View Full Version : Want book for non ADD Wife

07-29-07, 09:52 PM
What is a good book for a non ADD family member to read to better understand the effects of ADD. So they may be able to understand that their husband is "not lazy, crazy or stupid"????:eyebrow:

07-29-07, 10:40 PM
Driven To Distraction

07-29-07, 11:11 PM
Living with ADD When Your Not the One who has it by Mimi Handlin was written for non-ADD Partners.

09-29-07, 08:43 PM

Lazy, Crazy or Stupid is a classic Adult ADD book title, actually.

Rather, it is: "You mean I'm not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid?"

09-29-07, 09:05 PM
Daniel Amen's "Healing ADD" is another good one.

Amen is a military trained Neuro-Psychiatrist. That is like a MD who is also got extra training as a Neurologist and as a Psychiatrist.

His Book really explains the Neurology of ADD: that all 'behaviour problems" (or behavoiural failure) are due to brain dysfunction issues [or conditioning].

As he says in his book: if a person has social, interpersonal, work, school, legal, financial or aggression, violence, mood, anxiety or addiction problems in their life, part of their brain isn't working optinally.

EG If a brain is DYSFUNCTIONAL, then one or more areas of a Person's Life will become DYSFUNCTIONAL.

Man, how many times have we seen this?

He cites cases of violent criminals, and people who repeatedly go bankrupt, and addicts of various sorts and people with HIGH IQs who can't cope with school or work-life.

(Things are not caused in a vacuum though. He realizes that early life stressors/neglect, inept parenting, bonding failures, brain injury, exposure to toxins, infections, etc can change the brain, so as to cause later life problems. Brains get disordered along the way, in life. Not everything is genetic or "just happens". Difficult early factors can affect a person's brain function.)

People don't want to be failures or screwups. Some people even commit suicide b/c they can't take the pressure of not succeeding. (In some cultures this is more common than others.)


I compare an underachieving ADHD/LD brain to a normal achieving brain one this way.

If you were to walk down the street and see a $100 bill, would you pick it up?

Probably. (Whether to keep it, or find it's owner: most people would at least pick up the $100 bill.)

The ADD or LD person walks down the street, and sees the same $100 bill, but can't pick it up.

That "failure to pick up" is similar to how we can't acheive the same as others sometimes, despite DESPERATELY WANTING and TRYING to do so.

It's not a matter of lack of desire, or wanting to fail, or being lazy, or not caring or not trying.

e.g. we would pick up the $100 bill (or pick up the paycheck for the $100/HOUR -= JOB=-), but we sometimes just can't.

(Or haven't found the diagnosis/information/help/accommodations/support to help our brain's do what others can, yet.)

To keep admonishing and blaming and berating a Person b/c they can't do something, and yet presenting the Person with no explanation or analysis or assistance to explain/overcome 'why they can't cope/succeed', is really like torturing someone when there is no "right answer" to the questions, yet.

It just drives someone crazy.

Hope this all helps, EXFARMER!

10-27-07, 02:08 PM
Daniel Amen - ADD in Intimite Relationships -- workbook style book that you can both use.

10-27-07, 08:25 PM
Driven To Distraction

I'll second that one.

10-27-07, 10:05 PM
One of the key things Dr. Daniel Amen says is "when your brain doesn't work right, your life won't work right".

(e.g. interpersonal/social, academic, work, sleep, learning, moods, energy level, irritability, anxiety, depression, impulsivity, financial areas, ability to plan; some people get violent, etc. Neurology controls so much.)

06-18-08, 01:56 PM
I am the ADD husband. ADD wrecked my life, I just found out a year ago that I had it, and now I am 62.

It made everything take longer, caused loss of jobs, homes, and family relationships. By analysis of my past I learned what was happening and how to cope with it.