View Full Version : Pushin' it


Crazy~Feet
08-14-07, 04:30 PM
Oh man, its coming, I just know it. I am so confused right now by this stuff that's happening with Space's volleyball tryouts.

I do not have this so-called paper for her physical like they asked me to bring, and I know perfectly well that they gave me exactly NOTHING when I signed her up...:confused: WTF?

They didn't give me so much as a phone number to call them if I have questions.

And I am under pressure, stressed and freaking out...and I know, I just KNOW, what this is going to do to me! :faint:

I have not had a decent night's sleep in days, due to the kids staying up until all hours of the night. Not cool.

Dammit! I can feel it beginning, right now, and there is not a thing I can do about it either. My psydoc does not believe in Rxing benzos, not even for emergency use, not that I know of anyway. I got 4 tabs of Valium from him a single time. Once. That's it. I absolutely can NOT afford to take even the Atarax, because that's going to make me drowsy and I cannot drive like that.

I am going to have to walk into that gym and look like a complete fool. I always hated this business when I went to school and it has not gotten any easier for me now that the kids are in school. I want to be a decent parent and not so freaking scattered all the time. Knowing that I have ADHD to an extreme degree does not make me feel any better about it, either.

Knowing that I am going to cycle sometimes in spite of the meds does not make me feel any better right NOW.

Being under this degree of pressure is going to do that for me. Spiffy. Not a thing I can do about it either, not right now and I wonder if I try later on with the Atarax if that is just going to be too late for me...it usually is. If I don't catch it when it starts? I am in for it.

Looks like I am in for it regardless. Sorry for all the moaning and complaining, but I have come to rely on this place to keep me going when I have no control.

I don't have any options to relax right at this moment. Its not a possibility. I wonder how I am going to appear when I go into that gymnasium, wide-open and flying to the moon again?

justhope
08-14-07, 04:39 PM
KZ...

I am glad you shared....really. Sometimes it's hard for us to do being Mod's. Like being mom's we forget to be human/members sometimes and put ourselves out there , be vulnarable. I am glad you did.

Listen I am out of here, at work you know. I will do my best to get on later...if you need me!

Just wanted to let you know. I care...hang in there buddy, okay. Don't let the dark side snatch you up. Winding yourself up is not going to help anything, but make it come faster....

Hope :)

Crazy~Feet
08-14-07, 04:43 PM
Thanks. I dunno if I am gonna make any sense later though. I am notorious for moving at the speed of light while hypomanic, ya know?

I am getting so scattered here minute by minute that I am getting anxiety about driving.

Crazy~Feet
08-14-07, 06:19 PM
UPDATE:

I risked the drive...and when I got there they informed me that Space was to have had a physical (nobody told me this when I signed her up) and some parent claimed that there had been a doc there doing physicals...and nobody told me that either. In fact I didn't see anything even remotely resembling a doctor.

So now, I am going to go through this, and it never even had to happen in the first place. :faint:

Swede63
08-14-07, 07:22 PM
deep breaths, deep breaths I totally understand, been there done that with the doctors note thing. Will they accept a copy of her last (current) physical?

Crazy~Feet
08-14-07, 07:40 PM
Not sure Swede but its worth a shot I suppose!

justhope
08-14-07, 09:59 PM
I agree Swede...KZ....


BREATHE!!!!

Count to 10 dear. This sucks...for you...however it is not the end of the world. I am sure there is a work around. If you start to not make sense....I am having Tam's hook me up with the life line ...jumping into the Ozone and snatching you out.

Crazy~Feet
08-14-07, 11:02 PM
I assure you...I am continuing to breathe.

justhope
08-15-07, 12:52 AM
Well then that is good news...the alternative is not so good!

Do I need my lasso yet?

Crazy~Feet
08-15-07, 12:55 AM
Probably. I tried 2 Atarax...and lemme tell ya, racing thoughts plus spaciness is NOT a good idea.

At Heart
08-15-07, 01:11 AM
Hey Crazy Feet,

How often do you cycle like this? You can sense a manic episode coming - but your doctor doesn't give you any tools to help with it? I know you have been adjusting your meds. Have you spoken with your doctor about this? In the hospital we will give ativan to calm people down who are cycling - but the long term solution is to get you on the right meds so that you don't cycle so often.

As much as I know about psychiatric illnesses - I have never experienced bipolar disorder myself (about the only things I do have first hand knowledge of are depression and perhaps ADD). I can tell you what I would do. I would call my doctor and ask to talk to him. Then I would explain how stressed I was, and see if he has any words of wisdom. Being a parent of children who are teens is stressful enough without the added pressure of biopolar disorder (not to mention the other Dx you have).

