I'm really curious.

Those of you with bipolar moods, if your moods are fluctuating up and down during certain periods of the year, how do you keep your friends??? Do you guys still have friends? Or do you only have family??

And, how do you stay in relationships??

And also!! When you really really like someone, do you suddenly stop liking them one day?? (And then wonder why!??) [Like I liked this guy, i had butterflies in my tummy when I was with him sometimes, and then one day, I felt absolutely NOTHING toward him... and that kind of happened before. I believe it was probably never love in the first place, though].

Anywya, I'm just curious.

I'm supposedly Cyclothymic, so I have my periods of ups and downs.
When I'm down (that's usually the longer periods), I like to be alone and away from most people, though once every week or two I might crave some kind of companionship (Mind you, these depressive periods last for at least 3 months at a time).

So, most of the friends I made before the mood change, are off having fun with other people slowly forgetting about me. And only a very few people still remain my friend...

But then, after I feel better, I make new friends and start making contact with a few of my old friends.

I use facebook, myspace, and some other sites.. But I've stopped sending messages to friends now, because I'm so inconsistent with corresponding w/ ppl.

Friendship seems like it's all about give and take.

If you don't give attention to your friends, they won't give any to you...

My problem is the inconsitency...

If only I could give to my friends as much as they give to me. I wish I could always be talkative and energetic and organized and (if not happy) positive... most of the time.

So, I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way??? (And are secretly jealous of people who seem to have little emotional instability and have a great social life) :o :eyebrow:

I have friends :) and fortunately, all of them understand about the bipolar and the phases I will sometimes go through. I have RL friends and internet friends and I think I am truly blessed.

Sometimes I will stay away for a while, and since that's expected, nobody is surprised when it happens.

What is RL???

RL=Real Life

But anyway, my best friends totally understand my bipolar disorder and my extremely rapid moodswings (sometimes within minutes or hours at a time). My absolute-without-a-doubt best friend has been there for just about every episode I've had and she's the second person I go to, if not the first at times if I can't get to my mom. At one point, I was so irritable that I slammed my books down in the library and just ran out practically yelling telling my friends to F off (they followed me so I wouldn't hurt myself, but let the anger work itself out because you just can't reason with someone that manic...) and later that day, it wasn't even brought up in conversation. During my depressive spells, she knows when it's safe to approach me and if I distance myself, she knows better than to try to convince me otherwise as it won't work. When I'm manic, she tries to bring me back down to reality as this often happens at school and I can hardly be "white mania", which is the kind I usually get, and sit in a classroom at the same time...and I occasionally get "dark mania" and the same thing applies - I can't sit still and I need to either take someone's head off or just run. I've actually had the urge to just run down the hallway for no apparent reason at school and my friends have literally have had to pull me back. :S Other people, though, are not so understanding. Most of my friend's friends don't care or don't understand and I have gotten to a point where I accept that because I can't please everyone.

when i see/read them talking to each other, i feel left out. but not enough to keep up with it. also, when i talk to them individually, i find they are not having the big social life I imagined.
my therapist said it's healthy to have LOTS of friends who are only for specific purposes. It's healthy and normal to only have 1-2 close friends who are there all the time.
Ex:
#1 like movies that i like.
#2 doesn't, but likes gardening like me. I wouldn't talk about gardening with #1 or go to movies with #2. So i won't see these two people all the time and maybe they don't even like each other.

making and keeping friends is unfamiliar territory. in the past i have let other people MAKE the friends, then i tag along until i'm part of the group. perhaps this is how everyone does it. who knows?:confused:

I don't know if I have ever lost friends because of my moods? I mean perhaps if we were just starting off as aquaintances and something happened, but my friends....never.

I am Cyclothymic/BPII as well Butterfly...but I don't have depression for 3 month spans. But I do have the extremes. When I am depressed which can last for a week at the most....I have what I have coined as HUB syndrome (head up butt) and I drop off for awhile. But the friends I have know it's not them. I will tell them right up front. If I don't call you back, or answer emails it's not because I don't care, it's just the funk. They understand, and know even in my blackest hole if they called crying or some disaster happened, I would be there.

When I am hypomanic...I am all over the place. This is when we would have great fun too! But most people unless it's extreme behavioral changes (esp in our more BPI types) would think I was just in a really good mood.

I would think that your issue might be from making friends on a superficial level by your moods which is why you don't have the connection. I mean you might find a friend when you are hypomanic or a guy for that matter who would not be well the type you could take home to meet mom...because well let's face it we are kinda nuts then...no accounting for taste during those times....and if we are depressed we might find the local coffee house where the dark goths hang out..with thier black poetry.....but neither of them is us in our extremes? Therefore if we are picking friends during taht time based on teh extremes it would stand to reason we would not remain close? Does that make sense? I have felt the same way about guys in my former life. Met them ...liked them and a week later thought yuck? But then I was young too!

