oh my Lord, I am sooo sick of my Mom. I dread coming in the house, because she'll glom onto me, looking vacantly expectant, stringing disjointed words together in a questioning tone... and afraid, all the time. I'm so sick of her black hole-ness.

There, I said it. It may be horrible but I said it.

I am soooooo sick of her. And for now, I'm stuck. Not for good... for a while, though. Months to perhaps another year-ish.

As soon as I'm NOT stuck, I'm going on a road trip. As many states as I can get to for as long as I can get away, and sticking my feet in every stream I come to. Clothing optional. Spouse optional... if he wants to come and will promise not to be a grown-up, he may run away with me.

And at some point after I'm not stuck, I think I'll be able to love her again, but right now.... no, I don't think so. She's sucking the joy out of my life. Of course I feel bad for her, she's got no joy in her life, either. But that doesn't make me feel good to have her with me.

Oh Piglet! It is perfectly normal for you to feel like you do. Being a carer for a family member is tough, especially when they are "not who they used to be." I have worked closely with a number of Altzhemer's patients, and even part-time, they require a lot of "patience."

Do you have any outside support to help you with her, and give you a respite? That is highly recommended for family carers. You have to take care of yourself before you can be there in full for your mom. Most carers know that, so I don't mean to be redundant. Maybe even a kind young lady from your nearby school to come in for a couple of hours for dinner so you can go be you, can do a world of good.

Hang in there. In doing this for our folks, is "repayment" for all those years of diapers and blowouts and stuff. Still, doesn't make it any easier, I know.

Here, you can vent in all total honesty, and it's okay.

Fraz, I get a good bit of support. A woman comes in two days a week; my sisters pick up bits and pieces when I have to go out for a few hours, and even take her for the weekend from time to time. My husband and son do a lot with her, too. But there's just lots of Mom to go around.

She needs more drugs, methinks. I was trying to avoid that, have been giving her homeopathics and acupunctureto try to get her emotions under control, and they'ren ot cutting it. I was hoping to have her calm and awake, and not have to tinker iwth meds that will likely make her calm and UNCONSCIOUS. It's been hard to find a med that soothes her and lets her stay awake. But at this point, I'm about willing to accept the sedation. I'm having dark fantasies of a longer-term sedation, if ya know what I mean.

I tend to think I can handle things and just take them until I suddenly crack; I'm getting better at catching it sooner. I don't want to blow up at Mom, poor thing. It's bad enough when I snap at her.

Does she like music? You might play some calming cd's for her. When I worked with Alzheimer's patients, that seemed to work with quite a few. And if she will watch TV, make sure it's not the news or something else jarring--Animal Planet was a favorite. And if she liked to do anything in the past, try and adapt that to what she can do today--folding towels, stacking dishes, rolling balls of yarn, etc. I had enormous patience with the patients at the facility, but I have quite a bit less with my own mom---I guess that's how it works. I imagine it's the same for you. If assisted living is an option, you might consider that---but that has its issues, too. Anyway, don't feel guilty (like me saying it will make it so, ha!).

All the advice works for a little while. A few days to a few minutes. She just has no focus on any activities. It would take me ten times longer to line up a project for her than she would stick with it, and while she WAS doing it she'd demand that I stay there and make sur she was doing it right.... and I'm sorry, I just can't hack that. She thinks eveyrthing on TV is aobut US. She can't watch news, of course; but now anything - commercials, sitcoms, documentaries, you name it - she thinks someone is telling us stuff we haveto do, and she comes to me fretting that she can't understand the "instructions" and she thinks we're all doomed as a result. She feels Responsible, she's got her Mom hormones going full blast, but she has no outlet for them most of the time.

So yeah, I know a lot of stuff I'm supposed to do. It's just a situation that doesn't have a solution. Eventually I'll have to find another place for her, and she'll be frantic and unhappy there, too.