough.
Check this out. Very recently a good friend of mine told me my politics teacher commented on my presentation and i went home thinking, analysing and questioning if my teacher hated my presentation or loved it, then even going home expressing how worried I was to my mum that whether my politics teacher liked my presentation or not.
Also i somtimes find it hard to know how people are feeling towards me. I am to embarassed to ask my teachers so i question it in my head, but to my parents i always ask them.
Lastly, it seems to run in the family.
My Mum - eduational and learning problems + depression > But fine now
Cousin 1 - eduational and learning problems
Cousin 2 - serious life long case of depression
my Uncle 1 - HYPERSUPER active as child
Uncle 2 - mental issues and killed himself
Aunt - mental issues and recovering
IM DOOMED!!!!. :(:(:( i don't believe in fate but maybe i should now.
I am visiting my GP/doctor but earliest time is next week Monday. I sit here wondering if I got ADD or something else and I desperately need peoples views, I need real help because these ‘issues’ have seriously messed up my life and im SICK of it. I felt real bad and still do, having to say I may have a disorder, but I’ve got to a point in my crucial life (I am going Uni next year) where I NEED to know now and get this sorted if it is something.
By the way i am a 18 year old British male.
Firstly, i was such a slow developer; i was not even put into a set/tier class (top/middle/bottom) and was tutored separately from my classmates to the side of the classroom at 4-8yrs old. Now i am predicted AAAB (level scale is A-U) in my A levels. BUT i have underachieved in ALL my exams, i am always predicted top grades e.g A but get C or D or E!!!
I always dwell on not attaining top results. I really struggle to not think about them, comparing myself to my young brother and peer group. I often get highly upset about it and get very angry. In addition, I usually spend time dwelling on how much I never continued with my very successful activities such as karate and have often gotten highly emotional when I self reflect on lack of pass achievements.
I find it hard to think carefully what I need getting done and in what order. When I try to plan something I just cannot seem to manage managing. For example, I am never able to complete my exams revision timetable, finding it hard to complete it and keep to it. Always have put of coursework until the last minute and under estimate how long it may take. My room is messy with books, papers, pencils ECT. I also find it hard to organise myself to get on time to places or meet with people, I often then panic and stress out.
I forget all my items, for example I placed my ID on my neck once, WENT to college and forgot I actually had it ON my neck and came BACK home (1hour distance) trying to find it only to remember-while I was in my bedroom-that I had it on me. I have forgotten my ID numerous times, along with keys, pencils, rulers’ books, people’s names reluctantly. IM SICK OF IT.
I am always attempting to do several things at once. For example I started writing a story, English coursework and creating a music video in the same day, with no planning and I eventually failed to finish two out of three and underachieved in my coursework. I have always been like this and even when I am on the internet I often have, for example have 10 or more tabs open to different websites completing different tasks E.G home work on this one, email on this one ect and trying to get them done. I have been told by many friends and my parents, “you try to get too much at once” I got 13 internet and 3 word proccessing tabs opened now...
I have always tended to say unpleasant remarks and views to my friends as soon as they come to my mind. For example, my friends get annoyed with me that i criticize them all the time without care, and when we talk about anything and I am often known to spurt out offensive and negative remarks without realising how rude they came across to them. I sometimes notice when it is too late. This is prevalent through my schooling among teachers, parents and friends.
I have always lost friends and gotten into trouble with my parents this way, never being invited to parties because people think I am too outspoken and ‘in your face’ however I genuinely regret it afterwards and feel really bad, only to then get paranoid wondering if people hate me or not.
When i was younger i was a kid on rockets, spoke at light speed and would scream, yell, panic and jump around a lot. I even have me on video camera when i was bloody 11yrs old yelling to my mum at a park, acting like a hyperactive ants in his pants prat, while my 10yr old cousin next to me stands calmly wondering no doubt 'what the hell is wrong with this guy... weirdo' i get so embarassed watching it.
I hate boredom and actually become much stressed out or just annoyed when there is silence or nothing is happening that I often find myself distracting others. I constantly have things whizzing in my head, thoughts, voices and image and I never sit still and hate being quiet. Even recently, a not so close friend commented on me, saying how I must hate exams because it is my hell and He said because it is so quiet and that is the opposite of you.
Since I was a child my reports and parents interview were CRAMMED of “he is WAY too easily distracted” (report at age 7) “he needs to stop distracting others and he will shine like a star” (report at age 9) “if he channels his energy he will attain the highest achievement, but failure to do this he may fail in the future and become unpopular” (head teacher and last primary school report at age 11) guess what? went on to High school (age 11-16) and underachieved, was relatively unpopular and bullied sometimes. I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF THIS.
I always find it VERY hard to pay attention when people give me instructions and seconds latter I often forget what they had said even when I am not doing anything else.
Also I manage to sometimes remember a list of important facts, for example I memorized a ICT list of 35 or more facts and answers to questions on the same morning for the test, managing to write down the answers with perfect score. But i couldn't even remember what i did this morning today! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!
I am seriously impatient and had explosive arguments with friends and family due to this. I always rush people, never allowing them to finish their sentences so much that they get angry with me. If I do not finish them off, I find it especially hard to keep shush while people are giving me their views for example and feel a massive urge to speak which results in speaking over them. Things like this has been so bad in my family they it has resulted in massive arguments and i totally break down afterwards only to bounce back to normal in 2hours like nothing ever happened.
i have terrible self-esteem and worry about EVERYTHING, that i often go into a spiral of negative thoughts, anger and emotional outbreak-so badly my mum has few times brought me to seek help when I was younger. I always think people are thinking negative thoughts of me, i find it hard to even know when my parents are sometimes upset or not annoyed with me, i always think i am never good enough.
Check this out. Very recently a good friend of mine told me my politics teacher commented on my presentation and i went home thinking, analysing and questioning if my teacher hated my presentation or loved it, then even going home expressing how worried I was to my mum that whether my politics teacher liked my presentation or not.
Also i somtimes find it hard to know how people are feeling towards me. I am to embarassed to ask my teachers so i question it in my head, but to my parents i always ask them.
Lastly, it seems to run in the family.
My Mum - eduational and learning problems + depression > But fine now
Cousin 1 - eduational and learning problems
Cousin 2 - serious life long case of depression
my Uncle 1 - HYPERSUPER active as child
Uncle 2 - mental issues and killed himself
Aunt - mental issues and recovering
IM DOOMED!!!!. :(:(:( i don't believe in fate but maybe i should now.