hello all I am a newbie :) I have been lurking alot from time to time and this seems like a great place for adhd advice! First off I have adult adhd and so does my only child, he is nine and a half years old, He was diagnosed this past May. He makes good grades always on the AB honor except for the last time he made his first C in History which he isn't at all interested in. What troubles me the most about school(noticed I mentioned "me" LoL) is how he is doing in the social department. He has always had a a hard time with making and keeping friends, I used to watch him last year(second grade) and the year before that (first grade). Now that he has been diagnosed and is on medication and I have tried to help him with his social skills,even though I may not be helping as well as I thought I was (I have adhd myself!) he never mentions any friends at school.


I talked to his teacher back in October before she left for a surgery (came back after x-mas) I asked her how he was doing as far as "socially" and she said fine. That she has noticed him smiling and laughing with his classmates, but when I have talked to my son I ask him about recess and his playmates and he ALWAYS says that he plays by himself! Most of the boys are on the soccer field playing soccer and Iknow that he will not go out there to play because he is insecure about playing it,and if he isn't really good at something he want go do it!

I have even tried to get him to practice or play soccer with me at home and he isn't interested. The thing is, when i pick him up at school at the aftercare I notice him sitting around with other boys sociallizing or they are watching each other playing their gameboys, or there have been times when he is on the playground with other kids (none on the soccer field). I asked him today, if he played with this certain classmate anymore and he said "yeah sometimes" but he mostly plays soccer,then he told me he plays by himself and I said well does it bother you or would you rather have some one to play with he said "no" and that it didn't bother him. So why is it bothering me sooo much and why am I seeing a different picture at after school then what is going on at recess with his classmates? i was thinking that maybe this medicine is making him withdrawn and not social and when it has worn off maybe that is when he is more social? The thing is this is around three o'clock I don't know know if it has worn off that much? He is only there for an hour and that isn't much time for socialization because i have to get him home to do the homework thing and get ready for karate two days a week. I am just wondering if it's this medicine thats making him so withdrawn,by the way it's Metadate ER which is a long acting Ritalin ( lasts about eight hours) OR if my son is depressed he is withdrawn at home some (likes to be in his room alot) but he has always been like that some.


Or if he is doing well socially he never mentions any friends from his class or talks about a certain person except if someone is giving him a hard time at his group,like yesterday when a girl got mad cause he wasn't keeping up with the group (four kids). I don't want my son to feel this way but my Husband says I am analyzing this too much! I probably am but I wanted some input from you guys. He says if he says he is happy by himself he probably is. But th thing is in the past my son will swear that things are going well at school and then one night he will burst out crying about how unhappy he is.


This last happened last year when he had a terrible year at a terrible private school which the teacher destroyed his self esteem (another long story) and he was also not medicated. So I really do not know what to believe! He is sooo good at hiding things and he is ALWAYS saying "Mom leave me alone"even after asking a few questions about school! I almost feel I have a depressed teenager that wants to keep everything inside and it's worring me to death that he could be hurting inside! Any advice would be MUCH appreciated! I hope that this made sense because I am having problems with this dang keyboard!! Sorry about typing a book, especially it being my first post!! Thanks again! : )

I would suggest that you also get someone to talk to in person, for hire.

You are right to recognize that it worries you, rather than your son. In some sense that makes it his business not yours.

You are the parent, and an adult, so you need to maintain your responsibilities. Ask him gently and explain your concern, and ask him what he wants.

talk to a professional, or two... this is some of the most difficult ground I walk, and I do so without confidence of correctness... thus, my advice to you that you get a reference outside the family who knows ADHD and kids... and see what you think of what they offer.

I saw that you hadn't had a bite, and it sounded like an important subject... so i thought I should give a stab at it.

Get the video tape by Dr. Robert Brooks and pay attention to what is in common between his approach and Sam Goldstein's. I think you'll appreciate it.

Welcome to the forums, CJsMom.

This is a painful one for me to go through as it reminds me an awful lot of what I was like as a kid--I was a loner, and I didn't care much about school either way except that some days it was intolerable because of bullies or one or two teachers who were diabolical fiends in human form.

