View Full Version : NMSC Semifinalist, anyone?


clearbrine
09-16-07, 07:50 PM
My finalist application is overdue... I just typed up and printed the required essay, but I haven't "securely attached it with nonglare tape" yet. I wrote that I had struggled with mental illness and that matters involving "the mentally interesting" were my life, which is true. I don't know what else to say on those open-ended tell-what-matters-about-you questions. I'm also very bad at organizing or editing essays (possibly just because it takes me so long to make myself write them in the first place).

I only missed one question on the PSAT. I overlooked a misused preposition. I knew I was missing something but I didn't want to slow down. I'm sure I misused numerous prepositions in my essay, and I used ambiguous syntax and run-ons.

I don't want to apply to these things in the first place, and there are so many applications senior year! (Okay, this is the first one I've done...) It's so hypocritical and shallow and mainstream. I'm not supposed to write about controversial subjects or about how I'm crazy or a loser, but I grew up hallucinating and depressed and with sensory processing issues (not diagnosed, but I KNOW I have auditory processing issues... unless that's just ADHD, which I don't have diagnosed either--anyway, the point is that I never knew what was going on around me, even when I wasn't depressed or anxious).

I made up a song about being responsible and sang it to myself so that I didn't wander off and not do the essay or check if I had serious homework to do. Singing to myself helps wonderfully. I don't think I really have ADHD, but I'm still going to ask about it, that and the auditory processing thing. I think I can focus well enough now that I can't possibly have ADHD, but I'm posting this message here because I think you guys understand... How do you prove you're a good student or have a ton going on in your life when it's not true? When you're worried about not letting yourself down again, about doing the minimum?

It's always worst for me when I FEEL good but I don't get anything done. I don't understand why that is--I don't do the things I LIKE to do. I have to stop and concentrate and figure out what I want to be doing, it doesn't just occur to me like most people. I'll go for weeks using someone else's deodorant or something because I forget to get more when I'm running out, forget I've run out, forget to ask for more, etc, and most people are just shocked that I can do things like that. Don't I worry about hygiene, don't I feel uncomfortable, don't I remember at some point in the day? Things just slip away from me. I don't want to be happy and have high self-esteem but know that I'm always a screw-up and a failure because I forget deadlines (forget there's something to have a deadline for), start project after project without finishing it, lose very expensive or important items and materials... etc.

Sorry, I'm tired. I was just wondering if anyone else's "honors" are just a big bundle of anxiety and failure-waiting-to-be-revealed. "Oh, you'll get into a great school with test scores like that!" "Ummm... Great schools don't accept or give financial aid to deadbeat losers who make C's, turn in rushed and disorganized applications, and don't have any interests or extracurriculars." Sorry for rambling.

livinginchaos
09-20-07, 03:21 PM
what is NMSC?

just do the best you can with all the applications. Don't make yourself to sound like someone you aren't, then you're not being true to yourself.
If you can send your stuff in and feel great about it then you did your job. Send it in and do your best to not worry.