I work at a preschool/daycare as an aide. Today I got called into my bosses office and got a talking-to.

Some more mature topics slipped out when I was talking to some of the kids in my class. I wasn't sitting there talking about sex or anything like that. But she felt the things I said were inappropriate given the age of the children.

I'm in college, studying Developmental Psychology. My career means everything to me. This conversation was a big blow. I know what I said was wrong but I don't want to sound like I'm blaming it on a disability (even though the school is run by Easter Seals and I know they'd understand).

I just feel like I'm making a ton of mistakes lately and its really weighing heavily on my mind lately.

I work at a preschool/daycare as an aide. Today I got called into my bosses office and got a talking-to.

Some more mature topics slipped out when I was talking to some of the kids in my class. I wasn't sitting there talking about sex or anything like that. But she felt the things I said were inappropriate given the age of the children.

I'm in college, studying Developmental Psychology. My career means everything to me. This conversation was a big blow. I know what I said was wrong but I don't want to sound like I'm blaming it on a disability (even though the school is run by Easter Seals and I know they'd understand).

I just feel like I'm making a ton of mistakes lately and its really weighing heavily on my mind lately.If you have a disablity (which is ADHD/ADD) then you should expect that it will cause you problems. If you say that it is because of your ADHD, whether it is because you are impulsive and dont realise what you are saying or something else to do with ADHD then it is ok. Just because you say "it's my ADHD" doesnt mean your making excuses or "blaming it on a disability". It just means that you have a reason for it and if you are willing to try ways to overcome the problem then you are not just someone who makes excuses.

If you don't mind me asking what did you say to them?

I can relate to blurting out some things I wish I hadn't said, I think we all can.

LOL
BTDT (been there, done that)

ADDers can be less than ideal in terms of Self monitoring and self awareness.

I think that in working with clients of any kind, one has to ask:

Who's needs are being met here?
You have to stay focused on your client's needs (e.g. the kids).

If your own emotional/interpersonal needs (need for conversation; need to feel understood, etc) aren't being met in other areas of your life, this can spill into verbal/emotional boundary violations (the "leakage" of the topics you choose to discuss with the kids; self-referencing things) in your work life.

In your case, you need to ask yourself:

how can i be child-focused here? (not self-focused)
What are my client's needs? (not my own need; need to know; not my own need to share; not my own need to be needed, etc)
How can you draw out the kids' topics of interests when having a conversation? (not steer things in a direction of my own interest/needs)
It's not about the caregiver and his/her needs. It's about the kids and their needs.

Right-O!
I have worked with toddlers/preschoolers for 11 years. I remember once when i was a first time Lead Teacher. I was doing a shadow thing with a bedsheet, a lamp and several toys. i was back-lit behind the sheet and the kids(and one attending dad) had to guess what i had in my hand or what i was doing.
everything went well untill i impulsively sawed the head off a doll.

i know, i know, i know!! Bad teacher. that dad pulled his son out of our daycare. I didn't get fired, but spent the next several months finding the answers to Queens Questions about 'needs of children FIRST'. In my case, it was a need to be funny and entertaining IN ME.
I learned to put the kids first and grew into a fine teacher.

the end

the stuff I said wasn't THAT bad...

Lets see... I said something about addiction when the kids wanted to know why I drank 2 pitchers of iced tea during school each day.

And I told one kid friday that your stomach will shrink if you don't eat.

the stuff I said wasn't THAT bad...

Lets see... I said something about addiction when the kids wanted to know why I drank 2 pitchers of iced tea during school each day.

And I told one kid friday that your stomach will shrink if you don't eat.

Doesn't sound so bad... Just take it as a learning experience!

Mind --

Oh Gawd!! I FEEL FOR YOU SO MUCH!!! I was going to say A LOT of things, but I just read Queens' post (excellent, as usual) and have become very humbled . . . :o ouch . . .

What was I going to say? Well - I was going to say (before my reality check) not to feel too bad and that personally I've found professional childcare places to be some of the most UPTIGHT environments that are filled with excessively scrutinizing and suspicious employees who are constantly finding evil & depravity in every adult they see. YET - NEVER notice when THEY are treating the children like out-of-control animals that must obey. (I guess I should explain myself a little . . .)

I'm a mom of 2 -- my kids are 8 years apart. So TWICE at different times in history I have gone through the process of finding daycare for my toddlers/pre-schoolers while I worked (I always had to work FT because I was a single mom receiving little to NO child support). Let me just say that I don't know WHAT I'd be doing now if my experience with my children's "teachers" and "school environments" continued in the same way they were in toddlerhood/pre-school. The "teachers" at the pre-schools where I had to send my children because they were the only place that wouldn't charge me close to $200 per week . . . these "professionals" CONSTANTLY found themselves "concerned" about all kinds of nutty things about both my child AND ME!!! (I'm not up to getting into all the details, but trust me -- their "concerns" were INSANE!)

As soon as my kids reached kindergarten -- grade school, middle school and now high school, I've gotten NOTHING BUT PRAISE about them. But I'd never have believed that would happen if you told me that when they were in pre-school.

Anyway MIND -- more YOU and less ME (OOPS!) -- please know that I have been told that I've got oodles of wonderful attributes that'd make me an incredible teacher . . . AND - I've also been told by just about EVERY EMPLOYER (at least SEVERAL times) that something I said and/or the way I behaved was "inappropriate" and/or "unprofessional"!!!! And I hate that it always seems to happen the MORE I'm really getting INTO my job & what I'm doing.

