Hi.
I had my child had the Dr today and he is certian that he has ADHD.
I will be taking him to another Dr for an assessment and then will be given recommendation for treatment.

In the meantime, is there anything I can do? I am having problems with him at daycare. Lashing out, spiiting, hitting, destoyring things. I am terrified they are going to ask me to take him out. and well, I need daycare so we can eat.

I am sounding frantic I know..and the Dr said that I can't change it overnight..but I can't have him pounding the crap out of other kids either..
consistant discipline and structure has done nothing.

Any ideas?

I completely understand where you are coming from. I think most parents on this site will tell you that. You have done the right thing by getting him tested and hopefully they can get him on meds as soon as possible. I would just go to the daycare owner and let him/her know what is going on and to try and be patient with you. It will take time, it is not something that can change overnight. Hopefully they will be understanding. I have never had to deal with my ADHD daughter hitting, biting or spitting but i can only imagine how i would deal with that. My issues have always been with the talking and hyperness. In the mean time maybe you can try some kind of reward system with your son. Have you ever heard of the Marble System? I know this works for alot of parents who have children with ADHD.
http://www.daddyplace.com/blog/2006/03/03/marble-discipline-system/

hang in there and good luck!

This morning he tossed a chair at a group of children at daycare and cut one of the childrens head.
uggg...
I am going to call my Drs office and harrass them and hopefully they will get this appointment for the assessment made.

i totally know where you are coming from babe, my child was the same, and at playgroup when he started they told me they had great concerns about my boy as he was very disruptive and threw things and pulled hair and other things youve mentioned yourself and jake was only 3, luckily the playgroup were really understanding, we live in a small place and everyone knows each other and they all knew my other kids and knew it wasnt just bad parenting coming from home, they picked up instantly that there was something not quite right with him it wasnt just naughtyness, which we had started to know and realize ourselfs.

the only advice i can give to you is be patient and read up as much as you can about ADHD, its real easy to get yourself all upset and worry constantly what people are thinking about your child also.

Just remember the most important thing that if your child does have a special need,IT IS NOT THERE FAULT, and alot of there behaviour stems from just being very frustrated themselves and not being able to communicate on the same level as there friends and alot of the things your child does is really just a cry for help and some understanding, the way an ADHD child sees the world is not how we see it, noise in the background which we dont even notice is really disturbing to them, my child cannot be in a class as just the scraping of pens on paper from other children totally freaks him out a noise most people wouldnt even notice, i find the best way to deal with them is really try and think at the time whats happening around you thats triggering your child to lash out and be so uncomfortable with there surroundings, its very hard to have total patience all the time when they are tearing around and being a pain in the ***, but until your child has been totally diagnosed and treated i would just try and remain patient, if you are somewhere and he kicks off try to talk to him and ask him if he wants to go home as the place he might be might be just too much for him to cope with.

i know i am rambling on abit but ive suffered for 8 yrs until they finally diagnosed my child and i look back at times when i shouted and got cross with him as i didnt know how he was really feeling inside and it makes me feel awful now! having a child with special needs is very very hard but the love you get back from them is amazing i find!! take care my love, hope all is well and sorted for you soon.xx

I feel like I am losing it. I am terrified that he is going to be asked to leave daycare. I work as a Manager at a local university. I am a single Mom of three children. Without daycare, I will be so screwed.
I love my son and I know this is not his fault..and I am worried sick about him. But without daycare, I can not support my family. Yesterday when I picked him up, he was in the middle of a fit because a teacher was trying to force him into a chair for time out because he hit a boy.
I try diciplining him at home for his actions at daycare, but he is also very immature. yes..he is only 4..he is suppose to be immature. But he processes things more like a 2 year old. Its just not effective. He can't even express what he did wrong.
When he is home, he generally does not act this way. He does act out, but its very infrequent and I do dicipline him right away when he does. It seems to be worse when he is at daycare. I suppose being around all the children and confusion brings it on.

Well, I am rambling. i am having a sleepless night worrying about stuff. Arggg..I am going to call the dr today and find out what is going on. I tried to stess the importance of what is going on, but he said don't worry about daycare. The problem won't be fixed over night.

hmm..nice for him to say. But without daycare I can't eat. I guess he does not have children or has a stay at home wife to look after them.

I am really rambling now. phew..time for me to be quiet!

darling your not rambling atall!!! all your emotions are perfectly normal and having to be the sole bread winner i can imagine adds more stress to the situation.

two comments really.. once he has been diagnosed properly they will not be able to kick him out of anywhere, if he has a special need like ADHD or another delayed emotional imaturity problem they cannot tell you he has got to leave as this is called discrimination!!!

