View Full Version : Ok brand new in here :)


MadRockMonster
08-23-07, 04:17 AM
Alright so I guess I am bipolar so I'm writing this in here so I can subscribe to the thread so I don't forget to check back. It was weird because a couple of months ago when I went to this doctor he was reading my chart and saying some words out loud and "bipolar" was uttered. I said WHAT? No one told me I'm bipolar! and he said 'oh it's just a way of generalizing different mental problems' Now, about 2 months later I'm getting a bipolar diagnosis. Damn either I have every mental disorder know to man or all my doctors are changing their minds all the time. How do I ever know if they get the diagnosis right when they keep changing their minds and adding to the list of problems I have. NO ONE could have THAT many problems!
Ok rant over.
So if I am bipolar what the heck does that mean anyway? I mean why do they call it that? Is it like our moods are standing on a fence and we fall on one side or the other and then get up and always fall again?
I never really felt like I had mood swings. I think of mood swings as anger then happy then sobbing. My mood was just sad all the time. But I use to have spurts of sheer bliss. Very shortlived like just a spark then gone. Is that why I have bipolar? Because of the sparks of joy in the ocean of sadness? And if that IS what it means - does THAT mean that we can get the sparks of joy to stay out longer? :eek:

Crazy~Feet
08-23-07, 05:06 AM
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness marked by mood shifts and episodes of depression and mania. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists four separate categories of bipolar disorder: bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and bipolar not-otherwise-specified (NOS).

Bipolar I is marked by manic episodes followed by periods of depression that may not be severe. In contrast, Bipolar II is marked by major depressive episodes and hypomanic periods, or milder episodes of mania. Cyclothymia is defined as episodes of hypomania and depressive periods that do not reach major depressive proportions. Bipolar NOS means that the bipolar state does not fit into the other categories.

Bipolar disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) is a diagnostic category for patients with clear evidence of mood dysregulation but whose course of illness does not meet criteria for bipolar I or II disorder. For example, a patient whose hypomanic episodes last less than 4 days would receive a diagnosis of bipolar disorder NOS rather than bipolar II disorder.Bipolar mania, hypomania, and depression are symptoms of bipolar disorder. The dramatic mood swings of bipolar disorder do not follow a set pattern. Depression does not always follow mania. A person may experience the same mood state several times -- for weeks, months, even years at a time -- before suddenly having the opposite mood. Also, the severity of mood phases can differ from person to person.

Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. Hypomania is a mood that many don't perceive as a problem. It actually may feel pretty good. You have a greater sense of well-being and productivity. However, for someone with bipolar disorder, hypomania can evolve into mania -- or can switch into serious depression.

Hey MRM, welcome! Hope that helps a little bit. I have a kid to get ready for school in about half an hour or so, so I'll be able to answer questions until then. Of course I'll be back tomorrow too! I am sure there is a lot of info posted all around the Bipolar section to look at too, and hopefully help you wrap your head around what bipolar might be and what it is not. :)

MadRockMonster
08-23-07, 02:05 PM
Oh that is a helpful explanation, thank you Crazy. It's interesting because a friend and I were talking yesterday about how when we laugh hard, we feel depressed after. Maybe that's only with people with mania.

Crazy~Feet
08-23-07, 02:34 PM
Maybe you'd like to go into that a little more? Everybody's experiences are different. :)

justhope
08-23-07, 03:53 PM
I think I kind of understand ....

There are very few times in my life , I get the giggles...I mean the real belly rumbling....laugh so hard it hurts laughs...but there have been times when I do...for long enough...I want to start crying afterwards. Which used to make no sense......however understanding the nature of both BPII & ADD...it makes perfect sense. We are very sensitive to stimuli...and emotions...and I think sometimes when it comes out like that...it short circuts..and it ALL comes out...
Who knows, it would be interesting to research. But regardless, I have never felt depressed, in the sense I laughed until I cried and then didnt' want to get out of bed for days..but I have done the laugh/cry thing....

