BoredADD
09-20-07, 05:30 PM
Why is there so little emphasis on boredom when discussing ADD?
I am 45 year-old male Inattentive ADDer, initially self-diagnosed just confirmed by one of the few UK ADD Specialist Psychiatrists two weeks ago. I have been on Ritalin for a week. I am writing this post to see whether other ADDers have shared a similar experience of ADD that I have, where boredom, viewing past and future events and motivation have been the core difficulties faced rather than Impulsivity, Inattention and Restlessness.
I have been aware of and studying “my differences” for pretty much my whole life and since suffering depression three years ago I have been on a quest to work out what is up with me. I have studied psychology (half-way through degree), read extensively and have started to move into positive psychology coaching. I knew that my problem seemed to be to do with Dopamine as I have shaky hands, chronic boredom, clumsy, poor memory and low energy. Something also seemed wrong with my frontal lobes as I cannot “imagine” future events and my executive control seems poor. I have used alcohol and/or dope my whole adult life, not to get high but to give my body what it seems to be “missing” and to help me focus (and not get bored).
I was aware of ADHD but did not consider the possibility of ADD for myself, as in the UK we never hear of Adult Inattentive ADD, only about child “hypers”. As I am neither hyper-active nor inattentive it looked like ADD didn’t fit. It was finally found “Sluggish Cognitive Tempo” on Wikipedia and after many web links I finally realised my problem is ADD. What an emotional revelation
As I have been studying myself so long, I found some of the ADD standard diagnostic definitions odd to say the least, I am definitely not hyper (though some minor signs in childhood) or impulsive, my diagnosis was Inattentive but I am not inattentive, spacey, day-dreamy, confused or in a fog just hypo-active. The symptoms I have observed in myself are:
Boredom
Probably the most influential, painful and defining element of my “disorder”. I get bored a significant part of the time and it really hurts. I hate being bored. I will go to great lengths to avoid being bored. When interested however, I am more than capable of paying attention, frequently I am the most tuned-in whether in class, in conversation, reading or writing. I am never involuntarily inattentive, despite the DSM definition of my disorder being “Inattentive” ADD. I find this definition insulting and stupid, if I WANT to pay attention I do. So how does this boredom affect my life?
I minimise/avoid boring tasks. I empty my dish-washer in around 1 minute my cupboards are all planned optimally. I get an accountant to do my tax return. I cannot figure out how to avoid brushing my teeth which is torture.
I seek extra information to avoid boredom. I will read cornflake packets, read books even while walking, listen to talk radio in the car, always have the TV on, play computer games and will even read the back of a shampoo bottle whilst on the toilet! I do not have personal resources to keep off boredom, probably because the past and future are so closed to me.
Work gets boring so I have changed jobs on average every 1-2 years, since 23 I have had 17 different IT jobs at 9 different employers. I have been a programmer, analyst, systems programmer, marketing specialist, hardware sales rep, software sales rep, manager, Managing Director, Owner/MD start-up. Now fundamentally bored with IT, I am becoming a coach/positive psychologist.
At work, as in life generally, I usually know what needs doing but will seek more interesting tasks to do, usually to the detriment of myself and the company.
I seek variety. I like to do new things, go new places on holiday, try new foods and have deep conversations but hate chit-chat.
Poor Temporal sense
Bad memory. It seems that working/short-term memory is clearly affected by ADD, so like others I forget keys, names and tasks. However my long-term memory is affected too. It seems that if I am not that interested in something then I will not store it in memory, this seems more a problem with storage than recall. Strangely this implies I am not very interested in my own life as I remember very little of what I have done, my friends and family remember far more than I do, even when reminded I still sometime do not remember personal events. What I tend to remember well is concepts and fundamental ideas, often failing to remember the supporting factual evidence. So I might say “car accidents” are the single biggest cause of death for young men in the UK, but forget how many are killed each year. I do well in exams conceptually but forget dates, quotes and references. Little future imagining or forecasting. I cannot see my future at all. I cannot make an image of a future event. If I try to set a goal for the future it is hazy and unbelievable. I simply do not understand how to do this, despite having taught others to set goals. I rarely ever think about my future as it seems unreal. Beneficially I do not suffer much from anxiety as I do not worry about future events. In fact I am very much “in the moment”, I seldom day-dream and am not distracted by my own thoughts as there is nowhere for my thoughts to go (i.e. the past or future), other than on conceptual matters. So when bored I take in external information such as TV and books. Having little view of the future has a pretty bad effect on my planning and motivation. I have never managed to keep a diary or scheduler.
Low Energy/Motivation
I have little energy. Well that’s not entirely true. I can be energetic, I talk quickly and I cycle, walk and drive fast. But my default position is to lie/sit down. Starting a new activity that I like is often hard or even impossible, as if I have “100 steps to climb” every time I start something new. Starting an activity I don’t like or is boring means I have 1,000 steps to climb and frequently I do not bother until it urgently demands my attention. If I am with someone else who is motivated then I can share their motivation and energy for a while. Low energy means I study for exams and write essays only the night before, I send in tax returns after the fines appear, I only handle urgent administration. My friends/colleagues often believe more in me than I do. They see I have the aptitude, intelligence, personality and ability for a task but they don’t see how I will struggle to start the task, struggle with energy to stay with the task and avoid getting bored in the long term.
I would appreciate any thoughts as to whether these are common issues and in particular whether it is more an “Inattentive” issue not to see the future or whether “hypers” have this issue too.