If he has a problem he will more than likely get statemented which will allow him to remain in mainstream education with funding for the school to bring in extra help for him to be able to cope better, thats whats happened with my child he has a 1-1 support person with him at all times,

Also if he is diagnosed with a problem you will be entitled to a disability allowance, not many people know this but you can claim for it and will get it which will help your finacial needs too, i had to give up work which i hated to be home for my son as he was frequently sent home, and still now if he isnt coping he comes home for the afternoon so i can home teach him to relax the situation.

secondly i would suggest that what happens at playschool stays there and you dont bring it home and rant at him and disapline him at home also, weve been told lots of times by various pychotherapists thats the worst thing to do, the more you go on the more they get very aggitated and confused by it all which then carries the anger in them for longer making them blow up more as the frustration is ongoing and no let up for them which then just gets into a vicious circle.
again i hope you are ok today and it hasnt been too bad for you, i know it gets really hard at times but really try to remain positive and try and push as hard as your can to get him proper help asap for his sake and yours!, take care x

also can i just add that i would recommend talking to his childcare person and really put your point across that you would be really appreciative with there help and patience with your child also whilst its ongoing for the moment and maybe suggest they read up themselves on ADHD so they are better informed on how to deal with him, personally if i walked in and found him distressed and being pushed into a chair i would have had something to say!! makes you wonder how they do treat him whilst he is in there care on a daily basis, would maybe explain why hes getting worse with his frustration and outburts, just a thought....

I called the Dr yesterday. Nothing has been done on his end. So I called the local childrens hospital myself. He is on a waiting list. In about a week, someone will call me to ask intial questions. They said it could be months depending before he actually sees anyone. I live in Canada so this option would be free for me.

I called two private clinics. My insurance will cover up to 500. However, the assessment is almost 1000. But it is an option.

I also wrote the Dean of the medical faculty department at the university I work at. The university is basically a part of the hospitals, including the childrens hospital in this city. Who knows. he might be able to help me.

So I guess all i can do now is wait. and if I don't hear anything from the dr, hospital or the university within a few weeks, I will have to consider going private.

So much thinking!!!

If I may ask, how does he act at home? Are you able to control him there?

well, when its just me and him and is usually fine. But I suppose that is because I am usually doing something with him and he is not competing for my attention.
Before we started a 'chore chart', things were a lot worse. but now we have a good routine going and we stick with the chart. every day no matter what. Even if he is screaming and protesting while we do it, we do what is on that chart. Most days though, those stickers are a big deal to him.

But the minute is around other children, he seems to go insane. At the park ect...
This morning we went to Sunday schoool and he went in a rage and was tossing things around. There is only one other child in the classroom and the teacher. You wouldn't think that would be as disruptive to him as daycare.

I should add that the chore chart is really not so much chores as it is daily things that he needs to learn to do like brush teeth, wash his face ect..

Right, I understand we have the save thing with our kids. 1 thing I was going to suggest, is that we impose punishments for things that happen in school, as if they happened at home. Our son responded pretty decent to that, knowing he would lose things at home like that. Just a thought.

glad it worked for you but its highly suggested by professionals that this should be avoided at all costs, what happens at school should stay there and be dealt with there, never being brought home, and also its highly recommended that you deal with a punishment right there and then and when they go to bed its all forgotten about and brought up no more, punishments should be on a daily basis and never for any longer, i once said i would ban them from the computer for a week to my sons pychologist and he went mental saying that it holds no benefit atall but to drag out the bad feelings and that its not a good idea atall especially for children you have low self esteem and poor communication skills like ADHD, just my view on it , but i can see his point i only deal with things daily personally, then next morning big hugs and act totally normal it then starts there day off better too and is more likely to make them feel less likely to have an outburst during the next day, where as if you wake up and keep reminding them of what they did and keep going on about it and there punishment its more likely they will be in a confrontational mood from the start of that day leading to other problems.

Isaac doesn't seem to remember what he did by the time we get home. He is 4 but is really more like a 2 year old in a lot of ways.

He has been asked to leave daycare unfortunatly. So I am looking for private care for him.

I called the childrens hositpal and call them and called them..well, I have an intake appt on Friday. I guess you have to yell to get what you want.

well fingers crossed for you on friday i shall be thinking of you, hope it all goes well let us know how it all goes.
lisa.xx