I don’t know where to start here – I don’t even know if I actually have ADD/ADHD, but I can identify with many of the symptoms.

I’m male, in my early 30’s and I consider myself to be a non-achiever rather than an under-achiever, because I haven’t done anything with my life in terms of education/career. I’ve had problems with attention since I was a kid, but it was never really recognized as a problem back then. I rarely finished homework, got average grades at school because I had a hard time paying attention and motivating myself to work. I left school at 16 (mostly because I hated it and had no encouragement to stay on). I managed to find jobs and I gained experience to the point where I’m not badly paid for being non-qualified.

I’ve tried to go to school through evening classes, but I’ve never been able to stick at it. I don’t know why, in all honesty. It seems that nothing has changed since I was a kid in that sense. I’ve dropped out of god knows how many courses in the past to the point where I ended up just giving up and accepting that I’m a loser.

I’ve drifted for so long in the sense of doing nothing, but it matters to me now. I have a wife, we want to have children eventually and she wants us to buy a house. For 2 years now I’ve been saying that “I’ll go to school and get a degree”, but I can’t even motivate myself enough to get a GED – how pathetic is that?

At work, I live in constant fear that they’re going to fire me and replace me with someone qualified. They’ve recently promoted a co-worker and she’s going to school, unlike me. In the office, all they talk about is college, to the point where I now listen to music to drown their conversations, because I’d rather do what I’ve always done best (bury my head in the sand). Sometimes I think that it’s a miracle that I haven’t been fired from my job. I find it so hard to be there – it’s being around people in general that seems to take so much out of me, to the point where I’m burned out by the time I get home.

Even simple s**t such as going out and buying clothes, or remembering to buy presents for people is a major task for me. I think that if it weren’t for my wife, I would be a hermit as I’d never go out.

Again, I’m not sure if I have ADD, or not. I’ve seen 2 psychiatrists in the last 3 years, both of whom slapped the ‘Bipolar’ diagnosis on me. I have also been struggling with depression for many years, but I understand that co-exists with ADD too? I don’t have the violent mood swings that Bipolars experience – mine is more of an alternating state of depression, with some occasional bursts of anger and frustration mixed in there.

It has got to the point where I am experiencing suicidal thoughts again. I am not going to kill myself, but I feel so hopeless and emotionally drained from continually getting nowhere and not even knowing what I want to do in life at my ripe old age (when most people my age are settled, with careers, kids, etc). I am just tired of being a loser, but not having within to get myself out of this constant state of funk.

I’ve developed a bit of a drinking problem too over the past 2 years. I drink to calm myself down, particularly after work. Drinking seems to be the only thing that mellows me out. I know that it’s not the answer and it’s bound to lead to more problems in the long run, but it’s the only way to drown out the horrible feelings that I have.

I don’t feel sorry for myself – I just want to find out how I can get out of this mess. I would go back and see a psychiatrist, but my insurance has a high deductible for mental health services and I cannot afford that right now. I would like to be something in life – to have a career, to earn a better salary and to be able to actually show my wife that I can offer her a future. I wanted to go to college - especially as people judge you so negatively for NOT going to college (yes, I've experienced it). It's not that I don't want to go - it's not that I'm LAZY.

I’m tired – tired of living like this but being too stupid to get myself out of it.

Wow... I can see so many familiar threads from when I was in my thirties. From what I'm reading I can see some positives here.

First, you have someone in your life that I'm thinking cares about you, and you care about her.
Second, you can recognize that you might have something going on.
Third, you're smart enough to seek help.

I was smart enough to ask for help, and fortunate enough to find a very ADD friendly doctor. Really hope you can do the same when your finances or insurance change for the better, or when you finally weigh the costs and benefits and decide that your health and happiness are worth the co-pays.

And for what it's worth.. I used to drink too, and it did become a problem. I lost jobs, and a couple wives. If drinking and other addictive behaviors is an ADD trait count me in!! Maybe checking out a couple AA meetings might not hurt. At least they have coffee, and there's some interesting people...

In the meantime try not to have that negative self talk. Don't know how that can ever help. I'll try to follow that advise as well.

Thanks for the post, and good luck..

From where I stand, you're not 'too stupid' to get yourself out of your mess. But you don't have the right name for what you have.

I'm not really sure if this will give you hope, but a lot of what you write sounds very familar and I have ADHD. I can't tell you how frustrating it was feeling so 'stupid' and 'useless' to get myself out of that hell hole I was in.

Unfortuntely you do need to get properly diagnosed. So you may need to explore other alternatives, and finding the motivation to do that is going to be difficult. But you absolutely in no way have to live like this. So I hope you can somehow gather every once of strength to find the proper diagnosis, whatever it may be.

Lostman101, have you ever been screened for a learning disability?