BTW...Welcome to ADDF & The BP Cycling Club Section! :)

Hope

MadRockMonster
08-23-07, 04:44 PM
Ty Justhope. Yes my experience is similar to yours, and sometimes exactly the same (end up crying) but usually it's a very deeply depressed mood, short lived, maybe 30 minutes I'd guess. It's almost as if when laughing very hard the body puts out endorphines (too many?) and then we crash and it's like when an addicts drug leaves his system he is worse off than before he took the drug (depressed). All these mental disorders are chemical based, right? So I dunno...rambling now. lol

Crazy~Feet
08-23-07, 05:11 PM
That's a rough call there, MRM :( really difficult!

Did you say at some point here at ADDF that you had had a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder or am I thinking of somebody else?

MadRockMonster
08-23-07, 05:24 PM
That's a rough call there, MRM :( really difficult!

Did you say at some point here at ADDF that you had had a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder or am I thinking of somebody else?
Well, see, that's sort of my problem right now. I have a long list of disorders I've been diagnosed with over time but I don't know now which ones are "currently" correct anymore, or if they all are and I'm the biggest mess to ever walk on two feet, or if some new dx's replace old ones.
But no, I don't believe I've ever said here that I had a dx of BPD.

Crazy~Feet
08-23-07, 06:01 PM
OK sorry about that I was just checking. We got a recent influx of a lot of new people and I lost track...darn ADHD :rolleyes:. Let's see what I dug up about Rapid-Cycling in BP disorders:

What is rapid cycling?

Rapid cycling is defined as four or more manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes in any 12-month period. With rapid cycling, mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling. In some individuals, rapid cycling is characterized by severe irritability, anger, impulsivity, and uncontrollable outbursts. While the term “rapid cycling” may make it sound as if the episodes occur in regular cycles, episodes actually often follow a random pattern. Some patients with rapid cycling appear to experience true manic, mild manic, or depressive episodes that last only for a day. If there are four mood episodes within a month, it is called ultra-rapid cycling, and when several mood switches occur within a day, on several days during one week, it is called ultra-ultra-rapid, or ultradian cycling. Typically, however, someone who experiences such short mood swings has longer episodes as well. Some individuals experience rapid cycling at the beginning of their illness, but for the majority, rapid cycling begins gradually. Most individuals with bipolar disorder, in fact, experience shorter and more frequent episodes over time if their illness is not adequately treated. For most people, rapid cycling is a temporary occurrence. They may experience rapid cycling for a time, then return to a pattern of longer, less frequent episodes, or, in the best case, return to a stabilized mood with the help of treatment. A small number of individuals continue in a rapid cycling pattern indefinitely.

It is very important to get immediate treatment for this form of bipolar disorder and work with a health care provider to find the treatment that works best, since the longer someone goes without treatment, the more resistant to treatment the person may become. Who develops rapid cycling?

As many as half of all people with bipolar disorder may develop rapid cycling at some time during their illness. While there are no absolute rules about who will develop this pattern, women may be more likely to do so, even though bipolar disorder is equally common in both genders. Use of certain antidepressants to treat bipolar disorder can bring on or worsen rapid cycling. Often, the cycling decreases when the antidepressant medication is stopped. However, when stopping an antidepressant, a person should be aware of the possibility of depressive episodes re-occuring, work closely with a doctor to find a more effective medication combination, and never stop taking a medication or change a dosage without first talking with a doctor about it. There may also be a link between rapid cycling and drug or alcohol abuse. A history of substance abuse may make an individual more likely to have rapid cycling. Studies also show that substance abuse is more common in families of people with rapid cycling than in families of people with bipolar disorder who do not have rapid cycling. It is not known whether this is the result of a genetic link between substance abuse and rapid cycling, or if it is evidence of “self-medication” among people with rapid cycling.

Does that sound like what you are experiencing, or no? There is a degree of overlap in the definitions of "mood swings" attributed to BP and those attributed to BPD. Its my understanding the BPD mood swings occur rapidly, do not last very long, and can come and go several times in the course of a day, too.

MadRockMonster
08-23-07, 07:48 PM
Could be. I'll have to remember to ask my doctor about it.

Crazy~Feet
08-23-07, 07:54 PM
I really wish I could be more helpful about it MRM. All I can offer is my experiences which would qualify as the "traditional" rapid-cycling. I cannot say I have ever experienced the type of fast changes in a short while like you described. Well I can but usually there was a few beers or a joint involved :D know what I mean?