I am VERY happy to see you have him enrolled in karate, InMyHumbleOpinion that is one of the best things you can do for an ADD child... gives them the option to defend themselves if picked on, gives them confidence (something sorely lacking in many ADDers), teaches them focusing and discipline skills, and gives them the chance to have many friends through the sport that they would not normally be exposed to.

I dunno what to say about the meds, I have no experience with anything other than Wellbutrin so far.

I'll reread your post again later... it's kind of hard for me to focus on one that long, as someone you've already met here can verify about me... :D :D :D

But take a cheery hello from me too, and know that we are a friendly bunch... we will help you here if we can.

Welcome CJsMom,,,I have heard the same advice from my husband also and yes as a mother I do tend to over analyze. What can I say?

ADD'ers as you may well know are usually an extemely empathitic bunch in tune with the emotion's of those around them. By keeping a chart of quiet day's and keeping track of everything that happened at school and at home...We quickly began to realize that he stayed in his room most often when tension levels were high at home. I have one speed and it tends to be RUNNNNNn lol so I make him nervous which throws his behaviours out of control and usually ends up being a yelling match.:(

And we have found a therapist to be helpful as Dakota can talk about anything to her without worrying about hurting her feelings, she will then relay what was discussed with Dakota in the room (trust is an issue with any ADD'er). But, I do warn you choose your therapist wisely as I have heard many horror stories.

Last but not least while on a different med (Adderall) we also noticed a "let" down period; but, under closer observation this is the period he is most creative and focused. So, we started setting up play dates with 1 child a week,,,I stress one child lol do not overwhelm yourself.

WEll i'm not going to delete this but can see my mind is not exactly on task lol. Hugs anyways and good luck

WOW what a fast reply! Thanks! : )

I read my post last night twice and it's funny how I left some things out that I thought were important . It's funny how you go over and over something and still miss some things! I guess it's apart of my adhd and I was upset.


My son said he did'nt want to go to karate after school yesterday and his reason was (he said these exact words) " I feel empty inside" I said "huh?" he said " I just don't feel like myself" and I don't wanna do things I usually do" he did'nt say I don't wanna do things I usually LIKE to do. BUT there are Thursdays when he wants to spar ( another word for fighting) and there are Thursdays when he does'nt. I can not believe I left that part out!! OH!!and Waywardclam, I could'nt agree more! I think it has helped his self esteem some and I like him taking it so he can defend himself if he needs too and have that power! He will be a purple belt in February, that is if I can get him to practice! He has some things to work on. : )

He also did not fall alseep until 11:30 Wednesday night sooo that might have been apart of it too. BUT he has said the " I don't feel like myself" once before and that sounds too much like a depressed person to me! I'ts terrible when you can't figure out your own child! I feel like I should know him, but I have to say he can be a really good actor or just great at hiding things. I also started taking Adderall XR the other day and I can tell I am more emotional so I guess that plays in with the worrying too.

I REALLY appreciate all of your advice! I plan on taking him back to a therapist, he was going to one but he was hard to get an appointment with. Plus we really did'nt get much help from him.
I used to keep an adhd journal so I really need to start that up again! WHEEL1975, I wonder if I can purchase that video at Amazon? If not where do you get it? Sounds interesting, I always like to be educated in adhd and we all need to be who deal with this.

I guess this week I'll have to schedule an appointment with his teacher and find another therapist and just go from there. I have also noticed from this past weeks work(sent home today) and right before school let out for christmas break,that his seat work and maybe a few test scores have gone down. So maybe his medication is failing? Today his teacher sent home his work from this past week and few from the week before and there were a couple of papers where he had'nt been paying attention.


One of his papers said
in all capital letters "follow the directions please" and she had circled where it said write in complete sentences,which he has always had a hard time doing. It was a history reading comprehension page there were eight questions about the story that was above them. He got one half right (she had written 1/2 beside it) and one wrong. He made a D and this is his first D he has ever made! Also right before school let out he got an F on another page that had to do with AGAIN history and reading comprehension, That very paper is what gave him the "C" on his report card when he has always gotten on the honor roll.


