I am embracing a new way of parenting..a new way of life. Guilt free parenting. I will recognize that I am not perfect, my home will never look like it should be in a magazine, and no matter how much I might wish it otherwise, my kids did not come with instruction booklets, and I can never order one for them.

I will accept that I do not know everything, and I am only doing the best that I can with what I have available to me. If hindsight shows that I was in error, I will not weep over what could have been since I do not have the ability to see into the future. I will also prepare myself to explain this to future therapists, and possible Oprah or Dr. Phil.


In the spirit of guilt free parenting I have some confessions to make.

My kids eat pop tarts for breakfast.

I use the TV and video games as a babysitter so I can get five minuets of quiet.

I do not clean every day. In fact some days I do nothing more then making sure they got to and from school, and food in their stomachs, and a clean diaper on. Then I sit and read all day long.

While I love my kids dearly, I do not always like them, nor I am required to always like them. Especially when they are whinny, demanding, pushy, kicking, or I am sleep deprived or at that time of the month.

My kids do not have the latest and greatest, and it will in now way damage them psychologically, or cause them to drop dead. They have clean, hole less clothes, food and a place to live. That is all I am required by law to provide. :)

Join me, and embrace guilt free parenting, and tell all those that persist in trying to make us feel bad because or kids don’t act like the perfect angels that their kids (supposedly) are to take a leap!

I've been doing my best to embrace "guilt-free parenting" for a while now. It's a GOOD thing!!

I do not clean every day. In fact some days I do nothing more then making sure they got to and from school, and food in their stomachs, and a clean diaper on. Then I sit and read all day long.Good. I'm not the only one, then. Some days just getting them out the door and waiting to see what happens while they're AT school and when they get home is more than enough exertion (for me it is, anyway).

And then the phone rings, and the caller ID says it's the school, and your one thought is, "Dear god what did he do, school's almost out for pete's sake!" And yes, I did that yesterday when the special ed teacher called to remind me about the IEP meeting today.

and then the bus drops william off and he forgets coat on bus, so then we have to go sit at the tranportatin and wait for the bus to get half his stuff he left, and the school calls and says you owe 20.59 for school lunches, I said i sent william to school with lunch money, they never receaved it,so i asked william wheres the lunch money he claims I forgot. So I pay in advanced!!!

I love your manifesto.

Our friends/family who have children that cross their Ts and dot their Is have no idea what we go through on a day to day basis.

Loving them and getting them through the day, without losing it, is an incredible accomplishment.

Lady Lark - after reading your 2nd post, it sent me flying to the fridge to check the calendar, because I couldn't remember the date of Cam's next IEP meeting LOL- thankfully it is next week and I haven't missed it - yet!:rolleyes:

But it reminds me to use highlighter pen on that one because I keep forgetting to check the reminder calendar that I have put up to stop me forgetting.:eyebrow: :faint:

Sometimes I forget the kids water bottles or their lunches or hats or fail to notice when they have run out of school uniforms and I have forgotten to do the washing.

Heart stopping moments checking the answering machine to find the school has rung - until they tell me one of them has broken their shoe or something trivial like that and want me to deliver another pair to them 30 minutes before I have to pick them up anyway.

I could never be accused of being one of those fantastic mum's and will never get mother of the year award, but hey, no-one is perfect are they?

There are no perfect moms in the world....just millions of great ones!

I don't want "mom of the year" because that means I'm focusing way too much on the unimportant things. Sure, I'd love a picked up, organized, clean house (who wouldn't?) but not at the expence of my health, sanity, or my family's happiness.

Hey Lady Lark,

I think you are on to something, however, I am not sure it is always other parents that make us feel guilty or inadequate. I think it is our own expectations of ourselves (or our other family members) that make us feel that way. I think all of us know some mother who is the June Cleaver type of woman (has a clean house, bakes cookies from scratch weekly, etc). What we don't see is how miserable June Cleaver is. She spends all her time cleaning and baking, that she doesn't get to read the newest Harry Potter book, nor does she know who Oprah, or Dr. Phil even are.

I think that I can let go of the guilt, but don't want to let go of the desire to have these things (a clean house, fresh baked cookies, etc). Now if I could only find a part time job that would pay me enough money to hire a maid - then that would be heaven...

