View Full Version : So I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow..


Sky81
09-10-07, 10:15 AM
And I really have no idea what to say to her....I only have 15 minutes with her....

I may be in a funk again. The last time I mentioned to her that I didn't feel manic anymore but I was still having problems with my attention span and I was messing up at work alot.....and I was supposed to have quit my weekend job....which everyone thought was a good idea (except myself)...apparently working seven days a week isn't "normal"....but it's necessecary for me......

I really don't know what is wrong.....if I don't feel empty and numb, I'm irratible, restless and agitated....I'm still throwing things around and breaking stuff, and I'm treating my boyfriend like **** for no reason.....

I want to sleep a lot simply because sleeping feels better than being awake right now, but I can't manage to sleep more then eight or nine hours a night. If I really was in a funk, I'd be going to bed right after I get home from work....and struggling to get out of bed the next morning......I'd be asleep for 13 or 14 hours.....

Maybe this is just how medicated life is.....I don't really know how to describe it....I'm just kinda listless......I feel like I'm on the verge of slipping into a funk, but something is keeping me from it.......

Maybe it's nothing to even complain about................

justhope
09-10-07, 10:23 AM
Hi Sky....finally the day is here.


Perhaps you could print out some of the posts from here? That might help.
Did you get a chance to journal anything?

Funk = Depression = grouchy, forked tongue, breaking innocent nick-nacks= your give a crap is broken.

I hope it goes well. I know it's hard to come up wiht all the words to describe how much your life has sucked lately...which is why keeping a journal is very important, but not a easy task...for BP's or ADD'er or ummm both?

Please let us know how it goes,

Best wishes....

Hope :)

Spongedaddy
09-10-07, 10:34 AM
And I really have no idea what to say to her....I only have 15 minutes with her....

I may be in a funk again. The last time I mentioned to her that I didn't feel manic anymore but I was still having problems with my attention span and I was messing up at work alot.....and I was supposed to have quit my weekend job....which everyone thought was a good idea (except myself)...apparently working seven days a week isn't "normal"....but it's necessecary for me......

I really don't know what is wrong.....if I don't feel empty and numb, I'm irratible, restless and agitated....I'm still throwing things around and breaking stuff, and I'm treating my boyfriend like **** for no reason.....

I want to sleep a lot simply because sleeping feels better than being awake right now, but I can't manage to sleep more then eight or nine hours a night. If I really was in a funk, I'd be going to bed right after I get home from work....and struggling to get out of bed the next morning......I'd be asleep for 13 or 14 hours.....

Maybe this is just how medicated life is.....I don't really know how to describe it....I'm just kinda listless......I feel like I'm on the verge of slipping into a funk, but something is keeping me from it.......

Maybe it's nothing to even complain about................
I think everything you said here would be fine to repeat. This disease/condition I don't know what the hell to call it any longer, it seems to change, so even though you think you would be sleeping for 14 hours if you were in a funk , the definition of funk may have changed. I would be upfront and telling the PDoc everything that's bothering you that you mentioned here.

I hope all goes well.

jennyjay
09-10-07, 01:22 PM
that whole idea of the 15 minute "medication management" appointment is such crap!!!! I never have had a 15 minute appt. with my pdoc, it is always 30 - 60 minutes. What meds are you on? I have a appt on friday with my pdoc and am not sure what will happen. I have tried many meds, but I have been thinking, have I really givin any of them a chance. No. I have not. Now, I am at the end of the list wondering what to do. I have been going to bed after work and having trouble getting up the next morning myself. Are you BP I of BP II?

Sky81
09-10-07, 01:49 PM
Really I've only tried one med so far....I take 300mg of Seroquel (reduced from 600mg). I was taking Neurontin too, but my neurologist is a moron and I've left the guy a bunch of voicemails, and messages with the nurses at his office because he was supposed to give me another prescription for a higher dose, but I think he forgot that I exist....so no more Neurontin for me....good news though...I haven't had a seizure so far and it's been almost a week.....