Sooo I feel like I definetly need to talk to his teacher. I was thinking about trying for a 504 for him but thats another post! Thanks again you guys so muchfor the advice and the warm welcomes!! AND letting me vent! I hope I can help you guys out in the future! : )


CJsMOM

yes. definitely go for the 504. The teachers HAVE to allow for the accomodations set forth in it, by law. And on most of these accomodation plans, you start with a basic, and pick and chose the ones your child needs.

With my daughter, one of her accomodations was not having to write cursive. Her fine motor skills were lagging behind. We also had to have her in the front of the room, and her teacher had to check her agenda every day (as well as a parent at home) to make sure all homework had been written in.

These are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

She is in 8th grade now, and we recently had the modifications suspended, because she hates feeling singled out, and she insists she can do everything her class mates can and just as well. (and so far, she's been right)

Definitely check out therapy. That little boy sounds like he is trying to explain depression to you (which goes along with ADD a lot) but can't find the right words.

Good luck.

Judit, thanks for the advice. Yes I feel he needs a 504 for reasons such as....More time to do tests/work, teacher going over directions with him again,she has told me before that she does have to sometimes go over things again for him and that he has to be put back on track for daydreaming or just simply not paying attention. I feel like he would need the extra time to process things like the reading comprehension,heck I have to read things over again just to understand and retain it! He may not have the time to do so.


I mentioned to my Husband earlier about the 504 and he is afraid of our Son being ostrasized,or being like you said "singled out". It really is a hard decision to make. Here I am trying to help his self-esteem and it seems like he is also having more difficulty with the academic part of adhd, I just don't know which way to turn! I don't like the way the classroom is set up for one thing and it has been this way the whole year. They sit at groups of four, Two desks side by side with two in front of them, the desks are all touching.


Earlier this week ( Tuesday I think) he told me that this one girl (whom he has had some disagreements with) said that he was taking too long. I don't know if they all have to be going the same rate as a group or what? He also said one boy in their group agreed with her a couple of times,so I'm sure that REALLY made my son's day!! I could imagine how things would be them seeing him getting extra time and the such! My husband is just worried that he may get teased about it. I wish that they had their desks in long rows, being that close to one another just seems too distracting to me!


Plus my son says this girl talks alot even when the teacher doesn't see, and he gets distracted soo easy. Today he said "Mom I get so sick of this girl talking about boys all the time, It makes me not want them to exist!" LoL. That has been his complaint most of the year... all of the girls in his class being boy crazy and constantly talking about them! Third graders, gotta love em!


In a conference we had before the teachers leave in October she said that he was one of the last students to complete his work, but she really didn't say it in a way of complaining just pretty much as an answer to my question of how he was doing. I guess I really have some serious thinking to do. Sorry so long!


Thank you soo much!! : )

CJsMoM

my sister-in-law used to teach 3rd grade. she has transferred to 8th, because they are easier.....lol

our school put 4 - 5 ad/hd kids in the same class, because the teacher of that particular 4th grade class was a tough cookie and could handle them.

maybe the teacher will have to re-assign seating, to accomodate your son.

whatever they do, do not let them pull him for extra help during his weakest subject. my daughter is still struggling with math, because they used to pull her out for "extra help" in reading then.

some teachers manage quite well with the kids who need accomodations; some don't. he may need to be transferred. my daughters 3rd grade teacher was a nightmare. i wan't to strangle her (she retired). and so was her 1st grade teacher. couldn't barely speak english....sheesh.

anyway, i don't mean to rant.

you are your sons best advocate. it may mean stepping on a few toes, but in the end, a happy, well-adjusted, self-confident kid is worth it. and always remember - this too, will pass.

cheers

Originally posted by CJsMOM28
his reason was (he said these exact words) " I feel empty inside" I said "huh?" he said " I just don't feel like myself" and I don't wanna do things I usually do" he did'nt say I don't wanna do things I usually LIKE to do.

