View Full Version : Nobody likes me


Wish
07-29-07, 11:56 PM
I've really gotten the sense that I'm not welcome here and that people don't like me. Why is this always the case? Why can't people see my good qualities?

Imnapl
07-30-07, 12:22 AM
Wish, I believe you said you were a lawyer? I know there are different areas of law, but perhaps you could tell people where to get information concerning accomodations at school and the workplace? There are a few active threads that could use some help.

There are also some members going through some hard times with med changes, hospitalization and new diagnoses of bipolar, etc. I'm sure you have something to share as you are fairly new to the diagnosis yourself.

Have you been out of law school long? There are some active threads from students who would benefit from talking to someone who's already gone through the system.


I'm sure there are more that you are interested in, but these topics are a good start to show off your good qualities.

Wish
07-30-07, 12:29 AM
Imnapl, are you saying that I haven't shown my good qualities yet? I was under the belief that nothing is wrong with me and that there's no reason people shouldn't like me.

No offense, but I don't work for free. If people want legal advice they need to pay me for it.

I really have nothing to offer when it comes to hospitalization or med changes. I really don't have a lot to offer anyone right now.

I work in real estate law so I know very little about health law.

Why should I have to do a thing other than be myself to be liked and accepted? I've been trying to show my good qualities all along. I shouldn't have to prove myself to be liked. People should like me for me because I am a good perosn.

Wish
07-30-07, 12:30 AM
I want people to like me for me not because I did something for them. I want people to say I'm a good person because I am.

Imnapl
07-30-07, 12:31 AM
Please define "good person".

What things do you like in another person?

How do other people show YOU their good qualitlies?

Wish
07-30-07, 12:36 AM
I like people just cause they're here and posting and engaged. I don't judge people for having issues or acting in ways that they're less than proud of. Just by posting and responding to my posts is how people show me they're good.

The point is that people should be welcoming and supportive in this community to me. Petty high school cliques have no place here.

Crazy~Feet
07-30-07, 12:44 AM
The point is that people should be welcoming and supportive in this community to me. Petty high school cliques have no place here.If you notice anything of this nature that disturbs you, please use the "Report Post" function and staff will be glad to have a look at it.

That being said, nobody gets to decide how others act or react. Discussing what people "should" or "ought" to do is often an exercise in futility.

Some people are reticent and will not respond until they feel they know a person, even over the internet. Some people are just slower to warm up than others, and some people are harder to warm up to.

We have a lot of good people here, and I would find it grossly unfair if they were judged as good/not good simply by what and to whom they choose to post.

Wish
07-30-07, 12:45 AM
I just want to feel like I fit in and belong. I want a soft place to fall. I judge people by how they are to me.

EYEFORGOT
07-30-07, 02:53 AM
I judge people by how they are to me.
And they are judging you by how you are to them.

I've been "new kid on the block" a lot of times. I'll give you a recent offline experience. I work in theater. I have recently finished making all the props for our show and am now the backstage manager, just me and one other person to be the "techies" as sometimes called.

The cast has been working together for 6 weeks, they know each other, get along, have a report. I come in and I'm the boss. It's just the way it is backstage, I keep things moving and make sure everything is ok. They don't know me. Why should they listen to me? It's my job. I volunteered for it because I love the craft.

Sometimes techies and cast do not get along, I think it's because we have preconceived ideas about the other, an accumulation of complaints. I decided to "kill them with kindness". I was frustrated at first and grumped a bit, even cried a little,

but I could either a) grump, be irritated, lose all my enjoyment of my work and have a lousy experience with these people or b) I could be direct about my job, try to put a twist of humor in, be understanding yet help them understand how this works for the best flow of the show and have, ultimately, a great time and make new friends. Which I did.

Someone said to me, "You put on those black clothes and you're automatically the enemy. But you're nice."

Give a little get a little. That's the way relationships and getting along is all about.

I have lousy "new kid on the block" stories, but I thought this would be more uplifting.

:)

Crazy~Feet
07-30-07, 04:06 PM
That was great Chel :) you rock!


I sometimes feel like nobody likes me for who I am too. In my life I have a lot of pressure on and offline.

In real life, I am a mother and wife to people with disorders. They place a lot of demands upon me, demands that I could seriously do without, because I have disorders of my own. I am not free to pick and choose when their crises will clash with mine and this is exhausting. It seems to me that my family occasionally expects from me that I exhibit NT behvior and abilities. This is grossly unfair, of course, and when I respond in the only way that is available to me (Non-NT) I feel very disliked.

Online, here at ADDF, I have a staff position. I believe that I have many friends here...and I also believe that some people may back off from me simply because my name is in green and my title reads "moderator". By the same token, I can see that people place more demands upon me for this same reason...and sometimes? The demands are just unfair, unreasonable and beyond what is required of me. Right or wrong, some people wind up disliking me for not complying with all of their demands, unfair or not. Some people seem to dislike me just because I have that name in green, without bothering to get to know me. Unfair, but it happens.