I am 45 year-old male Inattentive ADDer, initially self-diagnosed just confirmed by one of the few UK ADD Specialist Psychiatrists two weeks ago. I have been on Ritalin for a week. I am writing this post to see whether other ADDers have shared a similar experience of ADD that I have, where boredom, viewing past and future events and motivation have been the core difficulties faced rather than Impulsivity, Inattention and Restlessness.
I have been aware of and studying “my differences” for pretty much my whole life and since suffering depression three years ago I have been on a quest to work out what is up with me. I have studied psychology (half-way through degree), read extensively and have started to move into positive psychology coaching. I knew that my problem seemed to be to do with Dopamine as I have shaky hands, chronic boredom, clumsy, poor memory and low energy. Something also seemed wrong with my frontal lobes as I cannot “imagine” future events and my executive control seems poor. I have used alcohol and/or dope my whole adult life, not to get high but to give my body what it seems to be “missing” and to help me focus (and not get bored).
I was aware of ADHD but did not consider the possibility of ADD for myself, as in the UK we never hear of Adult Inattentive ADD, only about child “hypers”. As I am neither hyper-active nor inattentive it looked like ADD didn’t fit. It was finally found “Sluggish Cognitive Tempo” on Wikipedia and after many web links I finally realised my problem is ADD. What an emotional revelation
As I have been studying myself so long, I found some of the ADD standard diagnostic definitions odd to say the least, I am definitely not hyper (though some minor signs in childhood) or impulsive, my diagnosis was Inattentive but I am not inattentive, spacey, day-dreamy, confused or in a fog just hypo-active. The symptoms I have observed in myself are:
Boredom
Probably the most influential, painful and defining element of my “disorder”. I get bored a significant part of the time and it really hurts. I hate being bored. I will go to great lengths to avoid being bored. When interested however, I am more than capable of paying attention, frequently I am the most tuned-in whether in class, in conversation, reading or writing. I am never involuntarily inattentive, despite the DSM definition of my disorder being “Inattentive” ADD. I find this definition insulting and stupid, if I WANT to pay attention I do. So how does this boredom affect my life?
I minimise/avoid boring tasks. I empty my dish-washer in around 1 minute my cupboards are all planned optimally. I get an accountant to do my tax return. I cannot figure out how to avoid brushing my teeth which is torture.
I seek extra information to avoid boredom. I will read cornflake packets, read books even while walking, listen to talk radio in the car, always have the TV on, play computer games and will even read the back of a shampoo bottle whilst on the toilet! I do not have personal resources to keep off boredom, probably because the past and future are so closed to me.
Work gets boring so I have changed jobs on average every 1-2 years, since 23 I have had 17 different IT jobs at 9 different employers. I have been a programmer, analyst, systems programmer, marketing specialist, hardware sales rep, software sales rep, manager, Managing Director, Owner/MD start-up. Now fundamentally bored with IT, I am becoming a coach/positive psychologist.
At work, as in life generally, I usually know what needs doing but will seek more interesting tasks to do, usually to the detriment of myself and the company.
I seek variety. I like to do new things, go new places on holiday, try new foods and have deep conversations but hate chit-chat.
Poor Temporal sense
Bad memory. It seems that working/short-term memory is clearly affected by ADD, so like others I forget keys, names and tasks. However my long-term memory is affected too. It seems that if I am not that interested in something then I will not store it in memory, this seems more a problem with storage than recall. Strangely this implies I am not very interested in my own life as I remember very little of what I have done, my friends and family remember far more than I do, even when reminded I still sometime do not remember personal events. What I tend to remember well is concepts and fundamental ideas, often failing to remember the supporting factual evidence. So I might say “car accidents” are the single biggest cause of death for young men in the UK, but forget how many are killed each year. I do well in exams conceptually but forget dates, quotes and references. Little future imagining or forecasting. I cannot see my future at all. I cannot make an image of a future event. If I try to set a goal for the future it is hazy and unbelievable. I simply do not understand how to do this, despite having taught others to set goals. I rarely ever think about my future as it seems unreal. Beneficially I do not suffer much from anxiety as I do not worry about future events. In fact I am very much “in the moment”, I seldom day-dream and am not distracted by my own thoughts as there is nowhere for my thoughts to go (i.e. the past or future), other than on conceptual matters. So when bored I take in external information such as TV and books. Having little view of the future has a pretty bad effect on my planning and motivation. I have never managed to keep a diary or scheduler.
Low Energy/Motivation
I have little energy. Well that’s not entirely true. I can be energetic, I talk quickly and I cycle, walk and drive fast. But my default position is to lie/sit down. Starting a new activity that I like is often hard or even impossible, as if I have “100 steps to climb” every time I start something new. Starting an activity I don’t like or is boring means I have 1,000 steps to climb and frequently I do not bother until it urgently demands my attention. If I am with someone else who is motivated then I can share their motivation and energy for a while. Low energy means I study for exams and write essays only the night before, I send in tax returns after the fines appear, I only handle urgent administration. My friends/colleagues often believe more in me than I do. They see I have the aptitude, intelligence, personality and ability for a task but they don’t see how I will struggle to start the task, struggle with energy to stay with the task and avoid getting bored in the long term.
I would appreciate any thoughts as to whether these are common issues and in particular whether it is more an “Inattentive” issue not to see the future or whether “hypers” have this issue too.