I have this thing that when I walk into a room I feel all the feelings of the people in there.

Eg, my friend (at work) had panic disorder and I could feel it in my chest from the other side of the room.

After the branch got held up the first time (I wasn't there) I went down to see if they were OK and I felt everything so strongly (fear, anxiety etc) and the managers who had also come to assist thought that I had been there coz I was so white (I'm dark skinned). I felt like I had been there too.

When Mum brought her paedophile boyfriend to my house (before I knew what he was) something inside of me was screaming, "No No this is all wrong. Don't let him touch Christie".

I was always like it as a kid and I always thought that whatever negative emotion I felt from someone else, that it was somehow my fault. I used to assess people and situations by what I felt rather that what I saw.

It's so overwhelming. It's like hearing people's thoughts but instead you're feeling them - all at once. It affects my ability to cope and it's interferring with my ability to return to work. I've already been moved from one area coz if bad vibes. The place I'm in now is OK but it's still an issue for me.

What I need to do is be able to control it but I don't know how. I've tried looking on the net about it and it talks about supernatural, psychic stuff which I think is a load of rubbish. I know it's coz I'm part autistic so that side of me developed to compensate for a lack of development/awareness as a kid. It just makes me feel even more alien coz I can't really talk about it coz it sounds too wierd.

If you can relate to this please respond, especially if you've found a way to control it.

This is simple empathy, and it is a TALENT, not a curse. But I know how frustrating it can be sometimes... I used to consider myself an "emotional doppelganger", that adopted the same emotion as the person I was speaking with. I even have trouble not imitating the accents of foreigners who speak with me!!! :eek:

As for what to do to solve the frustrating parts of it... I'm not entirely sure.

Maybe stop hanging around people with lives and emotions that are too intense for you to handle.

I completely relate to this

I had to drop a friendship partially because (on top of him being an out of control sociopath, but not a bad guy) he was so extremely HIGH STRUNG that I could always feel HIS heart pounding in my chest giving me the same problems.

I have trouble being in large crowds because of thsi, I feel like my own feelings get lost because I'm feeling other's instead, a lot of the time. But on the other hand, I can't read people very well a lot of times too. :rolleyes: Sometimes what I feel from a person completely conflicts with the way they are interacting with me, if that makes any sense.

I've tried to find logical, natural (not 'super' or spiritual) explanations for this- because it's happening, so there has to be an explanation. Of course I don't have one, I have a rough idea which has lead me to be able to control it a little, which is the main thing (controlling, not explaining). Basically, confidence that you may eventually be able to tune it out when you want to (at least sometimes! I can't always tune this out, only when I really try to and can devote the attention to doing so), and patience and practice (I focus on mentally blocking it just as I would TRY to mentally ignore a sound but also focus the blocking on the part of the body that I feel the feeling in- stomach, chest, throat)- in my opinion and limited experience, and meant only so.

I think I can't help picking these other feelings up because I have trouble filtering things out- even when I don't want to notice them. Like being in a crowded resturant and not being able to ignore the other conversations around me when talking to the person across the table. So I try to tune these feeling out just as I would try to tune out people's comversations.

Good luck, I know how interfering this can be. But it is very good when this gives legitimate and relevant warnings about shady people; so sometimes a worthy trade off!

I've tried the blocking thing but in doing that I end up blocking my own feelings as well. Also, coz I think I'm immature emotionally, I can't necessarily recognise the emotions I'm sensing. I feel it as a physical sensation a lot of the time.

I know what you mean about avoiding high maintenance people coz I do it all the time. I don't really have friends coz I find it too hard to let people in. This can be a challenge coz I seem to be a magnet for people with mental health issues - it's like they take one look at me and I must be so transparent.

A lot of the time as a kid and even now, if I feel a negative emotion from someone, I think that maybe I've done something wrong and then I get worried. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling guilty and responsible for things that probably had nothing to do with me.

Thankfully, where I'm doing my return to work thing, I have a good boss and he seems to create good vibes.

SubtleMuttle: You said that "Sometimes what I feel from a person completely conflicts with the way they are interacting with me, if that makes any sense."

Maybe it's coz people act and put on masks to disguise who and what their intenions really are. But you can see straight to the core and it's really confusing sometimes.

It does have it's good points though, like it warns me about dangerous situations where I otherwise wouldn't physically observe the danger.

Thanks for responding. Sometimes it feels really 'star trek' and then I start thinking I'm nuts.

You know what, the more I think about this the more I am convinced I am exactly like this. But I have learned to completely shut down my feelings. It is hard for me to turn them back "on" again... I sometimes can... but am most successful doing it in a room full of people celebrating... i.e. a reception, shag, cast party, SCA event, etc... music lets me sort it out too, but generally I am alone for that.