Oh I know that we are our won worst critic. We all need to let that go too. Get over the marytar complex and live. And I'm still hoping for a clean, organized house, but if it's that or happy well adjusted kids I'm going with the kids every time, hands down. :)

Lark Lady - God I needed to read your post tonight. I have been sitting here all evening feeling guilty for all the things that happened in our household tonight and what a bad MOM I am! I know I am not but gosh some days you just end up thinking all the wrong things and you end up in a bad place! I am gonna embrace your mantra and come back to read it out loud to myself daily! Thanks for the boost that I needed!

I often wonder how other people cope it is good knowing that I am not the only Mum struggling along in the hectic laneways of life on the super highway....

Smiles Shirl

I'm glad I could help. :) I think we all need to worry a little less about what others think of us, our kids, and how "good" of a parent we are.

I now refuse to be embarrased because Steven act up in public, or Brandon starts talking about his pee-pee. After all, one is ADHD/Asperger's, and the other is three and potty training. They have an excuse for being (unintentionally) a bit rude, what's the excuse of someone who just buts in like it's their business?

Lady Lark you sound just like me! Other things I do: forget I grounded one of them or all of them, forget to make sure they brush their hair and teeth, If my 3yo. does not ask for lunch, I forget to feed him, My house is always a mess too, at times I too will read all day or play on the puter while my 3yo gets into things, I forget to sign things from the kids school that needs to be signed and returned, I forget to quiz them on their spelling words, most of the time I forget to notice what they are wearing to school, about the only thing I dont forget is to make sure my adhd son take his meds. My own MOM has told me I am a bad mom but I tell her I am not a bad mom just not the same kind as her. She does not have ADD but I do. Lucky for me and the kids that my DH is a neat freak and in fact he likes to clean as a way of winding down when he gets off work. In fact the times that I have cleaned my house from top to bottom, he will come home and look for something to orginize or clean like a closet or something that I missed. He does the washing and leaves putting away the clothes up to me which means we have baskets of clean clothes sitting around because it takes me all week to get around to folding, ironing, and putting them away. I always find something better to do. I am not the best mom in the world but my kids do have what they need and they know without a dout that they are well loved and I am always there for them. So yes I do feel guilty but I remind myself that the kids will be just fine if the house is messed up or if I forget something. I am not perfect but I do the best I can.

LOL AMEN to that!!
But how do we teach outsiders to stop judging our guilt free parenting skills?
or family members for that matter??? :eek: :eyebrow:

We ignore them. Sooner or later they will get the hint. And even if they don't, it's still a good idea to ignore them. ;)

We ignore them. Sooner or later they will get the hint. And even if they don't, it's still a good idea to ignore them. ;)


How do you ignore them when you have been threatened with Social Services, because your house isn't as clean or you don't rush a kid to the doctor for a 101 fever? I live in constant fear that someone is going to swoop in and take my kids away because my mil is a fanatic. Though it's gotten better over the past year after several blowups, I still live with that fear. Gosh, it's a love hate relationship, my kids love her, and I sometimes do, and sometimes I hate her and her husband.

Ok, had my freak out moment. I know I am a decent parent, my kids are happy(for the most part), healthy, and pretty much under control when at home, on and off meds. (My 8 yo ADHD son, goes off meds holidays and weekends when he stays home.) When he goes to Granny's on the weekends, she medicates him, because he is hard for her to control, and she can't handle it. (We have tried to keep them home, but the kids want none of it, they LOVE going to Granny's and feel punished when they can't.) I also know that I am a decent parent because EVERYONE but my mil and step fil tell me I am a GREAT mom. The school loves me, because I help out, I am proactive with them, and when I see a problem, I address it. But once threatened with Social Services, it's hard to get the threat out of your head, because you never know when you are going to tick that one person off enough that they actually call. And my experience with Social Services through friends is "once involved, almost impossible to get uninvolved."

Social Services can be a massive pain, but I try to remember that they are trying to help kids who need it. Me, if I know I've got nothing to hide, I know I'm doing good, and my kids are doing good, and even the school knows I'm doing good...well, I'd call their bluff. Want to threaten me? Go for it. I will run you through the ringer, and when the dust settles I'll still be standing.

But that's me. People either call, or they don't. The saber rattling of threating to call, but then not is just smoke and wind. It's scary because we all know how overzealous Social Services can be, but I have not run across someone who would see what they think is a real problem, and then just threaten to call but never go through with it. I have seen (alot too) people hanging that threat over someone's head to get what they want, or to just be spiteful. I have no patience for those people, hence the "Go ahead, make my day." attitude. :)