I'm sure everyone of you have been there before. In line at Walmart and your kid is screaming for a new toy or jumping up in church during the loooooooooong sermon yelling "amen amen already".

And that is when it starts; the stares, talking behind your back or to your face about how you should discipline your child...Well, this irritates me to nooooooooooo end. Most the time the comment's are coming from little old ladies who I just happen to know their offspring and they didn't do that good a job the first time around; so were do they get off telling ME how to raise MY child.

My problem being when forced to defend my actions or parenting choices I tend to get a little on the mmmmmm cranky? side. I'm a very blunt person and tend to tell it how it is. But, surely there is a standard reply that will get me in less trouble. Any ideas.

I like MYOB.

Well, maybe not at church. It is not very nice, but it is effective.

It occurs to me that you never have to defend your parenting choices. There may be exceptions like if you explain your choices to your kids (on occasion) to help them understand better. Also in court, if you are ever there, it might behoove you to explain your parenting. If you are a terrible parent, and I mean really terrible, you will probably have to explain your choices to your maker.

None of us here could be terrible parents, just by virtue of us being in this place, we are showing that we care and are actively seeking assistance of one kind or another. I have seen some terrible parents in my days working in foster care.

I used to find the looks acutly embarressing untill a good freind pointed out the effect this was having.
She told me that when people are looking and muttering that i get so uptight and embarressed that the kids realise they can do almost anything they like, hence why they were so evil in public and not so bad at home.

My parenting methods at that time were pretty inconstistant i have to admit. I would put up with their behavour in public because i felt so powerless and embarressed then land on them like a tone of bricks the second we got home.

So now when they kick off i prettend i am in a bubble with them. Sort of like a private room and anyone who dares to interupt is pointedly told "If you want you can take over, if you dont want to actually DO that, go away"
I dont get mad at the person, mostly they want to help and are obviously not happy with the amount of grief they are getting in their own lives.

I saw a suggestion on another site about how to help this which i though might work. The idea was to hand the "helpfull Know-it-all" a buisness card.
The card would have some thing like this on it,

"Thank-you for your polite concern about my child.
My child has (insert diagnoses) and finds the world at large very stressfull.
This is merely an expression of the emotional and physical stress the world causes them.
If you lf you would like to help please send a donation to (insert appropriate research fund),

Thank-you again for your concern."

The example card they showed was much better worded but i think this is close enough to give the basic idea.



Right now i am dealing with a much more upfront form of this kind of criticism. My 6yr old ADHD/Dyspraxic boy hates jumpers and sweaters and scarves and hats and doesnt really feal the cold anyway. Every single morning his teacher looks at me in disgust that i couldnt get a sweater at least on him, "It's so cold the poor boy is going to freeze" and other coments along those lines.

So this Wednesday i took a sweater a hat and a scarf and some gloves and gave them to the teacher in a bag. I told her (yet again) that he wouldnt put them on and suggested she try her luck at break time.
Needless to say at home time nothing had been worn and he had taken one glove and cut all the fingers off so he wouldnt have to wear it as well.

She didnt say anything about warm clothes for the rest of the week, possibly because he is enough of a handfull without trying to wrestle him into clothes he doesnt want to wear.

I actually like your idea. And I think it could be helpful in redirecting the "adult's" bad behaviour also. Thank you and I'll let you know if it works.

Normally I respond differently depending if the person is right or not.

If they're right, I generally use it as ammo to get the kid to behave.

If they're wrong, I generally tell them to f*** off.

But I like the business card idea. I might have done something like that were my kid more annoying in public... but normally, that's when he behaves... its when he's home with us alone that he's a terror.

I have one of each. My daughter is an angel in public; but, whoaaaaa nelly my son is a terror in public and I get tired of ppl telling me they would beat his ***.

My sons are pretty well-behaved individually, but they both get overstimulated easily, and if that happens when they're together, all hell breaks loose. I made a serious tactical error and took them both with me to the grocery store yesterday, and chaos ensued. Things were manageable until we actually reached the checkout ... then they started fighting and being generally obnoxious. By then, my items were being scanned, and it seemed too late to drag their little butts out of the store. The cashier (a soft-spoken Indian woman) said wonderingly, "Your children are being very naughty!" Somehow I was neither offended nor embarrassed by her comment ... I couldn't really disagree. :rolleyes: I agreed, and told her we'd be gone soon, and that the children would be dealt with. But I've noticed that in general, I'm a lot less likely these days to offer any explanation or apology to complete strangers. I need all my energy to deal with the little monsters themselves!

I hear that!!!! But, unfortuanatly I live in a town of 237 ppl they search me out. I have literally had a little ole lady follow me home from church telling me how I should and should not discipline my children. And the whole time I wanted to tell her that her advice would not be heeded as I do recall her son is in the state pen; I'm thinking not the best person to take advice from.

I have had friends tell me that my kid's are awfully naughty and ask me why I put up with it. I DON'T!!!!! I have just come to realize they respond better if I can get them to a quiet place before we discuss bad behaviours and the consequences. I do figure these ppl are my friends so they can handle me telling them. I don't know if my way is right or your way...Let's get together in say 10 years and compare notes.

Originally posted by Nucking_Futs
I have just come to realize they respond better if I can get them to a quiet place before we discuss bad behaviours and the consequences.

Absolutely! When my kids get into their obnoxious, hyper state, they don't hear or respond to me in the same way at all. They have to be taken out of the situation and calmed down before they turn into little humans again.

And I feel for you, living in a small town.... I'm not sure I could handle all the unsolicited advice!

Well it does have it's drawbacks; but, there are benefits also...My kid's along with 5 other friends toilet papered the public bathrooms at the park. I got a call from the city man. Well, my husband ended up meeting 2 other set's of parent's and catching the kid's in the act (priceless). In a bigger city I think it would have been handled with the use of law enforcement as it is defacing public property. But, luckily the town decided to let us handle it our way. Trust me my kid's learned far more having to clean those bathrooms and park area twice a week for the remaining two months of the summer. My daughter to this day will walk the block home to use the toilet lol.