Not to make light of your situation! Just trying to provoke a smile, maybe one of those sparks you need. :)

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 02:54 AM
Oh I do so much miss those sparks of happiness Crazy. And no booze or joints were involved :p
They were so brief but I felt WONDERFUL. Ever since I first tried Lexapro they disappeared and never came back. :( That made me so sad cuz those sparks were the only times I felt happy. But they were very rare. Maybe once a month or so if I was lucky if I recall right now. Maybe more often, I don't remember. It was like being high on some drug, but none I ever tried, and I've tried a few. I was just so happy. Totally intense. Like whatever wall blocks the happy chemical leaked a drop of the happy juice. The docs say I'm low on seratonin. So what were the sparks of joy made of? Not seratonin because I'm low on that... It's a mystery.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 05:16 AM
Yea even I have to wonder what would cause something like that to occur. Sounds lovely!

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 02:42 PM
Yea even I have to wonder what would cause something like that to occur. Sounds lovely!Well it felt good, but I think it may have looked a bit ridiculous to others when it occurred. I probably seemed a bit hysterical to others. It was some short but BIG doses of happiness.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 02:54 PM
Hysterical? How did that look to other people, do you think?

This is sort of fascinating. :)

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 03:00 PM
Hysterical? How did that look to other people, do you think?

This is sort of fascinating. :)
Well I'm sure I had a big dumb smile on my face, I got very animated, I'd look all giggly and overexcited. Picture it like a child who just got a puppy for Christmas and he'd been wanting one REALLY bad and just opened the box. Then suddenly, for no reason they could see I'm sure because what would hurt my feelings and burst my bubble would be so minute, I'd plummet. I'd get very quiet, slump, my whole facial expression would fall to that of a basset hound. I'd be very obviously hurt and depressed.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 03:35 PM
I think your hypothesis might have some merit here MRM.

All these mental disorders are chemical based, right?
Certainly sounds like something brain-chemical based, but darndifino what! Good thing we are not permitted to diagnose or give medical advice cuz I would be stumped for sure this time!

I wonder if QueensU_Girl has anything to say on it? If I see her online I'll ask her to have a look, OK?


Does your doc know about thse episodes? What does he say about them?


I'm nosy, I know, right? :o

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 03:57 PM
I think your hypothesis might have some merit here MRM.


Certainly sounds like something brain-chemical based, but darndifino what! Good thing we are not permitted to diagnose or give medical advice cuz I would be stumped for sure this time!

I wonder if QueensU_Girl has anything to say on it? If I see her online I'll ask her to have a look, OK?


Does your doc know about thse episodes? What does he say about them?


I'm nosy, I know, right? :o
No, no I don't mind answering your questions, I appreciate the help trying to figure it out Crazy. Yes I told my doc about the episodes but I don't know what he thought of them.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 04:09 PM
Well you stumbled into one of my "passionate areas" personality-wise. I'm a hound dog :D I sniff out information. When I got each of my Dxes, I went off on research. When I had doubts or considered controversies, I'd research them, too. Now you have presented me with....


(cue trumpets)



SOMETHING THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!

:) Mental health-wise, that is. I mean it could be that ultradian-rapid-cycling...but what if its SOMETHING ELSE??

I'll be looking...this is gonna bug me, this is my litle corner of the forums and I just got stumped.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 04:13 PM
Hmmmmm what about anger? How do you normally express it? I seem to remember a post about you becoming malleable in relationships, am I right?


*Dons white research jacket*

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 04:15 PM
Oh I feel special now! ROFL I really do :p
There's something INTERESTING about me! ROFL
Examine away - I'm all yours *lays down on couch* :p

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 04:22 PM
Hmmmmm what about anger? How do you normally express it? I seem to remember a post about you becoming malleable in relationships, am I right?


