View Full Version : Simple disobedience help needed


Pembo
09-05-07, 09:12 AM
My 11 yo is mild adhd and on meds for the last 4 years. Our constant battle is his sneakiness. He complains about going to bed early, so we let him stay up a little but then when we put him to bed he sneaks reading a book. I know he's tired, he's impossible to wake up in the am. I'm just not sure how to combat this problem. We take away tv, video games, etc but that doesn't seem like a correct consequence.

I'm looking for suggestions! We are always looking at the big picture, today sneaking reading in bed, tomorrow sneaking the car.

amypaige
09-05-07, 10:59 AM
Pembo...you might want to join many of us on the Love and Logic thread. It is a great parenting technique being very affective. I am a facilitator of the program and enjoy chatting about these issues.
L&L philosophy is to put the problem back on the child. NO one is motivated to change unless they own the problem and the consequences. That being said, here is what I would do....
I would say to him, "Son, I understand that you enjoy reading in bed and love to stay up late. I realize it is your choice when you fall asleep so I will say goodnight to you at the time I think is appropriate and you decide when to go to sleep. I am also giving you full responsibility for getting up so you may set your alarm. If you sleep through it, it is just too frustrating for me to drag you out of bed so I will not be checking up on you. See you tomorrow and good luck." Now you are going to HOPE he sleeps thru his alarm and you are going to let him experiences the consequences of being late for school with empathy NOT anger. "I know it is such a bummer to be late! Did you get introuble for being tardy?" etc. If you work and are not there to take him, he can call a cab or walk or miss the day of school. YOu will not write him an excuse as if you rescue him, the lesson is lost.
I can pretty much promise you that if you let him take the fall here and do NOT react with anger, only empathy, he will become responsible for going to bed AND getting up and getting to school on time!

Pembo
09-05-07, 11:06 AM
amypaige, Thanks for the headsup on the other thread, I'll check it out.

I like your suggestion...except he's never used an alarm before so that will be all new. But I think it could work.

The only real problem I see is his reading in bed disturbs his brother who he has to share a room with.
Hmm....

amypaige
09-05-07, 03:16 PM
Then I think you give him the choice to read til sleepy in a guest room or somewhere he does not disturb any one else. L&L is all about 'you can do whatever you like as long it does not make a problem for anyone else.' Be prepared that he will be late or miss school. The key is to let HIM own the problem. and the consequences of his choices.....he will be more likely to want to fix it then. Absolutely NO rubbing salt into the wound as the lesson is lost due to resentment toward us. When we yell, we are upset as we feel the need to fix the problem. The kid is then not motivated to change as we have the problem on our back!