A question to the add'ers if you don't mind.

I've read from the posts here that many ADD'ers frequently change jobs and have a difficult time "keeping" jobs because of their condition. What if the "opposite" is what is happening? What if the ADD person is staying in "unhealthy" jobs because of FEAR of not having a job, or the fear of failing (or whatever) keeps them from moving on? Is this also part of the ADD/ADHD profile? I haven't read this yet. So I would appreciate anyone writing.

The reason I ask is this:

My husband (diagnosed add/adhd a year ago) has stayed in "unhealthy" job situations for very long periods of time because of his FEAR of changing jobs, and his FEAR of failure and promoting himself and his abilities. This has hurt our relationship. He gets overly frustrated and then would come home and unload and take his frustration out on me and the girls.
After years of this, and no matter how much support or patience I showed, he still just "dumped" on me. I could'nt take it any more. I'm burnt out on this.
He works very hard, but it's like he's always beating his head against the wall. He keeps working more and more hours, but it really doesn't get him any further in his career. I know he's a workaholic.(so does he) He can hyper-focus in his work, and then he feels better. But he ends up doing SO MUCH more than the job requires, and the frustration builds.
I don't know if his counseling is helping in this area or not yet, but I just wanted to throw that out to you guys.

Hi dede4004

I have this problem too. I have inattentive adhd and usually stick with unhealthy job situations way to long. Fear of not being accepted or that the new job will be even worse is a huge factor. Plus I tend to love routine and familiarity. I eventually move on but it usually takes a long time.

Is your husband taking medication? If not, it may help. I wish you and your family the best of luck....hang in there!

Hey dede,

I completely relate to everything you described in your husband, but can't say for sure if it's due to ADHD or not. I stayed in a job that I absolutely hated for 10 years. Believe me, everyone around me was sick and tired of hearing about it, and I finally quit mentioning it because people would say "why don't you just quit?".

In addition to all of the ADHD/PI symptoms, I also have social anxiety which makes the thought of seeking a new job terrifying. That's not all of it, though - it's that fear of the unknown, fear of taking a risk, fear of making a mistake. Even though I hated my job - to leave it felt a bit like jumping off of a cliff, so I would never dare. The only thing that made it possible to change was accepting a different job within the same company - which was the thing that finally got me out of it. Being well-respected (and having been around for 10 years already) made me kind of a shoe-in when I applied for the transfer - so you see, there was very little risk of rejection or failure - and I was in a familiar place. Is there anyway he could do something like this?

it seems like it's more of a self-esteem and anxiety thing than an ADHD thing. Many ADHD people move from job to job because of lack of challenge or because of the difficulty juggling ADHD at a job.

It seems like he's trying to please the people at work rather than himself.

Hi again,
Thank you all for writing. It was good to read your answers. I appreciate it more than you know and wish you all well.

Dede

I stayed with a job I hated for a number of years for the same reasons listed by others: fear of failure, fear of change, fear of not being accepted, etc.. What also deterred me was what I was doing was an admin job and I didn't think I had anything impressive to offer anyone, and I got that message from a lot of my co-workers as well.

The only reason why I finally left my job was it got so abusive and there was so much office politicking going on I became burned out. Once I did, I became *much* more happier, people couldn't believe the difference and said I was like a different person (Even the ones who said I shouldn't have left. Heh.).

I had a dead-end short term temp job for a couple months after that, but someone I knew passed along my resume to her boss and I got hired.

It's a great job, with the most I've ever been paid and I get to have some fun there as well.

What helped was I hired an ADD job coach who did an incredible job with pointing out the skills I did get from the admin job, and what I could offer a potential employer.

Ive been unemployed since I got fired December of last year (3 days before Christmas mind you) and was on unemployment until last month. I was so upset all I did was bawl my eyes out in the HR woman's office. I couldnt even sign the form for her I was so upset. She let me take it home and mail it. But just like CrackerJack, it became so stressful because I KNEW they wanted me to break down and quit but I wouldnt. I was bored and hated the office scene with catty-ness. But I was used to routine and didnt want to deal with change. Unfortunately I'm now scared to start a new job.

I have a fear that I will get fired AGAIN (this last one was my 3rd time, technically 4th because one was because I didnt pass an exam). I have no idea what I want to do, but Im living at my parents and Im fine with it for now. My parents like having me around and I help out a lot. I find nothing wrong with THAT. But I only talk to 2 friends now. But I know what I need to do.

I was thinking of getting 2 part time jobs. One provides health insurance to part time employees so that would be taken care of. However, I have NO idea how much to ask for as far as pay goes. I made good money at my old job, and free health insurance. But it wasnt a healthy environment.