*Dons white research jacket*
Yes, I did become a doormat in relationships - interestingly enough that's changing right now and I think it's because of the Zyprexa but it may be the Lexapro - it did make me feel brave. But this is different, it's self respect. I've never had that before. I can see myself differently now. It is a wonderful change. And the times since I've been on it that I've been faced with someone that is ****ing me off, I simply and calmly tell them that I understand they're upset but I will not punish myself for something that I don't believe is a punishable offence. They can continue to be angry if they like, but it will not effect me. It has worked every time. I could faint every time it works. I suffer from disociation (sp?) so maybe it's a bit of that feeling kicking in putting me into a zen-like state. But now I'm off topic. So as to your original question of how do I handle my feelings of anger? Very well now, not so well before. Before I would bite my tongue and kick myself for whatever I had done wrong in their eyes, until it became too much to bear, when they pushed me too far with insults and yelling I would snap. I didn't snap often. Because I blamed myself for whatever they were angry about. Now I don't.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 04:27 PM
*Little wireframed glasses* Just lie back un zee couch und tell me about your mozzzer! :D

Ok well, management of anger is still pretty relevant when you have mental stuff of any kind going on, ya know? Some people explode over anything and everything, some people stuff it, etc.

BUT DISSOCIATION....well, my dear, its quite possible I am one of the most knowledgeable people here on that topic, barring QueensU who pays a lot of attention to this stuff, and anybody else I cannot think of right now or may have forgotten :o...How does that manifest for you?

*Clipboard, pen, highlighter*

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 04:32 PM
*Little wireframed glasses* Just lie back un zee couch und tell me about your mozzzer! :D

Ok well, management of anger is still pretty relevant when you have mental stuff of any kind going on, ya know? Some people explode over anything and everything, some people stuff it, etc.

BUT DISSOCIATION....well, my dear, its quite possible I am one of the most knowledgeable people here on that topic, barring QueensU who pays a lot of attention to this stuff, and anybody else I cannot think of right now or may have forgotten :o...How does that manifest for you?

*Clipboard, pen, highlighter*


LOL Well I can see myself from above and I am not me, I am watching the woman down there suffer but it is not me and I am perfectly calm, as if watching a TV show, but more Zen feeling. I am completely disconnected from everything. As if I become just my soul that is eons old. And during it all I know that that woman I am watching from above is me. Which is the opposite of what I said in my first sentence, but both hold true at the same time somehow.

justhope
08-24-07, 04:35 PM
ROFL.....

~snort~~~

LMAO......


Stop with the visuals...really would ya.....

CF...you are too funny....


Please do go on...I am simply an observer. Since disassociation is not something I am familiar with at all..

Think of me as the "idiot" resident intern...now do go on..you 2 please...
ignore the weirdo behind the curtain (unless it's SB then watch out) LOL


WAIT ....

A writer ....a poet....a philsopher....OMG....you are BP dear..(jk about the last part) ....but the rest...right on...

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 04:42 PM
ROFL.....

~snort~~~

LMAO......


Stop with the visuals...really would ya.....

CF...you are too funny....


Please do go on...I am simply an observer. Since disassociation is not something I am familiar with at all..

Think of me as the "idiot" resident intern...now do go on..you 2 please...
ignore the weirdo behind the curtain (unless it's SB then watch out) LOL


WAIT ....

A writer ....a poet....a philsopher....OMG....you are BP dear..(jk about the last part) ....but the rest...right on...Welcome aboard my brain Justhope! ROFL

This new bipolar dx really is interesting to me. I show lots of signs of BP? I really must confess I never paid attention to what BP really was before other than quick mood swings - which now it's been shown it doesn't have to be quick, which is apparently why I now have BP. LOL But I know nothing about it and I'm having troubles understanding what bipolar symptoms I have.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 04:48 PM
LOL Well I can see myself from above and I am not me, I am watching the woman down there suffer but it is not me and I am perfectly calm, as if watching a TV show, but more Zen feeling. I am completely disconnected from everything. As if I become just my soul that is eons old. And during it all I know that that woman I am watching from above is me. Which is the opposite of what I said in my first sentence, but both hold true at the same time somehow.BLAMMO! Depersonalization :cool: rather high end of the dissociative spectrum, oh say, level 8 or 9? IMO, of course....possibly in my personal experience but I cannot confirm nor deny that as fact or otherwise in order to protect the innocent while simultaneously punishing the guilty! Whap!

Depersonalization is a state in which the individual ceases to perceive the reality of the self or the environment. The patient feels that his or her body is unreal, is changing, or is dissolving; or that he or she is outside of the body.

