I know all the cons.

He knows all the pros.

He asked me about it. We had a great, open, thoughtful talk, and I gave him some more things to think about. He is just so in "the now" moment.

What do you think about them?

I dont like them personally, but some people love them, and great for them
but thinking about it practially, once it gets a certain seize (say you can put a dice in it) I'm pretty sure it'll never close up completely. then he'll have saggy ears 50 years ahead of time.

oh and I knew one girl who ripped it.... yeah. not pretty.. well she was, but not her ears lol. not a danger if its done right, and he dosen't try to stick a matchbox (lil car) in it

What about "first impressions" when he's dealing with someone with the potential to have my son's life in his/her hands?

Fraz....what if you give him a certain age where he can do what he pleases in regards to his body....like 17 or something. You are not saying 'no', rather 'if you please but later'. By then he will likely have come to his senses!
I saw Dr. Phil on Oprah once talking with teen girls about absurd things they wanted to try. He explained to them about the brain developing in the judgement area more and more each year until about age 25. He said to them "do you feel like you know alot more now than you did 3 years ago?" and they all snickered and said "oh yes!!" and he said "imagine what you will know 3 years from now!" And it really made them think.

20 years ago (so im told) a person with a tatoo was in a gang, or a biker, or just really badass, now tatoos are socially acceptable, same with peircings. although stretching is still... a niche, it isn't as big a deal as it may seem to you, who lived in a time when such things were a social stigma.
maybe let him stretch them a little, to appease his desires, but limit it to a certain guage you feel comfortable (it goes from high to low, 1 being huge). maybe also go to a tatoo/peircing parlour n talk to the people, ask how much is the limit to reverse the effects.

What about "first impressions" when he's dealing with someone with the potential to have my son's life in his/her hands?

I'm thinking about L&L here, Amy, so I appreciate your coming on board, and you always have great points! I'm trying to go about this and "not say no," you know, but to try to delay the task, or let him think about it some more, or take some baby steps, like magnets or something, though that's probably not a cool option, talking to hiring managers of what they think of first impressions looks versus skills and other applicants. I am validative of his idea, and flat out flattered that he came to me at all! ;-) Dad won't be so cool, it would be bashing time there.

I did tell him they would look awesome on him right now. What can I say, I have a tattoo, but I can hide it when the need to impress arises. You cannot hide your ears unless they are behind the long curly hair. :eek:

Talking about how he's gonna feel about it at age 60 is not going to sway him at all because of course they'll still be cool then and all his friends will still think so too! LOL.

Good one, the three year thing. I'll try that. :p

TeLL, great idea too, to go to the experts for the long-term effects.

Plastic surgery is pricey.

Personally, I would not mind the little starter ones, but I'm sure stigma rules that you keep stretching, and once you start stretching, you know............

yeah its very hard when they get things in there head, my son whos only 10 wanted his ear peirced over the holidays and im afraid i said no way! he plays rugby and i just told him that if he had it done he wouldnt be able to play rugby for a long time as you cannot play with any jewerly on so he would miss this season most certaintly that soon changed his mind as he loves his sports!!! i know these stretchy earlobe things are the bizz apparently at the mo but its only a faze and soon it will move on to other crazes as life does, but by then there will be tons of teenagers going around with really odd looking ears and personally i cannot see any employer taking them seriously, plus i dont think it looks very nice anyway, what happened to crazes off rubix cubes or deelie boppers and cats cradle!!! oh my god im showing me age now!!! anyway its your decision as his mum but if you can try to talk him out of it im sure he will appreciate you for it in years to come, but if not then i would suggest get the person whos going to do it to explain all the worst things that can happen and only allow him to have the smallest one in for a while and by that time hopefully he will hate it and take the whole lot out! kids what they like!! ;lol!!!!!!!! they are set to try us and try us they do!!!!...take care hon
lisaxxx

NO WAY!

My kids aren't teens yet, but I would tell them they can do what they want when they move out on their own, but for now, they are mine, BODY and soul! After all, I did some serious stretching and ripping of my own to produce those perfect ears and I do not want them messed up!

I'm thinking about a little tattoo for myself though....

My husband works in the ER and has seen way too many body alterations down the road, and it's ain't pretty. Maybe looking at National Geographic and some folks who have done some serious ear lobe stretching will give him a better idea about how this looks on someone as they age.

As far as my kids go, no way. Not until they are legally adults. I think your interests and what you want change way to much. I'm not even letting them pierce their ear until then. I think you should be an adult before you make any changes in your body that can't be reversed.

How old is he? My son is 10 and he cringes when he sees a person with earlobe extenders.
All he can say is "doesnt that hurt mom?" I tell him yes very very much.