He will be a purple belt in February, that is if I can get him to practice! He has some things to work on. : )

WHEEL1975, I wonder if I can purchase that video at Amazon? If not where do you get it?






Sounds interesting, I always like to be educated in adhd and we all need to be who deal with this.

I guess this week I'll have to schedule an appointment with his teacher and find another therapist and just go from there.



I have also noticed from this past weeks work(sent home today) and right before school let out for christmas break,that his seat work and maybe a few test scores have gone down. So maybe his medication is failing?

Variability is part of ADHD even on meds. IMHO. Just learn to survive it, and increase structure when needed , then back it off when not needed. IMHO


Today his teacher sent home his work from this past week and few from the week before and there were a couple of papers where he had'nt been paying attention.


One of his papers said
in all capital letters "follow the directions please"

Start the 405 plan... verbally go over the instructions in advance, then review that the instructions have been followed before accepting the paper for grading.



Sooo I feel like I definetly need to talk to his teacher. I was thinking about trying for a 504 for him but thats another post! Thanks again you guys so muchfor the advice and the warm welcomes!! AND letting me vent! I hope I can help you guys out in the future! : )


CJsMOM


http://www.drrobertbrooks.com/products/index.html

Look What You've Done! Stories of Hope and Resilience for Teachers and for Parents, PBS Video


Look what you've done!" Whether they've failed a spelling test or dropped an easy pop fly, kids with learning disabilities hear those words far too often. It's no wonder they often give up hope. And it's no wonder we sometimes overlook what Dr. Brooks calls the "everyday courage" of our children.Dr. Brooks says we need to find each child's "islands of competence" and then build on those strengths. He offers practical strategies for helping children develop the confidence and resilience they will need to succeed.The video for teachers contains a description of the theory on which the strategies are based, as well as 6 minutes of video not in the parent's version. The Parent video contains an examination of one's own childhood memories and how those memories can help guide what we do with our children today, as well as 7 minutes of video not available in the teacher's edition.Each video purchase includes a 31-page, program-specific guide containing:

I have another suggestion as well... how is he on computers and at typing? I had serious trouble writing homework in school because it took so damn LONG to finish complete sentences. Now that I am computer literate, I can spit out typing almost faster than I can talk... recently tested at 92 words per minute.

If you experimented with having him do his homework on the computer, maybe that would make him more likely to do it and to do it properly?

I would have responded earlier but I just got home from work.

Judit~ Don't worry about ranting, especially with me cause I'm sure I'll be doing it alot! : ) It helps too get it out! I know what you mean about some teachers being able to deal better with an adhd child. This is my son's first year in a public school and sooo many people think that private school is best for an adhd child but I have to disagree! At least from the experience we had from the school he went to. He said he LOVED his school now compared to the private school, and he doesn't even like school!


Last years second grade teacher was an absolute nightmare! One of my sons doctors (a developmental specialist) talked to my son in private the day he was diagnosed, and when I came into the room after their discussionfirst thing he said was "Get him out of that school!" which I knew that the teacher was destroying his self esteem little by little. This was in March so we stuck it out but I was having ALOT of talks/complaints with his teacher just to get thru the rest of the year!


Sometimes it isn't the school that makes the difference but the teacher. This teacher last year had ten children in her class,including my son and she wanted every child to be at the same level and I really don't think she could handle his differences. She came from a public school in another state so I'm wondering if she could'nt handle it and escaped to a private school because of no laws she had to follow, also her two high schoolers got a free tuition....Hmmm makes ya wonder!


She did'nt even act like she wanted to be there, her heart was'nt in her job at all, I could just tell. Any time I had asked her to accomadate him in certain ways (always in small ways!) she would'nt do it, she had an additude like she did'nt have to do squat! And we were paying out the butt for this! They were also going up an extra hundred dollars a month and other moms were asking me if my son was returning I said "heck no!" I'm not paying extra when we are not getting anything extra!" I would'nt have paid a red cent to have had him go back there cause this certain teacher is teaching second and third grade combined this year ,so he would have had her again! Anytime last year there was a problem and the teacher did'nt see what happened, she would automatically point the finger at him.


