IRS has lean on house but mom can clim me on taxes cause i have been out of work for a year but it will only help her a little bit.

I have been waiting and waiting to get for SSI appeal but I need to do something now! I can't believe with all mom is going through she says I should wait for SSI hearing and not reapply.
I find it amazing how mom can be a rock and not break down and cry with all this happening or not even take it out on me.

I do everything I can for her around the house and with food stamps, but I wish I could do more. If I only had life insurance I would have offed myself a year ago just so she had money


I know what you are thinking...then get a D*** job, But there is a problem there...my exnightmare shattered all my confidence and the last two times i tried to work it only lasted a week cause people could see something was wrong with me...now I am really scared to death to get back out there and try to work again, and I am used to this life style of not working and being mom's house maid...I am not lazy...I am just scared and I am ashamed of being scared.I went out in the world and I failed to hold a job and to get a job. The more I try the more I hear that I am not qualifed enough or not mentaly stable enough.......with 2 years of college and graduating with 3.4 avg. that is still not enough.

I feel if I try again I will fail more, but on the other hand I feel like a bigger failure as I watch my mom struggle and worry about losing the house. I can't work standing up jobs in some dinky resturant or store cause of my hip surgery I can't handle standing up for eight hours and the sitting down jobs say I am not experienced enough! I am in a lose lose situation and I feel like an even bigger loser.

If only I would not have made the ridicuolus mistake of up and running away without telling my previous job(Talk about your nervous breakdowns) or my mother maybe it would not be so hard.....I was really messed up then and now even though I relized how much a mistake I made..there is nothing I can do to change it or correct it...it is almost like God is punishing me because nothing I try to do can ever make up for it and I just can't bounce back. It's not just affecting me it is affecting mom cause she has to take care of me and that I can not take. Even though my mother is the greastest mom ever cause she never complains and is just glad for me to be back home, I am glad she can be so forgiving but I can't.

I have learned from my mistakes and realizie that family is most important, but still everytime I go out into the world and fail and fail again...just a little bit more of confidence is shattered and I just totally have given up....

I know this contradictory to what I said in the thread "Can you overcome your ADD?" but I am just venting on how I feel nowand really how I have always felt, I guess i was feeling positive that night...sheesh what was I thinking!

Melanie... you must feel horrible... like all of your choices are closed, and the world is designed to keep you trapped... I empathize!!!

Let me give you my support and my 2 cents, ok? I won't be offended AT ALL if it's not the advice for you.

You have had mental trauma of some sort, it is clear. You MUST have time to heal and recover from that. If you had broken an arm, you wouldn't try to go to work as a hammerer of nails, would you? No, you'd wait for your arm to heal. You have hurt your confidence--you need your confidence to heal.

You can either try and do that yourself, or you can try to find a professional to help you.

Doing it yourself has the advantage of being completely in control of what you are doing, at your own speed, and being able to trust your "therapist".

Getting someone else's help has the advantages of being able to get a "label" that might help you with government support or a medical prescription.

Either way... we are here for you. Life is crappy sometimes, but there is a way out there somewhere, and we will try to help you if you want us to.

Paul

Sweetie right now life is soo hopless I need all the help I can get...I do trust my therapist and I am working hard on forgiving myself(not working when I see mom work her butt of just to pay the bills) and get my confidence back....it's been a year so far since i messed up my life and I have finally found a decent therapist who is not a quack(knock on wood) and he actually listens and tries to givce advice....I try my best to not let my mom know how I feel cause I don't need to burden her more and make her feel worse. I thank you for your advice i do agree with you, I know I am not ready for the outside world.

But I do have great news......I submited For the Love of our Parents(found in the poetry forums) to a poetry contest and I recieved a notice today that it has entered the semi-finals to be judged in Feb and they want to publish it in a book called Eternal Portraits.:D