I can tell you my BP has not helped in picking men, and not helped me being able to get out before a lot of damage has been done.

I always had pretty good control around my friends. I am so hypersensitive about other's body language, moods, etc that I would sense what was going on wiht them., or be horrified to hurt their feelings, ..and try to act accordingly. I have rarely went off on a friend unless they antaganized me. Then if I am in one of the extremes they might get more than they bargained for. But I always took responsibility for my part in it and we worked it out.

I will say. I am 37 and have 3 kids. That changed the dynamics a whole lot.
When I was younger. I had 3 really close friends. I am very close to one of them to this day! I talk to the other 2 every once in awhile. They never changed, therefore I outgrew them. I did have problems making friends when I was young. I was ackward and did'nt have self esteem or the social skills. Somewhere in my life I came out of my shell and make friends now very easily. Although since I am older, I choose them way more carefully.

Now I have 3 really close friends all of which scattered all over the US. One in Alaska, been friends since I was 15. She is just like me! The other 2 I met around the same time....and we can not talk for a year and pick up the phone and chat like nothing!

I have lived in Ohio for 11 years now , after growing up in TX. I have only made a couple of friends here who I hang out with or talk to regularly. With full time work, 3 boys, and my family dynamics, I am very busy with just my work friends and family.

I chit chat with my friends every once in awhile, or get lunch.
I am also very close to my family. Who are all still in TX.....(my sister is here! ) and we chat through here more than we did when we lived in the same town! LOL.. When I do get ahold of my family...we talk for hours on the phone. When I need someone, I will call my family first. Before a friend.

I have a friend at work, I have been close to for years, we could never really develope a close hang out relationship because she worked for me. But we did talk a lot at work. She is almost like a daughter to me. She was promoted in March so now we talk on the phone, have made plans to hang out away from work....but you know...she is a lot like me....

And now that I think about it, most of my friends, with the exception of 1, are all BP's or ADD'ers...perhaps because we flock together, and I don't necessarily communicate well with NT folks. I can do it on a professional or short term level, but other than that, we just don't click. So I suppose that is why I don't really have issues. My friends and family for that matter are just as nutty as I am!


Perhaps Butterfly...you can find some support groups there (face to face) and find some folks who understand where you are coming from? Because they have BP or ADD...just a thought. I just think it's harder when you are younger...once you get older and settleed it's not as important to have a lot of friends. Just a couple who are there no matter what should be fine.


Ok I am done rambling!

Hope :)

when i see/read them talking to each other, i feel left out. but not enough to keep up with it. also, when i talk to them individually, i find they are not having the big social life I imagined.
my therapist said it's healthy to have LOTS of friends who are only for specific purposes. It's healthy and normal to only have 1-2 close friends who are there all the time.
Ex:
#1 like movies that i like.
#2 doesn't, but likes gardening like me. I wouldn't talk about gardening with #1 or go to movies with #2. So i won't see these two people all the time and maybe they don't even like each other.

making and keeping friends is unfamiliar territory. in the past i have let other people MAKE the friends, then i tag along until i'm part of the group. perhaps this is how everyone does it. who knows?:confused: And should I be welcoming a new Bipolar patient to the group? ;)

Hey

I can relate to this...a lot which makes me question more and more about myself having a mood disorder as well as ADHD and SID!!

Yes I still have friends but the friendships are inconsistent and when I move place I rarely keep in contact with anyone that I knew from the last place I was living and I know this can be hurtful but it's just me and truth be known the only ongoing social contact I've had in the last few years is with the people off ADDF...

As for "liking" someone for a period and then suddenly you no longer "like" them..this is normal for most people but I've seen a pattern in ADDer's and some people with mood issues and you're right when you say that probably wasn't love in the first place....because if you really loved someone your feelings would'nt just go on and off like a tap and if you really love someone you'll still love them NO matter what mood or state you're in!!

Using things such as myspace and facebook can be helpful and you can also "switch" off when you don't feel so good...there are rarely expectations with things like that and that's what I like about those sort of sites and this site's good for that too and you can keep people close or at a distance if you want to!

You're correct when you say that friendship is about give and take...well that applies to family and relationships as well and I've personally found that I give more than I take and people take full advantage of that but what they don't realise is the name's Selena....not Stupid and I do know when I've been taken for a ride so to speak!

I think it's very natural to feel jealous of those who seem to have some kind of emotional stability and a supposedly great social life especially when you have these problems yourself...I know how that feels because I feel that way myself, I see so many people who look so happy with their husbands/wives and families and I often wish I could be the same but then I sit back and look at why I'm not the same and that can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

As we discussed the other night...I really think you should find another psych...QUICKLY!!!