And it really ANNOYS me if I ever feel like someone is trying to MAKE me feel something... like if I get into a fight with my wife, and she accuses me of not caring because I am not as upset as she is...

here's a visualization, grounding trick a friend taught me. it works sometimes (like when you are talking on the phone so it won't matter if you look like a dork) :*)

1) make sure your feet are planted firmly on the floor/ground. about hip-width apart (so that you are comfortable).

2) put your elbows on your thighs and your hands together like you're saying a prayer. (i lean forward with my hands in the middle, between my knees. up by your forhead might work too if you are thinking too much, or in front of your heart if you are feeling too much.)

3) now spread out your fingers so that only the tips are touching.

4) visualize negative emotions getting filtered out before the get to you. your finger tips are the filter.

5) visualize opening a valve in your feet to release any negative emotions that slipped through the filter.

6) check yourself after the conversation. if you've got some residual negative energy hanging on, find something you can do to release it. maybe running, jumping jacks, shot of vodka (my personal fav.), whatever works for you :*)

i've always had a problem with being able to filter out negative stuff. if i read a book where someone is being abused, i feel like *i'm* the one who has been abused. no more oprah book club books for me!!! i saw Lord of the Rings 3 and felt physically ill afterward and it took forever to fall asleep that night. note to self -- bring flask next time dh picks the movie we're going to.

tudorose,

you said several things i *really* identified with!

"I've tried the blocking thing but in doing that I end up blocking my own feelings as well."

instead of blocking, try filtering (see my post above). it's worth a shot anyway.

"... I seem to be a magnet for people with mental health issues - it's like they take one look at me and I must be so transparent."

For awhile, I had an "Ex-Con, Druggie Magnet." Not sure how I turned it off, but, I'm glad I did.

"A lot of the time as a kid and even now, if I feel a negative emotion from someone, I think that maybe I've done something wrong and then I get worried. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling guilty and responsible for things that probably had nothing to do with me."

I had a hard time watching Little House on the Prairie because Laura was always getting into fixes and I'd *totally* feel the same way. Embarrased when she put apples in her dress to make her chest look bigger. Jelous when Albert moved in. Lonely when baby Carrie was born. etc. But, I loved watching it because, no matter what, Ma and Pa loved her. So I got to feel unconditional love too. :*)

whoa, seems like maybe *way* too much thought went into the "little house" paragraph. but, i really *loved* that show. :*)

I had my feelings blocked for a really long time - and then I got medicated which changed that.

I used to use my feelings to identify customers coz I wouldn't necessarily recognise their physical appearance but I'd recogise their emotional presence.

I'll try the visualisation thing - should have plently of opportunity today. Hope it works for me.

I think "recognizing" people brings them near.

Tudorose,

I KNOW what you're talking about! I love being able to identify with people here. I'm a recovering alky and I've had a hard time going to AA meetings because of this feeling thing.

When I was trying to explain my difficulty to my therapist I told her it was like going into a room and not being able to think or hear because all the feelings were so LOUD. She said this is common with ADDers.

I also have had a tendency to assume bad feelings were my fault. I think this problem has improved some for me along with the being overwhelmed by the feelings fo others.

I think it's getting better for me by working on my boundries. I try to go to a meeting with my world small if that makes any sense. I realize part of the problem was that I was trying so hard to understand and follow and be PART of that I just kind of opened myself up. Now, when I go without self expectations to GET the program and fit in it makes things smaller and more manageable. I just let the whirlwind whirl and can stay kind of removed.

Thanks for your post.

Thanks for that Renaldos. It's good to hear that others get the same thing. I don't feel quite so wierd now.

I've had the same experience. Years ago, when I had a friend with a lot of mental health issues, I woke up with my heart pounding every time she woke up with a panic attack, even though we lived in different cities. I could tell when she was freaking out over something and was about to call me, too. It was spooky ... and it made that friendship incredibly draining for me.

I've found some really good sites relating to this:

http://healing.about.com/library/weekly/aa121997.htm

http://healing.about.com/library/uc_empath_0108.htm

It's really stange how a feeling will feel like our fault when it isn't.

I just remembered something that happened to me a few months ago that was terrible. I was in the lobby of a movie theater, and from a crowd about ten feet away from me a young man shouted at a young woman (some kind of accusation) and I felt just like he was yelling at ME and that I was actually GUILTY of what he was angry about. The second he yelled I felt a pang in the center of my chest, vary sharply. My knees started shaking, I felt light headed and nervous; and like I had something to hide. until I got into the movie I had come to see (the ultimate distraction!).

I always wondered if occurances like these are from severe empathy, or from some kind of left over 'the world revolves around me' little kid mindset that everything is because of me or related directly to me; or both, or something else. It's really weird. When I remember this incident even, I am still shocked at the level of guilt I felt. Was it hers or mine?? If mine; why? If hers, how? :confused:

I like the energy feild explanation. This sounds hokey every time but I've 'seen' these and felt them with my hands. Therapeutic touch and acupuncture work on the same principle I think.