My pdoc thinks I'm BP I, because I sometimes have mixed states, and I've excperienced full blown manic states before.....not just hypomania......

jennyjay
09-10-07, 02:25 PM
I love the seroquel, but only for sleeping. 100 mg knocks me out! I have taken Neurontin, very short period of time for pain, I hated it, it made me feel retarded (hence the nickname "morontin"). I have been on Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa, Prozac, Effexor ER, Lamictal, Geodon, Klonopin, Xanax, Adderall and Adderall XR, Seroquel, and dexadrine.

Currently I take Adderall and Xanax. I am thinking about trying the regular effexor (because i don't have insurance so there is a generic). I know for sure that SSRI's do not work for me. My dx is BPII and ADD. I also want to try Xanax XR. I would not be suprized of they gave you lamictal next.

Sky81
09-10-07, 03:38 PM
No lamictal for me....you know that rash thing, the potentially deadly one....I already had that twice, once from bactrim and another time from doxycyclin.....having the lining of your sinuses fall out through your nose isn't fun....and I don't want my oral mucosa falling apart again....since I've had Steven's Johnson's Syndrome twice, I really don't want to find out how bad it gets the next time.......

I tried Lexapro once, and it took about ten days to send me to the moon....

I know what will happen if I take an SSRI.....they do work....but a little too well if you know what I mean......

And about treating the ADD thing....I'm not ready for that right now.....giving me a stimulant could make me a very energetic and focused depressed person, and that is the most dangerous state to be in.....

justhope
09-10-07, 04:04 PM
You are right Sky...they ususally don't touch the ADD thing until you are balanced out on BP meds....


I have only had the rare occasion to notice/ or have a mixed episode ....and it was not fun....not one bit....

I hope they find something ....there are so many things out there...hope you don't have to many reactions....and find a good fit the first time.
Lamictal sounds like good one to bypass....for you...

Hope :)

Crazy~Feet
09-10-07, 10:28 PM
Once again, I am late to the party...you must be so relieved! I will be thinking of you and hoping all goes well.

Too bad its just a 15 minute med-management appt. but hey, its better than nothing! I had those for the longest time, and it was rough, but I managed to get things squared away in the end. Hopefully, that will happen for you too!

Sky81
09-11-07, 10:09 AM
Well I'm not going to be feeling better for a while it looks like.....

All I got was my Seroquel bumped up to 600mg again (300mg at night and 300mg in the morning, instead of all at night).....so if I wasn't sleeping 14 hours a day before I will be now......

I don't even know how I'll be able to drive, let alone work........

I am really beginning to think this medication thing isn't for me.....

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 10:17 AM
Excuse me...what?! That's all?! :mad: That is a lot of sedation and has this doctor ever heard of a thing called a "mood stabilizer" by any chance? OMG....

Heck I'd worry about driving too! That's not an unreasonable concern at all.

I am sure you are disappointed, maybe disgusted, maybe more...I know I would be. Any chance you can find another doc? I don't sense that you have a very good relationship with this one.


OMG...I am so annoyed now...you waited so long for this!! Ugh! I wanna smack your doctor! :mad:

Sky81
09-11-07, 10:25 AM
I can't imagine taking 300mg during the day...she says Seroquel is also used to treat bipolar depression, well at least I'll be able to sleep through being depressed, but isn't that what I did before I was on medication???

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 10:39 AM
Well that's what you told us you did, sleep. Its useful for depression?? I am finding conflicting information on that with a fast Google search. Some claim depressive and manic, others claim acute mania only. Its an atypical AP...huh! I always thought of those as sedating medications, myself.

This is what Wiki says, but Wiki is not a definitive source:

The most common side effect of Seroquel is sedation. It is prescribed specifically (off-label) for this effect in patients with sleep disorders. Beginning users may feel extremely tired and 'out of it' for the first few days, sometimes longer. Seroquel's newest indication, for bipolar depression, usually specifically calls for the entire dose to be taken before bedtime due to its sedative effects. Although quetiapine is approved by the FDA for the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, it is frequently prescribed for off-label purposes, including insomnia and the treatment of anxiety disorders.