Personally, I'd say when you can sign for yourself (as in 18 or above). Tats can be hidden (depending where they are), and having a set of holes or two for regular earings are ok (not to mention they aren't really noticable when you take the earing out), but that....
Then again, it kinda gives me the heebee jeebees.

Coming from the view of somebody close to your son's age, I see people with earlobe extenders all the time. Let me tell you, they're a real turn off. Their ears are sickening to look at, and it doesn't look right. I'm squeemish, and I can't even get my ears pierced. I can't even imagine getting earlobe extenders! :eek:

Personally I don't see how putting them on your ears and having your lobes sag down makes you look cool. Sure doesn't look it to me.

I'm a pro bod-mod person, but not for teenagers. More than 2 earrings in each ear is too much for someone under 18 or 21.

By earlobe extenders, I think you mean _ear lobe stretching_, right?

Ears are pretty visible, and cannot be easily covered up for job interviews and work and formal occassions.

I don't think children (even those under 21) always make good choices and can realistically view the future. (e.g. This is why tobacco companies target kids. Hook them b4 they can foresee real consequences & while their brain is still growing so they can get addicted better.)

Back to bodmods.

Some people say that such Bod Mod (extreme) stuff is weird. Honestly, I'd put intentional earlobe stretching (e.g. anything bigger than 8-10 gauge) up there with tongue splitting and tooth filing and other scarrification and branding and tattooing and other non-functional bod mod activities.


I think that ear stretching is a deformity and it is PERMANENT (e.g. I see people with lobes at the '4' or '2' or '0' or '00' guage level here in Toronto all the time.)

Even Tattoos are not permanent. They can be Lasered off now. (Although it is not cheap.)

At some point, I'd say it's a form of self-injury.


Kids intentionally making themself look weird is just going to make any of their problems WORSE, socially.

Goth kids, etc, (for example) need to understand that.

Sadly, kids are often not TOO self aware.

NB At one point, I did think about becoming a professional piercer, so my views tend to be LESS than conservative, IME.

Earlobe extenders are like gigantic earrings (usually in an upside down U shape) that go straight through the ear.

my ears are stretched to almost one inch (done in small steps over the last 9 years, i started when i was 15)

i haven't had any problems with the stretching itself, i know people look at me different, but i don't mind it at all, i find more and more people will ask me questions instead of giving dirty looks.

depending on how fast your son's ears heal will determine how big he can stretch them before they won't close anymore (i've met people who have had there ears as big as the diameter of a drinking straw that still closed completely)

also if he does end up stretching them, make sure he goes slow and no more than one size at a time b/c if he "blows out" or tears the cartlige it makes healing harder and will leave scar tissue and potentaly cartlige build up

I missed this thread FD!!

There's a certain *size* the extender can go before the whole won't close over...but I can't remember!!
Now-a-days here, it's rare to see them..and people who have them in, have the circle things without a hole in the middle, so you can't see through..
I haven't seen any *open* for ages..

the fad is passing, like facial peircings...they were cool, but not as common now

:eek: i still think there cool

but it true, not as many people are taking the step, most of the people that i know that have them are into the tatto/piercing "culture" if you will...that is, they have multiple tattoos, piercings, scarification, work in the industry...

as far as a certain size for the holes closing it depends on how your ears heal, some people can get there ears pierced, take out the rings and put them back in six years later no problem (like me)
some take out a piercing and it'll start to heal in days.

WOW this is so random! I have never seen this before. Does anyone have any pics of it?

http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/01-ear/A70925/high/bmepb616413.jpg

not mine, i'll take a pic and put it in my profile when i wake up after work

ooooh ouch, did they punch a whole in the persons ear?

thats one option, using a dermal punch,

i did it slowly, from a normal piercing size to just under one inch since i was 15.
i used taperd "stretchers" to slowly stretch the cartlige out until i could put the next size "plug" in

*just as a side not...have you ever noticed how funny the word plug looks when you rite it?

Yeah lol it does look a bit funny. There are a few words that are like that ay.
Do your ears ever hurt? and what made you decide to get it done?

it feels like a normal piercing once there healed...never hurts

funny enough i decided to get it done because my goal was to be able to carry a pen or pencil around in my earlobe instead of behind my ear, and i just kept stretching after that.

now i can fit my finger through it, it's actually kind of enteraing

I don't see the big deal... I personally don't even have my earlobes pierced, but if he really wants it done, then why not? It's better to have it done professionally than for his friend to stick a needle through his ear (I know many people who do that, then guage it themselves). To a certain size the lobes close up. You might as well compromise and just say he can't get anything above the size that is non-permanent.

