I have a five year old female child. I find myself telling her with very good intentions that we will do something on a particular afternoon (ride bikes, go skating, etc..) and when the time comes I have totally lost interest in doing it and sway her to do something else (still fun but not what I said we would do).

The last it happened she said to me, "You lied Mommy, how could you do that to me". I felt so terrible that I'm said I'm sorry and did what she wanted to do.

I need to learn to stop making plans with her or anyone. I know me well enough that I should just wait to see how I am going to feel when the time comes.

I also worry about her seeing me not stick with anything I start and keeping a messy house and shooting my mouth off to people that make me angry. Sometime I feel like such a terrible person. I make the awesome goals only to never meet them. I don't even tell me my "new years resolutions" anymore. They would probably just laugh at me and say, Yeh right as they chuckled under their breath.

I get so mad at myself that I don't do anything I say I"m going to do. I must be the most unreliable person around. I guess I should feel lucky my husband has stuck it out as long as he has. Bless his poor soul. 9 years of this and it's surprising he's not in the loony bin. (he's normally so laid back and easy going that he gets a chuckle out of seeing me run around like a chicken with my head cut off):( :confused: :eek: :p

Justolme, I can really relate to that. I have three children 8yr girl with ADHD, 6yr boy with ADHD/Dyspraxia and a 2yr old girl.
They have learned over the years not to expext things to go quite how we planned.

I had no idea i had ADHD till my children were diagnosed. They were like me, infact my daughter hs been said to be a miniture of me.

I am honest with my children, too honest some would say. I explain why things happen and why they dont and always have done. I try hard not to make promisses as i know i often cant keep them. Even things like star charts are hard for me to follow through on.

I content myself with the knowledge that i am a fun person and some days when they are expecting nothing we will just up and go do somthing fun. They will learn over time that i am a pretty useless example of consistancy. Thankfully their daddy is nothing if not true to his word.

Everything i ever heard or read about ADHD in childrens stipulates that they need a calm and structured environment, somthing outside my abilities. That is where my biggest guilt lies. I wonder if i am lowering their chances of a happy outcome, by my inability to build a routine.

I hate it when my children see me lose my temper and even more so when i lose it with them. I never ever wanted to rule by fear, but when i yell they run and somtimes cry as well. I feal like such a worthless peice of rubbish when i do that.

If i could remain calm with my children at all times, i think that is the only thing i would change.

In 4 weeks i will have been married for 9 years as well. My wonderfull hubby has stuck with me through thick and thin. He has taught me to vallue traits i thought were weaknesses.

Though i also know he gets a chuckle out of watching me run round lick a chicken with my head cut off too. As well as permenant license to tease me for my more wacky exploits.

I dunno, gals. Look at the fact that we are doing something great for them: teaching them how to be adaptable while retaining a stable environment at the same time. That is something that is very difficult to do, yet extremely benficial for children. I'd venture to say normies struggle with this concept.

Justolme, having 5 kids, I can say that 5 year olds are learning how to manipulate the world around them. Not to say your daughter is conniving, it is very healthy and very age appropriate. It is good for them to be able to know that they have control of SOME things now. YOU must stay your ground, or she will be taught that you are to be manipulated. This is dangerous: project that behavior ten years down the road, after she has mastered it---nothing good there!

You should be proud of the fact that you are spending QT with your kid, so many parents give it over to TV or Video games. By doing "kid" things that are more fun for you, I think you are teaching her the value of compromise in relationships and maybe even some negotiating skills, depending how you do it.

As for the losing your temper thing---well, I'm guilty of that too. I just try to explain that I am angry with injustices or whatever.
:o

Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Thanks Flakygirl! I needed that little pick me up. (and 5 kids? are you sure your still sain???) I do think about how boring their life would be if I weren't in it. My husband is so laid back sometimes I feel I need to check his pulse and my daughter is pretty spunky herself so she holds her own.

I just need to accept I am who I am. There's nothing I did to make myself this way, I just need to accept it and enjoy the good points of this disorder. Oh, and by the way what are they-I forgot!?! :)

I don't know the good points, I forgot them too :P
Except-optimism alert- the ability to lose anything! *grin*

Ok after I started writing this, it turned into an essay, and probably longer than anything I ever wrote for school..
part 1 is my thoughts on your situation with your daughter..
part 2 i went off on a tangent about my lack of expressing anger, which probably isnt directly relevant, but maybe we can take lessons from eachother lol... i'm going to leave it be in hopes that it at least makes for entertainment.. I'm slightly proud of it.. I used to not have *anything* to say, other than I'm bored/hungry/ and other things that no one else should even care about (or even find the tiniest bit interesting hehe)

So just be warned, this got LONG-and keeps growing, oh my..
Feel free to comment if I'm having serious misconceptions about kids- Since I'm the baby of the family, and haven't been around lil ones for longer than a day or so with my youngest cousins, I am only speaking from my childhood experiences, which hopefully will help.. With the exception of a disasterous first year in public school, I was homeschooled til I was around 10 or 11, so I spent a *lot* of time with my mother. She also ran a daycare when I was a toddler.. I think she did it more for playtime than work lol..

