I'm not sure how much of this has to do with ADD (was never formally dx'ed) or Bipolar as the two kind of go hand-in-hand, but anyway:

Last year (as a Junior in high school) was the first time I ever showed any interest at all in dating...before, I was thoroughly happy being single because I was afraid of getting hurt. Well, there was only one guy that I would even consider dating because he was sweet, funny, and shared my love of HP. ;) Big plus. And he knew I was bipolar and understood... But anyway, I asked him out a couple times and he was always 'busy.' I figured something was up, but I didn't question it as I'm not the confrontational type...finally, I asked him to our Winter Formal and at that point he was kind of forced to tell me that he was going with someone else as otherwise I would've seen him at the dance anyway.

I was sooooo sure he liked me 'cause he was constantly flirting with me and it got to me to the point that I went into a depressive state and couldn't go through the schoolday and went home early (the nurse at my school is really understanding of my mental state). I ended up not going to the dance and didn't meet his girlfriend until later, at which point I automatically decided I hated her with no grounds to do so, but I didn't show it...

And now, I've gone back to my fear of dating and the closest I've gotten was going to my Junior Prom with a really good friend (my mom and sister swore it was a date, but it wasn't even though I was kinda interested in him) and then a movie with him a week later. After that, I wanted him to ask me out instead of the other way around, just to see if he shared the same feelings and I haven't heard from him since (mind, I have only seen him sporadically since we were twelve - we've only seen each other about six times total in five years).

I was just wondering if anyone else has this fear? It doesn't help that most of the guys at my school are rather immature and/or drug/alcohol addicts...

Paige

Hey! i think your the only other teenager who actually is around my age but w/e

well for starts im a guy so yes of course i have this fear every guy does but a lot of guys learn to get over it because its our job to approach you :) and start talking and all that fun stuff...

ever sence ive been on Adderal which is not that long i have been trying to figure this whole social thing out trying to get it down to an art lol but yes the fear is always there and always will be but you just have to use the fear to motivate you and trust me even if you totally BOMB the first time making friends or coming onto a guy or w/e it is you will feel great because you actually faced your fears even if you did BOMB and trust me.. after BOMBING about 4 or 5 times you will start to pick up on what is going on benieth the surface and how to do it better.... for a lot of people social stuff just comes naturally but for those of us with ADD and other things we have to LEARN this stuff because we do things completely different then normal people... its really a learning process


and btw most guys/girls in high school are immature and on drugs and alcohol.. its generally starting to become part of the high school expierence sort of like college

the trick is to also be immature and just have some fun.. u know do what you gotta do


my stand point: Alcohol is bad it kills your brain and i value my mind so i choose to stay away from it. Cigs i do smoke on occasion but mostly socially and i know your knew here.. i think neways.. but something you prob dont know is 68% of ADDers smoke or do some kind of drug(has to do with out low levels of dopamine and stimulants such as coke, cigs, and weed all do that). and on being immature.. it takes awhile but once you learn when and when not to be immature it can be very fun and relaxing with the right people :)

dont know if i helped at all but hey i responded :)

Thanks for replying. :) I'm rather unconventional..I don't think it's fair to make the guy do everything in a relationship. I asked the guy I went to Prom with to go with me and I asked him to the movies so it's not that...and the guy that I asked to the Winter Formal and I are still really good friends. He can be immature at times, but I know he's not on drugs or alcohol. His immaturity mainly comes through his sense of humour, but some of his jokes are good...most of them, in fact. :) And honestly, having fun is a foreign concept for me.

My dad left when I was ten and I took on the responsibility as a 'second parent' and left all my childhood behind until I was fourteen when I met a friend who showed me what teenagers should be like, but I still didn't take to it completely. I just am not good in social situations...I tend to be introverted except with select few friends, but I feel free to express myself online. I'm working on figuring out myself and figuring out others is just difficult at the moment with my constant mood swings...I'm hoping stability will change that problem, at least a little bit.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. :)

Paige

no problem but if you want more or prob even better advice and in a timely fashion i would suggest posting future relationship/social issues in the adult section its rare for people to post responses here right away and sometimes even within a day or 2 of posting and there are few teens here as well and posts are generally non exestent in the private teen forums

Hey, every now and then someone does pop by here, but Revz is rite, the ADDult section has much better responses. Besides, I think its better to get a response from more expianced people anyway. Pointless the blind leading the blind.

As with your problem, I was very much the same in high school, was very anti-social and hated (hate is a strong word) the people in my class/school. I also never really had any friends my age until end of my final year. My parents were divorced sinci I was 8 and the only friends I really had where my dad's friends. Only at university did I learn what this fun thing was all about. But I suppose you wanna break out of any restraints now and not only in a few years time.

Revz is definately rite in saying that you have to fail first before you can learn. Learning from past mistakes i one thing us ADDers do better than most people (we make a lot more mistakes too). I have a simple motto that I lie very strictly to, "what does not kill you makes you stronger" might sound stupid, but if you live by that you will realize that every mistake has a lesson.
The important thing is not to be scared of making mistakes.
Dating is for me still a complicated thing, but if you worry about not having a guy opposed to making sure you have the rite guy, you will end up in a bad place.

Hope this helps.

I understand where you're coming from, MaNaesWolf when you say you had better relations with adults...ever since I was little, even before my parents' divorce, I liked talking to adults more than children...my vocabulary made it difficult for me to really get along with anyone and I always saw them as immature because I was, as a lot of people say so I'm NOT trying to brag or anything, wise beyond my years.

And yeah, I know the saying and I really do try to follow it most of the time...too much wasted away if you ignore the proverb (think it's a proverb anyway). I lost a lot of my childhood because of that ignorance. But can't dwell on the past or think too far into the future...it only worries me more than it should.