View Full Version : The Unofficial ADHD Joke Thread!


Scribeman01
08-21-07, 12:15 AM
I call it the "unofficial" joke thread because there is probably another one floating around here that I am missing. In that case, the joke is on me! :)

Got a good ADHD joke! Let's load up this thread with jokes and laugh with ourselves at bit:


Here is one you may enjoy:

How many ADHD'ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it took several lightbulbs and several months to get it done because the ADHD'er:

*Paid for two light bulbs then left them on store counter.
*Returned home, realized forgot two light bulbs, returned to store to retrieve.
*Shopping bag had hole - one bulb dropped through it and shattered!
*Was distracted with a great idea and did not realize fate of this light bulb.
*Ran over shattered bulb with car (and got a flat tire).
*Changed flat tire, returned home.
*Opened bag up, realized remaining bulb was wrong wattage.
(Can't be bothered with checking light bulbs - this is too boring!)
*Returned to the store, picked up two more light bulbs.
*Returned home, started initial batch of laundry.
*Misplaced bag with light bulbs somewhere in laundry pile.
*Went to look for ladder to replace burned out light bulb.
*Realized ladder was loaned out and couldn't find misplaced light bulbs.
*Returned to store again to buy new ladder and two more light bulbs.
*Returned home with ladder and new light bulbs, got distracted with another great idea!
*Tried to locate notebook to write down these thoughts.
(Gotta get these down before we forget them!)
*Forgot ladder and light bulbs in the car.*Couldn't find notebook, initial batch of laundry wash done, transfer to dryer - put remaining laundry batch in washing machine.

*Found previous misplaced bag of bulbs that was buried in the laundry!
* Spent another 15 minutes to locate notebook to write down the two great ideas.
* Couldn't find notebook after 15 minutes, pulled out initial laundry batch from dryer.
*Transferred remaining laundry washing machine batch to dryer.
* Realized ladder and new bulbs were in car - retrieved.
*Opened and climbed ladder with a light bulb (just purchased with ladder), opened light fixture.
*Light fixture has more than one bulb, don't know which one is burned out.
*Climbed down ladder to turn on light fixture.
*Re-climbed ladder, replaced burned out light bulb with a new lightbulb (from found bag in laundry pile).
*Remaining laundry in dryer completed, removed clothes and folded all dried laundry in bedroom.
*Found notebook in bedroom but couldn't remember either great idea.
*Returned to previous room to fold ladder and located place to store it.
*Put all remaining light bulbs away.
*Just remembered both great ideas -- have notepad, but can't find pen!
*Remembered that pen is buried in shirt pocket and quickly write down ideas before forgetting again.

So, how many ADHD'ers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only ONE to change a lightbulb while: 1) replacing a flat tire, 2) washing laundry, 3) drying laundry, 4) folding laundry, 4) finding a notebook, 5) finding a pen, 6) writing down 2 great new ideas and 7) doing ALL OF THE ABOVE with a brand new ladder and THREE LIGHTBULBS to SPARE!

Multi-tasking at its best???? :D :D

SB_UK
08-21-07, 03:37 AM
How many ADDers ...?...

hmmm - man!

light bulbs - different fixings?
huh?

screw, bayonet
huh?-why???

different technologies - same units
huh?

different technologies - different longevities
huh?-why???

dependent on usage and ambient temperature
huh?

projected usage, ambient temperature forecasts and 'light' technology information required
makes mental note to take advanced higher courses in home economics, meteorology, physics and IT

maximum ratings
huh?

could I die?
could we all die?

wonder about the inevitability of death.

reminisce - the films of the olden days - kerosene and candles.
sweet.

night John Bob!
night pa!

rage against the machine...
extraction from power grid
go autonomous
make our own candles

get angry
get sad

wonder why we need light when we can't see

the light bulb comes on
ding!

realise that there's a link between the subject matter covered in the
ADD aetiology thread
of months-years ago
and the current thread on
Natural Selection

... makes note to post

think about it some more

like the dark.

warm feelings.

go to sleep.

wake up.

Realise (at 4am) and in the dark that the light bulb ain't workin'.

Pick up on all of the lines of thought above
- particularly *one* other

- in which we evolve away from the need to have light bulbs
- by shifting our sight into the infra-red part of the electromagnetic spectrum.

It's close to midnight.
->become creatures of the night
'like in 'Thriller' - 'cept prettier and a little less frenetic'

holds crotch, pelvic thrust
- wonders why?
Michael Jackson didn't shoot his choreographer.

Now wouldn't that be a thing.
(-> shifting our vision into the infra-red part of the EM)
not
shooting Jacko's choreographer

dusty lightbulbs - hate hate hate!

I have such sensitive skin,
and I do rather detest the drying sensation of dust from an old lightbulb
on my delicate fingers.