I don't have kids, so I can't reallllly know what i'm talking bout here, but I'm going to take a stab at it.. the best option I can see is not to make promises you just can't keep.. When she asks to do something that you just don't know if you are going to be up to doing later (unless she is asking something ridiculous, like mommy can we go eat ice cream all day then spin around til we puke? which is just a NO lol), tell her that its a possibility, but if you can't do it then you will still play together, just maybe something else that she would like to do that doesn't suck the life out of mommy-ok not in those words, but you probably get my drift-.. I know when I was around that age promises were very important, as I was sure that they should never be broken.. but if there wasn't a promise, then it wasn't as disappointing if I didn't get to do what I wanted, and I didn't feel like anyone had lied. I think I still hold that mentality lol... She does need to understand that sometimes promises have to be broken for important reasons.. I don't know what age falls for this (i think its before preschool, took a child psych class once but i never remember whats age appropriate lol.. she might be too old to go for it), but you can make a game of cleaning the house and finish it with one of her favorite activites (im guessing the quiet game isnt a favorite *grin*) to reward her for helping mommy, a surprise activity (which you can figure out spur of the moment, then go do it while you're still up to it... I'm an absolute cleaning disaster, but I remember I loved to "vaccuum".. which of course i only finished like 1/3 of the room, and set the table , empty the dishwasher and anything else that wasn't smelly or gross.. and matching socks, but i think i was a bit odd as a kid lol... then when the room was clean we could play a game... Just don't set unrealistic goals for yourself, is what I have learned. Make a small goal, and when you complete it, set another small one. I always tend to bite off way more than I can chew.. "today im going to clean my apartment" is unrealistic for me.. usually i just make sure the spaces I share with my roommate is clean, so that my disaster doesn't seep onto her.. She has ADD as well, but its a silent agreement that dirty dishes will be extra disgusting and take more time tomorrow, same for the kitchen trash.. Both of us have a great sense of smell when it comes to detecting rotting things or mildew/mold.. Shes the only one that ever agrees when I say "do you smell THAT?," when everyone else looks at me like im nuts.. A clean house just isn't going to happen for most ADDers.. i'm starting to lose my original point here, but im pretty sure yall can sympathize lol...... Just make it fun.. its not as hard when you don't have to do it alone.. My aunt said she used to hide pennies(i think pennies were a bigger deal when you could actually buy something for 25 cents) around where my cousin was supposed to dust, and she was told she could keep any change she found... If any of that ^ stuff up there made any sense, and sounds like a good idea, im sure everyone here has a good idea or 2 about making it fun....
5 kids!! *faints* I bet you have quite a few ideas..
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I have always been too passive(mom called it laid back, i think freakishly calm) to have a temper issue, so i have no advice there. Im an eternal optimist, I try to think the best of people, and if they are intentionally rude then they aren't worth my stress. Cause if i let them get to me then i just upset myself over something that probably isn't worth tears.. I'm a crier not a yeller.. Not sure which is better.. Sometimes I don't say something when I don't like it, and it multiplies in my overactive head and I snap at something stupid, and cant even remember why i was so upset in the first place.. It helped ruin a decent 2.5 year relationship, since I couldn't put my finger on what it was, I tended to look a little nutso. I can't totally blame myself, but over time misplaced anger definately can ruin a relationship with anyone(not just a romantic one, but one with a roommate as well that i silently resented for using me, and it multiplied out of control). Now I think, when someone says something mean or does something to hurt me, "does this truly upset me? will it bother me later if i dont say something?" So I'm learning how to say I'm mad..... Back to shooting your mouth off, Do you tend to go off without thinking first? Or do you pause to absorb that they made you angry, then start yelling? Am I in the right ballpark? Just think about what it is that is the key to setting you off, I never realized what exactly I was doing that could turn me to getting angry until I started writing.. I kept a diary.. and somewhat still do, that I write down what is going on in my head, when I would rather be sleeping... I only think too much at bedtime it drives me up the wall lol
Ok I have been at this for way too long and I have to get ready for work about 10 minutes ago!! Not to mention I don't even know if this makes sense!! So let me know if something is absolutely confusing (which confusing people is one of my strong points :D).. Or if I need to delete this and just summarize into 2 sentences per paragraph? LOL...
Good luck with your situation.. I might be goofy, but I'm always up for giving feedback.. and I appreciate honest feedback, it keeps my sanity in check :p
BBFN

That was wayyy too long to me to even read, and I wrote it.. LOL

Summary:
-Don't promise something that you cannot be sure you will do... when I was her age I thought a promise was something set in stone.. I did come to realize that sometimes they have to be broken.. If it wasn't a promise, but a maybe if mom is feeling ok, it wouldnt be as disappointing.. it is great that you do an alternate activity, rather than plunking her in front of the tv by herself
-A suggestion on cleaning: get your daughter to help you do 1 or 2 chores a day, and make it into a game (like who can match socks the fastest or fold more shirts).. then when that is finished surprise her with on of her favorite things to do (which you can pick, then do it right then before you dont feel up to it)
-You can make awesome goals, just break it down into steps, and each one is its own goal.. reward yourself when you accomplish it.. But do be realistic when making them.. and ask for your hubbys encouragement/participation.
I've never made a new yr resolution, I never thought that was a great idea for me.. I know that fixing something I don't like isn't going to happen just because its january.
- As for anger, I have the opposite problem.. I have trouble saying when something makes me angry.. I usually take what ignorant people say with a grain of salt.. Its the people that know me that have the ability to hurt me.. I think we both need to find middle ground as far as anger is concerned. :)


Most of all believe in yourself.. Though from your other post I can see a bit more positivity :)

Thanks for the advice Brilliantmoment.