I was once a noobie here. The first day I posted I knew nothing about this place or how it operated. I felt ignored for quite some time because I did not yet fully understand how a large online group of mostly neurodiverse people would be inclined to respond, to me or to anybody in general. It took me a lot of time to understand how this works here at ADDF. This is a place like no other, and the unspoken rules of this place (as opposed to the guidelines I am bound to uphold) are like those of no other.

I had to give a lot to get back at first. I had to share more, say more, and do more until people warmed up to me, understood somewhat who and what I was and responded. I got many a reply that was off-the-wall and still do sometimes. This is something I no longer get offended by. I accept that this is part of the diversity we have here. It took me a while to feel any serenity about that and there were many days I closed my browser in confusion. I still have those days.

FightingBoredom
07-30-07, 07:41 PM
I've decided that it's ok if NOBODY likes me as long as I like myself.
There isn't a person on this planet who really knows me...and even if they did--I have ADD--I'll have different opinions and possibly even different behavior the next time we interact.

I can totally related to having that feeling of "nobody likes me"...since I've been an outcast most of my life. What I've found is that out of the more than 6.5 billion people on the planet...I figure that there are barely more than a handful that are really worth getting to know very well. The rest are just watering down of the gene pool...heck! for that matter--I'm just a drop of that gene pool watering down.

Yep, you can say it...I'm a cynical astard with a capital B.
The older I get the more people I interact with in public the more I can relate to Ebeneizer Scrooge's classic line "decrease the surplus population".


My take on it is--like yourself and laugh at everyone else. If they like you--fine. If they don't like you--so what?

FrazzleDazzle
07-30-07, 08:50 PM
Nobody can make you feel [insert whatever emotion here] without your permission.

That has truly been my motto in my later adult years. I am another one who battled low self-esteem and confidence, always concerned about how others felt about me. It was when in my marriage that I got very tired of being a doormat and I burst out of that mold and learned, thought it is probably a lifetime education, to like myself and value the place I have in this world, and have gathered around me others who could care less what they are to themselves but value more what they are able to give out to others. It's a step out of self-centeredness and selfishness that gets me there.

Now, I let no one take my joy, or as the previous poster said, no rent in my head for free. Gad, I LOVED that one!

Andi
07-30-07, 10:35 PM
Nobody can make you feel [insert whatever emotion here] without your permission.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. --Eleanor Roosevelt

Brilliant, brilliant woman...she has many great quotes and several of them hit home.


Consider the following by Eleanor:

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

FrazzleDazzle
07-30-07, 10:42 PM
Andi! Thanks for pinning that down, I never looked up who said that! Thanks for sharing some of Eleanor Roosevelt's other pearls of womanly wisdom. :)

Imnapl
07-30-07, 10:49 PM
I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.Great quotations. I really like this one for ADHD.

Crazygirl79
07-31-07, 12:28 AM
Wish.

There are many times throughout my life where I've felt unwelcome and disliked, and it wasn't my ADHD and co-existing conditions that caused these issues but it was more on how society in general dealt with these issues and treated people like us....usually in a negative way.

I'm sure there are many people out there who really like you for the person you are and not for what you've done for them or what you can do for them and sometimes we find ourselves pleasantly surprised as to how many people actually like us and sometimes we're even more surprised to find out who actually likes us..just recently someone of ADDF contacted me via another site and I was absolutely stunned as this person and I barely had any interaction on ADDF but we chat almost regularly on MSN now..so I think it's safe to assume that they like me and they must have liked me enough to contact me in the first place!

My advice is don't try so hard to be liked...just be yourself but I know it's hard when you feel like the world's against you but believe me there are plenty of people on this great forum that go through this from time to time as you would've notice in the responses to your thread.

Selena:) I want people to like me for me not because I did something for them. I want people to say I'm a good person because I am.

justhope
08-01-07, 10:37 AM
Wish....

You know how I feel about you.

I hope you by opening up and talking about these things, it will help. I hope it reassures you that there are people here who understand, who want to understand and who do "care" even if we don't ...


With the Kindest Regard,

Hope :)

ProcrastN8R2
08-02-07, 12:25 AM
I've really gotten the sense that I'm not welcome here and that people don't like me. Why is this always the case? Why can't people see my good qualities?

I like you Wish!

I think your posts are very intelligent and thoughtful. I look forward to reading them. When I see you started a thread, I always read it.

Many of your posts are very supportive to others. You share things you've learned. In others, you are obviously reaching out - I admire that. It is hard, even in an online forum, to be vulnerable like that.

I like your screen name too. It is wistful and hopeful at the same time. I like the kind of person I think would pick a name like that.

ozchris
08-11-07, 01:15 AM
I've really gotten the sense that I'm not welcome here and that people don't like me. Why is this always the case? Why can't people see my good qualities?I feel the same way but I believe it's because I broke some rules and said some things not everyone agrees with. I'm sure the more I post the more people will understand that I'm not just some anti-ADD phyco and I actually can help people.

Jett
08-12-07, 03:24 PM
I feel for you, I really do. I know the feeling. I have felt many times that nobody likes me but then I realize later that THERE ARE people who like me.

I am sorry you feel this way. I know the pain all too well myself. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me, ok?

(HUGS)

bitzy
08-12-07, 04:48 PM
I really admire your honesty and willingness to share your true feelings wish......rock on!