Hi,

I think I can help. I'm 39 and have a non-ADHD husband who's wonderful and two toddlers (son is 4 and daughter is 2). It is HARD with ADD. See, I have the inattentive type.

I have always felt like you at jobs. While everyone else is talking about college or even having a "smart, academic" or complex conversation about topics that I am NOT interested in or never learned about, my head is totally in the sand, too.

I have had 25 jobs in 20 years!!! Talk about my head being in the sand. I could not be motivated or interested in ANYTHING! It's all about us being bored way too easily!! Nothing holds my interest for very long.

Now it's been about ten years since I was diagnosed with ADD and back then I decided that being on medication was too much to deal with.

Now that I have a family, we don't have extra money to throw around. AND I'm realizing that my ADD is majorly affecting my relationship with my family. I can't deal with stress, chaos and am overwhelmed VERY easily. I flip out when I'm overwhelmed or when too many demands are asked of me. That is not good when you are a parent - or even just a spouse.

My husband decided on a high deductible to save money and figured that we'd rather have a lower monthly payment and take our chances in case something happened - and fork over the high deductible then. We've saved thousands by doing that. And right now we are a bit financially strapped.

And now is the time I decided I desperately need medication for my ADD. I am drinking a few glasses of wine almost every night, I flip out, my outlook on life is terrible because I have no interests (I'm bored of them right away)...

I realized I had to consider this almost a medical emergency. I decided to treat this as a serious medical and mental condition that REQUIRES treatment despite our high deductible. I talked to my husband and he agrees. We will somehow make it happen. We are thinking of this as a necessary medical payment and we remember that we already saved thousands so paying a lot of money for treatment kind of evens everything out. It's all in the way you think of it.

And I know, you think - Well that's great but how do you pay for something when you don't have the money? Well I think what we will do is budget this into everything. We have a $2500 deductible. AND we don't even have a perscription plan! We figured that an extra $150/mo for the cheapest perscription plan wasn't worth it. Here are the first things I did:

I first research how much my local pharmacies charge for different medications and strengths. The most popular are Adderall, Strattera and Concerta. I then called our health insurance broker to get quotes for persc. plans. It turns out that most of the medication will be cheaper out of pocket per month than if we got a perscription plan!

I then asked our broker if an initial visit to a psychiatrist for ADD diagnosis is covered under our regular dr. office visit copay. Of course it wasn't! I nearly sh*t. Then I realized that I was in NO WAY going to give up getting treatment - my family and the way I feel about myself was WAY too important!

Next I found doctors in my appropriate network and called each and asked how much they charge for a full ADD diagnosis and treatment. I found out that some charge around $150 for the first visit but make you come back for elaborate"diagnosis testing" visits that are an ADDITIONAL $150. Another doc couldn't get me in until October! I can't wait that long!

I did find a no-nonsense psychiatrist who charges $275 (!!! I know!!!) for the first visit. And he said that I would be diagnosed during that very visit, meaning only one initial visit to pay for. I then asked which medication would require the least amount of follow up visits. I had been researching Strattera and preferred to try that. Fortunately he said that since Strattera is a non-controlled substance, he would only need to see me every three months for a short time. Bingo.

I then figured that $275 every 3 months is acceptable. My medication at the cheapest pharmacy would be no more than $180/mo. I guess I better tell you that I have not gone to this appt. yet. It is on Sept 10 and I CANNOT WAIT!!!

My husband will not be happy about this huge bill for Sept but he knows how important this is. After that, all I need is monthly perscriptions starting at about $140. The lower the strength of the med, the lower the cost. At the max strength recommended for Strattera (either 60 or 80mg) that would be about $180. So it's an extra "payment" each month. Think of it as a NECESSARY MEDICAL BILL.

Being treated for ADD (or ADHD) I hope will help us both to achieve much more in our lives then we ever dreamed. I hope it will change how we view things and give us an interest in things! It will maybe slow our brain down in order for us to focus on ONE thing and be interested. It could get you interested in school and each class you take! Then after you graduate you can then get a better job and BE INTERESTED in it! Then you'd make more money...see the pattern?

You won't be overwhelmed with chaos when you decide to have kids! Every big or small detail in life will NOT confuse you or reduce you to hiding from it! Your wife will appreciate the "new you." You'd be a great dad, able to focus and really pay attention to your kids. I feel like I'm a bad mom because watching my kids, as I'm a stay at home mom, bores me to tears! I have to be doing something else (like being on the computer when my daughter should have gone in for her nap 45 mins ago!!!)

Please consider getting treatment even with your high deduc. Do what I did!!! Already I feel better just knowing there's help. AND you are not supposed to drink while on meds!!! So we can quit drinking at the same time!! Do it! Talk to your girlfriend. ANd please keep us updated. Sorry this is so long.

Kathy

Bravo Kathy!!!