Yay!

Dust the bulbs!
no!!! :eek:
Dust the anything!
no!!! :soapbox:

Wear gloves
no!!!
I likes mi'freedom.

:-)

... ... ...
... ... ... {} ... ... ...
... ... ...
... ...
...

great thread!

:-)

ehoney
08-21-07, 09:42 AM
Two ADDers were sitting at the table of the local diner. . . their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean dish...'"

Fraz_2006
08-21-07, 01:59 PM
Knock knock!

Whos there?

So what are you up to this weekend? :faint:

pedalpounder
08-21-07, 04:14 PM
What does an ADDer do when he sees someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Throws in his laundry.

pedalpounder
08-21-07, 04:15 PM
How do you sink an ADDer's submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

meadd823
08-21-07, 10:23 PM
You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean dish...'"




{LMAO}

meadd823
08-21-07, 10:24 PM
How many ADHD'ers does it take to change a lightbulb?


What was the question again? I saw some thing shiney.

Scribeman01
08-22-07, 12:35 AM
Anything beyond one and wow!!

I am thinking that SB_UK has done a more "explicit job" of answering the light bulb question at hand. Better yet, if he did this joke instead of me. :)

I would love to see your version for how many ADHD'ers does it take to change a candle (or substitute your choice of items).

Great local diner joke ehoney. Indeed, it reinforces all of our astute fondness for doing the dishes. :) Granted, if every one of the recipes starts out "Take a clean dish . . . ," you are right, if we read a little further, then we would know if we have to cook it medium well or rare. :D

The Fraz 2006 "Knock Knock" joke - - - is anyone here a Lily Tomlin fan? There is a routine that she does with her parents and daughter that is possessed by the devil after eating a piece of tainted cake.

The funny line is: "the doorbell rings" and the sound of someone knocking on the door instead. It is just hilarious!

I will take Pedal Pounder's suggestion and consider trying a load of laundry in the bathtub. Maybe there will be a submarine in the tub . . . :D

That is a good question meadd823. I forgot what we were talking about. I think I saw something shiny too - was it the northern lights? :)

SB_UK
08-22-07, 02:10 AM
hmmm -?-

just a'wondering what we'd call a hybrid between this (How many ADDers ... ) thread ( ... does it take ... ) and ( ... to change ... ) the now legendary thread ( ... your ... ) within ADDF sub forum chit-chat ( ... PANTS!!! ... )

please (hayellpp) won't some (hayellpp) kind sir (<- Southern belle :p )(hayellpp)

hayellpp me to join the dots (...?...)

:-)

-*-

- but they're going to neeeeeed
to want
to change :eek:

Scribeman01
08-23-07, 11:49 PM
Could you start us out with a sample of how you would fill this in?:D

Paithan
08-24-07, 12:53 AM
my favorite is to ask someone to say "knock knock"

and when they do, reply with "who's there?"

butters
08-29-07, 11:12 AM
What does ADD stand for ?

Attention defi-LETS GO RIDE A BIKE

SB_UK
08-29-07, 06:28 PM
Captain Da Da over on chit-chat added the following 3 words - which perfectly sums up the slight shift in focus which we need to make the World see through our eyes.

In the thread - each individual adds 3 words to continue the sentence

- ADDF member 1 -
... the brick landed
- ADDF member 2 -
on the back
- ADDF member 3 -
of his head
- ADDF member 4 -
resulting in massive

ADDF member :: Captain Da Da
change of mind

:-)

Find it funny - and you understand ADD, mind, the Universe and everything.

Paithan
08-29-07, 07:33 PM
why did the ADD-er go to the Doctor for Viagra?

Because his lizard was sick and he heard that Viagra was for reptile dysfunction

Scribeman01
08-30-07, 12:14 AM
Now, isn't it a hazard for a Lizard to take Viagra if it is already on anti-depressents?

lars
08-30-07, 12:24 AM
"I contracted ADHD from a dirty toilet seat."

Scribeman01
08-30-07, 12:35 AM
Not that I want to help drag this joke thread down the "toilet" but think about it, how many relationships and marriages are strained with a ADHD male and his wife, where remembering to "put the toilet seat down" is required.

SB_UK
08-30-07, 02:05 AM
@ ->- #17

'we know'

Imnapl
08-30-07, 02:14 AM
"I contracted ADHD from a dirty toilet seat."
@ ->- #17

'we know'http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/snapl2002/RoflLg.gif

meadd823
08-30-07, 04:40 AM
how many relationships and marriages are strained with a ADHD male and his wife, where remembering to "put the toilet seat down" is required.


None if both are ADD. . . .meaning I have learned inventive pay backs helps the most absent minded male to remember to put the damn toliet seat down. . . . . trust me :D .