:eyebrow: Sounds mighty sedating to me!

Sky81
09-11-07, 11:08 AM
Her reason for increasing it was that I was taking 600mg and reduced it to 300mg, and then I got depressed....but I was still manic when my dose was upped to 600mg, and I started having some really crazy side effects at that high of a dose and once I wasn't manic anymore, so she said it was okay to reduce it........

I guess I'll have to pull myself out of this one on my own......

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 11:18 AM
Girl, seriously, is there another doctor you can see? I mean 15 minute med checks are SOP only after the doc knows the patient fairly well, in my experience anyway. It does not sound like Seroquel is getting the job done anyway...did you tell her that?

Sky81
09-11-07, 11:38 AM
I could see the NP that my sister sees.....

Maybe I'm just not giving the medication a chance. I don't know. Really the 15 minutes weren't enough. She was trying to tell me that I'm not depressed, it's just that I'm not manic and I'm not used to what "normal" feels like......

Maybe this is just normal, and she's right....I'm just not used to being normal......

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 11:51 AM
Would you at least consider making an appt. to see your sister's NP? As far as you can tell, is your sister doing well with this doc? Can't hurt to get a second opinion, IMO.

I agree that 15 minutes weren't enough. I am also getting the impression that she didn't really "hear" you. I mean, how is she supposed to determine what state of mind you are in in 15 lousy minutes?

There is just something that's feeling wrong about this to me...how long have you been seeing this doc? What was your intake experience like and what did it entail? How often are you scheduled for meds checks?

Sky81
09-11-07, 12:02 PM
I've been seeing her for over a year.....the initial appointment was the only one that was 45 minutes. I see her once every six to eight weeks, sometimes I go a few months without seeing her.

I liked my sister's NP, I was actually seeing her before my sister was, and I had my sister start seeing her. She's also a therapist and I saw her a few times.....she's the one who thought me working seven days a week and never using my vacation time up was disturbing.....I started seeing her kinda regularly, but then I felt like I didn't need therapy anymore......

One thing that's nice about her is that her appointments are usually an hour...plus she has night and weekend appointments and her office is 10 minutes from my house. My sister seems to like her, and she likes the medication she's on....she's only taking an atypical AP....Zyprexa, and not a high dose either....and it's working for her.......

Maybe I should see her just to talk, although there is nothing for me to be depressed about so there's nothing to talk about.....

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 12:19 PM
You certainly do have something to talk about...how about the way you feel blown off by the other doc? Or maybe that you aren't comfortable with your current meds? Or maybe she can help you figure out if you are really depressed or just "normal" (I hate that term...its so subjective) or just in one of your funks.

Oh I know! Tell her about your boyfriend and his opinion of the situation. Plenty to justify seeing her, Sky. Sounds like she knows her stuff, too, considering how your sister used to be.

justhope
09-11-07, 01:09 PM
Sky...

CF is right. You have every right to find someone who will help you.
And you deserve it. What you are feeling is not normal. And you knwo with BP you dont' have to have a reason to be depressed or manic for that matter. If did just feel depressed when you should, you would be umm normal?

We seem pushy because we care, and we know the struggles and we know crappy docs, and crappy meds...and what it's like to find a good one, and good meds..so life can become manageable on a regular basis. Not perfect, but as near as possible for us.

My son was prescribed Serouquel with the Lamictal.
I know Lamictal is not a choice for you right now...but his doc changed him off the Risperdal because he was still more aggitated/anxious and not sleeping well. I seemed to do fine on just the low doses of Risperdal for these things, he didn't .He said the Lamictal for the "mood swings" , depression/mania.
However, the Serouquel does target the insomnia/mania ...not sleeping thing very well. And helps wiht the anxieity. He said it's very good for these, but didn't recommend it alone.