He was in trouble all the time! According to her he was the adhd bad seed of the class mixed in with all of the angels of the class,like he was contaminated it! Puuuhleeezz! What is so strange is ever since the begining of school he has YET to have flipped a card ( system they use for bad behaviour) he has even recieved cards for being good and going out of his way for others.


This crappy teacher even had the nerve to call me about a month after school started just to see how he was doing (like she cares) and I loved rubbing it in how much happier he was and the teachers bragging about how well behaved he is! Total silence on the other end!


At the end of school I mentioned to her that he would start at a public school and she acted as if he would'nt make it,like he would be thrown to the wolves. This years teacher is a god compared to her,you can tell she likes her job. I will never send my son to another private school again unless I know for a fact that they can deal with special needs children. From what I have gathered she seems like a really good teacher so hopefully I will not have any problems with him getting accommadations. He has been making A's and B's except for a recent F on a quiz and a D from the other days paper. Also he is above grade level on mostly all subjects so really the only accomadations he will need is the extra time and the repeating of instructions. I just hope because his grades had been good ( starting to go downhill some) they will not allow the 504, I dont know, that is just what I have read.


The public schools at least have laws to protect you. The only good thing that we got from that school was...He is on a fifth grade level on most of his subjects, he went into school this year already had done things that the class had just started so it did give him a jump start but hurt his self-esteem in the process. His last years teacher complained all the time about his cursive writing and mentioned having an Occupational therapist look at it, I took him and she said "He has the best handwriting I have seen in a boy his age in a long time" I said "yeah I agree, but the teacher would'nt let up on it".


At our first meeting this year his teacher told us he was the handwriting model of the class and how good he writes in cursive (they were just learning) It's funny cause his cursive is better than his printing. Things like that were things that drove me crazy last year, I felt like my son was picked on the whole year, by the teacher! Don't get me wrong I am not bashing teachers, there are good and bad just like any other profession, doctors for example. I think teachers have one of the hardest jobs there is, and they should definetly get more out of it for what they do. I have the utmost respect for them! Thank you for letting me rant. See I told you I would be doing it alot! LoL : )



Wheel1975~ Thank you for answering my questions and for the advice. I am going to go check out that link on Dr Robert brooks when I am done here. Thank God I have found you guys!! : )


Waywardclam~ That is a great suggestion. While he loves playing on his computer he is not good at all with typing, I think it just takes him longer to process what he heard so he takes longer with writing it. And his handwriting.....It's really
good!Especially cursive. Heck it's better than my husbands! *cautiously looking over shoulder* : )

OPPS!! I wasn't finished with my post , I accidently clicked on submit.

Anyways I have probably scared all of off by my soo long of posts, so I guess I should end it now! LoL

I am gonna first finish what I wanted to post..... Thanks Wayward clam I may try the typing with his homework in the future when he does getting better with his typing. I love to type. Can ya tell!! : ).


Thanks again to you all I REALLY appreciate your advice and support!!


Tracy
CJsMOM28

ADD people are generally fast learners when motivated. If you get him one of those typing tutor style programs (I learned on good ole Mavis Beacon) and keep "score" on his accuracy and words per minute, I betcha he'll be blowing YOUR typing away in short order...

And thank the gods and high fives to you for getting him into a better school! I am SURE it is making a world of difference and transforming his life... and confirming all of the good things you knew about your son's intelligence before sending him there.

:D :D :D

Thanks for the rec Wayward! Mavis Beacon huh. Yeah your probably right about him blowing me away. He already shows me all kinds of things about the computer, I walk away feeling so dumb! : )

And thanks for the compliment! It really has made alot of a difference with the school change, I feel so much saner now and I'm sure he does as well!

Well I'm off for now to clean, you aught to see this place! You can definelty tell that adhd people live here! LOL
I'll check in later though...


Thanks again!