I had to chime in here, mostly because I just upgraded (or to some people, further deformed) my ears from 8 gauge to 6 gauge.

Here's the thing I think: Piercings, when done correctly by a pro, are much safer than a lot of other rebellious things kids can do. I pierced my own nose when I was 15, and it hurt like the bejeezus and I still have a scar. On the other hand, I got my ears done by my brother in law, who is a piercer, and they healed very nicely and I've had no problems. Same with tattoos-- I gave myself one that had to be covered up later. If I'd been allowed to get pierced properly at that age (as it's illegal in WI to TATTOO anyone under 18, I was out of luck there), I probably wouldn't have effed my nose up. Yes?

Anyhow, piercings are not that big a deal. Depending on what size one starts with, they'll close up (or at least shrink down) when the jewelry is taken out. There is also quite a variety of jewelry that looks "normal"-- I had a pair of double-flare plugs in (meaning both ends are flared out), and they just looked like stud earrings unless you were thisclose to my head. They also make clear plugs.

At any rate, it's up to you, sure. You're the parent. If it were me? I'd let the kid get pierced, and see how he liked it. If he's already pierced and wants to stretch, I'd let him go up one notch and see what it's like. It hurts. Yup. Most mods do. Is it a deformity? I suppose. So's plastic surgery. It's all based on what the culture thinks is a worthy alteration, hmm? Will it affect his ability to get a job? I doubt it. My husband was just offered the assistant manager position on his shift at a large manufacturing plant, and he's got his ears stretched to 1/2". As someone said above, tattoos used to be taboo. Not so much anymore. Piercings will probably go the same way, even Big Crazy Earlobes.

Gosh... after typing that out, I forgot about my own problems with my own son...

Not a chance. I have a tattoo, and I purposely got it where it wouldn't show when I'm normally clothed. Not so the earlobe extender. It looks positively hideous to any reasonable person. I can't imagine anyone who does it doesn't regret it within 10 years, and if it's correctable at all, it's only through surgery.

i guess i'm not reasonable then?

As someone who went through a rebellious phase, grew out of it, and is now succeeding (more or less) in grad school, I can understand both sides of the issue here.

It's important that you and your son/daughter understand the gauging/stretching process and its effects on the body before getting to the bigger question: what would be the consequence of denying a son/daughter permission to do it?

Facts

1. Gauging, if performed safely and carefully is usually reversible up to a 2 gauge (6 mm) extender, often considered the "point of no return."

2. Extending over a pierod of time minimizes scarring and decreases the likelihood of permanent effects.

3. The permance of the piercing also correlates directly with how long the piercing has been extended. A highly guaged piercing worn for 3 months has a much greater likelihood of shrinking back down to its initial size than a piercing worn for 3 years.

4. In most states, minors can legally sign for their own piercings at 16 or 18...

5. Punch incision/ creating a fistula through the ear is nearly always permanent and only a signature away for a 16/18 year old in most states...


http://jewelry.about.com/od/bodyjewelry/a/gauging_lobes.htm

http://tattoo.about.com/od/bodypiercing101/a/stretching.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretching_(body_piercing)



Does your son/daughter knwo this? Has he/she done their research? If so, then weigh the consequences of saying no versus yes. Is he/she likely to resent you for it and engage in other high-risk "forbidden" behaviors in the future?

I wouldn't be surprised if he/she decided it ultimately wasn't a good idea once he/she understood what this entailed...

Umami, do you have anything you got back then that you regret now?

for me, i don't regret nything i've done none of my 7 piercings, stretched lobes, 9 tattoos, as far as i'm concerned your body is your own. I consider my body like my scrapbook as lame as that sounds....evrything i get marks an ocasion and means something to me.

I personally think they are a turn off... I dont like them, and wouldnt date someone with them . He has to think what he would like down the road. What would his kids say if he has kid eventually.

That is one thing I would say no too.

put it this way, I told my nephew and neices years ago, if they came home with peircing or any outrageous tattoo. They would answer to me after their parents... Get the idea.:):o:p:(:cool:

and what would you do if they did come home with an outragus tattoo....

its like what i said to my mom (who is not a fan of any of the tattoos or peircings) 'I'm going to do it, for my own reasons, its my skin, when i get old i'm the one who has to deal with how my skin looks, so you can accept it and accept me or don't if you want to lose our relationship over the color of my skin'

No I dont want to loose the relationship... but they know the rules of the house. What htey do when they are of age, that is a different thing.

They are not my kids, but they know I love them and always will. They were just beginning to become teens / preteen when I said that to them.

its true and i guess for most kids it works....

my beliefs are different then that of my parents.

i was a little ODD so i had to try everything my parents said not to do.