We started on 50mg and built. He wanted him up to 200mg but we stopped him at 100mg he seemed to level out there. He was taking it 50mg in the morning and 50mg at night? I did ask about the sleepiness? Since this kid...when he did sleep...slept like the dead.....he said in most cases the lower doses...patients got used to it and that side effect subsided. He didn't mention it in the high doses?...geez

I'm not sure why she won't put you on something in combination with the Seroquel? It's often common practice as you can see here with all of us, to have more than one med in combo together to get the best effects?

Sky...if you like you sister's doc...and she is good...please won't you consider at least giving her a call and asking if you can come talk to her for a second opinion?

Sky81
09-11-07, 01:38 PM
I left her a message.....sometimes she can be hard to get a hold of, and she doesn't always call back the first time you leave her a message.....so we'll see how that goes....

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 01:42 PM
Alright!! Hope she calls back soon. I know how docs can be...sometimes you have to be persistant to get results. ;)

Sky81
09-11-07, 03:57 PM
The more I sit here at work, hating my job, hating my boss and my coworkers, hating my life, hating my boyfriend, hating my family.....I'm realized that I'm in a pretty bad funk, and no, this isn't my normal at all......

I don't feel like doing anything at all. I haven't ate dinner in over a month, besides maybe a spoonful of peanut butter or a glass of milk. I want to sleep all the time because I really just hate the way being awake feels.....

And no I'm not sad at all, but the thing is.....I never do get sad, even over things I'm supposed to be sad about (my mom is dying and it actually doesn't phase me one bit...sometimes I think I may be a sociopath).

I just don't like my life anymore, I don't like the house I live in......everything is just annoying and pointless........

Needless to say, nothing at work got done today.....

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 04:09 PM
You don't have to feel sad to be depressed, ya know. Sleep changes, appetite changes, and apathy can all indicate depression too. No, its not normal, no matter what that goofy doc said. I am still fuming about that....:mad:

justhope
09-11-07, 04:19 PM
A reminder? You are depressed...This is why I was in denial for years I had BP and I am not implying that is what you are saying. I am saying I understand that because I didn't feel like sobbins for hours...that I wasn't depressed. Not the case... I was really never sad..but I did feel exactly like you...for a long time and it got worse and worse and...well you know...
So here are the basics again.




Bipolar Basics


by Kimberly Read

In this article, the second in a four-part series, we look at some of the common red flags of depression, because the earlier an episode is treated, the less its severity.

I have organized these symptoms into broad categories for easier reference. It is important to note that depression is experienced differently from one person to the next so not all symptoms will present for all individuals.

Changes In Activity or Energy Level

Decreased Energy
Fatigue
Lethargy
Diminished Activity
Insomnia or Hypersomnia
Loss of Interest in Pleasurable Activities
Social Withdrawal

Physical Changes

Unexplained Aches and Pains
Weight Loss or Gain
Decreased or Increased Appetite
Psychomotor Agitation or Retardation
Emotional Pain

Prolonged Sadness
Unexplained, Uncontrollable Crying
Feelings of Guilt
Feelings of Worthlessness
Loss of Self-Esteem
Despair
Hopelessness
Helplessness

Difficult Moods

Irritability
Anger
Worry/Anxiety
Pessimism
Indifference
Self-Critical

Changes in Thought Patterns

Inability to Concentrate
Indecision
Problems with Memory
Disorganized
Preoccupation with Death

Thoughts of Death
Suicidal Ideation
Feeling Dead or Detached
All of the bold one's in RED ...I believe I read in your short statements? You my dear...are depressed. I am sorry. I know it stinks...please keep hitting redial..and get in to see her. I would like nothing but to see you have a good day...for longer than one day.........

Sky81
09-11-07, 04:21 PM
What's kinda ironic, is that I remember my boyfriend saying to me about six weeks ago "you're in one of those again, those pills don't do anything." As much as he "doesn't believe" in bipolar disorder, he's pretty good at pointing out when I'm not quite right in the head.....when I'm manic he'll tell me I'm acting like my sister, but he thinks my impuslivity is kinda fun....who doesn't like swimming in the ocean in March (in New Jersey)???

justhope
09-11-07, 04:41 PM
who doesn't like swimming in the ocean in March (in New Jersey)???
The fish?