Take Care
Selena:)
I'm really curious.

Those of you with bipolar moods, if your moods are fluctuating up and down during certain periods of the year, how do you keep your friends??? Do you guys still have friends? Or do you only have family??

And, how do you stay in relationships??

And also!! When you really really like someone, do you suddenly stop liking them one day?? (And then wonder why!??) [Like I liked this guy, i had butterflies in my tummy when I was with him sometimes, and then one day, I felt absolutely NOTHING toward him... and that kind of happened before. I believe it was probably never love in the first place, though].

Anywya, I'm just curious.

I'm supposedly Cyclothymic, so I have my periods of ups and downs.
When I'm down (that's usually the longer periods), I like to be alone and away from most people, though once every week or two I might crave some kind of companionship (Mind you, these depressive periods last for at least 3 months at a time).

So, most of the friends I made before the mood change, are off having fun with other people slowly forgetting about me. And only a very few people still remain my friend...

But then, after I feel better, I make new friends and start making contact with a few of my old friends.

I use facebook, myspace, and some other sites.. But I've stopped sending messages to friends now, because I'm so inconsistent with corresponding w/ ppl.

Friendship seems like it's all about give and take.

If you don't give attention to your friends, they won't give any to you...

My problem is the inconsitency...

If only I could give to my friends as much as they give to me. I wish I could always be talkative and energetic and organized and (if not happy) positive... most of the time.

So, I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way??? (And are secretly jealous of people who seem to have little emotional instability and have a great social life) :o :eyebrow:

It's not hard, since I have no friends.

This is what a lifetime of antisocialism and avoidance will get you.

I have a handful of close friends, but other than that they just go in and out of my life. I am more of a manic person - the depressive part is more of frustration and anger. When that happens I don't want to be around anyone anyway.

I do drive folks nuts when I'm even a little manic, but my close friends just let me go in one ear and out the other. They write it off as me just being 'excited'. Drinking can sometimes bring this out in me in a big way.

So, I get where you are coming from, but I just make a big effort to be nice and caring when I can - and when I'm in a down mood I stay away from them. I try very, very, very hard not to take center stage and talk over folks (it usually doesn't work - but again, they usually just write it off).

I know when I'm in a down mood, I cannot shake it, no matter how much I try. So, I stay by myself for a while (could be days) and let them be.

I'm in no way saying this is healthy behavior, but this is how I deal with it and have managed to keep a few close friends. I don't know if this helps, or if I'm even making sense, but I'm trying

I wouldn't say loose friends, at least not real ones.

Yeah I probably fight more with my best friend. But he sticks around while other keep a distance or leave. So I think its a big plus to see more clearly who are friends enough to stick around, even if it means having 10x less buddies.

the caveat to the following is that in that I have an official ADHD diagnosis but in the past month, i have begun to question whether i don't also have a variant of cyclothymia without the typical "depression."

My moods tend to vacillate between relatively benign highs and irritable states. For a few weeks, my unbridled optimism, moderately elevated enthusiasm, and increased energy make for a socially booked calendar. On the other hand, I have experienced periods of increased productivity, feeling "driven", withdrawing socially, extremely low frustration tolerance, philosophical musings, irritability, etc...

Regardless of whether the cause has been ADHD or undiagnosed cyclothymia, I have learned to recognize when I need "alone time" and normally, after about a week I can rationalize myself out of acting on whatever irritations or perceived slights I encounter & the irritable mood passes. When it gets really bad & I think I'm going to "lose it", I resort to abruptly leaving the scene. Otherwise, the verbal arguments get ugly pretty quick. :O(

Normally when I get irritated, it's only 5-10 minutes before I forgive, forget, and move on. My frustration tolerance does decrease considerably when I'm sleep deprived to a high course workload, though, so maybe dealing poorly with stress is more to blame than cyclothymia...

I am more of the depressive type, and unfortunately I can be way too pessimistic and negative at times, which drives some people away. At the same time, I'm *usually* not judgemental towards people except for when they do something really wrong. Most of my close friends have been non-judgemental, free-thinking liberal types. I guess where I've fallen down is that I've lost track of some of them due to their having moved away or gotten married (this was mostly before the email era). All my relationships have been long-term as well (no ONSs). I think having lasting friendships is just a matter of finding the right kinds of people.

meh...Sometimes I have friends...Sometimes I don't
I haven't been close with anyone since May 07. *shrugs* I have my coworkers I talk to and socialize with out of work, but other than that I prefer to keep to myself. My imagination is far more interesting than the people around this town!!