So I go to the PDoc next week and hopefully he will be better than the last one. However, going next week has made me realize that I am scared of taking medicine for my condition. I am scared of being on it for the rest of my life, scared of the side effects and **** scared of the stuff it can do to you over the long run (not to mention taking blood tests every six months for lithium to make sure it doesn't kill you). Has anyone else felt this way? How did you deal with it?

Thanks in advance,
Andrew

Have you asked your doctor for alternatives to lithium? I take depakote instead (for bipolar II) if that's your condition.

God yes! I know exactly what you mean. I have tried so many meds and quit for one reason or another...usually a side effect or fear of a certain side effect (skin rashes, weight gain etc.). I offen times feel like a sense of quilt about this....like that my doctor hates me because I am so "difficult". It sucks.

Ok people, I respect your fears, whatever they may be. I would like for those of you who feel fearful to have a look at THIS (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41876) however.

My posts regarding this issue can be found there.

Read it at whatever pace you want to, but please try to give it a decent chance, alright?


Its a real eye-opener, and maybe you will feel less fear after reading it.

Sponge,

That is totally normal. Part of what is hard to deal with about any long term disease, is having to take a pill or pills everyday for the rest of your life.
The alternative, is NOT, repeat NOT an option.

I have made this speech before. If you look at all the "bad" parts of taking some of these meds, you will talk yourself or justify yourself right out of it
This fear, if not faced, and dealt with, is the leading cause of why BP's have the highest mortalitiy rate for any one mental disease. They stop taking their meds and often end up killing themselves.

I am not saying don't be educated and aware of what meds can do.
Heck you can take a tylenol and it can kill you, take them too often or drink even small amounts of alchohol wiht them and it can ruin your liver.
I still take it. I just watch for the sypmtoms associated with bad reactions, and don't drink?

I have said this before as well. Looking back on a long, very difficult 36 years prior to diagnoses..

Given the choice to live without meds to avoid side-effects...or evne the possibility of death from them.....

Is NOT a choice I am willing to take.

My life sucked before meds, it was not a life, it was the rollercoaster from hell. There was no quality, only quantity.

I will happily give up 10 years of my life to continue to live balanced and to my highest potential. I would give up 20 to be the kind of mother I am to my kids now, compared to what I was before.


And Sponge, Lithium is not the only drug you can take for BP. There are a myriad of them out now. That was one thing I was concerned about when I got my dx. I only knew about that. I was happy to see that the Lamictal was a perfect fit for me. I have had no side-effects. The only side-effect I ever had was when I first started taking it, at night before bed to avoid the sideeffects that might come when I was at work. I actually caused them, because for me, the extreme slowing of my metabolism (which is slow anyway, just call me sloth girl) caused the "minimual" normal side-effect of drowsiness to be 100 times worse. Once I switched it over to day time. I can say I have not had ONE other side-effect for it.

I hope you find something that works well for you. I also hope that you find the patience and perseverence to wait it out to find one if the first one or second one or however many, don't work .....and to stay on them. Period.

I really respect the openness you share here Sponge. It's hard, esp for a gentleman to share they are scared about something. You must be a wonderful person in RL , despite the BP ..LOL

Hang in there. :)

Thanks folks. My mind has tried talking me out of going a hundred times, but I am not going to listen. I am really suffering and wish to do something about it. I wish I could see some alternatives, but right now I don't. Every time I have gone on a med I stopped right away due to side effects or talking myself out of it. This time, unless something nasty comes up in which case I will switch, I am going to give it a longer shot.

((((((((( Hugs ))))))))

Sponge just for you, buddy. Hang in there.......!!!!

Thanks folks. My mind has tried talking me out of going a hundred times, but I am not going to listen. I am really suffering and wish to do something about it. I wish I could see some alternatives, but right now I don't. Every time I have gone on a med I stopped right away due to side effects or talking myself out of it. This time, unless something nasty comes up in which case I will switch, I am going to give it a longer shot.Something tells me you had a glance at that post I offered you, huh? :) Awesome! I hope you understand that I offered that to you to help you to see things as they really are.

Try to bear in mind that this illness has a very nasty habit of telling us pretty little lies. We can talk ourselves into, or out of, virtually anything! Try to remember that some of what is going on may not even be your own unimpeded thoughts. It is just as likely that those brain chemicals that make us what we are could easily be the culprits here, too. And that is in no way your fault! That's an unfair pressure to put on yourself, ok?

And try to remember, too, that you are not totally making bad assumptions. You are totally right when you said "on them for life". That's one of the sad facts of this disorder. If you read my posts in that thread, then you already know how I feel about it ;).

Hang on until next week. We'll be here to help you hang on until then and afterwards. If you have troubles with finding the right meds, well, remember that I did too. I will definitely understand!!

I will be thinking of you, and hoping to see you as soon as you can come back here. If its in 5 minutes or not until after you see the doctor makes no difference. I am still going to care what happens to you.

And I wish you all the luck in the world!

Thanks. I have mostly turned over this decision to a higher power. I have also stopped thinking about this as a what will happen in the future thought. I am focusing on right now and right now I need help. I am having mixed episodes where the depression hurts a lot (getting those espohigal pains and knots) and the hyper periods are very uncomfortable. I read the part in that other thread about mania for men and women and I experience it like a woman would half the time and like a man would the other. I wonder if it's because I was raised by a bipolar isngle mother?