Well ...the pills are working on what they should be...if you were manic and not sleeping...but you do need SOMETHING else....for the depression, cause that ain't cutting it by itself. :faint:

And let's consider the source..he's a man. :rolleyes:

Stick with your girls here..(and Spongey of course) because we won't stear you wrong. ;)
You got issues, yes duh we know, cause we have the same one's...:eyebrow:

The point. We are here, we understand, and we want you to get better. Cause it sucks ....:mad:

Crazy~Feet
09-11-07, 04:51 PM
Shimatta! I had a whole series of cute little emoticons to address the issue of your boyfriend :mad: I might just have to post you a message in Chit-Chat, Sky, so keep an eye out for it!

He doesn't believe in bipolar disorder, huh? Why that son...tell him you don't believe in gravity, and that you are absolutely astonished that you have not floated away yet!! :soapbox:

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!

Sky81
09-12-07, 01:26 PM
So I got a appt with my sister's NP on Monday night.......

I called my pdoc's nurse yesterday afternoon and told her there was no way I was going to take 300mg of Seroquel in the morning, so she called in a prescription for 600mg Seroquel XR to be taken all at bedtime.....

I took one last night, and instead of being knocked out I actually kept waking up, and I don't think I slept very soundly at all.....maybe it was all the dreams I kept having....

I didn't have much trouble waking up and I'm not really that tired today.....taking 600mg of the non-XR version made me walk into stuff until at least noon.....so I can't say it's that bad.....

I'm not as irritable, but I still don't like my job. I don't have much motivation to do anything today....but I actually managed to cash some of my paychecks from my weekend job during lunch (I haven't cashed a paycheck from them in a couple months), and I actually managed to eat something for lunch (I've only been eating a bowl of cereal in the morning and that's it for the day)......I might even try to go to a grocery store tonight.........

Crazy~Feet
09-12-07, 03:00 PM
Eating is good news, Sky, you can't just live on peanut butter and jelly. Its not a healthy diet, know what I mean?

Hah, you stood your ground with that doctor. Heeheehee...Good for you!! I have fired doctors in my day and your doctor sounds like an excellent candidate for the Sayonara Chorus to me.

Walking into stuff until noon doesn't sound like "not that bad" to me, but if that's what it takes to get you through, the that's what it takes. I clearly remember doing The Shuffle on Risperdal myself, but ya know...I called the office, screamed at them for a while and pitched that second tablet right quick. I began medication to find stability, not to become an eggplant.

Monday is great! That's pretty fast to get in and I'm glad to hear it, girl. Just keep holding it together and talk to us if we can help you get through.

justhope
09-12-07, 03:20 PM
Always happy to hear some good news!

Can't wait to hear a good report on Monday!

Eat...nice job!


Take care, we are here if you need us!

Hope :)

Sky81
09-13-07, 08:37 AM
Well last night I didn't make it to the grocery store, but I did clean out my fridge of all rotten veggies, and anything that was expired......plus I did two loads of laundry and put it away......so I got something accomplished.........although I went to bed without dinner again......

I thought I was doing better, but here I am, back at work, with that sick feeling in my stomach.....I really just don't want to be here. I have no interest in my job.....there is nothing to do here, but my boss will sure enough come to me what my plans are for today in her condescending tone of voice......blah...

Crazy~Feet
09-13-07, 08:40 AM
5 more days, Sky. Would you please try to eat something? And if you cannot stomach food, get some Instant Breakfast, and make it double-strength. Chug that for some nutrition or you'll be hypoglycemic on top of everything else. :(

Sky81
09-19-07, 09:46 AM
Well I went on Monday and I'd like to think it helped, but really all I did was talk and she just kinda nodded. She did think that that the extreme restlensess and a constant need to move wasn't part of ADHD, but more of a side effect of the Seroquel. It's gotten worse since I switched to the XR version and doubled the dose from 300mg to 600mg.....