Tracy
CJsMOM28

Cjsmom - My older son was misdiagnosed ADHD and my younger son was misdiagnosed "uni-polar bipolar" (depression). Doctors, shrinks, and therapists have absolutely NO proof that their diagnoses are correct. It's all just theory and opinion. If you want some REAL answers, read about pyroluria on other websites like alternativementalhealth.com drkaslow.com and doctoryourself.com Pyroluria is just one biochemical cause of symptoms that range from "spacey" to ADD, ADHD, bipolar, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc. One site, I think it's alternativementalhealth.com, lists 29 different biochemical imbalances. All it takes to find out if someone has pyroluria or not is to take a urine test. If you have a LabCorp in your area, call them and ask if they have this test in their catalog. Since our local LabCorp has it in their catalog, I imagine all LabCorps have the same catalog (?) Anyway, have your doc write out a lab order for the test and have LabCorp send the urine sample overnight air to a lab like the Bio-Center in Wichita, Kansas. There may be other labs that can do this test but the one in Kansas is the only one I'm familiar with. They charge $36.00 for the test and Labcorp generally charges another $36.00 for helping you and paying for shipping. I have pyroluria, so did my mother and probably her mother. Both of my sons have it, yet we all have different diagnoses. Pyroluria can come out as "anxiety" in one person, "ADHD" in another and "bipolar" in someone else because we are all biochemically unique. Please do read about pyroluria at other sites and have your child tested. There's about a one in three chance that he has it. Good luck, Linda

Thanks Linda! I learn something new everyday! I have never heard of pyroluria but I'm definetly gonna check it out. Its great that it's that easy to diagnose,thru a urine test. I wish all diagnoses could be made this way! I have already had my son tested for bipolar he had no signs at all,but like you said ya never know. Thanks again for the info. I'll have more time tomorrow to look at it, he has a friend over (actually his only close friend) he lives next door,he is spending the night and boy they get rowdy!


Thank again! : )

Tracy
CJsMOM28

Just an update.... I sent a note to my Son's teacher Friday for a conference, that I have alot of concerns. Hopefully she will schedule for one this week (if the weather does'nt get in the way!) She may wait till the end of the week to go over his progress report, they get them Wednesday. My Husband is going to try to attend, I hope he can because we have been disagreeing about this 504 stuff. Maybe if he hears what the teacher will say, he will change his mind,who knows I might. Things may not be as bad as I thought. I am not going to mention anything though about the thoughts of a 504 to his teacher. If we decide to, I'll just schedule for an evaluation, of course then letting his teacher know whats going on.


Linda Thanks again for that information about Pyroluria (s/p?) I am going to get that testing for me and my Son soon, first I need to take care of some things at school. I had seen more info about it at other adhd forums, I'm glad people are getting educated about it.

It has been a terrible week, that is why it has taken me this long to post. My Mother last Sunday evening had a TIA (mini stroke) for the first time in her life, she is only 50! She had a couple of others during the week as well. It scared me to death! I am an only child so I have had my plate full, mostly of worrying! She has gone to the doctor and is fine now, and back to work. I just pray to God it doesn't happen again!


Also My Husband had two cars die on him this week,due mainly to the weather (two days apart) and had to leave them on the side of the road. He is now having them fixed so more $$$$ to shell out! I'm just thankful he didn't get hurt on the side of the road. I also fell not once, but twice on the icey pavement on the same spot. My tush! So I have been a little crippled this week. Thank goodness my Son's school life this week was half way decent!

Well thanx for letting me vent! I really am a positive person. REALLY! :)

I'll keep you guys posted on the school stuff... academically/socially.

Have a GREAT week everyone!! : ^)


Tracy
CJsMOM28

I may have missed someone saying this,

but my oldest son is somewhat of a "loner" as well
he just does not have a lot in common with the kids in his class
(they are into hunting, lots of sports, the cool kids , etc)

He just is'nt that way, he loves animals, and sometimes prefers them to human company. hates overly competitive sports, and prefers talking to older kids.

However, when he makes a friend, it is for life, he has one good friend in his class, and others where we used to live.

I reallly used to worry about this lack of social life, until I realized he was ok with the way things were.

Hang In there it gets better.:)