Hmmm another gift from dear old mom.

Well ya know, the statistics only indicate what happens a percentage of the time. I don't think ANYTHING happens all of the time for people like us!

Its part of our charm. ;)

The thing about your mom could have something to do with it. At least you know for a fact where the genes came from. I am pretty sure myself, but I don't have anything like definitive proof...it is really odd that my mom has been on Paxil for years and years and somehow? She is just not getting any better :rolleyes:.

So I can relate to the whole "This is how my mom acted" scenario. Being raised by a bipolar while being bipolar yourself is like...man....unless you've been there, I guess its hard to describe, isn't it? A word like "brutal" might fit the bill sometimes though, am I right?

That's one of the things that keeps me on the meds. I don't want to be like she was....and I know that I can be. My mother was a real horror show and unrestrained in any way. I have never, ever, taken things as far as my own mother went. I have been, well, let's just say that I can see pretty clearly now why it was me that was "making her crazy" and never my brother (He lucked out, he is neither ADHD or bipolar...how's that for unfair, huh?). I can see why that contributed to her loss of control many times.

If you have never noticed or I have never told you, two of my chilren are active members here. I will adress only one of them right now, my almost-12 year old, who calls herself Spacemania. Nice username, isn't it? I think it makes a very bold and honest statement about who she is.

And lemme tell ya...Space is a wonderful person. She is bright and beautiful, loving and caring and creative...and ADHD and bipolar as anybody can be. Her inattention will make you want to tear your hair and gnash your teeth in frustration when she admits that she has lost yet another winter jacket, making the grand total 6 jackets this year. :faint: Her hypomanic pressured speech will make you want to beg for mercy and hide someplace, anyplace, for just a moment's peace and quiet. Her depressed moments will break your heart.

And I know you have kids that you love as much as I love Space and the rest of my children. And I know that you know how rotten its possible to make their lives, because you've been on the other side yourself.

I also know how much it means for you to be better than our mothers were. I really know where you're coming from. Its the same story as mine is. I know it well and I can tell you that the meds have made a huge difference in my life and in my kid's lives...but it is never something that I would classify as "easy". I would classify it more along the lines of "necessary"...and so I do what I have to do, one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.

Its all anybody can ask of us. Its all we expect of each other here, that they at least try. And I think its good for me to know that, and for you to know it too.

"That's one of the things that keeps me on the meds. I don't want to be like she was....and I know that I can be. My mother was a real horror show and unrestrained in any way. I have never, ever, taken things as far as my own mother went. I have been, well, let's just say that I can see pretty clearly now why it was me that was "making her crazy" and never my brother (He lucked out, he is neither ADHD or bipolar...how's that for unfair, huh?). I can see why that contributed to her loss of control many times."

Yes!!! That is exactly how I feel.

Your posting was very very touching. I appreciate it very much. For some reason the universe is challenging me this week...a whole lot of stressful situations up to my computer dying yesterday (but I played Dr. Frankenstein and gave it life) I am really set off rightn ow, but your posting made me feel better.

Only one more week until I can get some help.

YAY!! Only one more week! :D I am unable to post images so just visualize a little line of cheerleaders with pom-poms dancing past this text, ok?

I am really glad my sharing helped you and that it hit the nail on the head...I just had a feeling that it would. If it will help any, go ahead and look up Space's posts. She's a great kid, and people have told me many times what a great job I have done with her. Not easy? But well worth the pain and effort.

Nice going with that computer, Doctor. That's a skill I lack for sure.

One more week, one day at a time, Spongedaddy and hey, its Wednesday and you know what that means??

TOMORROW IS SHIPPUUDEN NIGHT!! YATTA!!

:D

It's funny that a show that takes 10 episodes to move one plot element should have an ADHD hero. I love the show, but osmetimes the ADHDer in me wants to scream LET'S GET ON WITH IT!!!

I will look up her posts. Thanks.

It's funny that a show that takes 10 episodes to move one plot element should have an ADHD hero. I love the show, but osmetimes the ADHDer in me wants to scream LET'S GET ON WITH IT!!!

I will look up her posts. Thanks.I hear ya, man I hear ya! The last 3 weeks I have downloaded Shippuuden then taken a few days to actually watch the darn thing :rolleyes: I just didn't think I could stand any more of it dragging on and on. I mean let's face it... Even Naruto himself is getting annoyed by all the time this is taking!

HE wants Gaara back. I want Gaara back. Deidara needs a good smack in the eye-scope, and we all know that!! Have you read the spoilers? If not...let's just say that Gaara would be highly amused by what is about to happen during the fight between Deidara, Naruto and Kakashi, at least as it appears to be for the moment after they finally get Gaara away from him. :D

The next story arc involves Sasuke and Orochimaru, and I don't know which one of those two I hate more :mad:...but I do know its going sadden me sooooooo much when the attention turns away from my Gaara. I will have to make another 25 or so banners while I am missing him, I just know it!

Thanks for taking the time to read up on Space's contributions. She even created a hilarious game thread that is still quite alive and kicking here in Chit-Chat. What a kid! Its Mini-Me! :D