I had to take a day off yesterday because my Mom needed surgery and I had to sign consent forms and stuff......I did managed to finally get to a grocery store, and bought some food, but I'm kinda mad at myself for spending so much money there....I spent like $50......I live alone and that's way too much money to spend on food for one person.......I should be spending like $20-30 a week....

Anyway, I managed to eat two meals yesterday, which is a little better then only a bowl of cereal for breakfast.......

I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this funk, but things are working against me....

My boyfriend's mother is trying to make my life more miserable than it already is. My boyfriend's father died last year, and his parents lived with him in the house that he bought from them.....so his mother still lives there......and she's doing everything in her power to make my boyfriend's life miserable, but she's directing most of her attacks at me........supposedly I'm ruining his life, and I've always been a negative influence on him. She calls me a filthy, dirty, little *****. She calls me white trash (I sort of am and I know it so that really doesn't hurt my feelings). She's been making up stories about me and lying to her other children about the all the nasty things I do to her, and how I plan to marry her son and take half of his busniess, and all of his money......really I have no interest in his money at all....and it's only recently that he took over the busniess, and for a long time I made more money than he did......

Really I feel bad for the woman. She wasn't left with much money when her husband died, she has no retirement fund....she has no work experience and she refuses to get a job, and demands that my boyfriend give her money.....she's even going as far as messing with my boyfriend's business (throwing away faxes, not letting the answeing machine take messages, etc.) ......she refuses to let him hire a secertary (it's a home based busniess)....he threatened to sell the house and she said she'd burn it down if he put it up for sale (even though it's his house).......

The situation is getting really ugly. She called the Department of Health on my dad (he lives in the same development) to get his house condemed (my dad has a hoarding problem), thinking that would be a good way to get to me......but really all it did was make me see how nasty and vindictive she is........I've been getting prank calls from a blocked number in the middle of the night and I'm pretty sure it's her........

So much for threrapy.......

Crazy~Feet
09-19-07, 12:37 PM
Sky, that woman sounds like she has more of a mental problem than anything. She's your BF's responsibility, though. Does he do anything about it? Sounds to me like she needs help.

Dos the NP do anything with your meds?

Sky81
09-19-07, 01:07 PM
Nope I'm still taking 600mg Seroquel XR. She said I should call my pdoc and tell her that the Seroquel doesn't seem to be cutting it....but that I should try to give the XR version a chance for another week or so......

What I don't like about it is that it's not as sedating as the non-XR version. I actually like the sedation part (only at night though)......

I'm not feeling as bad as I was so maybe it's helping a little.......

As far as my boyfriend's mother goes.....we all know she's nuts....her kids have been dealing with her antics for their whole lives......she's got a history of doing this kinda stuff....expecially to her childrens' girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses.......she loves to stir up trouble and start fights about things that aren't even worth fighting about.....she just loves the drama.......

She'd needed "help" for years, but she will never admit it.....

My boyfriend wants her out of the house so he can run his business in peace, and at first she was going to leave (I didn't see that going well at all), but now she's refusing to leave and she's trying to kick my boyfriend out (of his own house)......it's just a big mess, and not really my problem, until she started messing with my family...the Department of Health really did show up at my dad's house....and the situation doesn't look good for him right now.....he was probably going to lose it anyway though, so she thinks she really got me, but all she did was speed up the inevitable.......

She won't be happy until everyone around her is as miserable as she is.....I'm refusing to fight with her, which is driving her even more crazy.

justhope
09-19-07, 01:17 PM
If you don't feel better...keep bugging...until you find something that works for you!


You know Sky....I know you have had a rough time..but I think your attitude and the way you are handling the situation with you mother in law...is very good considering all you are going through right now. I don't know if I would have looked at it as healthy as you are, or dealt with it as maturely....
I hope things go okay for your dad.

Take care...

Hope