Anyway: Don't feel alone, AND - it's hard to "be ok" in that particular work environment. You're definitely CHALLENGING yourself. :D

Luv,
Sue

P.S. i was back-lit behind the sheet and the kids(and one attending dad) had to guess what i had in my hand or what i was doing.
everything went well untill i impulsively sawed the head off a doll.
UHURAINMI -- That's HILARIOUS!!! :p Thank you for sharing that. (I'm sure it wasn't too funny for you at the time. You've gotta admit, it's pretty darn funny now! Holy Moly!!! lol . . . . . . . :D

P.S.
UHURAINMI -- That's HILARIOUS!!! :p Thank you for sharing that. (I'm sure it wasn't too funny for you at the time. You've gotta admit, it's pretty darn funny now! Holy Moly!!! lol . . . . . . . :DI attempted to formulate a reply to this thread and nothing seemed to do it justice. Thanks to Sloppitty-sue, I'm glad I waited. What she said. :D

Well great... they really know how to make their employees feel good. after lunch everyone goes outside. The two teachers went outside with the majority of the class. I was standing there helping the kids BRUSH THEIR TEETH...

The other teacher comes back in and tells me I need to go out, I can't be alone with the kids. She doesn't know why, thats just what she was told. Nice I can be notified of this BS. Its never been a problem before but suddenly it is.

God, you'd think I was teaching the kids to play Doctor or telling them about the birds and the bees.

I love working with kids but this crap has me really down. I'm here at work counting down the hours until I go home, and the days til friday (I start class again on monday... so I'll only be coming in on Fridays, if they even still want me around.)

Wait a minute, Mind! Before you go getting yourself TOO upset: Are you an "Assistant"? If so - maybe you've NEVER been "allowed" to be alone with the kids, ya know? Like MAYBE you are taking things too personally now. I mean, I can't understand WHY "they" would decide things about "you" without telling YOU!?!???

Man - this place sounds so much like the Head Start's my kids went to. How old are these teachers anyway - and are all of THEM actual PARENTS themselves (who have ACTUAL experience/not just "book" experience)?

I swear - I think some of these places focus so much training on what signs of abuse to look for that the teachers' WHOLE ORIENTATION is mainly about THAT!! NOT HEALTH, imo.

Please don't let this ONE place make ya sweat so much. I think these places always like to crown a NEW "BAD GUY" whenever the opportunity arises (like when someone NEW comes on board).

Is it your pursuit right now to be an Early Ed. Teacher?

Sue

Yeah I got too upset. I thought it was only a recent thing that I wasn't able to be alone with the kids. Turns out I've NEVER been able to be alone, they just forgot to mention it to me. I have on a few occasions been alone with them, so it just hadn't occurred to me, I guess.

And the reason isn't b/c I'm only an aide, its because I have a seizure disorder...

I want to post a reply to two people. S.Sue and Mind.

1. Sue, yeah, it is pretty funny now. I was so appalled that i would do such a thing at the time. i beat myself up pretty good over it. but it's funny now that i have some successes behind me.

2. i don't know if it's the ADD or the environment, but these places ARE just like sue says. I've worked at many, trying to find the RIGHT ONE. someone who would teach the way they taught me to in college. well there isn't one. but there is a way to weed out the bad ones for employment.
Never trust a place with lots of credentials and awards in a small community. they usually work like this: rich people need to think their kids are going to the best school in town. rich people are in positions of power. rich people make sure a certain school gets awards and lots of press. a certain center becomes the best center in town. see? that center is beholden to the rich people, not the best interest of the kids.
look for places that send you to lots of conferences and are open to the newest ways to teach. places that show respect for your good judgement. they all have their own agenda, but a good center will let the teachers set the tone.

good luck, i bet the kids really like you. you sound like a fun, warm person.

I don't think that what you said was all that bad either. BUT, remember, too, that childcare places and school systems are now having to be super sensitive to what is being said to children so as to avoid lawsuits and so forth. If you read or watch the news at all parents are filing lawsuits and calling for resignations more frequently based on what in my day would be considered minor or harmless things. Hang in there. We all know what it's like to have major stress on the job (especially in ADD-related stress) and it's great we can be here for each other. Don't let this affect you from pursuing your dream. :-)

It'll be so much easier once I get back into 1 on 1 work with a single kid with special needs instead of having to split my attention amongst an entire classroom. It has gotten better in some ways since they brought me in as an aide for a child who has some behavioral problems, so I can just focus on him... but then I tend to end up focused on him and don't think so much about what the other kids in the class need.

... but then I tend to end up focused on him and don't think so much about what the other kids in the class need.TheMind, have you ever tried a stimulant medication to see if you achieve more focus than when you are on Strattera?

ooh I need to update my signature.

Anyway, as I said in my last post, I have a seizure disorder. So ritalin, dex, etc. are all OUT. I'm on provigil now though and while it works better for overall concentration I def feel like I'm less impulsive on the strattera.

ooh I need to update my signature.

Anyway, as I said in my last post, I have a seizure disorder. So ritalin, dex, etc. are all OUT. I'm on provigil now though and while it works better for overall concentration I def feel like I'm less impulsive on the strattera.I'm sorry, I totally forgot about your seizure disorder. That makes it tough. Ouch on the monthly cost of Provigil.