Depersonalization as a symptom may occur in panic disorder, borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), acute stress disorder, or another dissociative disorder. The patient is not given the diagnosis of depersonalization disorder if the episodes of depersonalization occur only during panic attacks or following a traumatic stressor.

The symptom of depersonalization can also occur in normal individuals under such circumstances as sleep deprivation, the use of certain anesthetics, experimental conditions in a laboratory (experiments involving weightlessness, for example), and emotionally stressful situations (such as taking an important academic examination or being in a traffic accident). One such example involves some of the rescue personnel from the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. These individuals experienced episodes of depersonalization after a day and a half without sleep. A more commonplace example is the use of nitrous oxide, or "laughing gas" as an anesthetic during oral surgery. Many dental patients report a sense of unreality or feeling of being outside their bodies during nitrous oxide administration.

To further complicate the matter, depersonalization may be experienced in different ways by different individuals. Common descriptions include a feeling of being outside one's body; "floating on the ceiling looking down at myself" feeling as if one's body is dissolving or changing; feeling as if one is a machine or robot; "unreal" feeling that one is in a dream or that one"is on automatic pilot." Most patients report a sense of emotional detachment or uninvolvement, or a sense of emotional numbing. Depersonalization differs from "derealization," which is a dissociative symptom in which people perceive the external world as unreal, dreamlike, or changing. The various ways that people experience depersonalization are related to their bodies or their sense of self.


*frantic note scribbling*

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 05:05 PM
BLAMMO! Depersonalization :cool: rather high end of the dissociative spectrum, oh say, level 8 or 9? IMO, of course....possibly in my personal experience but I cannot confirm nor deny that as fact or otherwise in order to protect the innocent while simultaneously punishing the guilty! Whap!

Depersonalization is a state in which the individual ceases to perceive the reality of the self or the environment. The patient feels that his or her body is unreal, is changing, or is dissolving; or that he or she is outside of the body.

Depersonalization as a symptom may occur in panic disorder, borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), acute stress disorder, or another dissociative disorder. The patient is not given the diagnosis of depersonalization disorder if the episodes of depersonalization occur only during panic attacks or following a traumatic stressor.

The symptom of depersonalization can also occur in normal individuals under such circumstances as sleep deprivation, the use of certain anesthetics, experimental conditions in a laboratory (experiments involving weightlessness, for example), and emotionally stressful situations (such as taking an important academic examination or being in a traffic accident). One such example involves some of the rescue personnel from the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. These individuals experienced episodes of depersonalization after a day and a half without sleep. A more commonplace example is the use of nitrous oxide, or "laughing gas" as an anesthetic during oral surgery. Many dental patients report a sense of unreality or feeling of being outside their bodies during nitrous oxide administration.

To further complicate the matter, depersonalization may be experienced in different ways by different individuals. Common descriptions include a feeling of being outside one's body; "floating on the ceiling looking down at myself" feeling as if one's body is dissolving or changing; feeling as if one is a machine or robot; "unreal" feeling that one is in a dream or that one"is on automatic pilot." Most patients report a sense of emotional detachment or uninvolvement, or a sense of emotional numbing. Depersonalization differs from "derealization," which is a dissociative symptom in which people perceive the external world as unreal, dreamlike, or changing. The various ways that people experience depersonalization are related to their bodies or their sense of self.


*frantic note scribbling*
Yes, and I have felt that robot feeling before too, but not during ceiling float episodes. I'd say the robot feeling is more common and for dealing with more average day to day stress when it occasionally gets overwhelming and chaotic.

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 05:16 PM
Zooooo, ve haff eztablizhed ze deperzonilazation ja?

Now to hook that up with something else by asking your doc! :)

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 05:18 PM
Zooooo, ve haff eztablizhed ze deperzonilazation ja?

Now to hook that up with something else by asking your doc! :)
Oh so it can't stand alone? It's a comorbid leech of another disorder?

Crazy~Feet
08-24-07, 05:23 PM
Actually? There is such a thing as Depersonalization Disorder that can stand alone, yes. You mentioned the moods and such though, ya know?

MadRockMonster
08-24-07, 05:30 PM
Actually? There is such a thing as Depersonalization Disorder that can stand alone, yes. You mentioned the moods such though, ya know? Ya ok