With an old boyfriend of mine, no matter how far away he was; if he felt physical pain I felt it. It got so freaky that we synchronized our watches and clock, and if I felt an unexplainable pain on my body, I'd look at my watch and call him and find that at the exact same moment that he stubbed his toe on a door, my toe really hurt! Suffice to say the relationship didn't make it :D

Actually, I'm the opposite. MY ADD, which was untreated until recently, made me lack the ability to read social cues and body language.

Originally posted by D.Lerious
Actually, I'm the opposite. MY ADD, which was untreated until recently, made me lack the ability to read social cues and body language.

This isn't about being able to read social cues and others body language - I can't do that either.

This is about feeling the emotions of others. It is completely unrelated. Reading people requires powers of observation and this (sensing) is something that comes from a lack of being able to read people- as in we 'feel' to assess our situations rather than observe.

I experience this also. I am unable to stay in large gatherings for any period of time because the vibes are so intense. I end up walking outside a lot. It use to work better when I smoked, now people just think I'm anti-social.

I posted about this a while back so I'll just link you to it.



http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=49417&postcount=44

I experience this also. I am unable to stay in large gatherings for any period of time because the vibes are so intense. I end up walking outside a lot. It use to work better when I smoked, now people just think I'm anti-social.
You ever get the feeling that you are in someway "unhuman" when you are in these big gatherings of people. There is so many sounds, visuals, and emotions filling the room that it is almost impossible to focus on one person or group of people. I always end up feeling like a robot that can't cope with what's going on around me and I just feel like going crazy.

No matter how much I try to be "normal" and fit in, I just end up feeling awkward and strange. :(

Your posting brings back memories for me....

You are being empathic. That is a nice thing. I bet you are hypersensitive to your environment. My guess is that you have really good eyesight and really good hearing and are just a little overloaded in a visually and aurally complex environment. Have you talked to your doctor about it ?

Your senses, (all of them) are at maximum, and you are picking up on all the cues around you and you are experiencing sensory overload. Your brain is evaluating it all, and you are reacting to all the sensory input in the room at the same time. I had it when I was a teenager. I adapted to it, and grew out of it. It is back now , (at age 51) after I damaged my hearing, and the neurological stress of killing my 8th cranial nerve at my left ear has exacerbated my hypersensitvity to my environment. This is probably why I am ADD.

What I used to do as a kid was to put on a nice comfy denim jacket to make myself feel snug and secure, and then I put on sunglasses so I did not have to make direct eye contact with everyone all the time. This reduced the stress of social interraction as well as the stress of sensory overload. I think the sunglasses helped a bit by reducinfg my side vision a little so I was not getting so much information, thus reducing the amount of sensory overstimulation. (I'm guessing)

Picking up on a room full of people is really stressful. Try to relax, and learm to enjoy people. Mitigate it if it is too much for you. If you can't mitigate it, avoid it, don't torture yourself.

At age 51, picking up on the emotions of others does not bother me, and I can chose to pick up on people if I want to, or I can chose not to. Also, you need to know that you are picking up on YOUR interpretation of your sensory information, and not really the emotions of others. You are intrepting incoming information as emotions, but you will be surprised to find you often got it wrong when you actually talk to a few people you picked up on. (but a lot of times you will actually have it right). That is what makes it so neat.

I often wear custom earplugs to help reduce auditory stimulus (I have hyperacousus with recruitment and pain). For scents, I don't know what to tell you, scent does not bother me very often. For auditory problems you might get some noise cancelling ear buds and plug them into a masking noise generator (white noise) to cover up the background noise a bit. Some of the noise cancelling ear buds let voice frequencies through and attenuate annoying repetetive noises, and will roll off the frequencies enough that you might get a reduction in auditory overstimulation there as well (try it and see if it helps). I found noise cancelling ear buds to help a little with nothing connected to them. Just put a battery in and wear them.

If I am someplace that is acoustically and visually "busy" I eventually become overwhelmed and will have a "bad day" if I do not leave. Avoiding these situations is one solution, but becoming phobic is NOT a good solution in the long run. All I can say is , mitigate it as best you can, and try to adapt as best you can. In the worst case scenario, you simply have to identify the situation as toxic and avoid it before it hurts you.

Some things that really ding me hard are: telephones, mopeds, motorcycles with loud exhaust, the espresso machine at my favorite cafe, any loud, sharp, intermittent noise, lots of chatter from many people at the same time, flashing lights, and chaotic situations, like a nighttime street scene where you have an ambulance and several police cruisers with their lights all going at the same time... all random and stuff... It is annyoing at first, and becomes stressful and disorienting after a while. If you add a chaotic noisy sound setting to that , it becomes very unpleasant for me rather fast.

Good music is a rush, bad music, that is dischordant, or with out of tune instruments, is really unpleasant.

It is not all bad, and it can be a useful gift. Take good care of yourself, see your doctor, and adapt as best you can.

Glen