Have you ever tried hypno therapy or progressive muscle relaxation? I know how hard it is to turn off racing thoughts - and you are right, a benzo would probably do you wonders right now.

What I can do is offer to be here for you when you want to talk (at least for the next two days, then I have to go back to work).

I wish there were more I could do - or more advice I could offer.

At Heart

Spongedaddy
08-15-07, 06:56 AM
GAAAAAAARAAAAAAA

I thought a little Naruto shout out might be nice first thing in the morning. I really have little to say except I hope it has passed and you are feeling better. It's an amazing thing that you can be aware that it is coming, at least you know it's the illness and not you. Feel well my friend.

Crazy~Feet
08-15-07, 02:28 PM
UPDATE: I took additional Atarax and Stupified myself (Abilify). I finally got to sleep about 4:30 AM *yawns* and I think I knocked it back this time. We'll see what happens after I stop staring and blinking.

Spongedaddy, I almost always know when its happening ;) thanks to the meds I seldom cucle unless I get zapped with a najor trigger like yesterday:

Inescapable stress, powerlessness, inability to get away and regroup. That'll do it to me, and it will usually result in a mild cycle. I had a full-blown biggie a while ago and that was NOT triggered...I am taking that one as one of the ones that I warn people about; the kind that are going to happen occasionally despite meds. That one was brutal, and I hope its ages until I go through one like that again.

Arigatou! It was nice to hear from you all the same ;). And....


"You bring Gaara back....NOW!"

justhope
08-15-07, 03:01 PM
Well CF nice to see you out of the Ozone...I was worried about you. Hey 4:30...better than none. I was running higher yesterday too..and shut myself down about 2:30....but I was really tired this morning so it was a little bit of hypomania and a lot of hyperfocus on fixing my puter at home since some darling SPOT cat was on to help me...TG...

And you are right CF...I had that lovely first mixed episode last week...and I almost jumped out of my skin. I don't know if that was the first one I had...or that severe...or if this time I was just aware. And it does help to know what's going on...but there are gonna be times we are shocked....


I hope the side effects wear off soon...least you could sleep some!

Crazy~Feet
08-15-07, 03:11 PM
Spot is a most helpful cat, usually does not bat so much as an eyelash about much of anything...no wonder I couldn't reach him by IM, you had him! ;)

*Stares*


*Blinks*


Oh well, no dex for me today, I think. Its not gonna help me get out of this type of fog. Somebody please make sure I only handle soft items and don't trip over any carpet lint, please? :D

justhope
08-15-07, 03:44 PM
Yep I had him on and off for about an hour....nice Kitty!


Sounds like a good idea CF...and just sit in the chair at the puter and drool...it's okay...:p

ozchris
08-15-07, 08:35 PM
yeah that's a good idea CF. I think if i was having those problems I might take a day or two off if I didn't have much to do.

hope you feel better :)

Imnapl
08-15-07, 10:41 PM
O.k. so what's the solution to the physical problem?

When I was thirteen, I had the privilege of being chosen to attend a Girl Guide Camp far from home. I, too, needed to get a physical and bring the paperwork with me to the camp. I got the physical, but I forgot tho bring the paperwork. This was before the days of emails and faxes and I was a long way from home.

Dragonlady. I like that.

Crazy~Feet
08-16-07, 12:25 AM
Oh the physical? Space decided that she was going to miss too much practice now that we have to wait to see her GP for a physical, and that she would be better off waiting until next year, when we can do everything properly and she can start on the first day. I sort of don't blame her, she's easily embarrassed and coming in late seems to be embarrassing to me, too.

justhope
08-16-07, 02:10 PM
Wow what a great kid you got there CF. Meds working well for her? She didn't go off like a rocket...good girl.

Crazy~Feet
08-16-07, 02:22 PM
Well...I wouldn't say all that now ;) she's still my kid. She did her share of complaining alright! We both did.

I think in the end, though, she made a very rational decision.

I never did update on her Lamictal, did I? She leveled out at 100mgs and still has the Risperdal for PRN use.

justhope
08-16-07, 03:36 PM
Well I am sure I would have complained too, CF, but if she didn't go on about it for days and cause a huge dramatic scene about it...that shows she is getting more mature and her meds are working.

But you know her advantage CF, she got the meds she needed a lot earlier. That is a good thing.

Life Happens you know.

No you didn't update us. I assumed because I didn't see and venting nutso kid thing she was doing good...wonderful.

HOpe ;)