View Full Version : tweeny


Eden
09-19-07, 02:49 PM
hi

both my daughter and I are diagnosed with ADD. My daughter will be turning 11 in the next month. We both take medication she takes 36 mg of concerta and I take 20 mg of adderall xr.

I work with children who come from broken families and I do counseling. I have an excellent educational back ground that has helped me parent my daughter however in the past 6 months or so I find that it has been very difficult for me because most of the things that I have taught her are coming back to haunt me.

because I am a single mom with a strong wit I have taught her to speak her mind however because of my training I live by the motto "somethings are better left unsaid" and sometimes it is wiser to observe your surroundings instead of jumping to conclusions. anyway...

I am finding myself arguing with her sometimes yelling (something i rarely do) for instance this morning while putting some items in the car I noticed that my daughters favorite sweater had fallen out of her bag the night before and was laying on the ground soken wet from the previous nights rain. I laid it over top of the car because I wanted to finish doing what I started. about 10 minutes later as she was looking out the window she noticed her sweater and started to blame me for the fact that her sweater was soak and wet. She said "thanks a lot mom" over and over I found that I was very anger and I told her that her attitude was upsetting me this seemed to escalate the situation and she continued to get mad at me about other things. I realize that by letting her see my frustration this only put fuel on the fire. I just feel that I am at my wits end. She has also been turning to push my buttons as far as boundaries go and tell me "I'm going to do it anyway" and I usually tell her that "if you are willing to pay the consequence it is your choice" she usually ends up telling me that I am a mean and horrible mom. normally this would not bother me because I know that I am not but it seems to be happening quite frequently.

She stated to me that she had not yet had her medication later and seemed to place the blame on that but I have always taught her to be aware of herself...I guess i am just steaming and really would like some advice on how to due with your own child...it is so easy for me to see what is happening in other families but I find it difficult sometimes to help myself...

sloppitty-sue
09-19-07, 07:12 PM
Hi Eden,

I'm a single mom too - 2 girls, the older being almost 16! I always prided myself on my close relationship with my kids. And as LUCK would have it, my kids have turned out to be remarkably well behaved/well adjusted. (And I say LUCK because my kids have been through A LOT, and I do a lot of things WRONG. For example - I don't think we've sat down to a meal together since Christmas. My other child is in 2nd grade and I still haven't gotten her to sleep in her own bed, etc.)

Well - it was around when my older one turned ELEVEN that I noticed she seemed a bit RUDE and like she didn't seem to LIKE me anymore. I was CRUSHED!! I have always been her world! Anyway - I remember being told about the pre-teen/teen years and all of the changes/stressors, etc. I did my best to NOT take it personally, make sure she got enough sleep, ate, etc. And little by little, I learned how to parent my child who - AGAIN - was changing and I needed to figure her out all over. (It can sorta be compared to toddlerhood vs infancy. I, anyway, used to think it'd be EASIER when my kids could DO some things for themselves . . . but it turned out NOT-SO-EASY!)

RE that you are educated in these things. Well - I have to think that regardless with how expert one is about childhood development generally and professionally - I believe that all goes out the window when the stuff is HAPPENING TO YOU!! Ya know??? Having that emotional investment in the situation really throws us!!

Welcome to the forums!

Sue